Does it bother you being asked if you are gay/bi/transsexual/queer...? When is it ok to ask?
http://www.afterellen.com/node/56715 (http://www.afterellen.com/node/56715)
8/12/09
I was wondering about your opinion...
If someone comes up to you and asks if you are gay (OR which I would prefer: Are you into girls/women?) do you feel stereotyped/hit on/glad/... ?
I often feel like someone might be non-straight but I don't want to ask them something so personal when I don't know them very well and have no romantic interest in them ... it's just I'm curious. If someone then asks me about my sexual orientation I would be honest to them, but I would feel it would be weird to say: just so you know I'm into girls what about you?
It's only relevant if someone's looking to hook up or is testing you for HIV.
Simple answer. "Noneya". None ya damn business.
Health professionals . Is it a health related question, then I would answer. Otherwise see above.
Janet
I have always thought that real rudeness ought to be dealt with in kind, so I'm just as likely to say "I did your mom, what does that make me?" They get the hint.
When I used to present male, sometimes I would be hit on by gay men. But no one ever asked me if I was gay. ??? I guess people would just assume I was gay or assume I wasn't.
- Kate
It bothered me when I was younger, but now I don't really care. It also depends on who is asking and why.
A new tenant where I live made a play for the "no touchy" zone and looked surprised when she didn't find what she wanted. I reacted telling her not to do that please. She started harassing me to the point I called the police.
After explaining the situation, the police man reluctantly asked me if I was gay. It was relevant to the situation. It didn't bother me.
He told the woman not to bother me :icon_chick:
Maybe their just trying to find out what the odds of getting you into bed are.
Quote from: Virginia Marie on August 12, 2009, 08:33:11 PM
After explaining the situation, the police man reluctantly asked me if I was gay. It was relevant to the situation.
I don't understand... how was it relevant?
I had mentioned that I'm totally fem.
That's the forth person at my apt.s that has tried to feel me up without permission.
It used to bother me when I was in high school. But then, the questions were asked out of malice. I haven't been asked any questions like that is about 20 years.
I'm not sure how'd I react now. Like others have said, it's no one's business. But at the same time, if the question was asked out of genuine curiosity, I might not be too offended. In some ways, I'm a bit offended that people assume I'm straight when I'm actually bi.
Um yeah it bothers me a little. Well of course its true but like...I dunno it kind of seems like mocking.
It does depend on how they ask. If they are being rude or just curious. I don't get asked as often as I use too.
When i was younger, and ostensibly male but not acting very male, I got asked fairly often if I was gay. I didn't like it, because the subtext was, "you show your emotions, you don't act like an ass with women, you're weird, what gives?"
I don't get asked if I'm a lesbian, now, unless I mention a girlfriend or something. Then I sometimes get a surprised, 'oh, you're into women!" I don't mind that, it's just conversation, and i brought it up. If i don't want it brought up, I keep that stuff out of the conversation.
I've never been asked by anyone except a medical professional whether I was trans, but I am sure I would dislike it if i were. I HAVE been asked, by people who know my history, whether I've had SRS or not, and my answer is always, "none of your goddam business."
One last thought: I've been taken to task at least once by a female friend who was somehow offended that I call myself a lesbian. To her, I can't be. As far as she's concerned, my "Y" chromosome makes me a MAN, no matter what. Needless to say, we are not friends anymore. But while the man bit was nonsense, there are a fair number of lesbians who don't consider a transwoman to be a lesbian. And if I'm seen as an outsider, then I'm not going to find community there, and that makes me want to not call myself a lesbian, even though I am a woman who loves women. Aughh, I think I just gave myself a headache. :-\
Quote from: Stealthgrrl on August 12, 2009, 10:11:25 PM. But while the man bit was nonsense, there are a fair number of lesbians who don't consider a transwoman to be a lesbian. And if I'm seen as an outsider, then I'm not going to find community there, and that makes me want to not call myself a lesbian, even though I am a woman who loves women. Aughh, I think I just gave myself a headache. :-\
What I have noticed is that alot of lesbians are prejudice. Against bisexuals and transwomen. But why, do they really hate men that much? I hate when gay people discriminate. They get it all the time themselves so why the hell would they do the same?
I hate when gay people discriminate.
I think you ought to discriminate against people who discriminate, that'll show 'em.
If someone randomly came up to me and asked me if I was gay or trans or whatever, I would be bothered. I haven't ever heard of this happening though. The only times I have been asked are when I was at a club, and then I don't mind because it's relevant, since people at clubs are usually looking to hook up.
Quote from: tekla on August 12, 2009, 10:17:39 PM
I think you ought to discriminate against people who discriminate, that'll show 'em.
A sad fact of my life is that I am indeed bigoted against bigots. It drives me up the wall.
I actually don't mind answering questions when I'm asked from a place of honest curiosity... no matter what the topic is..
A sad fact of my life is that I am indeed bigoted against bigots. It drives me up the wall.
I know a girl, she's a Buddhist, and a singer/songwriter, who wrote a song called:
All I Want Is Nothing, But That's Still Wanting Something.
That drives me crazy too.
Quote from: tekla on August 13, 2009, 10:47:16 AM
A sad fact of my life is that I am indeed bigoted against bigots. It drives me up the wall.
I know a girl, she's a Buddhist, and a singer/songwriter, who wrote a song called:
All I Want Is Nothing, But That's Still Wanting Something.
That drives me crazy too.
Or the zen hot dog order:
Make me one with everything...
-Sandy(OOooooohhhhhhmmmmmm.......)