Even after all these years, being post-orchi and with all my records changed, I am still finding myself adjusting to this new life of mine. I knew when I started transition that this is what I had wanted, and I have no regrets. But, looking back, I realize that self acceptance is the most important thing, even after you're done with the 'physical' parts of transition, and also for the rest of your life.
My situation is somewhat unique. I have opted, as many of you know, not to get SRS. So, each day that I wake up, I have to look myself in the mirror, and accept myself, every facet of myself (including the fact that my genitals are different than those of many other ladies). This is important for my own happiness, and indeed my sense of sanity. My therapist agrees. Last week I started a little exercise which I read in "The Art of Extreme Self-Care" by Cheryl Richardson, where I look in the mirror and say to my reflection, "I love you, Jenn." I say this wholeheartedly, without reservation or conditions, and I mean it. At first, I didn't really believe it, but I kept at it. After a few days, when I said it, I felt better. When I do it now, I feel great about myself, my life, and I can see myself glowing in the mirror. It's a wonderful feeling.
So, to everyone here, and all the new members that Susan's gets now and then, remember...
Self Acceptance is the Most important thing. :icon_flower:
You are so right, Jenn. And I do something similar after I finish my makeup. I say "Hello Beautiful." And that always brings a smile to my face, which makes my attitude for the day upbeat.
When I began this journey, I looked at all that was wrong. The facial hair, the balding head, the little or no hips and butt. And I then looked in the mirror and asked myself "What if you were born female and still had all these problems? What would you do?" And that was when I began to look into things that could correct or modify those things. And while I still have them, but I accept them and the corrections that I can make.
Janet
This post made me cry, thank you :-* Very touching and so simply yet perfectly put.
Fae, all of life is a process of adjusting. It's not like ever really done and over with until the final dirt nap. But that's OK, if it never changed, how boring would that be?
Fae,
How right you are!! Before you can expect anyone to accept you, you must accept yourself. Once you have accepted yourself and are proud of yourself, it is much easier to have others accept you. They can see your sense of self, and they respond to that.
Brenda
Quote from: Fae on August 29, 2009, 07:43:53 PM
Self Acceptance is the Most important thing. :icon_flower:
This is so true dear, I started telling Virginia that I love her about a year ago. Probably the best thing I could have ever done :icon_chick:
Aww, Becca you're welcome, but I didn't mean to make you cry hun. :icon_hug:
Tekla, life would be pretty boring if it didn't change, so I agree.
Quote from: Virginia Marie on August 29, 2009, 09:27:10 PM
This is so true dear, I started telling Virginia that I love her about a year ago. Probably the best thing I could have ever done :icon_chick:
I'm glad Virginia :icon_hug:
Self Acceptance. I'm still not sure what that means for me....
I agree, Fae. Self-acceptance is key.
What worked for me was to run through several exercises to finally, fully accept who and what I was. (The exercises are in the book Outing Yourself by Michelangelo Signorile. It's for Gs and Ls but works for Ts with a little adjustment.) In the book, the first step to outing yourself is to out yourself to yourself. Sounds simple and unnecessary, but I found it difficult and very powerful. Gradually I came to really accept deep down that I was trans and be OK with that. After that, coming out to my friends was a lot easier.
And the rest, as they say, is history. ;)
- Kate
You should maybe try to care less about what you are, for you ARE what you are...
I know several other MTFs who prefer not to have SRS, mostly because it will imply having to dilate on a regular basis after... but that doesn't make them less ladylike... I even loved one of them so deeply, she was the only person in the world I would willingly... well, give oral pleasure to... Despite what happened in my childhood.
:') too true
i know ill be near enough fine when ive had full aceptance of myself
I quite often look at myself in the mirror, see my curves and small breasts and feel good about my new body. I don't pass yet. My breasts are tiny but I love how my body is now.
I started doing this too, spontaneously. I see those little changes in the mirror and I tell myself "I see you in there, you can't hide." I start smiling and feeling all warm and fuzzy inside. It is nice when you have a love for yourself, I think it is all I need to keep going. I have assumed the worst, that no one might ever love me the way I do, but so what, I don't care. I guess this self awareness, and it is a great thing.
JessicaF
I love that idea, it made my day. thanks!
Self acceptance was the thing that finally liberated me. My wonderful therapist worked with me for years until I suddenly realized it was OK to be who I was meant to be; a woman. It was not my fault that I was born a small feminine male who liked to dress in womans clothes and did not like boy things. I finally realized if you are a good person and treat people well nothing else really matters. People like us will always find individuals who think we chose to be the way we are but society is changing. Almost every woman I know has been supportive and more and more men realize we are not threat.
Pam
I 1000% agree with u. Where I have actually hated myself for soo many years and often would say why me or why couldnt i have been like so and so.., things now and I mean just recently , have changed. I have started telling myself u ARE ok. I now like me much more than I ever have. So yea, I have accepted me for who I am and guess what, it's great...I go out everyday and just be who I am....Thanks for that topic....
Well last September I finally found self acceptance and it was the pivitol moment in my transition. It was all I needed to move forward. Here I am 8 months later, a full time woman with a boyfriend, scheduling surgery.
Good for you. I am completely self accepting. Being in china with few people who speak my language I have to be, it is just par for the course. I have to love myself. I have found many other people here that have started to buy in to me, and love me too, but it just takes so much time The reason they love comes back probably to the original point of this topic. I think they love me cause I love myself. I am dating myself. I love myself and I am infatuated with myself. If someone else comes along and is better than me then they can join in the love too, but that is few a far between and I am ok with that, cause I got me, and I am the best lover to myself that I will ever find in this world, and that is what matters most. Except the love of my kids, which I am working on. They love the old me and there is nothing saying they wont love the new me. I am much happier now, than before, so I think if they loved me then the will really love me now.
Enough of that crap,
Have a good day,
This is Jess from China saying, be true to yourself and it will be true to you.
love and peace to the world,
Jessica
I agree completely with self-acceptance being absolutely the most important factor. I finally accepted myself as "transgendered" in April of 2008 after a long and exhausting struggle within myself since early adolescents. I haven't fully started transition yet due to a lot of external circumstances, but am out in large part to my wife and young kids, family, and friends. I can honestly say it's been tough at times because of non-acceptance from my wife, but my own personal acceptance has helped carry me through and to know I can survive to be the woman I am slowly becoming. Congrats to those who know this little secret, and best wishes to those struggling to find this within themselves. Hugs to all.