Was curious on people's thoughts on this.
Let's say you complete transition, srs and all, live as your rightful gender 24-7 both at home and socially for some time and no one can tell you from bio guys (or girls for those reading)...you meet a significant other. Would you tell that sig other your former gender and about your transition? Or would just just continue on living as you are?
(and yes I know that surgery doesn't give you fantastic results, but i'm sure with a bit of creativity you could pass in bed too...was a jazz singer that was ftm that passed pre-op til the day he died, much to his wife and adopted children's surprise)
I would tell even someone I just casually dated, although I might be less than blunt about it. I would probably say I had hormonal issues when I was a child and had to have some things surgically corrected because of it. It's just the whole "transsexual" thing that gets people to thinking someone is not the gender they are presenting as. If it was someone I married, I think I would definitely tell them everything. I just think if someone were that important, I'd hope I'd picked them well enough for them to be accepting about anything I told them about myself. It's interesting that a pre-op FTM wouldn't give himself away. I mean, what with the usual aspect of chest tumors. There are always exceptions, though, and it gets me to wondering.
I'd probably blame any oddness about me peepee on a motorcycle accident. >:-)
I would be completely honest and upfront with anyone who I can see myself establishing a relationship.
This includes (but is by far not limited to) my history.
I'm not gonna shout my whole "I used to have a vagina!" from the rooftops, but I'm not going to pretend it didn't happen either.
If I date a man, he's bound to notice my equipment isn't up to code 100%.
If I date a woman, she's bound to notice my equipment isn't up to code 100%.
I don't know. The way I see it. If you want to be accepted and loved as you are. you gotta be honest.
Talking completely hypothetically - if I thought I could get away with it, I wouldn't tell
And by get away with it, I don't mean lie in any way....just if they never noticed anything odd....then I wouldn't bring it up
With todays surgerys though, they would notice, and I would be honest about it
I always tell. Being trans is such an integral part of my personality that I actually want to tell someone at the start of a relationship, so that they can better understand who I am and how I've gotten to this point in my life. Openness is really important to me, and I've never had a girl reconsider her interest in me because I'm trans.
But then again, college campuses tend to be pretty liberal and it seems like it's easier to be 'out' when you're in college, so I can't really speak as to what I'd do if I were just working and not attending school. Although I once met a woman on the metro, and before things progressed any further I told her I was trans. No issues. It's especially lovely when they express respect for who you are and what you've gone through. That multiplies the hot factor by ten for me!
Would you tell that sig other your former gender and about your transition? Or would just continue on living as you are?
I would say because A - I wouldn't be able to reproduce, so I would have to explain that with Lies. B- I wouldn't want to lie or deceive my future wife or partner. I would want her to know EVERYTHING about me.
Jay
Not tell a partner? No. But telling anyone else is on a need to know basis. And likely will not tell any dates unless it's getting to that critical stage. But seriously don't plan on outing myself if I don't have to.
Jay
My significant other, of almost 16 months, knew from the first night we started talking. We had known each other when we we're young and through high school. But "those college years" were spent far apart from each other and I happened to come back identifying as male. But surprisingly over the course of one cigarette decided that "That fact that your trans doesn't make me like you any less or make me less interested in getting to know you again."
I'm a lucky lucky man ;D
Since I am post-op with realistic results, I've also considered this hypothetical. Seeing as how I'm in a LT relationship, it's very hypothetical.
If I were to be having casual sex with someone, I probably wouldn't mention a thing.
If I were to be in a relationship that I felt was going to be long-term, I feel it would need to be discussed. Presumably in most long term relationships, condoms are eventually not worn and/or lack of cum would be noticed. There's typically also conversations about children and while I don't desire any, I'm sure there's dudes that do, so their sterility must be explained, etc.
Also, in years of personal observation, pre- or early- transition FTMs are much more inclined to say they'd be absolutely upfront 100% of the time where post- transition FTMs are more likely to say if someone doesn't need to know, they don't need to know.
Quote from: Miniar on September 03, 2009, 03:42:07 AM
I'm not gonna shout my whole "I used to have a vagina!" from the rooftops
;D I'm sorry I just have to express the hilarity of this comment. The image made me laugh pretty hard.
But honestly I would share my history with my significant other. My girlfriend knows already, obviously. I can't always go about passing and I'm pre-everything. And that's not going to change until I'm out of my parents house. They are Highly religious and highly un-supportive in this matter.
Even if I was post everything and everyone recognized me as a man in every sense I think my GF / Spouse has the right to know.
Everybody else doesn't need to know and it isn't their business.
But I don't know the joys of being seen male 24/7 as of yet, so who knows if I would share with someone I was dating unless we got really serious. But someone I'll be with forever? Yes I would tell my spouse.
Quote from: Kamren on September 03, 2009, 10:04:33 AMso who knows if I would share with someone I was dating unless we got really serious. But someone I'll be with forever? Yes I would tell my spouse.
I did some dating earlier in transition but when I was passing 100%. I had decided to come out to this one woman. I knew it would end things, and it did. I've pretty much decided that I'm telling NO dates again, unless it really becomes serious. Very serious. Refusal to get intimate will likely end things, or I'll likely end up as one of those guys who mysteriously breaks things off before they get to that point. She's going to have to be one heck of a woman that I ever come out to again.
Of course, I'm not dating, and have decided that it's just easier to stay single.
Jay
Quote from: sneakersjay on September 03, 2009, 10:41:16 AM
She's going to have to be one heck of a woman that I ever come out to again.
I think if you get with someone who is right for you coming out shouldn't be too bad. Of course I have a supportive girl so I may be biased. But I tend to make it a habit to surround myself with open minded people. So its likely the girls I run across have similar outlooks.
Then again if I were dating someone who didn't know before hand and they took this news badly, I don't think I would be too surprised. It would definitely be something I would anticipate as a possibility.
I suppose that comes with the territory.
I agree with Mister's post 100%
I also agree with Mister's post.
If I were able to escape suspicion in a casual sexual relationship, then I probably would let it slide. I don't think I have much of a "trans identity". But there are definitely things to be mentioned, particularly infertility.