So, for freaking months I have been trying to find someone to help me find some feminine/girl's clothes, and I have had prospects on it, but no success yet :-\. So....I am beginning to think I may just have to get the balls (so to speak lol) to go and do it myself. It's gonna suck every ounce of my courage outta me, but any suggestions or help I would love to hear right now. I'm thinking of all the things that could happen (someone harrassing me, store kicking me out, someone called on me for being the pervert, etc etc), and that's slightly scaring me. My family members I'm living with don't want me crossdressing....but oh well I'll do it private and gather stuff for when I move.
If anyone has encouragement for helping to go do one of the scariest things in my life, please let me hear it :)
Yes you might get hassled, but remember you have a right to shop for whatever you want and it'd do the store good to accept your money. Be confident. Go about your business and if someone gives you trouble you can deal with it.
No one is going to hassle you... in fact, sad to say, by human nature no one will care about you at all. People are absorbed in their own lives and arent interested in yours, so you can basically shop with impunity.
Im guessing thats not going to help you, so let me give you a more concrete answer. I have (and sometimes still do) shop in drab, and I simply act like I belong there. No one has ever said anything.
I have asked for help from sales assistants and directly told them it was for me. Many times they are actually delighted to help. Why? Because we are enthusiastic shoppers who will listen to their advice instead of ignoring them or making demands.
A few weeks ago I went into a Payless Shoes in drab and tried on several pairs of heels. Walked up and down the aisle to assure myself they fit. The store was not empty, and the only "strange" look I got was from some guy with a marine style haricut with his two kids, and he said nothing.
If you act non-threatening and just do your own thing, they wont care.
If you want to minimize human contact go on a weekday morning when the weather is bad... most times the stores are empty then. If someone says something tell them its for your girlfriend.
It will be tough in the beginning but eventually you will become indifferent to others and your fears will subside. Im not suggesting your fears arent real... I am simply asking you, are you going to stop living because of it?
Don't be so worried hun :). Sometimes you have to do it yourself, but it is no big deal. I've bought many girl clothes in my 'man' costume and I've never been hassled, not once. In fact, most of the cashiers that rang me out was even nicer to me (even the male cashiers). If you are still worried, I do have one suggestion. Drive to a store that is sort of out of the way (i.e. your second or third closest walmart, macys, kohls, etc), one that you've never been to and who's never seen you before. Then you'll be good to go.
P.S. On a side note, I've worked in retail before (k-mart) and I know that as long as you don't try to steal something or make a big commotion, they won't throw you out. If you just go in there, pick up the clothes like you were shopping for grocerys, and bring it to the counter, you'll be good to go. If they throw you out for that, sue the $*(t out of them! :icon_yes:
Thank you :), all good points....I already had the courage a few months ago to get a feminine haircut, and my ex said I blurred the line and was hard to tell if I was a guy or a girl :laugh:. No one around here gave me crap, a few looked at me funny, only one called me a name driving by, and all he did was tick me off lol. So, I'll have to apply the same concept to this :).
trust me...I live in Mississippi...no one ever gave me a hard time, you would have to be just totally unlucky if anyone gave you an issue
plus, it's not totally uncommon for a younger female clerk to actually think it's kinda neat if she does figure it out. i had a girl at a MAC counter give me a makeover in the middle of a department store and she was not only totally cool with it but none of the customers even seemed to take notice.
I got my ears pierced in a small town Wal Mart today and the (middle aged...50-something at least, maybe 60's) didn't treat me rudely or act like she was judging (and I don't really care what she was thinking)
So like others have said, "boldly go" and act like you are doing nothing wrong (which you aren't) and few if any will challenge you.
Some stores like Lane Bryant and NY&CO have a non-discrimination policy. Back when I was a newbie, I went to JCP to try on dresses. One cashier at the women's dressing rooms called me ma'm, another sir. When that happened, I decided to take the stuff to another room across the store when the one who called me sir asked why I wasn't going to try the clothes on. at that point I realized that major retailers don't care as long as they can make a sale. Many stores like Target have trans-friendly employment policies and you could run into one working there. In Kohls, you are free to use any dressing room you want and nobody will ask you anything. I used to take women's clothes intio the men's section before I was full time.
Hi FR,
If your in or near Northern Indian PM me. I'll come help you :) I've been dieing to have a girlfriend to go shopping with!
All in all just do like the others have suggested just walk in there like you own the place. Most people will think your just the sweetest guy for buying cloths for your girlfriend,wife, or whatever.
I highly doubt the store would kick you out for trying to make a purchase. The employees more than likely won't say anything (even if they're grossed out)...I'm gonna try going to Victoria's Secret later this month and just say, "I wanna buy some clothes for myself, could you help me get my size?" :laugh:
Come to think of it, I was in Victoria's secrete the other day getting fitted for a bra and there was a very manly man in there obviously shopping for a wife or girlfriend but no one even gave him a side long glance. For all anyone knew it may very well have been for him.
Victoria's Secret knows we are a solid customer base. So does Macy's , JCP,Target, Sears, Dilliards, Nordstoms, and most major mall stores. The only recent cases I've read about involved Wal-Mart employees getting negative.
Dunno, Ive found WalMart employees to be very helpful. In fact, I would say in general that most employees most anywhere seem genuinely willing and even happy to be helpful. Thats why I dont bother to list specific stores. Moreover, most customers, even those that might seem uncomfortable, are still respectful.
YMMV I guess...
Yeah its like a social experiment to woman in a department store and you ask for help. Rather the agree with you being transsexual or not they love testing their skills
This does look like a difficult choice, but think about this way. The worse thing they can do is throw you out, and that's the worse. Of course somebody could beat you up, but then in a public situation it's unlikely to go far.
If they through you out then just go to another place, and sue the store that threw you out.
I go a different direction altogether. Goodwill. Employees could care less and customers are to into themselves to care. And the fitting room are uni sex. At my local Goodwill the employees all know me and I am always 'Ma'am' ed.
And if you are close to Oregon, I would love to go shopping with you.
And no store will ask a paying customer to leave, unless they confrontational.
Janet
There is always eBay as well. Myself, I prefer to buy things like shoes in person. But for some items like undies and hose eBay is fine.
Quote from: Janet Lynn on June 21, 2009, 11:47:45 PM
I go a different direction altogether. Goodwill. Employees could care less and customers are to into themselves to care. And the fitting room are uni sex. At my local Goodwill the employees all know me and I am always 'Ma'am' ed.
And if you are close to Oregon, I would love to go shopping with you.
And no store will ask a paying customer to leave, unless they confrontational.
Janet
OMG! I love goodwill! Call me crazy but I've gotten some of the cutest clothes from there.
they (department stores) don't care, really they don't. Never had a problem at all shopping no matter how I was dressed. Just act with confidence and not all nervous because they might think you're shoplifting or something. I went to Macy's makeup counter a few weeks ago and got the saleslady there to help me pick out all the right makeup colors for me and she was very friendly and helpful, even complimented my hair, and made the shopping experience a very enjoyable one.
It's that first couple times that make you feel a bit awkward; after a while you discover how fun it is going shopping and how much they want to sell you stuff!!! Anyone in the Nashville (TN) area I'll be happy to go shopping with, any time lol
QuoteAnyone in the Nashville (TN) area I'll be happy to go shopping
Rivergate, Cool Springs , Greenhills or Bellevue
Quote from: lisagurl on June 22, 2009, 04:03:40 PM
Rivergate, Cool Springs , Greenhills or Bellevue
I like Cool Springs and Green Hills the best. :laugh: There's also Hickory Hollow but it's a ghost town these days... are you near here?
I lived in Brentwood and Franklin but now at the other end of the Trace.
oh, gotcha. I just moved from Franklin myself; the Macy's at Cool Springs is the one I referred to before. Back OT, they will always treat you with respect there.
Ok, so I'm getting ready to go out now to get clothes....but I'm so totally not sure about sizing with shirts, jeans, etc. Can someone here clarify???
Get your tape measure and check out http://fashion.about.com/od/stylebasics/a/MissesSizes.htm (http://fashion.about.com/od/stylebasics/a/MissesSizes.htm)
You will need to search a little for your height. But it will get you a general size. And try on everything. Sizes will vary.
Janet
cool, thanks! And if I have something wrong with measurement I should probably see a store associate then? lol
I'm going to go with the Goodwill idea too. First they have a range of fashion (or non fashion) that no other store can touch, and a huge array of sizes (which are not always the same line to line, a size 8 is not always a size 8 if you will) that can give you some idea of what you're looking for before you spend a lot of money at some major store.
I shopped the Salvation Army store here yesterday (sadly it has no fitting room) and scored a good pair of ladies jeans and a nearly new pair of black slacks.
Quote from: Stacy Brahm on June 20, 2009, 08:33:19 PM
No one is going to hassle you... in fact, sad to say, by human nature no one will care about you at all. People are absorbed in their own lives and arent interested in yours, so you can basically shop with impunity.
Im guessing thats not going to help you, so let me give you a more concrete answer. I have (and sometimes still do) shop in drab, and I simply act like I belong there. No one has ever said anything.
I have asked for help from sales assistants and directly told them it was for me. Many times they are actually delighted to help. Why? Because we are enthusiastic shoppers who will listen to their advice instead of ignoring them or making demands.
Stacy is right. Her advice is right on the money. I've done the same thing and had the same experience. Of course, don't over do it, but go in the store like you own the place. Chances are NOTHING will happen. On the far-out chance that the clerk says something stupid, just reply, "Do you get paid to laugh or to make sales?" That line will get 'em 9 out of 10 times ... more like 10 out of 10 times.
Just go shopping, Hon! What are you waiting for? Hugs! :)
Thanks everyone! So I finally got the courage to do it yesterday, and after I went around to like electronics and what not in the store I went to the ladies department, and asked the young lady about looking for stuff. I didn't buy anything yet, but I did try on some jeans, and one pair I liked :). After the lady was happy to help me out I got a lot more comfortable.
I think this weekend I'll be going out again to actually to buy stuff now that I have an idea ;)
Now, the only thing I worry about is that after two pairs of jeans, I was watching my own anatomy. And I hate it when that area acts up when doing this kind of stuff ><, anyone have some advice on that stuff?
Many have the same problem. After the initial experience, you will begin to enjoy just being a girl. And of course HRT takes care of that problem.
Janet
Quote from: findingreason on June 20, 2009, 08:06:51 PM
If anyone has encouragement for helping to go do one of the scariest things in my life, please let me hear it :)
.. Pretend to be a guy shopping for clothes. .. I'd presume for his girlfriend or something of that nature. -- Scribble the sizes you want on a slip of paper, and reference it on occasion.
Boys are traditionally rather clueless about clothing, thus the slip of paper to remind of the important bits an such.
*shrug* It's a bit of play on stereotypes to be sure, but in the same boys do on occasion by cloths for their girlfriends and it's an convenient pretence that isn't overly off.
Is a thought, perhaps.