So, I have been struggling with achieving orgasm during sex. I am sure it is mental as I can use an external vibrator to achieve orgasm alone, yet I cannot while with a girl. I HATE THIS. I get very frustrated because I want to be able to have the sexual experience of a man. I do not like penetration at all, nor do I like my breasts touched. So, I have never reached orgasm with a girl. I have heard using a strap on helps. Being physically female and having sex with a female is very difficult. I can think this girl is the hottest most sex thing ever and have sexual thoughts about what I want to do to her ALL DAM DAY, yet I can't. I am so frustrated because I have met a great girl and the sexual part intimidates the hell out of me. I want to so bad yet I know I am not gonna get anything out of it. Plus, she will want to try and get me to orgasm and that is a waste and uncomfortable.
Has anyone else experienced this? Have you found any solutions?
Thanks!
Could it be fear of letting go? Loss of control?
Quote from: Nero on August 09, 2009, 12:02:38 AM
Could it be fear of letting go? Loss of control?
How so? I do not think so. I just don't like penetration nor anything else really touched. I don't feel like the guy I should be during sex.
I mean that during that release of orgasm, sometimes there's the feeling of loss of control in front of another person.
have your previous partners known how you felt about your parts? if not, then youre partly to blame. :/ good communication is key. when theres pleasure going on, its important that your partner knows what does and DOESNT make you feel good.
there is a mental satisfaction with strap-ons for sure, but to physically get off, try having your partner treat your "clitoris" like a a dick. (quotes because i dont like to call it that, and it would defeat the purpose of me telling you this tip) it can be sucked and stroked the same way as the bigger ones, its just a little bit harder to work it like that instead of doing things the way you would to a girl.
the words that are used towards you can make a difference too. it helps me to use words like ->-bleeped-<- instead of eating out and rub my dick instead of clit.
You have the wrong parts. It makes things challenging. Things you want to arouse you may not work because you're too nervous, concerned, or dysphoric. The advice of referring to it as your cock, blowing you, sucking you, etc, can really help you get the right mindset. I assume your partners know about your situation - if they don't, it'll probably be nearly impossible for you to have satisfactory results.
Strapon should help since you get to slap her ass with it and give her a good ol' rogering and you should probably feel a huge sense of empowerment looking down and seeing that between your legs instead of the thing you don't like.
I'll second what Josh said... having your clit sucked, especially if you're on T and it's grown, is incredible. Also, what Autumn said is good... especially if you can get your partner to do the same. I had a girlfriend who, because she was mtf and pre-op, was uncomfortable with sex, but would do just about everything but. She'd talk to me as if I was fully male, talk about my cock etc, and it turned me on to no end. Hopefully it'll work for you.
SD