Just wondering if anyone's noticed this. Here is my example:
Yesterday my gf and I broke up because she was treating me awfully ever since her ex came back to her home town. We were only dating 6 months this time, but we dated previously for over a year and she's the only girl I've ever been in love with. I put my everything into this relationship, it was somewhat long distance, about 60 miles, and I always drove down there. Today I found out that he (her ex) proposed to her while we were still dating. He has hit her in the past and she chose him over me. So normally I would be very upset, but I haven't cried at all. I'm only filled with rage.
Thoughts? Anyone else experience something like this?
Hmm haven't tested it lately. I know I did after my surgery, but that was early on.
I'll turn on Lifetime and find out. :laugh:
Rejected.
I've been on T for 3 months, and I just moved away from home (2700 miles away) for the first time, leaving behind 17 years' worth of life and friends as well as a family that both loves me and makes me feel incredibly guilty for doing what I'm doing - and all of it completely alone. My last week has invalidated your theory roughly every 5 hours.
(that's not to say it might not be true for you, of course. But then, wait a week and see if it still holds true. Despair is fourth in the grief-stage line-up.)
I think that T has made it very difficult for me to cry, but my experience COULD be explained by steadily increasing happiness.
Still, I don't think so. Or it's a combination of factors. Before T, I cried a lot. After T, no.
When my ex broke up with me a couple of months ago, I sure as heck didn't cry, and I still haven't. He's had a few episodes of extremely mean and petty behavior since then--he's not an a$$hole generally, but it does happen when he's very very stressed--that normally would have made me cry. Nothing.
When I was remembering some particularly painful memories, I sort of leaked around the edges, but I didn't really cry.
A few times, I have felt very low and actually wanted to cry. On one occasion, I knew that I really needed to let go, so I spent a few hours getting in touch with my feelings and was finally able to cry all out. It was hard, and I had to work at it. All the other times, I only experienced a little bit of that "leakage" that I talked about--a couple of tears and that's it.
I did have one particularly traumatic thing happen that made me cry a little, but I wonder if I would have really let loose if I weren't on T.
I have been steadily becoming happier and more confident, though. So that is probably an influence. But I have read about research studies that claim that T makes it harder to cry. I don't know how accurate these studies are--you would have to poke around a bit and find out.
I wasn't exactly prone to crying pre-T. Exception to this would be the year before I started T, when I was kind of a mental wreck. Then, the waterworks happened on a much more frequent basis than usual (maybe once or twice every couple weeks). Basically, everything would build up, I'd want to release it in the usual way (violence) but resist because I was trying to get over my tendency to beat up everything in sight. The frustration and anger ended up in prolonged waterworks. Anyways.
Post-T, that frustration is gone. However, I have had some rather sad moments in the past few months when I really felt like I should be crying (even wanted to cry). But I just couldn't. The only time I managed to was when I got the news that my grandmother had unexpectedly died. I very much felt like I wanted to cry and managed to do so for perhaps three minutes. It's just... hard to carry on like I used to be able to when upset.
For me it's not impossible, but the threshold is definitely higher than it used to be. Before when I would get angry, the waterworks would start on it's own, and I'd be powerless to stop it. Now when I get angry, I get angry.
Quote from: Randy on July 13, 2009, 12:21:59 AM
For me it's not impossible, but the threshold is definitely higher than it used to be. Before when I would get angry, the waterworks would start on it's own, and I'd be powerless to stop it. Now when I get angry, I get angry.
Yeah, this has happened to me, too. I used to cry or come close to crying when I got angry. Now I just get angry, nothing else.
Nope, I still cry. I find I don't shed a single tear at a sad movie anymore- I am totally sobbing or nothing at all.
It wouldn't make it impossible to cry, it's just that increased estrogen is what makes you cry frequently.
I pretty much never cry... ever. But, since coming out to my husband there have been more tears than I've had in 10+ years combined. I've been on T mostly through this, but I've just started too. :P
Gods know I can't wait for that effect of the T... the reduced emotional rollercoaster thing that is.
I know that my depression is a factor in this but I find I break down in tears with little provocation, sometimes for no apparent reason. If T makes that even just a little lesser.. I'd be happy for it. Really happy!
I actually read something about this once.. Not in a hormone therapy/->-bleeped-<- context in particular, but rather just in a broad male vs. female type article. It was probably one of those stupid articles on the Yahoo homepage that I read to procrastinate at some point but it was something to that effect that women expect men to react in the same way they do (I think the example given in the article was crying over the death of a dog or something like that) but that due to testosterone men just don't cry (as much) or it takes A LOT MORE (typically...) to make someone under the influence of T cry.
Quote from: GnomeKid on July 13, 2009, 12:43:31 PM
I actually read something about this once.. Not in a hormone therapy/->-bleeped-<- context in particular, but rather just in a broad male vs. female type article. It was probably one of those stupid articles on the Yahoo homepage that I read to procrastinate at some point but it was something to that effect that women expect men to react in the same way they do (I think the example given in the article was crying over the death of a dog or something like that) but that due to testosterone men just don't cry (as much) or it takes A LOT MORE (typically...) to make someone under the influence of T cry.
Heh. My ex breaks up with me: no tears. If my favorite cat died, I can almost guarantee that there would be waterworks.
Almost.
I don't really remember making this.. but I think I was using this as a way to rant just as much as I was asking a question heh :-\. But yeah, I should've stated I don't mean it's literally impossible, it just takes a lot more
I 100% agree with you. I can not cry what so ever. I just get angry. I still get sad. But not sad enough to cry, and if I do cry its one tear which I try so hard to produce and thats it!
It does do my head in as I believe everyone should cry once in a while..
But I just can't. Guess this adds to my frustration also!
Jay
Damn I can't cry now and I'm not on T :-\
I was on T for 55 years and rarely cried. But I contribute that to social conditioning. I cried fairly easily when I was younger but soon learned the consequences of what happens when a boy cries.
I've been on E for a couple of years (T is immeasurable) and cry a bit more but it's still hard for me.
Julie
Quote from: Jay on July 13, 2009, 02:53:55 PM
I 100% agree with you. I can not cry what so ever. I just get angry. I still get sad. But not sad enough to cry, and if I do cry its one tear which I try so hard to produce and thats it!
It does do my head in as I believe everyone should cry once in a while..
But I just can't. Guess this adds to my frustration also!
Jay
I can imagine.
Though it might be a good thing for me, considering I never feel good after a cry, haha.
Quote from: Monty on July 13, 2009, 04:49:23 PM
I can imagine.
Though it might be a good thing for me, considering I never feel good after a cry, haha.
Boy, yeah, I never felt good afterward. Starting last year, I started trying to get in touch with feeling good after crying. For me, it was all attitude. I got to the point where sometimes I did feel better. And now I don't really cry. Maybe that's why natal males like to go to the batting cages.
Since starting T its defently harder to cry. I broke up with my gf of 2 years - no tears at all even though I felt like I wanted to cry, my body couldnt do it.
I wasnt prone to crying alot pre-t either though, maybe Im just a rock in a body........
This never occurred to me, I'm even more psyched to start T now ;D I always get tears welling up when I get angry or scared/startled and it does my head in. Looks real macho to be crying my eyes out during an argument or if somebody makes me jump ::)
Havent cryed in a long time. Dunno if it's T. thats how I am. I got no reason 2 cry either.
Quote from: Monty on July 13, 2009, 04:49:23 PM
Though it might be a good thing for me, considering I never feel good after a cry, haha.
Me too. Crying solves nothing for me. I was also conditioned that crying is a weakness.
Although it may take a stronger stimulus, men can and do cry - despite some stereotypical myths to the contrary :)
Men typically don't cry as a cathartic, emotional purging however. That may be were the difference lies.
I see men cry, I cry, its just that men don't to it as a way to get what they want.
Quote from: tekla on July 14, 2009, 09:16:58 AM
I see men cry, I cry, its just that men don't to it as a way to get what they want.
I bet you've made a few cry in your time too, eh? :P
Only when I've dropped heavy objects on their foot or started dating their other daughter.
Quote from: Radar on July 14, 2009, 06:52:09 AM
I was also conditioned that crying is a weakness.
This is how I was brought up. And crying in public--I was conditioned to regard such an act with absolute horror and shame. So I never cried much, even in private and even when things were really really bad. And crying almost never made me feel better, I suppose because my shame got in the way of any benefits I might have enjoyed.
When I came out of the closet and first started seeing my therapist, I was in this zone. He persuaded me that it's better to let it out than to keep it all pent up inside. I was so stressed that I actually found it pretty easy to let everything go periodically.
Then things got really bad, and I was crying just about every day, sometimes several times a day. I generally didn't feel better afterward; I was just relieving the stresses of pre-transition.
Not my happiest time.
On T, I began to stabilize. Even though I went into a nasty funk for about six weeks after the initial euphoria wore off, I was not crying very much. At some point, I realized that I was not crying at all. Eventually, I started feeling better about myself. I figured that I would probably only cry when specific bad events occurred.
I might have been wrong about that.
I think it's weird. I've been in this relationship for twenty years. He breaks up with me--it's been two months now--and I haven't shed a single tear over him.
Maybe I was just ready to be done with him.
Then again, maybe the other shoe has yet to drop.
To tell the truth, I
do consider crying a weakness for me. Others can cry, but if I cry I am being weak.
Quote from: Arch on July 14, 2009, 01:47:51 PM
I think it's weird. I've been in this relationship for twenty years. He breaks up with me--it's been two months now--and I haven't shed a single tear over him.
Maybe I was just ready to be done with him.
Then again, maybe the other shoe has yet to drop.
I already knew we would split up so I was preparing for that. I didn't realize how sad it would still make me. It doesn't help that I feel worse when he starts crying. I hope we can work through this and remain friends. We've gotten so used to each other it would feel weird and lonely without seeing him at least some. :-\
My dad tried that one. give me something to cry about and all. but it never took. i still almost always (except in front of bullies) cried when I felt like it.
course there are situations where it's not appropriate, but in other situations i felt empowered by it.
I NEVER liked crying and I do think that it's because it makes me feel weak to not be able to control my emotions. It's a strange feeling when you're hit with a flood of emotion and are suddenly crying. I feel like I should be able to push it away until a more opportune time to release it. Not being able to have that ability seems wrong to me. I've worked hard on not letting my emotions get the best of me but there are still times where I feel like I've lost control.
Quote from: Radar on July 14, 2009, 02:45:46 PM
I already knew we would split up so I was preparing for that. I didn't realize how sad it would still make me. It doesn't help that I feel worse when he starts crying. I hope we can work through this and remain friends. We've gotten so used to each other it would feel weird and lonely without seeing him at least some. :-\
Radar, I feel bad for both you and your partner. You've been together for a long time.
This is not easy for anyone. But I do hope that you can manage to stay close friends. I'm hoping for the same for me and my ex.
He is a pretty stoical individual; I've only seen him cry a few times in twenty years--always over me. Sigh.
If it helps, as the guy I always used to be, I always felt anger a lot more than sadness. I sometimes felt that maybe I should cry about something but it was hard, like I had to force myself to. That's one of the things I won't miss.
Quote from: Osiris on July 14, 2009, 03:19:12 PM
I NEVER liked crying and I do think that it's because it makes me feel weak to not be able to control my emotions. It's a strange feeling when you're hit with a flood of emotion and are suddenly crying. I feel like I should be able to push it away until a more opportune time to release it. Not being able to have that ability seems wrong to me. I've worked hard on not letting my emotions get the best of me but there are still times where I feel like I've lost control.
Pretty much.
It's not because I think crying makes you weak, but the inability to control it drives me up the wall. I don't want to cry in public but I can't hold it back.
Quote from: Kara on July 14, 2009, 05:58:15 PM
If it helps, as the guy I always used to be, I always felt anger a lot more than sadness. I sometimes felt that maybe I should cry about something but it was hard, like I had to force myself to. That's one of the things I won't miss.
Same here. I'll get really angry and full of rage, but not cry.
Well, I'm probably echoing what everyone else has said, but yes, of course you can cry on T. It's just different. Prior to T, I'd cry any time I got upset (mad, depressed, whatever). It was absolutely infuriating. I'd cry even when I wasn't upset... that's just how screwed up my emotions were.
Now, after about a year on T, I cry at sad movies. Heck, I cry at happy endings in movies! But when my wife of over two years announced she wanted a divorce, I didn't cry. I haven't cried over her once in the two months or so since. Perhaps it hasn't hit me... though I'm pretty sure it has. I think maybe it's that T makes emotions different, and for me at least, it makes me more rational about said emotions. Of course, that's debatable. For me, I'd far prefer to get angry about an event such as my divorce than to mope around for weeks crying, because anger is a positive, motivating emotion. Whereas had this occurred prior to T I would have been inconsolable and likely would've holed up in my room for months, crying, now I am planning for my newly single life. It's not that I don't care; rather, it's that I know I'm entitled to be happy. Crying won't help me realize that.
Maybe you're in the same situation in that respect, chamillion. And I don't know about you, but I think it's a good thing.
SD
I don't cry in general. And I'm not even on T. But when I do cry, I feel like it's a weakness and rarely makes me feel better. I can't even force myself to cry.
Re: T makes it impossible to cry
Okay, I don't know whether it's actually impossible because I haven't been upset enough about anything yet, but it is feeling like crying is no longer a choice or an option at my disposal. I felt like it would've been nice to cry earlier, and it didn't seem forthcoming. I don't know whether to be upset or pleased about this.
If the thought-process and emotional changes are a common effect (or side-effect) of T, I'm all the more interested. I don't cry when I'm upset or sad, but when my anxiety gets really bad, sometimes I cry for no reason at all. Literally. I'll be picking out a bell pepper to cook dinner with, and just start crying. Be pretty nice to have that sort of thing stop. :(
Quote from: CodyJess on July 23, 2009, 07:21:04 PM
I'll be picking out a bell pepper to cook dinner with, and just start crying. Be pretty nice to have that sort of thing stop. :(
Maybe you should stick with onions?
Quote from: Arch on July 23, 2009, 08:31:31 PM
Maybe you should stick with onions?
ahaha :laugh:. Those, ironically, have never bothered me much. Toss 'em in the freezer for about ten minutes before you go to cut them.
This was true for me up until about 3 months ago..after a year and 4 months on T..I've yet to actually CRY, but the crocodile tears come up every now and then. Oddly, it's over stupid ->-bleeped-<- (not literally), its movies, newspapers, and this youtube vid, haha. JK Wedding Entrance Dance (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4-94JhLEiN0#lq-lq2-hq-vhq)
Still yet to really cry, but my emotions are leveling out. I was never much of a cry(er) before T, but was a lot more emotional. Now my croc's usually come from happiness.
I've found that as I have matured as a man crying is no longer something I can do (yet). I have had a tear come out once in a while depending on the situation but I haven't had a good racking sob since I was 14 or so.
But... I wish I could. There have been times in my life where letting go would feel good. Letting all that emotion, be it anger, frustration or sorrow sit in my chest and mind for days sometimes leaves me feeling like it causes lasting damage to my soul if it happens in frequency.
I guess this (not being able to cry easily) is one reason so many guys visit the batting cages at the Family Fun Center. If my wrist weren't dorked up, I'd be doing it, too.
Quote from: Arch on July 25, 2009, 12:45:55 PM
I guess this (not being able to cry easily) is one reason so many guys visit the batting cages at the Family Fun Center. If my wrist weren't dorked up, I'd be doing it, too.
Punching bags, sports cars, bicycles, bar fights... anything to get their mind off of it and/or exhaust themselves.