Susan's Place Transgender Resources

My therapist asked me to think about what I'm going to loose and what I'm going to win if I go to a transition.
I had no difficulties to imagine what I'm going to loose, but it's not so easy to do it for the winning part. Except that I finally be myself and happy with my body, (it should ne the most important thing).

I'd like to read some of you who are feeling happy with their transition, what positive points have changed in their live.

Thanks to all,
Kisses from Belgium

Sophie.

I have gained relationships with women that I had always wanted but had trouble achieving before - woman-to-woman relationships without background sexual tension.  I have had a few (very few :P) men treat me as a woman they might become interested in - with a kindness and almost deference I never experienced when I presented male.

I view these as positives, but they are subtle - almost ephemeral - and not consistent with everyone I meet.  They may not suit your list.

- Kate

I would think about what you will feel like you "can" do after transition, that you can't do now, to look for positives.

I did a list as a.. sort of a check for myself whether I really wanted to do this or not.. and I found myself writing "live" on the positive list.
You see, right now, I survive. I have put my "self" on hold for the sake of fitting in. I've hidden who I really am for the sake of not ruffling other people's feathers. "I" have not lived.
Transition, I hope, will allow me to be me, which in turn will mean that I can stop pretending, hiding, and trying to just get from one day to the next in that perpetual state of "non-existence".. and I can start... living.

Quote from: Miniar on August 22, 2009, 09:16:54 AM
... I found myself writing "live" on the positive list.
You see, right now, I survive. I have put my "self" on hold for the sake of fitting in. I've hidden who I really am for the sake of not ruffling other people's feathers. "I" have not lived.

Wow. That's exactly how I've felt Miniar. It's one of the hardest to get others to understand but also, to me, perhaps the main purpose of transition.

And along that same line, Sophie have you ever thought about things along those lines? Things that call my attention to that seem so tiny and minor, but also so pervasive it makes for a huge list if you try to spell them out.

For example: Something basic and normal like appreciating something another woman is wearing at the office - a new top that I really like for example - without coming across like I'm hitting on her. Or being able to express concern about gaining weight in a very ordinary manner without having people challenge (ha!) my masculinity. Or the freedom to confess I don't like some typical "guy" activity - golfing, fishing, whatever - without having to make excuses for it.

Little things like that are all over the place and strike me as far more pervasive post transition than some of the "biggies" - like going on romantic dates with the (now) opposite sex.

Quote from: Miniar on August 22, 2009, 09:16:54 AM

I did a list as a.. sort of a check for myself whether I really wanted to do this or not.. and I found myself writing "live" on the positive list.

Yes, Miniar, you are right, that the most important thing on my list, what I've put in the first place

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Post Merge: August 22, 2009, 11:43:41 AM

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Quote from: Diana_W on August 22, 2009, 11:12:11 AM
....

And along that same line, Sophie have you ever thought about things along those lines? Things that call my attention to that seem so tiny and minor, but also so pervasive it makes for a huge list if you try to spell them out.
....

True Diana, if I begin to think about tiny things, I can craw a long list, like : "spending 2 hours at the hairdresser for $200"  ( I see it as positive  :D ).

To expand, if I may, on what Miniar said:  Isn't it important that the world sees you as you see yourself?  You have been hiding the you, now there will be no more hiding.

I don't know if this list is what you are thinking about but here goes.

1. being your true self for the rest of your life.
2. being treated as a lady.
3. Feeling emotional and not being embarrassed about it, lol.
4. The wind in your hair.
5. The wind on your soft skin.
6. Not having a 6 o clock shadow.
7. Going shopping for those clothes that you always wanted
8. Lunch with other girls.
9. Wearing a bikini and it fits, lol.
10 Being free at last from your gender dysphoria

Well that's 10/10 anyway probably the list would go on and on and on, but I didn't want to bore you, lol.

Stardust

Be able to look in a mirror and not feel depressed when you see it.
Look forward to the next day.
Live how you feel you should.
Interact in society as you feel that you should.
Feel as though you have a future.

Live.

Thanks girls

most of you, like me, think that you can finally live as you always wanted to do. Finally acting and being as a women. Beside that, you have the litlle tiny things that women are doing every days, like 'wearing a bikini' suggested by Stardust (I like it, you should better live in Cancun wearing it every days  ;) )

Quote from: Sophied27 on August 24, 2009, 11:56:07 AM
Thanks girls

most of you, like me, think that you can finally live as you always wanted to do. Finally acting and being as a women. Beside that, you have the litlle tiny things that women are doing every days, like 'wearing a bikini' suggested by Stardust (I like it, you should better live in Cancun wearing it every days  ;) )

If only, lol.

Stardust

I agree Stardust, that would be heaven!

Quote from: Miniar on August 22, 2009, 09:16:54 AM
I would think about what you will feel like you "can" do after transition, that you can't do now, to look for positives.

I did a list as a.. sort of a check for myself whether I really wanted to do this or not.. and I found myself writing "live" on the positive list.
You see, right now, I survive. I have put my "self" on hold for the sake of fitting in. I've hidden who I really am for the sake of not ruffling other people's feathers. "I" have not lived.
Transition, I hope, will allow me to be me, which in turn will mean that I can stop pretending, hiding, and trying to just get from one day to the next in that perpetual state of "non-existence".. and I can start... living.

this.
it's so odd to see other people expressing the same feelings as me. makes me think GID really does have certain nearly universal characteristics.

Quote from: Nero on August 24, 2009, 01:32:52 PM
this.
it's so odd to see other people expressing the same feelings as me. makes me think GID really does have certain nearly universal characteristics.

Yes Nero, it's so odd. I spend my first 40 years thinking I was weird, I really feel better to see that I'm not so lonely :).

That's why we can say :  we are a familly ...

Quote from: Nero on August 24, 2009, 01:32:52 PM
this.
it's so odd to see other people expressing the same feelings as me. makes me think GID really does have certain nearly universal characteristics.

Absolutely.  It still strikes me when I read a post by an FtM that says almost exactly my feelings even though I'm headed in the opposite direction.  It validates my feelings.  I realize, once again, that this is not just something I dreamed up.  (I know it's real, but the validation is very nice nonetheless. ;))

- Kate

My therapist posed the same question, and I had actually made a pro/con list before I had ever seen her. I think I might have posted a similar topic a year ago or so. Frankly, I never got much of a "pro" list together, and I never could really answer her question; I just knew I needed to transition.

I'm pretty much smack in the middle of transitioning, with my life really hard right now, and I think the pros outweigh the cons by a landslide: better friendships, much less pain when I see the students returning to campus, no worry about going bald of getting more body hair, less aggressive sex drive, female climbing partners, etc. Definitely worth the cash and the HUGE hassle.

But I don't think the point is to get a big list together, but to teach you that where you are right now, it's hard to tell what you might get out of transition.

At the top of my "+" is: