Most times I go out in full male attire, I think I'm being read as a young boy. But I think sometimes I'm read as androgynous. Like, if I'm in a restaurant with say, my mom, and the waiter says "you two" referring to us, and just "you" referring to me (not "sir")... Does that mean the waiter can't tell my gender? Am I reading too much into this?
.... Is it even possible to be "read" as gender ambiguous, or do people just always try to give you a gender even if they can't tell?
Working related to customer service, it's usually better to say nothing than to say something potentially offensive. I get 'you'd', 'you two'd' 'guys' (which is just gender neutral, when the same waiter says it to two teenage chicks at the next table), and I swear to god that people have invented the term 'ma'an' when they jumble words at me.
People often usually cut off very abruptly. In texas, man/sir/ma'am is basically punctuation, at least where I am. Where you would normally hear 'thank you sir' or 'thank you ma'am' it's just 'thank you' with an abrupt drop off/lingering silence and facial expression. Or as I said, half the time I think I hear 'ma'an' :P
Better to sound a little curt than to call out the wrong term.
Nobody's going to arrest you for being androgynous, look at the ridiculous teenage emo boys at your local mall. If you get cross-pronouned and you like it, and the person you're with doesn't burst into a fit of "LOL HE CALLED YOU LADY" or "excuse me, does my boyfriend look like a woman? don't answer that, ->-bleeped-<-, he's my boyfriend", then whatever.
For me it gets vely, vely awkwald when I'm not trying to pass and I pass. It's a feeling of 'Ah ->-bleeped-<-, time to pay attention.'
It's better not to read into things. He may not have known your gender or he may just be the type that doesn't use 'sir' or 'madam'. I rarely use gender terms like that because I was afraid I'd accidentally use the wrong one...not because of the trans thing, but because I once saw a show that featured a woman who had a really deep voice who was called 'sir' nearly every time she went through a drive through or spoke on the phone. She was a cisgendered woman, but her voice happened to be really deep. :-\
Most people automatically try to place others in a gender when they see them...I think we're just programmed to do that. They aren't doing it to force us into gender (I'm talking first impressions here)...it's the same with age groups, ethnic groups, etc. We're just creatures that categorize.
I shaved my sideburns last week, and this weekend I got mamed at the supermarket and me and my wife were called ladies by a salesperson at the malls. Amazing what a difference a little bit of facial hair makes. I'm quite pleased. My wife just smiled at me too, I liked that reaction.
I'm not sure it is possible to be id'd as androgynous. At best people will be confused by your gender and worried they will offend. I find with myself people make a snap decision and then have a double take. If I don't react they just go with their snap decision but are puzzled nothertheless.
I got ma'amd once even when I had a beard!
Quote from: Bethany W on July 11, 2009, 02:39:53 PM
I got ma'amd once even when I had a beard!
That takes skill. o.o