Susan's Place Transgender Resources

There seems to be quite a variety in how people transition.
Some plan it to the last detail, including a "Transition Time Table".
Others just blindly forge ahead.
Which type are you?

I don't have a time table, and I don't have a plan, but I did still choose "Look before I leap".
Because I'm an information addict and I want to know side effects before I take stuff and so on and so forth...

A compromise. I didn't plan per se, I just did things as I was able to do them. But I had a lot of time in between starting transition/coming out and doing the medical stuff, so I had alot of time to go over it.

I'm still at the 'looking' stage. Like Miniar, I need to have the answers, know what to expect/anticipate before I get there. Not sure if I'll go so far as to formulate a 'plan', but will take each step as I can and with as much information as I can gain before stepping. Though, part of me just wants to leap into the chasm blindly and get it over with.

Still went with "Look before I leap".

Deanna

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Post Merge: August 19, 2009, 08:06:23 AM

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I'm still at the 'looking' stage. Like Miniar, I need to have the answers, know what to expect/anticipate before I get there. Not sure if I'll go so far as to formulate a 'plan', but will take each step as I can and with as much information as I can gain before stepping. Though, part of me just wants to leap into the chasm blindly and get it over with.

Still went with "Look before I leap".

Deanna

Definitely did my homework beforehand, but pretty much leapt off that cliff ASAP.


Jay

I did the toe test with HRT, stick my toe in the water and see how it feels.  It was warm so I slowly slipped in.  Then when I was caught swimming in the forbidden waters I quickly got out.  Then, when no one was looking, I slipped back in.

All the rest was a "let's see how this feels" thing too.  I kept going because it felt pretty good. There really wasn't much planning but I didn't jump in either.

Julie

Leaped over the edge without a parachute.  I have done all the looking I was going to do over the last 20 plus years.  Sometime you can just over analysis something to death.

A line from Star Trek always comes to mind.  Ambassador Galron, a Klingon, stated "Make a decision, right or wrong.  And deal with the consequences later."

There are a couple of members that so need to transition that it is obvious to all but themselves.  But they use the analysiing as a way to not have to deal with the consequences.

In for a penny, in for a pound.

Janet

I planned a bit, then went base jumping
(my 1 liner of the day)

edit: It was quite a bit more then that, but I had done most of my homework before I went into denial and when I came back out, I went on autopilot until I needed to decide what to do next.

Once I got beyond 'Why THIS challenge, Lord', it was planning plus the still quiet voice.  My minister said, "Robyn, you don't get to choose God's challenges; you only get to choose whether to answer them now or answer them later."

So I surrendered to God's Will and began to transition in earnest with the help and guidance of my gender counselor and of that still, quiet voice that would appear in my belly chakra (solar plexus) when ready for the next step.

Robyn,
who really would like to get back to meditation and the spiritual path

I just go for it. That's not to say that I'm impulsive or anything, but if I want to do something, I do it right then. Being selfish is the only way to get anything done in a transition.

After HRT started I thought I would carefully plan things out. Then freaked when I could no longer pass as boy. Went blindly ahead and ran into some troubles. Backed out and then jumped right back in a bit more down the line once a few circumstances had been taken care of / changed.

Quote from: Matilda on August 19, 2009, 07:57:36 PM
I'm one of those people.  I'm very meticulous about everything in life.

(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi572.photobucket.com%2Falbums%2Fss161%2Fmatilda23%2F061.gif&hash=8f2301193b0dc73bb2e3c64f938f2048ea1a0591)

What she said :)

-={LR}=-

I pretty much jumped off a cliff.  I tried to plan and people certainly advised caution, but once I began to give in to being me, there was no stopping it.  If anything, I became obsessive about transitioning as quickly as possible and simply hoped that i would somehow land on my feet.  I completed full transition in less than a year and did land on my feet.  Luck was involved.

Started out as a slight jog towards the edge, then a brisk jog, then a dead sprint and a leap off the cliff.

I chose a compromise.

Once I admitted to myself what I had to do I dove off head long with out a though as to how far I'd fall till I hit bottom. Now that I see the ground is still quite a ways below me I'm planing for that sickening thud once I hit it. I don't know how bad is going to break me or how much longer it's going to take but I am preparing for it to hurt like hell.

Lesson to the others just starting out. Make sure you willing to be broken if you leap before you look.

Robyn I love your answer about our life challenges. :)

I have a specific plan laid out for completing my transition and a general time table in which I want to accomplish it. I do think that has to be somewhat flexible, but I try to do that with everything I plan. I'm 6 mos. into my one year RLE before SRS, but hope to have it all said and done by this time next year.

no matter how much you plan ahead however, I still think it's pretty much a high dive into the unknown.

I chose "a compromise", as I think some things require improvisation.  Sometimes, you need to experience something, live in that moment, in order to know which step should be next.  Sometimes, you do need to play it by ear, without going through the painstaking effort of planning everything.  I am a "planner".  I am generally extremely left-brained, so it is in my nature to make lists, make maps, anything of that sort.  But the truth of the matter is, there is a lot of unnecessary stress surrounding "what to do next" when, sometimes, it should just come naturally.

I spent 20 or so years "thinking" about transition, knowing that I would never be happy without doing so, but not finding the strength of conviction / character to blast past the boundaries that I felt were a part of my existence.  I buried myself in a bottle in my 20's and most of my 30's, and piddled through my sentence of mundane-ness by working long days and playing computer games to forget and pass my time, suitably numbed of the pain that each day brought.  Without really a thought, a pivotal birthday occurred, and everything clicked, and I laid out a two year project plan for transition, including changing countries and work, and of course, the gender that I present to the world, oh, Hello World btw,   ;D.  Smooth and relatively flawless, and happier then poo beans!  Whatever that is!  But the important thing I found is, once I knew what I wanted, I needed to act in a clear and concise plan, or spend a decade middling in the pain of the half state.. I knew I didn't want to deal with that (ie androgeny).   So, yes, definitely a planner here, once I had the spark that ignited me.

*huggs*,
melan

Quote from: Melan on August 20, 2009, 05:22:01 PM
I spent 20 or so years "thinking" about transition, knowing that I would never be happy without doing so, but not finding the strength of conviction / character to blast past the boundaries that I felt were a part of my existence.  I buried myself in a bottle in my 20's and most of my 30's, and piddled through my sentence of mundane-ness by working long days and playing computer games to forget and pass my time, suitably numbed of the pain that each day brought.  Without really a thought, a pivotal birthday occurred, and everything clicked, and I laid out a two year project plan for transition, including changing countries and work, and of course, the gender that I present to the world, oh, Hello World btw,   ;D.  Smooth and relatively flawless, and happier then poo beans!  Whatever that is!  But the important thing I found is, once I knew what I wanted, I needed to act in a clear and concise plan, or spend a decade middling in the pain of the half state.. I knew I didn't want to deal with that (ie androgeny).   So, yes, definitely a planner here, once I had the spark that ignited me.

*huggs*,
melan

This is a little off topic, but I honestly thought you were in your 20s.  :laugh:

You look great.

I think planning is definitely a good thing, it allows us to keep goals and along with the simple fact that small goals allow us to reach larger goals, they also keep us motivated and inspired.

I spent a few years thinking about transitioning. Then when I decided to I went as fast as possible. I spent the 2 years researching, finding stuff out so when a decision time came I would be well informed. Long time thinking about it, then transitioning very quickly. HTR within a month of final decision, top surgery 4ish months after that, because of the surgeons schedule.
Cheers,
Myles

I leapt with a parachute I made myself from another angle... And soon learned that parachutes do absolutely nothing when the laws of physics are then... Broken xD

Quote from: Kara-Xen on August 20, 2009, 06:58:48 PM
I leapt with a parachute I made myself from another angle... And soon learned that parachutes do absolutely nothing when the laws of physics are then... Broken xD

This is an age of broken, mispacked, and missing parachutes anyway. I'm poorer than ->-bleeped-<- and yet am transitioning now, when I was a business owner etc I buried myself in long hours and just tried not to think about sex, romance, etc.                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                           

I made this decision like I make every other decision: I spent a lot of time considering my options, researching, etc., and then I went with my gut.

I was too much "ahead of the curve" through the 1960's and early 70's, always pushing the boundaries and "banging on the door". As soon as something became available, I was there .... maybe not first in line but close to the front. I knew where I had to go and just dove in head first. It was like being in a burning building with only a window to escape - sooner or later it gets hot enough that you just jump and take your chances because you know if you stay, you are toast!

Quote from: Janet Lynn on August 19, 2009, 10:01:52 AM
A line from Star Trek always comes to mind.  Ambassador Galron, a Klingon, stated "Make a decision, right or wrong.  And deal with the consequences later."


Janet

I'm taking far too long to leap. I know what I have to do. I procrastinate. I don't about other issues in life; I'm very strident. I should deal with the consequences later. I think. Or maybe not. Damn.

Cindy

Quote from: CindyJames on September 03, 2009, 04:20:32 AM

I'm taking far too long to leap. I know what I have to do. I procrastinate. I don't about other issues in life; I'm very strident. I should deal with the consequences later. I think. Or maybe not. Damn.

Cindy

Amen to that.
I keep remembering this time when I was at the pool with my friends as a kid; I didn't know how to swim well and everyone was wanting me to dive in with them, so I kept running up to the edge but just freezing at the edge, teetering but not jumping. And no matter how many times I tried it, I couldn't jump in...and felt ridiculous, asking myself, why can't you just do this?

I would love to jump right in, but keep being afraid I'll drown. Society's potential rejection of me (as well as losing my family relationships, as much as I hate them) is my biggest roadblock...and I normally procrastinate anyway, but I feel ridiculous, asking myself, why can't you just do this?

I planned and planned and planned once the soul-searching was pretty much complete. Like Melan said, this was something I thought about often, but just moved on with different parts of my life and didn't pay much attention to it. I almost transition at 30 but didn't. I completely focused on my career instead. When I knew I was going to transition I set up a loose timeline. I knew that once I started, I would not stop...ever. I knew there was no "just jump in and see how it goes." I took my time and focused on therapy first to have someone probe my brain. As I thought was the case, I knew what I was doing and considered pretty much all angles.

HRT was next, knowing I wouldn't go off of them. Electrolysis four hours a weekend for 9 months followed by FFS then full time. It's been over a year now since full time and I haven't looked back. Well, I look back, but no regrets at all. I'm happy. I'll probably end up with SRS late next year, planned in my overall timeline of course.

I'm posting the timeline I used just so you can get a sense of my planning process. I left my started/completed/Estimated date of completion and notes out of here so it didn't lose it's point:

Subject                                   Started                        Completed                    Est. Date Completion                Notes

Research/Support   
Learn about my transition options         
Set up a long-term plan   
Become active in online TS community   
Join a support group   
Decide my future role in TS community, if any, & act on it   

Therapy            
Come to terms with my feelings   
Continue therapy through transition, stay grounded      
Get two SRS letters   
      
Personal relationships            
Come out to family      
Reach a compromise with my partner         
Get a divorce   
Explore possibility of relationship pre-op      
Have loving relationship with someone after SRS   
Get married after transition   

Electrolysis            
Begin Laser Hair Removal on Face         
Complete Laser Hair Removal on Face   
Begin electrolysis         
Achieve 100 hours of electrolysis      
Complete my facial electrolysis            
Begin body laser             
Complete my body/genital electrolysis prior to surgery   
         
Voice            
Improve voice though self-practice            
Improve voice through lessons            
Have completely passable voice on phone & in person
         
Legal            
Change name on Driver's License, all other financial records      
Change gender marker on government records
         
Hair            
Grow my hair longer   
Regrow some lost hair   
Get hormone levels into female range   
Evaluate hormone levels, take action if needed   
   
Face surgery            
Do thorough research on FFS (forum, boards, face-to-face, etc.)
Get full FFS (forehead, jaw, chin, trachea, nose, upper lip)   
Get breast augmentation, only if needed to be proportional
Lose weight   

Going full-time            
Go full time 24/7      
Feel comfortable with FT living
            
Employment            
Come out to business partner, ensure continued employment         
Come out to rest of employees            
Transition at current job      
   
SRS            
Have reassignment surgery (bottom) surgery

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Sorry it's so long, I just figured I would get the point across that there are varying degrees of preparedness. I approached my transition like I've faced every other thing in my life: with a lot of planning, an optimistic approach that things will work out in the end and a basic belief that I am a good person and know what's right for me. That's me :) Meghan

Quote from: Renate on August 19, 2009, 07:13:59 AM
There seems to be quite a variety in how people transition.
Some plan it to the last detail, including a "Transition Time Table".
Others just blindly forge ahead.
Which type are you?

On the one hand, I "plan" but it's more like fantasizing in some ways because a lot of it is predicated on money I don't have and have no idea where it's coming from...but I do have a time table in my head (though it's constantly shifting)

One example of that is i had pretty much told myself no homrones until the weight is gone (and i can't afford HRT now so it's academic) but the last couple of months I've REALLY been craving the day when i get to start.

Still, in terms of what I actually have DONE the last year - I just blunder out there with very little thought to downside.

I had a plan. Now I have another plan. The first plan went as far as counseling, which I completed.  Then I let things bring my plans to a halt.  Now I'm moving on with HRT and working on my voice.  Can't transition on my current job which I may have for up to one more year.  I only have one real obstacle to negotiate and once that is handled, I'm on to RLT and if I'm lucky SRS before I'm 58.  Life goes on...

I tend to be methodical.  I planned, with the longer-range things indefinite because I knew there would be some adjustments. 

And then I leapt off the cliff (or that's what it felt like :P). 

Things progressed a lot faster than I had supposed they would, so I've had to make lots of adjustments.  But my plan was really an outline with the timeline vague.  I've rarely felt things were getting out of hand (so far ::)).  So far so good. ;)

- Kate

i looked before i leaped.  i planned ahead.

I've done plenty of research but very little planning :P So I voted a bit of each.

I try not to plan, It seems whenever I plan something all earth, hell and heaven rise up to thwart me for my arrogant assumptions and transgressions against the universe/god/whatever.

The best laid plans of mice and men and all that :D

Because of financial constraints (no insurance here in Japan for GID), I have to carefully plan every step.

Hair removal sessions
Hormone injections
Hormone pills orders
Hairdresser appointments (don't want to cut my hair but still have to appear clean on the job)

AND

FFS pre-consultation
FFS

AND LATER

psychiatrists (for SRS letters)
SRS pre-consultation
SRS

AND IF NEEDED LATER

LSR
Breast augmentation
etc

The only thing which doesn't cost a lot (but still needs careful planning) is dieting, which I do religiously and systematically with re-evaluation every 2-3 months. ;)

I voted a little of both because I did alot of research but once I felt satisfied that I knew enough I went full speed ahead and simply did what I needed to/could fit in my schedule/could afford. I had a little bit of an order to it at the time, but no timetables as I think when the time is right you find yourself doing what you need to. The closest to a timetable I got was "do as much as is reasonably possible as soon as possible".

Quote from: Notyetme on September 06, 2009, 11:45:23 PMI try not to plan, It seems whenever I plan something all earth, hell and heaven rise up to thwart me for my arrogant assumptions and transgressions against the universe/god/whatever.

Totally with you on that!

But I'm that way with most things....research lots, then go for it. I hate planning timetables because they never seem to work out that way. Having definite dates for things or appointments tend to give me anxiety, even like planning a vacay....ugh.

Compromise. Whether I like it or not, I have years to think about it before I can jump in. I'm also lucky enough to have unrestricted internet access so I am finding out what is possible, what to expect, etc..

And of course, spending some time with all of you regurgitating my thoughts all over the board whether you like it or not. Is it not the point of a support group?

As soon as I hit the age where I can do something about it though, you bet I'll be the first to leap off of that cliff, even if my therapist has me on a bungee cord.

SilverFang

Why look? Why Leap? I live in the moment. I make my own way. I don't plan ahead, because all the best laid plans will fail, and on top of that, you never know how the path with go. For all I know, I could be hit by a meteor while on my computer and be killed, or a Gama Ray Burst could hit our planet head on killing everything instantly, then again Old Yellow could erupt killing millions, and leaving many others homeless fighting just to survive. You never know what will happen.