Susan's Place Transgender Resources

A question for all of you:

Were you aggressive/angry while you were pre-everything?

I'm pre-everything and lately I noticed that I'm sometimes too aggressive.
I got mad pretty fast, sometimes over something stupid...
I try to calm down, but i feel angry long after that.

I'm not aggressive towards people or animals, I just feel like... Like I want to beat the **** out of someone!  :-\ I usually hit something that's near me at the moment (chair, book or something like that).

I was thinking: Maybe the reason for all of this is because I'm not outed?
I hate living like this, I want to do stuff I really want...

So just wanted to know: Is this "normal" for us? Did you had problem like this and how did you solve it?

Yes. I think it's the estrogen making us crazy (no offense to the ladies  ;)). T helps a lot.

Yup, anger without T is very real abd mine much like yours. Makes me wonder at my therapist who had my endo start with a lo dose cause of anger issues.

Yes.  To the point that the 'psychological test' I took at my therapist's office got flagged at the scoring center, and the center called my therapist and told her to get in touch with me--immediately.  I firmly reassured her that I wasn't a threat to others, like the scoring center feared... just a threat to myself *sigh*.

I am 110% less self-destructive on T.  It's nice.  It actually feels that I have returned to the relatively sane, happy being that I was before puberty.  Not to say that I'm all smiles all of the time, but I see a point in living now.  And I no longer seethe with anger and impulse on a monthly basis.

Quote from: Eryk on September 16, 2009, 08:12:51 PM
And I no longer seethe with anger and impulse on a monthly basis.

Seethe. That's a good word to describe it. I don't hurt people, and I don't behave very aggressively. I'm just tense and seething all of the time. Pre-everything. We'll get there though, won't we? The rest of you seem to say that starting T and the like help so I'll take your words for it.

SilverFang

I should be starting T very soon but for now, I'm still Pre T. I have always had a temper problem, I get angry over nothing. I've noticed the past few months, since i've been coming out to everyone and going to my therapist my anger issues have begun to fade away. Im not so on the edge anymore and it actually takes a lot to make me mad now.  I think it might be because I felt like I had been hiding myself and now I am able to be me. I notice the closer i get to my first shot the better i feel about myslef. Like i said, i should be starting T sometime in the next few weeks, so when i do I will let you know if i notice anymore of a difference in my anger.

I had horrendous anger issues prior to going on T, to the point that I would actually hit and cut myself to avoid doing damage to anyone else. Yes, incredibly harmful to myself, but NEVER to another person. T made the anger far less severe, and far more manageable. However, when I had to go off T for four months the last time... I put my fist through the wall twice. Wonderful stuff, estrogen.

SD

OMG I was such a pain in the BUTT pre"t". EVERYONE including myself has notices a big change for the better once starting "t". IMO it's because we are in some way "wired" for "t". It was such a relief, like the missing piece I had been looking for.

I wasn't aggressive. I was more aggressive on my shots as in I wanted to take down the world with me. I was depressed more than anything Pre T and now again I am depressed oh the joys!

Jay

Quote from: Jamie on September 16, 2009, 06:01:45 PM
A question for all of you:

Were you aggressive/angry while you were pre-everything?

nope not me.  I've always been a mellow kinda guy.  It takes alot 2 piss me off.  :D >:-) :icon_boxing:

I was, and still am, excessively emotional.
I know it doesn't show much in my posts, that's cause I refuse to post from an emotional and thus irrational standpoint, so I walk away for a while (and curl up and cry) while I'm cooling off.

The common experience of you guys,. that T "calms" the raw emotional nerves.. it gives a guy hope ^^

From Miniar:
I was, and still am, excessively emotional... The common experience of you guys,. that T "calms" the raw emotional nerves.. it gives a guy hope ^^

Amen bro... Amen. I too suffer the emotional crap - but usually to the point of anger. I can really see it from both points. Either way I hope that the correct "juice" will help. Things I read here make me more eager to start T... Like I'm not already chomping at the bit :icon_weee:
Well show me a man (identified female at birth) who isn't...
Cheers
Jay

I'm still pre-T. Hopefully not for much longer... I'm workin' on it as best as I can!  :laugh:

It's not unusual for me to get angry when provoked. I wouldn't call myself aggressive, I just have a much, much lower tolerance for idiots after coming out.

I think it's due to an increase in self worth.

Also - after coming out, it becomes OK to get angry. Like transwomen and crying. We don't have to hold back anymore.

I had a lot of self-directed anger for a long time and didn't really know why I hated myself so much, esp. when I had a lot of positives going for me.  I never felt aggressive toward others but just a lot of anger.

That is all gone with the starting of T and the yanking of the dreaded internal parts.  I'm very calm and zen now.


Jay

Whenever I get emotional, I feel absolutely out of control.  It's hard to describe, but I feel completely unable to think rationally, very fogged and unable to "touch the earth".  It is so distressing.  Along with that, I often experience seething anger, which is perfectly described in this thread.  I feel like the anger radiates throughout my every limb.  I don't necessarily express it, but it's there.  And very difficult to deal with.  I'm pre-everything, so we shall see if this is alleviated.  I think, during "that time of the month", my anger is probably at its worst.

Thanks to all for your answers.  ;D
While I was reading I could find myself in your answers.
I was thinking that maybe I'm the only one, but now I see am not.

I hope that one day I will start with T, and can't wait to see how I would feel after that.

For now, I'm trying to find some way to relax and minimize the anger.
I was thinking maybe to start with kickboxing!  :)

Meditation helps me control them a bit... mostly in the knowing when to walk away department.

Yeah, my aggression was really bad at times. Not like I got in a ton of fights or anything (not as many as I would've liked at the time anyway  :P) but being a young 'girl', my aggression was seen as a much bigger deal than it was. For a boy, I would've been completely normal.  :P Anyway, I ended up heavily sedated from the age of 14 on. That helped some, but I was a zombie on this choking cocktail of drugs.
Anyway, there was a lot of anger, a lot of rage. When I got older, it was one of the reasons I turned to drugs. They actually made me a nicer person.

But I'm a lot more relaxed now. Maybe cause I'm older, maybe the T, maybe the simple fact of transition. But it gets better. A whole lot better. Hang in there.

I'm still pre-T (ha ha...), and reading a lot of these responses gives me hope. I have a considerable amount of aggression and anger (worst at *that* time of the month) and I'm really hoping that getting on T will help calm me down a bit. I've already noticed a considerable decline in my usual self-destructive urges since I started dressing full-time.

I'm always aggressive. I don't think it's related to being Pre-op though. It's just how I am sadly

after about 2 weeks on T my mom told me i was a lot less bitchy.  it made me happy.  lol  kind of like my proof to her that this was good for me.

a while back i was off of T for about a month because of shot anxiety and i noticed (and so did kayden) that i was significantly more short tempered.  as someone else said, i think our brains definitely run better on the right juice.

Wow. This is a thread that needed posting.

In my 20s I used to be friggin dangerous. I'd crash motorcycles into things often on the slightest provocation or reasoning, do a lot of crazy stuff and get away with it, punch things, etc. I was flat out self destructive and destructive too.

It gradually mellowed out as I got older, and T has been a BIG difference. I can still get mad, but it's "functional" mad, as in, Something's screwed up with the washer, get a little mad, but mainly just gather up the wet wash and load everything on the bike and go to the laundromat. I used to get "personal" mad by which I mean, I took things personal. As an example, I just changed gyms because the owner hired in this guy who's just a real jerk and the gym's not being improved. Pre-T, I'd probably hate both of their guts. But now, I still like the gym owner a lot, and the other guy, well, I'd probably still offer help if I saw him on the side of the road with a flat tire or something. The guy's cussed at me in the past etc but well.... I just don't take it personally like I used to.

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Post Merge: September 19, 2009, 11:58:49 PM

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Um, I have to put this in ....

I wonder if the idea that T increases aggression in transmen is that it does, in another area? As in, I'm much less likely to fight with someone but, if I'm with you and I'm attracted to you, I'm GONNA put a move on you  >:-)

I tend to be a protector rather than an aggressor. I must admit....I love kicking the crap out of aggressive folks  :laugh: >:-)  :laugh:

I also love Doc. Martin boots. They are so comfy and go great with my dresses  :laugh: >:-) :laugh:

Oh I can't, and could never, stand bullies. And notice I said punch things not punch people lol. OK so I hit one guy on the chin but not too hard or anything lol.

Docs are SO great!! But now you have to find the "vintage" made in England ones, they're being made in China ugh they fit awful.

But what's really nice are, find some of the later date, US made but without that awful old hard sole, Corcoran or Carolina (made in US) jump boots. Those things are NICE.

Anyway, guys, how many of us find ourselves more aggressive in terms of libido? I wonder if we won't find a lot here chiming in.

Docs made in China? OMG the world has gone to hell. No offence to anyone  :P

I'm more assertive on T, but much less angry.  There was a time, in high school, when I was so angry I kind of scared myself.  Let's just say that, while I would never condone such a thing, I totally understood the impulse that led to Columbine, and similar school shootings.  If you'd added a less stable home life to the equation, that could easily have been me.   :(

Being assertive is much better than being aggressive. It took me awhile to learn that. But with age comes wisdom. Or so we can hope.

When I was young I had some bad habits. Like pointing out the pink nail polish that had been spilt on my Docs. Then giving them a closer look.

Granted, this only happened with genetic males who became overly aggressive

Taking things personally... that sounds familiar.
I "know" it's me who's taking something personally that isn't meant to be personal.
I "know" I'm not being reasonable in my reaction.
And I seethe and burn and hurt and feel personally insulted and stepped on.

And then I slip into hiding for a bit and dig my way out of the bleeding hole it puts me in.

I saw some made in England Docs the other day, $250 ouch. Mostly they're made in China and the fit is different, just not good. The made in England ones last forever.

I think I probably meant assertive, more confident and assertive. Aggressive seems to imply a certain lack of control and we all seem to be more in control on T.

Miniar what you're talking about, is sadly the way I think most of us took things before we started T. Especially in one's 20s.

Miniar, that perfectly describes how I react to things.  Mostly, I feel stupid and weak because of my reaction, which I know is illogical, and then I can't control how damn emotional it makes me.  I'd definitely pay to make that trait go away.

Confident and assertive is great  :) I feel more confident and assertive also, but in the other direction  :icon_chick:

I didn't like my evil twin's aggressive nature.

I do so miss my Doc.s though. They were the made in England variety. Some one stole my first pair. I finally got another pair and some one stole them also

I'm wearing Docs in this avatar picture.

I use to have such a short temper and would get frustrated very easily that i'd lash out at something near (not a person) although sometimes when my sister was being a real b**** i would have a go at her (before i was out).  Shes my younger sister but i'd always regret it as she was WAY more lethal than i was so she had a good'ol time threatening me.  But yea....Sometimes I wanted to beat the absolute f*uck out of something.  Thats y i wanted to take boxing lessons, a way to release my anger and be allowed to fight someone.
I must say that it hasnt rly changed that much since starting T...More frustration sometimes but I guess thats because I have other stuff going on as well. 
Definitly feel more assertive and confident as well.  Before I was quite, let people walk all over me and just accepted things as they were without having the guts to stand up or ask for an explanation and demand things to be changed.  Loving how the T has changed that! ;D

Frustration is the root of all anger -That's a much better explanation than estrogen making you crazy. Some people are actually allergic to estrogen (such as myself  ???, yeah good one on the Karma there Fate) and that has all sorts of freaky side effects but acting pissy isnt one of them. That's usually a side effect of "hormonal swings" between estrogen cycles. Stabilizing your homone levels, such as long acting Testosterone injections, ect might stop some of those mood swings but your feelings of well being are probably more mentally based. Finally getting somewhere as far your body matching your soul is a huge relief.

Quote from: Kumodamoogle on September 22, 2009, 11:41:51 AM
Frustration is the root of all anger -That's a much better explanation than estrogen making you crazy. Some people are actually allergic to estrogen (such as myself  ???, yeah good one on the Karma there Fate) and that has all sorts of freaky side effects but acting pissy isnt one of them. That's usually a side effect of "hormonal swings" between estrogen cycles. Stabilizing your homone levels, such as long acting Testosterone injections, ect might stop some of those mood swings but your feelings of well being are probably more mentally based. Finally getting somewhere as far your body matching your soul is a huge relief.

Before I started T I might have agreed with you on this, but knowing how I feel on T and how I felt off, I can definitely tell you that the hormones make a difference.  How it works, I don't know.  And it's probably not just the hormones.  But it's as if since puberty I've been on drugs that made me hazy and irritable, and now that's just gone.  My head feels so much clearer.  I no longer cry over nothing.  I no longer find myself fantasizing about beating the crap out of some random person.  And when I went through a phase of needle phobia and wasn't able to have my shot until several days after it was due, there was a definite swing back towards that overly-emotional crazy-state.

I definitely process anger differently than I used to, as well.  I don't get angry as easily, and I don't stay angry as long.  I find when I do get angry I have to put more effort into controlling any anger impulse, but fortunately that impulse is not violent so much as really snarky.   ::)  It's my mouth that's going to get me in trouble one of these days, and there was a time when that never would have been the case.  :D  I also find that my anger can now suddenly vanish completely, and I can go back to being cheerful in an instant.  Whereas before I had to work my way slooowly down from angry, to disgruntled, to too drained to care before I could even think about being cheerful.

It's hard to explain, but it's such a palpable difference, and it starts long, long before there are any visible changes from the T.  (Five months on T now, and I still can't pass worth *bleep*.  Grrr.  But I'm cool ...   :icon_peace: )

I myself, and pre-t and find my anger very hard to manager at times. Certain just set me a blaze and it takes me a very long time to calm down, and sometimes its the most rediculous things that just flip that switch. Though I have come to think that due to me loosing patience, or being eger to start T and not having the means to do so. The worse my dyphoria gets, and the more envy i develope watching other ftms on t and post-op. The more angery i get with just life in general.

I'd still say there must be some confusion because the only increased "aggression" I can vouch for is sexual. I really want a GF again or really, a good F buddy would be great to have right now  >:-)