Just I write in my own Bio. In it also about the physical and sexual violence of my "father" against me. Therefore the following questions to you:
1. Who of you was ill-treated as a child physically, emotionally or sexually?
2. Were the perpetrators from your own family or were it strangers? Were these "people in authority" like priests, teachers or doctors?
3. How have experienced these maltreatments? Were they physical or were more incriminating emotionally?
4. Which influence have did this experience on your former and current life? Can you have trust/confidence to somebody, or open to yourselves somebody emotionally?
5. Has this experience had a choose of the determiation of your partners?
I think, your answers can help me to fill the empty gaps in my memory.
What about those of us who had those things happen to us, and didn't mind it all that much?
Its a given that all such actions are bad, and all such persons were victims. I just don't think that's the entire deal.
Quote from: tekla on July 09, 2009, 09:13:17 PM
What about those of us who had those things happen to us, and didn't mind it all that much?
That sounds like an elaborate coping strategy to me.
I don't think so. We assume that in all cases, all such behavior negatively affects all children so involved. Somehow, though I'm sure its wrong in most cases, like algebra - which most people don't' get given a lifetime - for some people it comes very easy at a very early age.
1. Who of you was ill-treated as a child physically, emotionally or sexually? I was sexually, physically and emotionally ill-treated.
2. Were the perpetrators from your own family or were it strangers? Were these "people in authority" like priests, teachers or doctors? Family. Father, Step Mom and cousin.
3. How have experienced these maltreatments? Were they physical or were more incriminating emotionally? both
4. Which influence have did this experience on your former and current life? Can you have trust/confidence to somebody, or open to yourselves somebody emotionally? I can open up once I trust them. I don't trust most people though. It took a lot of years to be open.
5. Has this experience had a choose of the determiation of your partners? I don't know.
Post Merge: July 10, 2009, 05:58:51 AM
Quote from: tekla on July 09, 2009, 11:41:25 PM
I don't think so. We assume that in all cases, all such behavior negatively affects all children so involved. Somehow, though I'm sure its wrong in most cases, like algebra - which most people don't' get given a lifetime - for some people it comes very easy at a very early age.
How could all such behavior positively effect any children?
All good questions, and my answers to those questions is this:
Abused Mentally and Physically, mostly by my father, I don't hate him for this I just GREATLY Dislike him, keeping in mind that he himself was abused by his own father. But aside from that I really can't remember much about my childhood, it's all just foggy
Hi,
I suffered abuse in childhood as I had been a feminine child and they only found out after many months that I was not 'the girl' they thought me as and others found it 'gratified' them. I still have flashbacks and nightmares.
1. Who of you was ill-treated as a child physically, emotionally or sexually?
- I was.
2. Were the perpetrators from your own family or were it strangers? Were these "people in authority" like priests, teachers or doctors?
- I was bullied severely by my peers from age 7 to 16. (physical and emotional abuse)
- I was sexually taken advantage of by a friend of the family when I was 12.
- I've also been emotionally abused by my exes as a young adult and adult in general.
3. How have experienced these maltreatments? Were they physical or were more incriminating emotionally?
- A little from column A, a little from column B.
4. Which influence have did this experience on your former and current life? Can you have trust/confidence to somebody, or open to yourselves somebody emotionally?
- Well.. I'd be lying if I tried to say I don't have any trust or control issues.
5. Has this experience had a choose of the determiation of your partners?
- I've no idea what you mean by that question actually...
I was physically and emotionally mistreated (beaten, yelled at, cussed at, talked down to) by my mother until I was almost 10. It resulted in some deep seated emotional and trust issues, and it could be part of the reason I now have a mood disorder. I know I have avoided pursuing potential partners who have similar physical attributes to hers.
The abuse I went through held me back from transitioning sooner. I looked up to my Dad and wanted to be like him, not like the ogre who was always yelling and brandishing a stick or belt.
Dee_pntx I can very much relate to your experiences concerning your family. :-\
1. Who of you was ill-treated as a child physically, emotionally or sexually?
All of the above.
2. Were the perpetrators from your own family or were it strangers? Were these "people in authority" like priests, teachers or doctors?
Both family and strangers.
3. How have experienced these maltreatments? Were they physical or were more incriminating emotionally?
Very much to both.
4. Which influence have did this experience on your former and current life? Can you have trust/confidence to somebody, or open to yourselves somebody emotionally?
It takes me a while to trust someone, a much longer while to trust someone completely. Certain people are easy to open up to and sometimes it requires trusting the person completely. I had no trouble spilling my guts to my therapist when I first met her, but I was determined that she understand me so as to give me the best treatment and she already came highly recommended.
5. Has this experience had a choose of the determiation of your partners?
Being severely abused as I was as a child influences every single thing you do for the rest of your life. The only way I have figured how to cope with the abuse and stop the nightmares is to forgive the abusers, at least the one(s) from my family. And not just to say it but actually do it. This is not an easy thing, but for me was essential to getting on with my life. I got to the point I couldn't sleep at night due to the anger issues the abuse created in my life- I would wake up in a cold sweat screaming curses at my abusers many years after.
Quote from: tekla on July 09, 2009, 09:13:17 PM
What about those of us who had those things happen to us, and didn't mind it all that much?
If you didn't mind it all that much, then would it qualify as ill treatment in the first place? I guess it all depends on your own perceptions of the event.
If you didn't mind it all that much, then would it qualify as ill treatment in the first place? I guess it all depends on your own perceptions of the event.
I think that is correct. Though I'm sure some of it broke some rather major laws that tend to set the age requirement for a lot of experiences at a level that seems to be almost puritanically high.
1. Who of you was ill-treated as a child physically, emotionally or sexually? emotionally
2. Were the perpetrators from your own family or were it strangers? Were these "people in authority" like priests, teachers or doctors? i had a domineering mother and a weak father
3. How have experienced these maltreatments? Were they physical or were more incriminating emotionally? again, emotionally
4. Which influence have did this experience on your former and current life? Can you have trust/confidence to somebody, or open to yourselves somebody emotionally? my mother did everything she could to wreck my marriage, and almost succeeded. I finally figured it out and told her to step off. Today i have severe trust issues, and I don't open myself up to anyone (even my wife) for fear of getting emotionally hammered once again
5. Has this experience had a choose of the determiation of your partners? Im not for sure i understand what is being asked here. Needless to say my mom and my wife do not get along now
Quote from: tekla on July 12, 2009, 07:17:30 PM
I think that is correct. Though I'm sure some of it broke some rather major laws that tend to set the age requirement for a lot of experiences at a level that seems to be almost puritanically high.
The gay community is full of stories of teenage boys (minors, that is, sometimes WELL under eighteen) who are gratefully initiated into sex by mature men. There's no really good way to guarantee that the older partner won't take advantage of the younger partner (or even the other way around, hmm?), but a lot of these experiences are later described by the younger partner as positive and beneficial.
I often wish that I had been able to have such an experience, but it wouldn't have done me any good because people saw me as female. I'm not sure what I am now, some sort of hybrid, really.
When I was seven or eight, I was abused sexually by a teenager in the neighborhood. I repressed the memory for years--thought that only happened in the movies!--and I suddenly remembered it and blurted it out to some other kids on the block. They turned on me soon after and started trying to beat me up. By then, I had repressed the memory again and had no idea why they were being so mean to me.
When the memories resurfaced again, I was an adult. I shrugged off the experience and told myself that "as molestations go, it wasn't so bad." I only started feeling anything real about it last year, after I came out of the closet and started to understand the gender and sexual dynamics that had been involved.
Then I started to have disturbing flashbacks whenever I saw something (porn, for example) with acts similar to what happened to me.
I don't watch porn anymore.
My therapist has discussed ways for me to work through this, but I'm putting it on hold until I am living in my own place and can have meltdowns in privacy, if they occur at all.
I don't know whether this experience has colored my relationships. I rather think that any relationship problems sprang from not being able to trust my parents, particularly my mother.
Edited to add: Now that I think about it, someone recently said that she was surprised that I was still attracted to men after I was molested by a guy. Seems to me that I would have to be into women in the first place, or bi, to jump ship in the way this gal was suggesting. So this molestation did not cause me to avoid men. In this respect, my choice of partners, at least in terms of gender, was manifestly NOT affected by the event. But I suppose it's possible that I unconsciously trusted people less after this episode in my life.
> 1. Who of you was ill-treated as a child physically, emotionally or sexually?
i was.
> 2. Were the perpetrators from your own family or were it strangers? Were these "people > in authority" like priests, teachers or doctors?
i was in a all boy school and it was mainly other students, i broke of school twice because of this.
at a certain moment i did change from one school to another because i couldn't take it any more, during one of my first days at the new school i was told: if you go with us to that trip we will rape you.
Some students thought they had the right to touch/feel my ass in the middle of the class. of course i can remember only one and one case where a teacher defended me.
> 3. How have experienced these maltreatments? Were they physical or were more
> incriminating emotionally?
the emotional side hurt more than the physical.
> 4. Which influence have did this experience on your former and current life? Can you have
> trust/confidence to somebody, or open to yourselves somebody emotionally?
it is difficult for me to trust someone or open. there is nearly no one i'll have the courage to share/discuss this with openly.
today i tend to be suspect and afraid of men in general.
Quote from: Witch of Hope on July 09, 2009, 05:40:33 PM
Just I write in my own Bio. In it also about the physical and sexual violence of my "father" against me. Therefore the following questions to you:
1. Who of you was ill-treated as a child physically, emotionally or sexually?
Never touched sexually. I got paddlings where appropriate but wasn't physically abused. Emotional abuse is a gray area but I would not use the word "abuse" - my dad was a workaholic and a "manly man" and so we had very little connection and a lot of distance. Mom had emotional issues and was not a "lovey dovey" mother of the stereotypical sort but nothing abusive from either.
The one time I gave them a big obvious clue that I was TS (otherwise I hid it obsessively because I had no doubt my dad would greatly disapprove was when I ran away from home with a suitcase full of my mom's clothes but even though he disapproved, he was not abusive to me about it - of course i told him the idea was to disguise myself, I didn't say "hey, I'm really a girl!")
Outside the home, I got my fair share of bullying as a soft glasses-wearing bookworm type. Nothing I would consider outside the norm though.
Quote
2. Were the perpetrators from your own family or were it strangers? Were these "people in authority" like priests, teachers or doctors?
N/A
Quote
3. How have experienced these maltreatments? Were they physical or were more incriminating emotionally?
N/A
Quote
4. Which influence have did this experience on your former and current life? Can you have trust/confidence to somebody, or open to yourselves somebody emotionally?
In some ways I was more reserved emotionally which MAY have to do with their distance but eventually I turned out to be very much the "how do you feel" type of emotional talker and was ood friends with several girls even though I had no "girlfriends"
Quote
5. Has this experience had a choose of the determiation of your partners?
none.
Quote
I think, your answers can help me to fill the empty gaps in my memory.
Quote from: Witch of Hope on July 09, 2009, 05:40:33 PM
Just I write in my own Bio. In it also about the physical and sexual violence of my "father" against me. Therefore the following questions to you:
1. Who of you was ill-treated as a child physically, emotionally or sexually?
2. Were the perpetrators from your own family or were it strangers? Were these "people in authority" like priests, teachers or doctors?
3. How have experienced these maltreatments? Were they physical or were more incriminating emotionally?
4. Which influence have did this experience on your former and current life? Can you have trust/confidence to somebody, or open to yourselves somebody emotionally?
5. Has this experience had a choose of the determiation of your partners?
I think, your answers can help me to fill the empty gaps in my memory.
Physically and emotionally - Family members, folks at school, church goers.
Attempted sexual abuse - Strangers along my paper route, folks at school, church goers. I was rescued by a "Hippie biker" when a "Clean cut" perve knocked me off my bicycle and tried to put me in his car. That was less than a block away from my home. No-one else did anything to help. That's just one example.
My evil twin became a completely unemotional mess of a person.
Luckily, Virginia is in control now :icon_chick:
1. Who of you was ill-treated as a child physically, emotionally or sexually?
All of the above.
2. Were the perpetrators from your own family or were it strangers? Were these "people in authority" like priests, teachers or doctors?
I was sexually abused by a babysitter. I was emotionally and physically abused by fellow schoolmates. Emotionally abused by my last ex because I had told her that I needed to transition. My Dad was distant, my Mom loving and sensitive.
3. How have experienced these maltreatments? Were they physical or were more incriminating emotionally?
These experiences lead me to be a loner and mistrustful of others, when it came to my heart, my thoughts and my actions. All of the above.
4. Which influence have did this experience on your former and current life? Can you have trust/confidence to somebody, or open to yourselves somebody emotionally?
I have always been a loner, which resulted in my being mistrustful, but I am learning that trust is to be earned, not given. My Baby has earned my trust and that has leads us to become a couple. As we both learn to trust again from each other.
5. Has this experience had a choose of the determiation of your partners?
I have been selective in my partners. I have wanted someone who would understand me and my transition. I think that My Girl understand this because she is going through the same thing. But that in and of its self is not the reason we are together now.
Post Merge: July 13, 2009, 08:33:23 PM
1. Who of you was ill-treated as a child physically, emotionally or sexually?
All of the above.
2. Were the perpetrators from your own family or were it strangers? Were these "people in authority" like priests, teachers or doctors?
I was sexually abused by a babysitter. I was emotionally and physically abused by fellow schoolmates. Emotionally abused by my last ex because I had told her that I needed to transition. My Dad was distant, my Mom loving and sensitive.
3. How have experienced these maltreatments? Were they physical or were more incriminating emotionally?
These experiences lead me to be a loner and mistrustful of others, when it came to my heart, my thoughts and my actions. All of the above.
4. Which influence have did this experience on your former and current life? Can you have trust/confidence to somebody, or open to yourselves somebody emotionally?
I have always been a loner, which resulted in my being mistrustful, but I am learning that trust is to be earned, not given. My Baby has earned my trust and that has leads us to become a couple. As we both learn to trust again from each other.
5. Has this experience had a choose of the determiation of your partners?
I have been selective in my partners. I have wanted someone who would understand me and my transition. I think that My Girl understand this because she is going through the same thing. But that in and of its self is not the reason we are together now.
1. Who of you was ill-treated as a child physically, emotionally or sexually? I was sexually abused. Physically, not so much. Emotionally, weren't we all?
2. Were the perpetrators from your own family or were it strangers? Were these "people in authority" like priests, teachers or doctors? Despite the public perception I never met a priest who was anything less than honorable toward me. I was sexually molested by my uncle.
3. How have experienced these maltreatments? Were they physical or were more incriminating emotionally? They were physical. Centered around genitals and touching and humiliation (framed as a kind of "hazing"). Obviously emotions played a part too.
4. Which influence have did this experience on your former and current life? Can you have trust/confidence to somebody, or open to yourselves somebody emotionally? I lost a sense that anyone else was there to protect me... especially my parents. You see they found out about it. And did nothing more than give my uncle a stern talking to. It makes me a lot angrier looking back than it did at the time. But I can see how it affected me in retrospect. It made me a LOT more cautious growing close to anyone.
5. Has this experience had a choose of the determiation of your partners? I suppose indirectly due to that problem growing close to anyone. Hard to guess what that would have been like with a different past though.
1. Who of you was ill-treated as a child physically, emotionally or sexually?
I was both physically and emotionally
2. Were the perpetrators from your own family or were it strangers? Were these "people in authority" like priests, teachers or doctors?
It was my family and other kids at school, but mainly my father
3. How have experienced these maltreatments? Were they physical or were more incriminating emotionally?
well my dad used to hit me a lot (smacking, punching, belt, throwing me against walls, etc), and he would always put me down; pointing out all my flaws and never seeming to pay attention to anything good I did. And he always said that I would never finish high school and I would be a bum living out on the streets. Other than that though, I was made fun of and bullied in school for being "weird" and I never had any friends until high school. Also my youngest sister was always really mean to me and she would always hit me for no apparent reason, one time she knocked one of my teeth out by kicking me in the jaw. It was definitely more emotional damaging, physical pain has never bothered me that much (I'm sort of masochistic).
4. Which influence have did this experience on your former and current life? Can you have trust/confidence to somebody, or open to yourselves somebody emotionally?
I was pretty pessimistic, depressed, and bitter for most of my life and I used to have anger problems because I would try to keep my emotions bottled up. It took me a while to be able to trust other people and open up to them, but I'm starting to be able to now.
5. Has this experience had a choose of the determiation of your partners?
I have never been in a relationship, partly because I was never really interested in the past, but mostly because I don't really believe that there's anyone out there who's right for me and after seeing my parents fight so much and then get divorced, I don't want to risk going through the same thing myself.
Quote from: Anima on July 19, 2009, 03:53:46 PM
5.Determination of partners? Didn't understand the question.
I think with whether you this experience has influenced in the choice of your lifelong companion (woman, man, or maybe both). And also whether in the relation the sexual abuse played a role (e.g., in the fear of physical or emotional nearness).
1. Who of you was ill-treated as a child physically, emotionally or sexually?
- I was
2. Were the perpetrators from your own family or were it strangers? Were these "people in authority" like priests, teachers or doctors?
-Sexually abused by step father, by best friends brother and by a boyfriend. Emotionally by family, and boyfriends
3. How have experienced these maltreatments? Were they physical or were more incriminating emotionally?
- Both
4. Which influence have did this experience on your former and current life? Can you have trust/confidence to somebody, or open to yourselves somebody emotionally?
-Not right away. It takes a lot of time. And pretty much i dont know who i am anymore. I can't remember who i was and who i was supose to be because it was beaten out of me. I lost that person.
5. Has this experience had a choose of the determiation of your partners?
- Yes. I choose someone safe. Someone i could toss around (never would but shes small enough haha) It may not mean much because i'm not Trans just an SO but i do have MPD because of the abused sufferd as a child. I know that everyone is diffrent and everyone is stronger or weaker in some respects. My mind couldnt cope with what was happening and protected me.I hope this helps.
1. Who of you was ill-treated as a child physically, emotionally or sexually?Yes, emotionally.
2. Were the perpetrators from your own family or were it strangers? Were these "people in authority" like priests, teachers or doctors?Family and my mother's current minister
3. How have experienced these maltreatments? Were they physical or were more incriminating emotionally?99.9% emotional. My family...and I do mean all of them, immediate and extended, were especially skilled in the passive aggressive. They were physically very distant and I rarely ever heard anything that wasn't full of resentment, but it was all so subtle that if I were to talk about it, I would feel ridiculous. I would rather have been beaten...at least people (outsiders) know that's wrong. Basically, my mom got knocked up and married my dad...her family hated him and I look like him...I guess it's hard to love someone that looks like someone you hate. I didn't really realize it until my little brother was born when I was 12. He looks just like my mom's dad (who hung the moon, if you didn't know ::)) and everyone fell all over themselves to hug him, buy things for him...and he was AWFUL. He was the meanest child I've ever seen. I realized then that no matter how good I was, how well I did in school, how quiet or well behaved I was...as long as I looked like my dad, they would resent me. I think my parents weren't ready to be parents (they were 20) and they resented having to 'grow up'. My aunt constantly badgered me about who bought me what because she thought my grandparents favored me over their daughter, who's the same age and because of that, my grandparents stepped back quite a bit so that everything looked equal. It's a giant load of crap, really.
As for my mother's minister, he came to the church when I was 10 and he never hesitated to make negative comments about my weight or (not so long ago) how I'm not successful and how I should do better (really? I never would have thought of that on my own!). He never treated the other kids that way. He was (still is, I suppose...) really hateful.
4. Which influence have did this experience on your former and current life? Can you have trust/confidence to somebody, or open to yourselves somebody emotionally?I don't trust anyone. The only person I remotely trust had to push and push. I've never opened up to him, but I think he has an idea of what my family is like because of things they have done since I've known him. It's weird, but I think if I were thin/pretty, I would be less suspicious of someone who was interested in me. ??? Also, anyone that I have ever relied on has ended up getting hurt, so I won't rely on anyone else anymore either.
5. Has this experience had a choose of the determiation of your partners?Absolutely, because I've never had a real relationship with anyone. I don't trust anyone who wants to date me (if there are any...I'm pretty oblivious). I don't trust that they won't throw me away and frankly, why would anyone want to date me looking the way I do?
This is an interesting thread...I'm not all that surprised, though. :-\
1. Who of you was ill-treated as a child physically, emotionally or sexually? physically and emotionally
2. Were the perpetrators from your own family or were it strangers? Were these "people in authority" like priests, teachers or doctors? There were three main ones - my grandmother, my father, and my brother, who is a few years younger. My father gave a great deal of control over my life to my brother, e.g. if he said there had been a fight and I started it that was absolute proof to my father, who would then punish me severely (always physically, so he was able to use such things as a weapon.
3. How have experienced these maltreatments? Were they physical or were more incriminating emotionally? Both were used, but I was more able to ignore the physical aspects - after enough beating I became numb to it and since it was often given for false reasons or no reason at all it was easy to dismiss it as "dad's just lost his temper again." The emotional tear-downs were harder, though. In spite of successfully handling significant parts of dad's business on my own as a teen, even running it by myself for as much as nine days at a time, all I ever got was a how I never did anything right, was untrustworthy, etc. "Untrustworthy" was also the reason used to deny me any social contact with peers as was allowed almost without limit to my brother.
4. Which influence have did this experience on your former and current life? Can you have trust/confidence to somebody, or open to yourselves somebody emotionally? I didn't have much trouble trusting others, but it did lead to me keeping family at arm's length.
5. Has this experience had a choose of the determiation of your partners? There are certain things I can't tolerate from a partner and did have a difficult experience in the past as a result.
1. Who of you was ill-treated as a child physically, emotionally or sexually? sexually
2. Were the perpetrators from your own family or were it strangers? Were these "people in authority" like priests, teachers or doctors? One of my great-uncles. I only know we're related to each other and his wife was my granddad's sister or so...
3. How have experienced these maltreatments? Were they physical or were more incriminating emotionally? I wasn't able to remember what has happened for a long time...It happened the first time when I was about 5 and I was 12 when I could remember the first fragments of what had happened there. I can hardly describe hoe I felt back then. I was helpless at my age, afraid of him to do worse things in case I told my mother about anything. I felt ashamed of what I was and it changed me emotionally, even though I haven't known this for a long time. The subconscious doesn't forget, you know.
4. Which influence have did this experience on your former and current life? Can you have trust/confidence to somebody, or open to yourselves somebody emotionally? It's very hard for me to trust someone, especially when it comes to love or sex(my situation as a transgender doesn't make this any easier...). I am afraid of being forced to do something I don't want to do, even though I know I have the phisical strength to defend myself. I am not afraid of making love with a man, it's only I need a lot of time to fully trust one.
5. Has this experience had a choose of the determiation of your partners? As I already stated, it's difficult for me to trust others...
Quote from: Arch on July 13, 2009, 01:02:57 PM
Now that I think about it, someone recently said that she was surprised that I was still attracted to men after I was molested by a guy. Seems to me that I would have to be into women in the first place, or bi, to jump ship in the way this gal was suggesting. So this molestation did not cause me to avoid men. In this respect, my choice of partners, at least in terms of gender, was manifestly NOT affected by the event. But I suppose it's possible that I unconsciously trusted people less after this episode in my life.
Agree with you here. I am still attracted to men, even though I was abused by a man. Just turn the thought around: How many women would be lesbians if they wouldn't be attracted to men after they've been molested by a man? This ->-bleeped-<- happens more often than most people think...
Quote1. Who of you was ill-treated as a child physically, emotionally or sexually?
I was emotionally abused, and sometimes physically, from age 10 to 23.
Quote2. Were the perpetrators from your own family or were it strangers? Were these "people in authority" like priests, teachers or doctors?
By my step-mother, my parents never touched me or harmed me in any way. From age 18-20 I was emotionally led on by a girl from high school. In 9th grade I was physically assaulted by three girls on a school bus, and was traumatized by it.
Quote3. How have experienced these maltreatment? Were they physical or were more incriminating emotionally?
My step-mother would often belittle me, make fun of the way I acted, the things I did, or said, and often bad-mouthed my mother during arguments with my father. These were very hurtful to me because they damaged me, emotionally, at a very early age, and throughout my adolescence. Twice, she attempted to choke me; once she succeeded and I tried to fight her off, and dad had to break us up. The other time she and I were having an argument while we were both home, alone, and she started towards me and I threatened her. She called the police on me but they didn't do anything because I was defending myself. I don't know if she did this because she saw that I was trans, or what, but she never did anything to my two brothers.
As for the girl from high school, she wanted to have a relationship with me, then she didn't, and then she did. This went on for months, and it was very difficult because she teased me and played with my feelings.
The three girls on the school bus...cornered me and touched me against my will, and slapped me around when I objected to being touched. Thankfully the bus driver stepped in and they left me alone.
Quote4. Which influence have did this experience on your former and current life? Can you have trust/confidence to somebody, or open to yourselves somebody emotionally?
Before I transitioned, I became increasingly depressed over the years because of the abuse, and became meek because of it. I didn't stand up for myself, was anxious and constantly on the defense all the time; I had a hard time opening myself up to others, especially in romantic situations, because I didn't trust others enough; I thought that they would end up hurting me like my step-mother, or like the girl from high school.
The only time I opened up was to my first (and so far only) girlfriend, from age 17-18. We dated for about 7 months and I loved her dearly, and we trusted each other. Unfortunately, I wanted the relationship to progress on an intimate level, and she didn't, so I broke it off with her because I feared I might hurt her or force her into something she didn't want, which is completely irrational because I'm not the kind of person who would hurt someone intentionally.
Now, after having transitioned, I am a much stronger person. I stand up for myself and I don't let people hurt me anymore, but the emotional scars will always be there. My abuse has made me very fearful of romantic/intimate relationships, and I'm afraid of sex (I'm still a virgin), almost to the point of becoming ill when thinking about it. I'm terrified that I might end up hurting a partner unintentionally, or being hurt by them. The assault I experienced has been very painful to work past, and right now I'm too scared to even begin dating someone.
Quote5. Has this experience had a choose of the determination of your partners?
While I consider myself a lesbian and am attracted to other women, I am too scared to be with someone, and until I sort out my feelings/emotions through therapy, I doubt I will have a partner.
1. Who of you was ill-treated as a child physically, emotionally or sexually?
Me as well. Mostly emotional abuse, quite severe.
2. Were the perpetrators from your own family or were it strangers? Were these "people in authority" like priests, teachers or doctors?
My mother tried to suppress my natural expression by belittling, demeaning, etc.
3. How have experienced these maltreatments? Were they physical or were more incriminating emotionally?
Largely emotional but devastatingly effective.
4. Which influence have did this experience on your former and current life? Can you have trust/confidence to somebody, or open to yourselves somebody emotionally?
Left a very negative self-image, one that has taken a lifetime to try to get over.
5. Has this experience had a choose of the determiation of your partners?
Probably. I have been married twice but never let anyone get close enough to really hurt me again. I am still trying to work through that.
I was definitely abused by my mother and her husband when I was a child. That woman hates me to no end. Has since I was born. That is all I am going to say about that except every time I see her she starts ranting and raving about queers and homosexuals. Nevermind that she has a cousin who is gay and loves him dearly. Just says that crap for my benefit if you know what I mean. Started that crap when I was about 4 or 5. She clearly knew I was trans and did everything in her power to "make me a man" like pushing sports and hunting on me.
Unfortunately, it has adversely affected my entire life. I have had a terrible time forming connections with people. Even ones I liked. I didn't trust anybody. I couldn't generate feelings for others. I got married late in my 20's and to a woman I clearly didn't love. Before that I had ran through a myriad of men and women all of whom would have made fantastic life partners.
I think that the abuse could be construed as both physical and emotional. It was from my parents. They destroyed my self esteem and made me hate myself and want to cover up who I was and it caused me to get into relationships that I am not happy being a part of. While I'd be much happier living as a heterosexual female I am stuck living as a heterosexual male.
1. Who of you was ill-treated as a child physically, emotionally or sexually?
Mostly Emotionally, mildly physical and a bit sexual.
2. Were the perpetrators from your own family or were it strangers? Were these "people in authority" like priests, teachers or doctors?
Father, step father, mostly peers in school.
4. Which influence have did this experience on your former and current life? Can you have trust/confidence to somebody, or open to yourselves somebody emotionally? I repressed myself, my sexuality, emotions, love...
5. Has this experience had a choose of the determiation of your partners?
I think it may have but I may never know for sure. When you are unsure of things, some people just do what is considered "normal" either hoping it works, or just use it to fill in the blank until they have a true answer. My sexuality took a back seat to gender issues, so I may never determine the true cause.
Quote from: Leslie Ann on August 03, 2009, 05:27:57 AM
When you are unsure of things, some people just do what is considered "normal" either hoping it works, or just use it to fill in the blank until they have a true answer.
That's it exactly.
My conclusions:
I would like to thank to you to all for your comments and contributions. They have shown that many were abused by us emotionally, physically and/or sexually when we were children or youngsters. And in one or other manner; this experience also on our later sexuality, and on our sexual / pair behavior has an influence. Not each of us can build up later a really good relationship if the old loads of the childhood and youth were so stamping.May our wounds may heal one day, and we can really love without having to be afraid of violations of every way.
1. Who of you was ill-treated as a child physically, emotionally or sexually? Physically and emotionally.
2. Were the perpetrators from your own family or were it strangers? Were these "people in authority" like priests, teachers or doctors? Stepfather, Stepmother, Sisters
3. How have experienced these maltreatments? Were they physical or were more incriminating emotionally?
Both.
4. Which influence have did this experience on your former and current life? Can you have trust/confidence to somebody, or open to yourselves somebody emotionally?
It messed up my ability to trust people. Or be open emotionally. I have a definite hard time trusting men, or people who are overly religious. I've worked through a lot of the issues though, and I'm currently in a relationship that I'm extremely open in.
5. Has this experience had a choose of the determiation of your partners?
I think it has made me less likely to date men (besides the fact I already have a partner)