Well, I've been living with my ex and most of the time we can't stand to be near each other. We had discussed a number of options to resolve the problem including moving to a different room of the house--which never worked out. We had discussed me moving out sometime next year. She now has a boyfriend that she has fallen in love with and him likewise to her. She had changed the date when she thought I should move out to "in a few months", because he was going to move in with her after that. Now, she says I should look for a new place right away.
How do I feel about this? Actually pretty good. I'll get to have my own place where I can easily manage it's cleanliness, not have stuff move on me, not have to find out something I liked a lot got broken, etc. I'll get to organize my place so that it works well for me in moving about. I'll be able to keep only healthy food to remove the temptation to eat junk. I'll be taking my dog with me, who will now be able to get more attention and I'll finally have a place where I can invite friends over.
So, starting tomorrow (Monday), I'm going to be doing some apartment hunting. I have a couple places I want to look at. I need to find places that accept pets--even with an extra deposit. I'm going to do some searching online today for places that best meet my personal criteria and maybe I'll even be able to move out by the end of the month. After moving, I will be living in an extremely limited way until I can afford to buy more things like a bed, more dishes, or whatever. My ex says she is fine with me taking almost anything, so I do have some freedom. So, now I have something to look forward to in the near future. Change is nice.
Melissa
Congratulations, chica. Relish your new freedom :D Having a place of your very own where you are the one and only boss is great, I only did that for a few months before moving in with my Justin, but I did the whole too-poor-for-furniture thing for a while... It was fun, it really makes you feel inencumbered by material crap. I had this very sweet old Chinese landlady who, upon finding out I had no furniture later, gave me a matress, sheets, dishes, and a chair. And my mom sent me a gift certificate to get a tiny little tv/vcr thingie.
Of course, I like lounging around on the floor so I guess if you're not half cat or have all hardwood floors it might not be as fun :P
Melissa,
This is a very good thing for you. First of all now you have breathing room. I bet you won't be so streesed all the time. Well, I know you will be busy over the next few weeks getting that all put together. Good luck ;)
Marco
Melissa I just want to say how happy I am for you. It will be a good thing for you. I wish you the best of luck. Happy apartment hunting. ^-^
Owen
Love being female
Melissa, I'm really happy for you. You needed to be on your own. Now that you have come to that spot you need to now look for a lawyer and try to end this in an equitable manner. There are things that will come up and don't let anyone try and talk you out of doing it with a lawyer. It won't work, believe me, I have had so many friends here lately that said at first they were going to divide everything up 50/50 and the child support would be at a minimum. Well, one friend now has to pay 60% of her take home to her ex who has a boyfriend and live in a different state. This is alimony and child support. The ex doesn't work only lives off the boyfriend and alimony/support checks. My friend is working two jobs as to keep her a afloat. I have another friend and bacically the same thing happened. They said they were going to divorce cheaply and with no lawyer. Well, all of a sudden the ex has a lawyer and a list of things. They try and use the TS into the courts. So find a lawyer and consult with him/her.
Sheila
Quote from: Sheila on September 17, 2006, 12:09:58 PM
So find a lawyer and consult with him/her.
Of course. :)
Melissa
Good luck, Melissa! :)
Good luck Melissa. In a situation like the one you describe yourself as being in you are moving onto better. I'm glad to see you are a smart lady in hiring a lawyer. :angel:
Good luck with this Melissa,
I hope things work out when you move out and wind up your marrige.
Alice
Melissa,
I'm really happy for you. I hope everything works out just the way you want!! Good luck with everything!
Hello Melissa.
That's really great news. A new home for your new life. Nothing like starting with a clean slate so to speak. It's good that you are looking at the positive side to this as even with some hiccups along the way this is going to be good for you no matter what.
New beginnings are always exciting. Good luck and keep us posted on your progress.
'
Steph
melissa, good luck in your house/apartment hunting. glad your looking forward to it. and you will have your one true loyal friend (your dog will like it too). if you need any help moving anything , let me know as i could help.
hugs and :-* amber
Yes good luck in finding your new place!
Now you can really make it your own.
The outer also reflects the inner!
Love, Sky X
Melissa,
It's a mixed bag of emotions. You want to make it work, and yet you want the stress to be over. I am glad that the stress is ending for you.
For me, the first few days were the hardest. Not because I missed her, but because I missed the kids. This is something that you don't have to worry about, and that will make the transition for you much easier. Now, when I get home from work, I can be myself in both body and soul. My latest picture is of me in my apartment.
This is a good thing.
Good luck apartment hunting!
Chaunte
I agree...probably the best thing for you physically and emotionally. You deserve your own private space and with it you will only continue to grow :)
We'll be looking for the "House Warming Party" invites soon :P
Congrats Melissa! I'm sure it'll be better for you this way! :)
tinkerbell :icon_chick:
Good luck, Melissa! Don't hurt yourself lifting stuff that's too heavy!
And, whatever else you take - make sure you keep your computer!
;D
helen
hey uh?
ya got my blessings.
and ya got my support.
and ya got my pride in you.
it takes courage to face the unknown in life.
I am proud of you.
not a LOT of folks HAVE the backbone TO face the unknowns in life.
many people are so scared.....and many set themselves up for failure.
go for it!!!!!!!!!!!!
and GOOD LUCK!!!
I believe that this is a harder decision to make than some of the other things we face on our path.
You'll be able to live without furniture. If you need some creative ideas for something you can't afford, let us know. I saw a kid build all of his furniture out of cardboard. I set the line when he showed the comforter he made out of Apple containers. That was a bit too much.
Food, as you mention, is a huge change. You'll be surprised at how well you'll be able to manage your weight. You are correct. If you don't have it in the house, it won't end up on your waist.
After initial elation, you will face an extreme case of loneliness. You have had a lot of attention thrown your way lately. It hasn't been healthy perhaps, but there's not been a dull moment I suspect. Don't let it get you down.
Go girl.
Cindi
I set the line when he showed the comforter he made out of Apple containers. That was a bit too much.
===============
waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa.
sniffle
you mean you don't like my 60's table I made out of a wire spool the phone company left?
or my stereo stand out of bricks and plywood?
i'm gonna go cry
(wink wink)
Quote from: Cindianna_Jones on September 18, 2006, 07:32:25 AM
You'll be able to live without furniture. If you need some creative ideas for something you can't afford, let us know. I saw a kid build all of his furniture out of cardboard. I set the line when he showed the comforter he made out of Apple containers. That was a bit too much.
Furniture isn't a concern other than a bed. I can pretty much take whatever I want with me. I've been stuck sleeping in the same bed as my ex because we have a kingsize. I'll probably want to get either a twin or full bed as a replacement since it won't take up so much room. Twin would take up less room, but full would allow somebody else to stay over. ;)
Quote from: Cindianna_Jones on September 18, 2006, 07:32:25 AM
Food, as you mention, is a huge change. You'll be surprised at how well you'll be able to manage your weight. You are correct. If you don't have it in the house, it won't end up on your waist.
Yeah, I like to do my own cooking at home, so that will be nice. I need to get a basic set of cookware.
Quote from: Cindianna_Jones on September 18, 2006, 07:32:25 AM
After initial elation, you will face an extreme case of loneliness. You have had a lot of attention thrown your way lately. It hasn't been healthy perhaps, but there's not been a dull moment I suspect. Don't let it get you down.
I'm sure you're right. Have I mentioned that I've never lived on my own, other than on a long business trip? I moved straight out of my parent's house and in with my soon-to-be wife. Originally it was supposed to be temporary until I found a place because I was kicked out, but plans changed. :) I went on a 6-week business trip in Canada in 2003 and although I had a person I was travelling with--she and I ate meals together and saw each other during the day--I would still get lonely at night sometimes. During a 2 week stint in Calgary, I had a suite with a kitchenette and in order to save money, I bought a bunch of groceries and did my own cooking. I would keep the place orderly and I'm sure housekeeping loved me since I would make their work minimal. It was this experience that I knew living on my own was possible. Oh, I did have a breif period of time (about 3 weeks) where my ex and kids was living with her mom. Again, I was able to keep all my messes cleaned up and the place orderly. Anyway, I'm sure I would need to keep some sort of social life in order to combat the loneliness I will probably eventually face. I might even get a room mate or something if I feel so inclined. That would reduce costs and take care of the loneliness. First I want to get my life in order though and have some much needed breathing room.
The other thing I want to do is set up an area in my new home for doing exercise. I need to lose some pounds and I can only do so much with diet alone. I'll probably do some kind of aerobics or dancing or something. I know that's fun and will really get my heartrate up.
Oh, and Amber, I may take you up on that offer. I used to be able to lift entire couches by myself, despite my girly looking arms, but I'm sure I don't possess the strength I once did. Plus I'm older. Maybe my ex would help me. We'll see. First I need to find a place. I'm going to leave work early today to look at a couple places. If I get a new place by the time we have Susan's fest, then I may invite everyone for a house warming party if I can get everything unpacked. We will see.
Melissa
Posted on: September 18, 2006, 10:05:03 AM
Well, I did some apartment hunting today. For the most part it doesn't look like there will be anything available until the middle of October or November that fits my criteria. There is one place that fits it well and they might have a place being freed up that's available Oct. 1. They are waiting for the people to give "official" notice first, which she thought they would do in the next couple days.
Until a place is available, I'll probably start packing up stuff. I remembered today that I have a whole bunch of boxes in my garage that I can use. One thing I just thought about today is that my credit report would probably still have my old name on it. However, there is a law that's supposed to protect transgendered from being denied housing on the basis of being TG. If I don't have anything right away, I will work on fixing the name on my credit report so that I am not discriminated on that basis, although there probably will be a prior name on it. Oh well.
Melissa
Hey Melissa,
Great news - a new step in life regardless of the circumstances! Moving out is always a big deal, and one to look forward to. You have already gotten good advice here about it, and it seems you may now be facing one of the biggest downsides, delay - delay - delay. The advice of patience is probably called for and the easiest to disregard. Get what you want, not what's the first room that comes available. This will be Melissa's place afterall. And repeating what someone else wrote, get the computer! You're too important to all of us to not be around!
Susan Kay
Quote from: SusanKay140 on September 18, 2006, 09:00:19 PM
And repeating what someone else wrote, get the computer!
Ah, you are assuming I only have 1 computer. Actually, I have many computers. There is the wife's computer, 1 for my son, but he ruined the hard drive, my stepson's computer, my server, my laptop, my karaoke computer, a couple extra computers I built, etc. I will be bringing at least the server, my main computer (it has 2 monitors ;D), my laptop, my karaoke computer and any extra computers I have. My wife and kids can keep their computers, but I built them all so I keep them (except the laptop, which I got out of the junk pile and repaired). Trust me when I say that I won't have a problem logging on. ;)
Melissa
Melissa,
It's good news that I stand corrected, you not going to have any problem logging on with all that hardware! You may have a problem lugging it all around though. Better go for the larger U-Haul.
Susan Kay
I'll just get a place that's not too far away and make a bunch of trips. I'm excited. I may not be on the forums that much as I will be doing stuff like packing.
Melissa
Posted on: September 18, 2006, 08:19:40 PM
Well, I did some apartment hunting on Monday and I ended up going to 3 places. The first place said they thought they might have something opening soon, but had nothing official. They said they would call me if they got something official. The second said they didn't allow pets and the third and most expensive just didn't have anything until at least November.
Well, today the first place called me. After work I checked my messages on the way out and they wanted me to call them. They said they had a place available and that it could be ready by Oct. 1. I went to call them on my way home, but my phone died. After I got to my car, I called and left a message and they called me back. They actually had 2 available, 1 on the 2nd floor and one on the ground floor. I wanted the ground floor one and so I asked for that. After getting some gas and stopping by my house to get a paycheck stub, I headed over to the office and filled out an application. I was a little worried because I didn't have any rental history in the name of "Melissa" and I'm certain my credit report hasn't been updated--or maybe it has.
Well, I stopped by and the woman was very friendly. I filled out the application and we chatted about things like my dog and our days at work. Since I own my home, I didn't need to fill out any rental history, which is good, because my history sucked. Well, it looks very promising. I know my credit isn't that great, but with my income and the fact I own a home, there probably won't be any problem. It may just increase the deposit. I was able to fill out the app in a way that didn't out myself fortunately.
My paycheck stub that I had grabbed was a couple months old and so they wanted something newer. I have some newer ones at work still, so I'm going to fax that over to them along with another emergency contact. Then it will get started. Wish me luck.
Melissa
Luck - - Luck - - Luck - - Luck - - Luck, etc, etc. If you need any more just holler.
Susan K
Good luck :) I'm sure you'll get it.
Thanks everyone. Well, I faxed them the stuff, so they should start processing. I also found something online that said they were offering 1 month free with a 12 month lease, so I sent them what I found to try and secure that deal. If for some reason I don't get it, I found another apartment that would work well too. Fingers crossed though.
Melissa
Good luck girl :icon_exclaim: :eusa_clap:
YES!!!!!!!!!! I got it. I can actually start moving in on Saturday. The special I found was not supposed to be offered and the site I found it on wasn't supposed to even be advertising for them. What they said they would do is give me the rest of this month free. I am so stoked. I will drop off the security deposit of $300 tomorrow and I can start moving my stuff in the next day. :icon_geekdance: :icon_rockon: :icon_woowoo:
Melissa
Congrats, chicky!
Just think, now you can decorate it however you little heart desires!
I think that's the best thing of having your own place. When I got mine I just about went nuts! I put up purple christmas lights, and got purple sheets and a duvet set for my bed, I was so happy! Purple's my favorite color and I never could do that when I lived with my ex. He was "too manly" to sleep in purple sheets, so I traded him in for the not-at-all-manly. Now that I've moved in with Josi (a nickname for Jocelyn in case you don't know who I'm talking about) I get to keep my purple bedset, plus we got purple drapes for the bedroom and she loves it!
What do you think you will do with your new place?
If I lived closer I'd throw you a house-warming party!
Yes, decorating. But first I need to take care of the basics. I will need a new set of dishes and I have a ton of stuff to move. Probably more than I would care to fit. I'll probably end up moving a bunch of stuff and then realize I have no room for it all and need to get rid of it. But I'm not opposed to throwing stuff out. Especially if it's mine. I'm definitely not a packrat and enjoy having space. Well,I'm sure I will do a ton of packing now that the move-in date has been moved up by over a week. In fact, I feel like I have more energy than I've had in a long time.
Melissa
I am very happy for you Melissa. You will be so much more at ease now. Yes?
Marco
I already am Marco.
Melissa
Congratulation Melissa,
There are always good things to look forward to.
Alice
Excellenty!! So happy for you Melissa. Congrats on the new place :angel:
Thanks so much. I look forward to this new life of mine so much more than I did the one I had once thought I was condemned to have. I thought I would forever be stuck in the life of a married man wishing I could have lived a single's life for even a few years. Well, now I get to do it and as a woman.
Melissa
congratulations melissa. wow that was quick. i am happy for you. remember if you need help moving i can help. just let me know. i will be available most of saturday and any time sunday.
hugs and :-* :-* amber
Good for you Millisa !
Good luck ! <Hug>
Bob.....
Thanks.
Quote from: amberwish on September 22, 2006, 12:05:37 AM
congratulations melissa. wow that was quick. i am happy for you. remember if you need help moving i can help. just let me know. i will be available most of saturday and any time sunday.
Well, my ex is helping me with a lot of it, but if I need additional help, you'll be the first person I call.
I did a ton of packing last night. My kids were even amazed at how much I accomplished. When I went to bed, my sciatica was really bad, so I did as much as I could. After work, I'm leaving a bit early to sign some papers and give my deposit. After that, we're renting a u-haul and I'll start loading furniture tonight. I drive over tomorrow and unload with my ex. This is where I may call you Amber. Then when that's all done, I go back and I have some garbage to bring to the dump from the house and then the truck will be returned. Sometime tomorrow, I will probably do some shopping for some stuff I'll need like a microwave, laundry soap and some bathroom items. I'm going to be very busy this weekend. Sunday will probably entail moving additional items over by car or unpacking. The following week will be more of the same. Probably a lot of cleaning of the house and finding hidden items and bringing those over. I don't even have an address yet, so I may be without internet for a little while, except at work.
Melissa
Wow Melissa, you actually have some stuff! When I left, I had some clothes and some records and that was it. There was still lots of room left in the car. So, from my perspective, you are doing well. It seems that you are holding up okay. And that is good enough for right now.
Cindi
Hehe, I have way more stuff than I thought I had. I have to abandon some of it due to lack of space. Anyways, I'm almost all moved in now. I came back tot he house and logged in on my ex's computer to type this message. I still have a bunch of shopping I need to do and I just grabbed my shoe collection. I didn't realize I had so many shoes.
Amber helped me with moving a lot of the furniture as well as my ex and her son (teenager) because they wanted me out of the house. Over the course of next week, I will still be grabbing stuff. Ok, I have to get going now.
Melissa
Congrats on finding a new place, Melissa! I'm sorry I couldn't be there to help you move.
I hope you enjoy it as much as I am, if not more!
And if you want to get rid of one of those computers, let me know...
Chaunte
Congrats on the new place! It'll be nice once you get your stuff all arranged. Enjoy your new freedom :)
Congratulations Melissa!!
It's nice to see you :) happy :) again, happy and free like a bird. Wish you all the luck in the future!!!
* :icon_hug:*
Michelle
I've been working so hard the entire weekend. I am sore on every square inch of my body and feel like I've been in a fight. Wearing makeup was an exercise in futility as I sweated right off and looked like something that belonged in a toilet, but still passed as female anyways. I didn't really care either way with the way I felt, but was glad I did pass, even with a little stubble.
Chaunte, if you want a computer, you can have it minus the monitor keyboard, and mouse if I don't have to pay anything to get it to you. I don't need all the computers, but I didn't have a great way to get rid of them. I probably will be setting them up so that I can get rid of them. The only computeres I want to keep are my good computer, laptop, server, and karaoke computer. The rest I don't care about.
I'm still trying to scavenge around the house for certain useful, but missing items. Slowly but surely. Well, back to scavenging and the dinner.
Melissa
You sure sound happy Mellisa. ;)
Marco
melissa has everything TO be happy for.
I am so delighted she is getting what she wants.........
I don't have everything. I need to figure out how to get some more money quickly. Otherwise, my deposit check will bounce and I'll be screwed. I just looked over my bank records and my ex took out $450 from my account that I had been unaware of. I am cutting her off completely until I have money I can pay to her. She has financially sucked me dry and was still begging for more money last night--for cigarettes. I told he I wasn't supporting that habit. Lately she has done some things to royally piss me off and I let her know some of the things I was pissed about. Anyway, I am going to try and figure out a way to get some money in this crunch.
Melissa
Posted on: September 25, 2006, 08:30:27 AM
I'm going to try and get a small consolidation loan of about $3500. This would provide some relief to my immediate bills and allow me to actually start working on getting my finances in order. Also, I'd be able to afford internet at home then. ;) If I can't get one through my bank, I know there are several places that have sent me "pre-qualified" loan notices for enough money.
Melissa
I remember when I first started my transition. I moved to a new city but I had several thousand dollars saved up for emergencies. Unfortunatelly I didn't realize how many emergencies there were going to be.
It can be a daunting task to move out and start from scratch on your own. You may lose a lot of your self confidence in the process, I know I did. I had to seriously wonder if was going to be able to survive financially. The good news is these feelings are just that, feelings. Once you get past them things begin to look a little brighter.
Good luck with your consolidation loan Melissa :) . Be careful when dealing with those "pre-qualified" places. The offers they provide are enticing but often the small print and huge interest rates can put you farther in the hole than you were to start out with.
I'll keep my fingers crossed that things get better for you........
Thanks Brandi. Out of necessity, I kind of got stuck in a rut with payday loans and part of this consolidation loan would get me out of this rut. Then I should be able to afford payments. Plus, my car is paid off now. :) I have 2 days of spiro left, but I'll take it out of savings if necessary. I'm already amazed at how I have financially juggled so far. I'm sure I'll be able to pull this off one way or another.
Melissa
Posted on: September 25, 2006, 10:24:15 AM
Well, the bank loan was declined. They are going to send it on to some other department to see if they can still do something, but it doesn't look hopeful. They're supposed to get back to me by the end of the week, but my phone will probably be shut off before then. Maybe I can get a new phone. My 2 year contract is up, so I wouldn't have any penalties for switching to a new provider. It would result in my ex having her phone shut off, but it will probably be shut off anyways.
Melissa
Posted on: September 25, 2006, 12:47:02 PM
Well, I just talked to the ex and briefed her on the situation and she agreed the phone thing sounded fine, so I'll go do that today. I don't think she wanted me financially injured, she just doesn't communicate with me what she spends, so if I made her sound like she was evil, that was mostly out of anger.
Melissa
Melissa,
I'm sorry that I didn't get to respond to this post sooner but I didn't see it :-\
I too Melissa, am close to finding my own apartment.
My spouse and I are at each other's throat's and it's become increasingly difficult to live under the same roof with her. :(
I have a feeling of excitment and fright at the same time. I just hope I'll be ok.
Please let us know how your new place is working out for you!! :)
Do you have a 401k or life insurance policy that you can draw a loan on? That is what I did to help stabilize my finances.
For the 401k, you will need your spouse to approve the loan as well. It's how the law works because the spouse is entitled to some of the funds upon retirement as well.
Chaunte
Quote from: Chaunte on September 30, 2006, 08:51:09 PM
Do you have a 401k or life insurance policy that you can draw a loan on? That is what I did to help stabilize my finances.
For the 401k, you will need your spouse to approve the loan as well. It's how the law works because the spouse is entitled to some of the funds upon retirement as well.
Chaunte
No. I had one a few years ago, but I had to do this very thing after I lost my job.
As far as finances, I am just playing it a little at a time. I am talking to people I owe money to and explaining my situation (short of being TS) and am working it out a little at a time that way. I am hoping that my apartments does not discover that the deposit check has bounced before my next paydate. If they do discover that, I am hoping they are willing to work with me rather than kick me out--which most likely they will work with me. I was able to get my last laser hair removal payment postponed until my next treatment, so that helped. I still can't afford a bed, but as long as I keep enough air in my air mattress, it is OK. I have plenty of food to get by as long as I keep making food for lunches. I am living broke right now, but am able to keep myself occupied with plenty of stuff. I will only be able to spend a minimal amount of money at the fest next weekend (i.e. No drinking) and I do have enough hormones for another month.
I think I have enough gas until the next payday and I imagine if there is anything I really need badly, I can borrow it from the house. I did take a few items I had bought, but hadn't used and didn't need for a while (like spices) and was able to get enough money to buy a swimsuit for the pool (indoor), which I used yesterday. It was nice being able to pass even in a swimsuit with wet hair and hardly any makeup on (just eyeliner) because there were several other people there. My swimsuit has a little skirt and floral patterns so it hides any anomaly well enough. I will probably wear underwear under it next time to help. It's actually quite an ideal swimsuit for a pre-op and I got it for only $16. ;D
For the most part, it feels pretty good to be single. I did feel depressed last night for some reason and after talking to Marco on the phone last night, I felt a lot better. I can't wait to be able to get internet back at my place (I'm using it from work only at the moment), so I can get on Susan's if necessary. Also, having TV would be nice, but I did find the box where the cable is connected right outside my backdoor and the cover is off. I'll have to examine that more carefully ;). In a couple weeks, I'll probably be able to afford it and just pay then. I know, I have a bad streak, but hey, it's not like I've never done that before.
Melissa