Hi all, my name's Cristopher. So I'm a twenty-year-old, male-identified transboy going to a college in the SF Bay Area. My friends, family, and teachers all know me as Cristopher.
I've been creeping this forum a lot, but I haven't really posted anything yet. But I have finally mustered up the courage to start a topic here.
So...I don't plan on taking testosterone. When I first came out to myself last year, I decided I was going to get top surgery and take T, but after thinking about it for a while, I decided I didn't want to. I realized that I only wanted it for the voice change...I couldn't see myself with everything else.
I still plan on getting top surgery (my binder is restricting my breathing as I type this and it annoys the hell out of me), but no T for me...I was just wondering, are there any other transguys like me?
Thanks!
Cris
Yeah, i thought i wouldn't go on t... and then i got my period. i've been on t since 3 days after that.
I used to not want T. I, like you, had originally decided that I'd go on T and get top surgery, and then after being in therapy for a couple months and thinking about it more, I decided I didn't want T but was still set on top surgery. My reasoning then for not wanting T was because I didn't want to "blend in". All the changes that came with T were changes that I did want, but I didn't want people to see me as this normal guy, I didn't want to lose queer visibility I guess you could say. That lasted for almost a year, when I started thinking again and realized I did want T, and now I've been on it for about 2.5 months and I'm loving it.
I think a lot of people go through something like this, but also a lot of people do decide to not want T. There's no one way to be trans, so do whatever works for you mate!
I am currently thinking about this topic too. ATM I don't know if I want T but I definitly want top surgery. I would not mind going on T, I don't have any ill thoughts towards the changes it will bring - actually I would love facial hair, no monthly and more strength etc. I guess I'm still just deciding coz its such a big thing you know... No longer able to have children biologically connected to me and I suppose I feel it might be throwing the changes in people's faces... Like it will make it so obvious I am transitioning, will it make friends and family uncomfortable if they havn't come to terms with it yet?? Iam not out atm and I know its thinking about what others will think of me and I need to live my life for me but... Yeah just scared I guess, its my family/friends you know....
Cheers
Jay
Quote from: Mister on July 29, 2009, 11:08:36 PM
Yeah, i thought i wouldn't go on t... and then i got my period. i've been on t since 3 days after that.
I'm nick naming you Lucky from now on.
Before puberty and before I knew what transgender meant, I compromised with myself that I'd just suck it up and live life as is. Of course at the time the differences between girls and boys were very little, and even though I still wanted to develop like a male and have everything a boy would get, I still had no idea what puberty would be like growing in the wrong way and how much it would devastate me.
Come to think of it, all the transguys so far who I've heard said they wouldn't go on T but wanted chest surgery eventually did go on it. But like Chamillion says, there's no one way to be trans. More power to you, I hope it works well for you.
I guess I'm still unsure *how* trans I am. Chest surgery is a definite, but T is not. I'm leaning much more on the side of no T. Granted, I may change my mind. I don't know. I think more answers will come when I am more able to present how I please.
One thing I was wondering is if you have chest surgery and DO NOT go on T, will you not get fat distributing in the chest are if you gain weight?? will the reconstruction of your chest remain the same as if you were ON T??
If anyone knows?? It's this too that makes me wan to go on T. I son't wanna fork out all this dosh to end up with bitch tits afterwards...
Jay
Quote from: jaydle83 on July 30, 2009, 12:08:05 AM
One thing I was wondering is if you have chest surgery and DO NOT go on T, will you not get fat distributing in the chest are if you gain weight?? will the reconstruction of your chest remain the same as if you were ON T??
If anyone knows?? It's this too that makes me wan to go on T. I son't wanna fork out all this dosh to end up with bitch tits afterwards...
Jay
If you are not on t and have top surgery, you have the chance of some breast regrowth. Your surgeon should take as much breast tissue as possible out, though some have been known to leave some behind. If you have a hysterectomy, this is far less likely. As for gaining weight/fat, you will continue to gain weight/fat in your chest if you do not go on t.
Thanks Mister thats what I thought but it's better to ask and know.
Cheers
Jay
I didn't think I wanted it at first either. But from only being on it less than 3 months, two things: it's not as scary or dramatic as it seems it would be, and it really helps mentally.
I have a friend who is still mulling over his options. He might never go on T. I've heard (word of mouth only) of a few other transmen who have decided against T. And I've heard of guys who go on T only for long enough to get some vocal change. Then they stop.
I considered doing this myself because I had no way of knowing how T would affect me. About a month into HRT, I knew that I would never stop unless I was forced to.
I'm about five and a half months in. My body's permanent changes haven't really reached the point of no return--except my voice. My body is fuzzier, but I've seen women who are fuzzier than I am (except maybe the area below the navel). My equipment is bigger, but not all that much (yeah, too bad). I have wispy sideburns and a wimpy, wispy mustache, not unlike what a lot of women get. I could stop now with the voice I have, and all the other effects would stop. If all you want are vocal changes and you are willing to experiment a bit, do consider starting and stopping. But it really depends on you.
I'm curious, though. If you take T up until the point where you kind of get the mild changes that would be nice, once you stop taking T will it/what will return to what you had pre-T? Two situations even, what would happen with a hysterectomy, versus what would happen without?
Theoretically, more changes will revert if you have not yet had a hysto, unless you are already post menopausal. As for what will revert, it truly depends on the person.
For me, to not take T was the equivalent of staying female. No way would I pass without it, and the thought of living forever in gender limbo being called 'she' and 'ma'am' and having to correct people didn't appeal to me.
As soon as I learned a) my gender confusion had an actual diagnosis and b) transition was possible, I leapt off that cliff and haven't looked back.
T has removed the anxiety I've had about myself, I'm totally calm and finally feel normal. Nothing scary about T. I finally like what I see in the mirror.
It's an individual choice and you have to do what's right for you. Taking T was the only answer for me.
Jay
No, I've wanted to be on T since starting my transition. I want all the things males visibly have. Hairier arms, legs, body hair, deeper voice, ect. My endo told me that many transmen don't go on T. Some can accept themselves as-is because they identify as male inside and that's enough. I'm not comfortable with that anymore. I want the appearance and body of a man (or as close as possible). It all depends on how comfortable you are with how others see you. I was the "internal man" for... a long, long time. Now, I just can't do it anymore. I need to look male and be seen as a male, for my mental well being. I now want the outside to reflect the inside.
For me, I am not male without testosterone. Female hormones would still be pumping through my system... I would still have hips, and even with top surgery my fat distribution would not change. And then with a hysterectomy, I would feel terrible. Apparently, postmenopausal women feel horrid. Very low estrogen, very low testosterone... There's nothing there for you. And then your bones get thin, and so on and so forth. Going down hill at my age is not really an option.
As far as I see it, if I want to be a man, I have to experience what mostly every other man has: testosterone. A male puberty of sorts. Even if I don't think a hairy back is the greatest thing since sliced bread, it comes along with the package (pun intended).
But everyone is different, and there is no clear male and no clear female.
But unless you plan to be androgynous or perceived as a butch lesbian or a young boy (if you are lucky) your entire life... Hormones are important, physiologically.
I understand that gender is a wide subject and not everyone wants to be clearly male or female, but wouldn't that be more typical of an androgyne?
Hey guys...thanks for the answers.
I don't have a high voice, so I can sound pretty male if I talk with my lower vocal range. I can easily pass as a high school kid, and older if I wear a nice iron shirt and slacks.
When I first realized I was transgender, I was pretty set out on doing both T and top surgery. I thought that I would never seen as male until I did these things. But when I came out at school everyone was cool with it. I even passed with the new people I met. At that point I realized that I was actually pretty comfortable with how I looked without T.
And I did some research on T and found myself feeling uncomfortable with a lot of the effects. I wasn't into the whole getting hairy deal or the clitoris growing thing (as far as that goes, I don't want anything to happen down there).
Really, if I were to make any changes to my body, I would have the male voice and be a bit taller (I'm a short asian boy), but if I were to go on T I would only get one of the two. Since the things I didn't want outweighed the things I did want, I figured I shouldn't go on T.
Did anyone feel like that at one point?
Hey bro, do whatever feels right for you. After all this is no contest.
Me personally, every aspect of femininity on my body is repulsive so I definitely think going on T would save my sanity. Even the little things like the smoothing effect estrogen has on your body contours, or feminine body odor, is enough to drive me up the wall. And I'd love some kinda growth into something naturally phallic not just a little thing that it is now you know.. So for me, I doubt I'll be changing my mind, but that's me. It doesn't make you any less of a man for deciding not going on T, in fact more power to you.
Oh and Mister I'm curious, how'd you get on T right after you bled? (am I reading that wrong?)
Quote from: northy on July 30, 2009, 10:42:04 PM
Hey bro, do whatever feels right for you. After all this is no contest.
Me personally, every aspect of femininity on my body is repulsive so I definitely think going on T would save my sanity. Even the little things like the smoothing effect estrogen has on your body contours, or feminine body odor, is enough to drive me up the wall. So for me, I doubt I'll be changing my mind, but that's me. It doesn't make you any less of a man for deciding not going on T, in fact more power to you.
Oh and Mister I'm curious, how'd you get on T right after you bled? (am I reading that wrong?)
Totally with you on the disgusting female traits. :D
I'm still not used to meeting people who feel the same way about the "smooth contours" of their female bodies.
But I agree, do what feels best.
Quote from: Cristopher Marc on July 30, 2009, 10:36:36 PM
Hey guys...thanks for the answers.
I don't have a high voice, so I can sound pretty male if I talk with my lower vocal range. I can easily pass as a high school kid, and older if I wear a nice iron shirt and slacks.
When I first realized I was transgender, I was pretty set out on doing both T and top surgery. I thought that I would never seen as male until I did these things. But when I came out at school everyone was cool with it. I even passed with the new people I met. At that point I realized that I was actually pretty comfortable with how I looked without T.
And I did some research on T and found myself feeling uncomfortable with a lot of the effects. I wasn't into the whole getting hairy deal or the clitoris growing thing (as far as that goes, I don't want anything to happen down there).
Really, if I were to make any changes to my body, I would have the male voice and be a bit taller (I'm a short asian boy), but if I were to go on T I would only get one of the two. Since the things I didn't want outweighed the things I did want, I figured I shouldn't go on T.
Did anyone feel like that at one point?
Yes. I really didn't think I wanted all the extra stuff T does. I just wanted the voice change and increased muscle mass. The other stuff sounds like a lot and it sounds undesirable. I was really ambivalent about T when I first came out. Then I knew I had to have it and waited impatiently to be able to do it. And all the stuff I didn't think I wanted - hair, shaving, smell, clitoromegaly, etc - I'm ecstatic about.
Not to mention the mental wellness that comes with it. My therapist says I needed the right juice and he was right. My brain and body, my whole being is functioning as it was meant to for the first time. It's really hard to explain until you're there. Little things like feeling stubble on my face and smelling like a man change my outlook and improve my functioning. Everything feels right. The male brain was made to run on testosterone.
Only now do I see what estrogen was doing to me.
Quote from: northy on July 30, 2009, 10:42:04 PM
Oh and Mister I'm curious, how'd you get on T right after you bled? (am I reading that wrong?)
Uh, by asking for it? I guess i'm not sure what you're asking.
Post Merge: July 31, 2009, 12:06:30 AM
QuoteI don't have a high voice, so I can sound pretty male if I talk with my lower vocal range. I can easily pass as a high school kid, and older if I wear a nice iron shirt and slacks.
out of curiosity, what do you plan on doing when you're, say, 35?
Quote from: Nero on July 30, 2009, 11:58:28 PM
Yes. I really didn't think I wanted all the extra stuff T does. I just wanted the voice change and increased muscle mass. The other stuff sounds like a lot and it sounds undesirable. I was really ambivalent about T when I first came out. Then I knew I had to have it and waited impatiently to be able to do it. And all the stuff I didn't think I wanted - hair, shaving, smell, clitoromegaly, etc - I'm ecstatic about.
One reason I didn't want certain characteristics is that I wasn't being honest with myself. I didn't want any of the features that I thought my partner wouldn't like--facial hair, body hair, body scent, growth downstairs. Then I got to a certain point where I let my guard down a little and blurted out to my friends that I wanted hair. I was about six weeks on T and was looking forward to the changes that I'd been dreading before. That's when I realized that I needed the whole shebang.
Quote from: Nero on July 30, 2009, 11:58:28 PM
Not to mention the mental wellness that comes with it. My therapist says I needed the right juice and he was right. My brain and body, my whole being is functioning as it was meant to for the first time. It's really hard to explain until you're there. Little things like feeling stubble on my face and smelling like a man change my outlook and improve my functioning. Everything feels right. The male brain was made to run on testosterone.
Only now do I see what estrogen was doing to me.
This has been a big deal to me. For most of my adult life, I have been convinced that female hormones were causing my depression or at least making it much worse. Back in the eighties, I told a couple of gynos about my theory and was not taken seriously. They were very condescending.
Emotionally, I feel so much better on T. I'm going through a lot of life crap right now, and I am not depressed, although I do have my off days. A year from now, I'll know whether that's just transitional euphoria or the real thing. But I do feel that my brain
wants testosterone. For me, this has been the right choice.
Quote from: Nero on July 30, 2009, 11:58:28 PM
Yes. I really didn't think I wanted all the extra stuff T does. I just wanted the voice change and increased muscle mass. The other stuff sounds like a lot and it sounds undesirable. I was really ambivalent about T when I first came out. Then I knew I had to have it and waited impatiently to be able to do it. And all the stuff I didn't think I wanted - hair, shaving, smell, clitoromegaly, etc - I'm ecstatic about.
Not to mention the mental wellness that comes with it. My therapist says I needed the right juice and he was right. My brain and body, my whole being is functioning as it was meant to for the first time. It's really hard to explain until you're there. Little things like feeling stubble on my face and smelling like a man change my outlook and improve my functioning. Everything feels right. The male brain was made to run on testosterone.
Only now do I see what estrogen was doing to me.
Going to have to say the same thing. Though I'm not on T or anything, I didn't want to smell or be overly hairy and the clitoral growth weirded me out, but as time has gone on I want it now. Well, maybe not hair loss, but most of these effects are dependant on your genetics anyway... and that includes voice.
You may or may not lose your hair(I hear there's less of a risk), you may or may not turn into a hairy ape, you may or may not have an exceptionally deep voice, you may or may not have much clitoral growth, etc... and most of these things you can just guess based on the men in your family.
During my high school years I was fine with waiting, but now that I've been out for two years I'm beginning to think in order to keep my mental sanity I need to get on T. It's amazing how much dysphoria can change over a short period of time.
But that's just how I am.
I wasn't sure if I wanted T 'til I researched it... and one of the things I keep seeing, over and over and over, is the internal effects.
References to the way it affects the mind.
Greater emotional control. Feeling like the brain's finally running on the right fuel. Feeling like your head's suddenly clearer. Etc, etc, etc, etc, etc,....
Adding to that the release of tension when you realize you're actually doing something about the body being just plain wrong.. and I was sold.
I know the potential risks. I've read "EVERYTHING" I can get my hands on. And while I too have no desire to turn into a hairy bear, I still think it's worth it, for me.
That doesn't mean it's worth it, to you.
That doesn't mean it won't be worth it to you later either.
Whatever you choose to do, it's got to be right, for you.
Quote from: Miniar on July 31, 2009, 07:48:53 AM
I wasn't sure if I wanted T 'til I researched it... and one of the things I keep seeing, over and over and over, is the internal effects.
References to the way it affects the mind.
Greater emotional control. Feeling like the brain's finally running on the right fuel. Feeling like your head's suddenly clearer. Etc, etc, etc, etc, etc,....
Adding to that the release of tension when you realize you're actually doing something about the body being just plain wrong.. and I was sold.
I know the potential risks. I've read "EVERYTHING" I can get my hands on. And while I too have no desire to turn into a hairy bear, I still think it's worth it, for me.
That doesn't mean it's worth it, to you.
That doesn't mean it won't be worth it to you later either.
Whatever you choose to do, it's got to be right, for you.
Absolutely this.
As long as you feel you've made the right choice, then no one can say otherwise.
By the way, Cris, don't ever let people tell you that a "real" transman would want T or that you have to do things a certain way. You seem to have figured this out on your own, and people on this thread are telling you to find your own path, but I just wanted to make it explicit. You have to do what's right for you.
When I first started looking into transition, everything I read at the time about the medical and psychological establishment was very daunting; if you didn't fit into their neat little boxes, then you were not allowed to transition through official channels--unless you successfully lied. Things are much more fluid these days. You can practically write your own ticket.
Has anybody thought of "natural transition"? It doesn't seem safer than injections or anything but it's pretty much like body building. You go on a strict diet that eliminates everything that can increase estrogen levels, take supplements that increase your T levels/decrease E levels, and work out.
Quote from: Nygeel on August 03, 2009, 01:27:51 AM
Has anybody thought of "natural transition"? It doesn't seem safer than injections or anything but it's pretty much like body building. You go on a strict diet that eliminates everything that can increase estrogen levels, take supplements that increase your T levels/decrease E levels, and work out.
I've heard of it and pondered it, but I felt that the changes would happen much slower.
Quote from: Monty on August 03, 2009, 01:46:15 AM
I've heard of it and pondered it, but I felt that the changes would happen much slower.
Yes, it would be slower but if you're thinking T isn't right for you, or that you want to present as more male without the issues with injecting or anything. Or if you want to gain muscle mass...
It's just a different alternative to injections/creams.
The negative effects can be maintained to a degree. I'm not sure how they feel about giving propecia to FTM, but you can use rogaine to help with some hair loss if you experience it, and if you get really bad body hair you can always laser, electro, or wax it. It's for guys too! :laugh:
Be sure to keep cleaning and exfoliating since boys are oily.
Quote from: Nygeel on August 03, 2009, 01:50:08 AM
Yes, it would be slower but if you're thinking T isn't right for you, or that you want to present as more male without the issues with injecting or anything. Or if you want to gain muscle mass...
It's just a different alternative to injections/creams.
if you're talkign about the guy who pushes that BS on youtube, just look at him. does he sound like a man? does he look like a man? no.
Quote from: Nygeel on August 03, 2009, 01:50:08 AM
Yes, it would be slower but if you're thinking T isn't right for you, or that you want to present as more male without the issues with injecting or anything. Or if you want to gain muscle mass...
It's just a different alternative to injections/creams.
I know there's one guy, I don't think it's the same one, that actually does sound like a dude and appears to have the physique, however I'm skeptical.
If you didn't want T or were unsure, then I'm not sure why someone would want to transition naturally to increase T levels. I just saw a video from another guy and he was showing how he naturally transitioned for a year and he didn't look or sound any different at all. So you're obviously not going to have your T levels raised enough to know if T is right for you or not and there probably isn't any real practical way of knowing.
Most effects of T are reversible early on too, but I can understand not wanting to flip flop when you do get on it. If anything, the best option you might have is to work through the reasons why you're unsure of it, because in the end I don't natural transitioning will give you an idea of what it's like if you're not on injection.
yeah, if 'natural' transition worked, nobody would bother with therapists and prescriptions. it's like breast enhancing creams for women - snake oil.
natural regimens may or may not enhance the T of cisguys, but I doubt it would on us. and with a lot of these supplements, you have to take dangerous amounts to get it to do anything.
I agree with you guys - that "Natural Transition" looks like a load of steaming BS, and I bet all those suppliments cost more than actual T. I feel sorry for the young guys who fall for that, waste a buttload of money, and possibly damage their livers in the process.
Ah, "natural" - the marketing tool of the "wellness" industry (they can't call it "health", as that would imply some medical science behind it). Yeah, like eating suppliments like candy is natural. I'm sure our ancestors planted great crops of suppliment trees.
To touch back on the original topic - I'm pre-T, but I want T, and all that comes with it (my own body weight in suppliments isn't going to give me an awesome goatee :laugh:). I'm just waiting for a few other general "life" things I've put into play to line up (early / mid next year).
Quote from: Autumn on August 03, 2009, 02:02:35 AMBe sure to keep cleaning and exfoliating since boys are oily.
You got that right. Having the T suspended in oil probably doesn't help either. Thank goodness for Stridex. :)
Cristopher, if you're against injections there's always gel. I chose IM because the T's covered by my insurance, it works faster (so I've heard) and I have to do it once a week instead of twice a day. I had a
horrible fear of syringes, but I knew I had to man up and get over it. I also wanted to do it myself so I wouldn't have to go to an office every week and pay for it. I prefer being independent with that.
If I can get over my syringe issues anyone can. What helped me alot was watching videos of guy's injecting themselves. It helped mentally prepare me for my first injection.
I'll be getting on T asap, I'm a minor atm so it's not possible. Why? Because even though I pass without it, I'm too scared of my face somehow developing so I don't pass anymore. Also I'm stealth, so in a few years, I can't really explain my lack of stubble to slow puberty anymore.
But I am also a transguy in the bay area. ;D Good to know there's more around.
Quote from: Adrian on July 30, 2009, 04:38:28 PM
For me, I am not male without testosterone. Female hormones would still be pumping through my system... I would still have hips, and even with top surgery my fat distribution would not change. And then with a hysterectomy, I would feel terrible. Apparently, postmenopausal women feel horrid. Very low estrogen, very low testosterone... There's nothing there for you. And then your bones get thin, and so on and so forth. Going down hill at my age is not really an option.
Just for the record, there's nothing intrinsically horrid about being postmenopausal. Some of us think it's a pretty good way to be. So a transman who chose a hysterectomy (and, of course, oophorectomy) but not T would not automatically be condemning himself to feeling horrid.
I've been interested to read in this thread about the mental effects of T. I read a while back that giving transpeople the right hormones has a calming effect - it feels right. So, a theoretical question: if T didn't produce physical changes, would it still be worth it just for the mental effects? Is there actually a mental effect which can be separated out from the feelings associated with potential physical changes? I think a couple of you are saying there is.
Quote from: minniemouse on August 05, 2009, 07:38:19 AM
Just for the record, there's nothing intrinsically horrid about being postmenopausal. Some of us think it's a pretty good way to be. So a transman who chose a hysterectomy (and, of course, oophorectomy) but not T would not automatically be condemning himself to feeling horrid.
I've been interested to read in this thread about the mental effects of T. I read a while back that giving transpeople the right hormones has a calming effect - it feels right. So, a theoretical question: if T didn't produce physical changes, would it still be worth it just for the mental effects? Is there actually a mental effect which can be separated out from the feelings associated with potential physical changes? I think a couple of you are saying there is.
Well, I draw my conclusions about postmenopausal women because my mother is menopausal. She felt absolutely horrible until she began to take estrogen, which her body was not producing because she had to have a full hysterectomy. So, every day she rubs estrogen cream on her arms and that is that. She tells me she didn't feel human at all without it.
So I just feel that if the body is not naturally producing a sex hormone (male or female), it must be in pretty shabby shape. I've heard it speeds up aging.
Of course, I think testosterone would be worth it just for the mental effects, if there are, truly, effects separate from simply the relief of beginning physical transition. I would think there are. If the brain is indeed
female rather than male, you would think female hormones would work best with the female brain. And when the body finally
felt female, it would also be calming... Settling. Even if no aesthetic changes occurred, the body's wiring depends upon hormones so things would inevitably change.
I don't plan on going on T. Because of personal beliefs that if I stated here it would probably not set right with some. I want the benefits of T but for the reason of my beliefs I'm not going on it
Quote from: Walter on August 05, 2009, 04:38:10 PM
I don't plan on going on T. Because of personal beliefs that if I stated here it would probably not set right with some. I want the benefits of T but for the reason of my beliefs I'm not going on it
That must be a difficult conflict for you. I personally can't understand it, but hopefully you will come to some conclusion that allows you to be at peace. To be honest, beliefs aside, I think the most important thing in life is self-actualization, no better stated than as Maslow did:
"...Even if all these needs are satisfied, we may still often (if not always) expect that a new discontent and restlessness will soon develop, unless the individual is doing what
he or
she, individually, is fitted for. Musicians must make music, artists must paint, poets must write if they are to be ultimately at peace with themselves. What humans
can be, they
must be. They must be true to their own nature. This need we may call self-actualization."
If being true to your own nature means being the gender you feel you
must be, then that is simply a part of your individual development as a human being.
Quote from: Adrian on August 05, 2009, 04:41:21 PM
That must be a difficult conflict for you. I personally can't understand it, but hopefully you will come to some conclusion that allows you to be at peace.
Yeah hopefully
Quote from: minniemouse on August 05, 2009, 07:38:19 AM
I've been interested to read in this thread about the mental effects of T. I read a while back that giving transpeople the right hormones has a calming effect - it feels right. So, a theoretical question: if T didn't produce physical changes, would it still be worth it just for the mental effects? Is there actually a mental effect which can be separated out from the feelings associated with potential physical changes? I think a couple of you are saying there is.
Oh I definitely think that the hormones themselves contribute to the calming effect. And yes, if there were no other effects, I would still take T because of it. I've not been on it long enough to get very many changes, (mostly just a lot of body hair, which I was never too keen on getting :-\ ). But even at this stage there are 3 things that make the T so worthwhile, even if nothing more ever happened: 1) No more monthly torture! 2) No more hormonal roller coaster and 3) No more choking up and crying when I get angry.
Quote from: Jamie-o on August 05, 2009, 05:14:26 PM
Oh I definitely think that the hormones themselves contribute to the calming effect. And yes, if there were no other effects, I would still take T because of it. I've not been on it long enough to get very many changes, (mostly just a lot of body hair, which I was never too keen on getting :-\ ). But even at this stage there are 3 things that make the T so worthwhile, even if nothing more ever happened: 1) No more monthly torture! 2) No more hormonal roller coaster and 3) No more choking up and crying when I get angry.
Definitely sounds worthwhile to me. Even though I generally express anger with some level of violence or screaming, I do know how easily tears come with estrogen. I have heard that many people feel that tension has been released, as well. I am always tense for reasons unknown to me, so we will see...
The no monthly torture is a huge plus I look forward to. :laugh:
Quote from: minniemouse on August 05, 2009, 07:38:19 AM
I've been interested to read in this thread about the mental effects of T. I read a while back that giving transpeople the right hormones has a calming effect - it feels right. So, a theoretical question: if T didn't produce physical changes, would it still be worth it just for the mental effects? Is there actually a mental effect which can be separated out from the feelings associated with potential physical changes? I think a couple of you are saying there is.
I would be disappointed if I ONLY got mental effects, but, yes, it would be worth it. I probably wouldn't be on such a high dose, though. Of course, when I got my pre-HRT blood work, it turned out that I had abnormally low T levels even for a female-bodied person. I clearly needed SOMEthing.
With that said, a lot of my newfound inner calm has certainly come from the physical changes I've experienced, from both T and the surgery.
I am happy with the choice I made to go on T. It has definitely made me feel more calm, relaxed and just more comfortable in my body. (with myself I guess would be better). The thing that scares me about the natural transition is it is not regulated, you take up to 13 (or more) supplements which no one knows the affects on mixing them in your system, long term or short term. I have not seen anyone who looks like they would after about 4 months on T. You simply do not get the same changes and it is really expensive. So lets see expensive, unregulated, slower changes, not sure why you would do this over T. I am also unsure why this is called natural, there is nothing natural about taking 13 supplements a day. That is the good thing about life though we each get to make our own decisions.
Cheers,
Myles
I was wondering, which of the mental effects would you guys say were more psychological rather than physiological? Like, is there a direct connection between the calm and reduced anxiety some of you have reported, and testosterone's effect on the body/mind, or does it solely have to do with the psychological benefits of aligning one's body and gender identity? Just curious!
Quote from: Quicksand on August 06, 2009, 11:37:57 AM
I was wondering, which of the mental effects would you guys say were more psychological rather than physiological? Like, is there a direct connection between the calm and reduced anxiety some of you have reported, and testosterone's effect on the body/mind, or does it solely have to do with the psychological benefits of aligning one's body and gender identity? Just curious!
I don't know that there's any reliable way for me to tease out the effects and be sure what caused what. However, I am reasonably sure that a significant degree of calmness came directly from the chemical effects of T on my brain.
Soon after I first started T, I went through a phase of aggression that was pretty tough for me to handle effectively. After a couple of months, I felt that I had good control over myself; I calmed down and started feeling more centered than I have ever felt in adult life. I'm in that place now, and I'm loving it. I feel much more confident, assertive, optimistic, and balanced.
Yes, some of these positive effects came from morphological/physical changes, but some of it was undoubtedly chemical. I like to think of those months of aggression as an acclimation period during which my brain chemistry was so significantly altered that I had to learn to get used to it.
T might be something like the only antidepressant that ever worked for me--Wellbutrin. When I tapered onto that med, I felt as if I had been sped up. It was eerie. For weeks, my whole body vibrated so that if you put your hand lightly on my arm, you could feel a faint buzz. The world slowed down; my visual field was disrupted as if I were seeing the world through a sort of time-lapse photography. So when I turned my head to the side, I would get sort of streaky trails at the corners of my vision while the world "caught up" to where my eyes were.
After a couple of weeks, my body began to adjust to the meds, and I felt as if the world and I were operating at the same speed.
When I finally tapered off the Wellbutrin, the world sped up and I slowed down. It was kind of horrible. I couldn't negotiate anything fast--couldn't really track it visually. So for months I could drive my car in the city but not on the freeway because other cars, traveling at freeway speeds, moved too fast for me to negotiate. In due course, I readjusted and felt, once again, that the world and I were in synch.
I think that something similar happened when I went on testosterone. At first, I became more aggressive and cranky and even belligerent at times. I consciously struggled to control my aggression, at first with little success. In due course, the aggression waned considerably and was replaced with a sense of rightness, centeredness, and increased optimism. Now I'm feeling better than ever.
Did my voice change help? Undoubtedly. Did top surgery increase my happiness? No question. But I think that the chemical effects are indisputable. I have noticed that at the end of a shot cycle (a few hours to a couple of days before my shot), I have more trouble focusing and I feel somewhat more depressed than when I'm in the middle of a cycle. I start to feel "off." The longer I've been feeling off, the longer it takes for me to start feeling normal again. There is undoubtedly a psychosomatic element to these effects, but I don't think that's the whole story.
I love T. It makes me feel normal. Me, normal. Wow!
Thanks, Arch (and everyone else). That pretty much answers my question. :)