Susan's Place Transgender Resources

I've been contemplating on this question for awhile now. There seem to be a lot of topics going around rather to tell or no.

Would you tell you partner about your past if you were able to give birth? This reason may be a big part why some men run off, because they would like children, but what if new technology allowed you too, would you let them know about your past?  :-X

Let us say that the technology exists.  It would mean that you have a period, thus the need to tell is nil.  And if my mate realizes that I do have one, which most do realize, why tell?

Janet

Quote from: Janet Lynn on September 17, 2009, 06:16:06 PM
Let us say that the technology exists.  It would mean that you have a period, thus the need to tell is nil.  And if my mate realizes that I do have one, which most do realize, why tell?

Janet

i agree! I think it would actually make things...more positive on our side, way less stressing!

Quote from: RoseBlossom on September 17, 2009, 06:03:31 PM
I've been contemplating on this question for awhile now. There seem to be a lot of topics going around rather to tell or no.

Would you tell you partner about your past if you were able to give birth? This reason may be a big part why some men run off, because they would like children, but what if new technology allowed you too, would you let them know about your past?  :-X

NEVER!!!  >:( Of all 14 straight men I have loved in my life, they all gave me a slap and told me 'Cos you are not female'. And when I ask them will it make any difference if I undergo sex change, all their answers were 'NO'. They say cos they know. So I'll better not say anything to new comers in my heart.

My opinion on the matter is a bit on both sides...part of me says I'd have a right to live my life from there forward without thinking about the troubles i came from...but part of me feels marriage is about open honesty.

I don't think the ability to give birth would nullify the necessity to disclose your past. There are other things - besides trying to come up with an excuse why you can't have kids -that still need to be explained, like family photos, people who knew you in your past, etc.

Just because you can have kids doesn't mean it changes the rest of your past.

~Sarah

Quote from: Ninjette on September 18, 2009, 06:04:43 PM
My opinion on the matter is a bit on both sides...part of me says I'd have a right to live my life from there forward without thinking about the troubles i came from...but part of me feels marriage is about open honesty.

I highly agree with you on that,  but then again...you were always woman.ehhh just needed a little tweakin'....so what would be the need??  :P

id tell him, i would feel the need to >.< i know im a women on the inside, but if i got the surgery and i was able to hide it...id still know at one point in my life, my phisical being was that of the wrong sex, and i dono, i know its not bad or anything to be what i am, but it would just prod at my mind if i didnt :/

The core of the issue is not about being able to have children but the public perception of transsexual, of being apparently born one sex and becoming the other. If it was understood to be a simple birth defect and not stigmatized, it would be a non-issue. Unfortunately, for most people, there IS a stigma since the majority of people see "sex" as the physical (genital) configuration at birth. It is because of the stigma that there is the honesty question when dealing with a partner. Until the attitude of people changes and the stigma is removed, the question of whether or not to tell will remain.

Well I voted no.

But the slightly more honest answer is "probably not", unless there was a good reason to do so.

I guess to some extent that would also depend on how early one had transitioned as the later one transitioned the more chance there would be of some friends from before spilling the beans, and I would NEVER wish a partner to find out second hand.

even if you can't get pregnant post-ops can still hide their past, right?
come'on there are so many women out there who can't get pregnant, would the first thing that come to men's minds be that they are transexuals?

At my age it's a mute point (58) but I personally believe in full disclosure, I've been hurt to many times withholding the facts. Even with my last marriage my wife knew "Going in" that I was trans, but kept her feelings to herself and eventually (after 13 years) boiled to the surface, and has resulted in my being single again.(Readers Digest version) I told myself then and I still believe that I need to be honest and forthcoming with myself and whom ever I want to be happy with, the rest is up to them.
If it's meant to be then the obstacles will be overcome.

Evie

This would give GG little to say about us. Ive heared comments like "you still a man, because u cant have kids"...i say" well what you going to say when i am able to??

Yeah. its still a part of my past. I'd rather they hear it from me.

GOD I WISH I COULD GET PREGNANT THOUGH! :(:(:(

What Jerica said, but I am 40. There is just too much history there for any potential mate to not know of my past. I have a son and an ex-wife. They alone would make it difficult. If I transitioned in my teens then my answer would probably be no.

The technology would complete one aspect missing that is desired, to be pregnant, have kids and experience all of being a Mom. Honesty is always the best road, however would attempt to be properly selective in mate early on.

But then there is always artificial insemination too!

I agree with Ninjette , I dont think you can bring a child into the world with another person with secrets as big as your birth gender. In the lifetime of the child it would surely come out at some point, then there would be a feeling of deception.
And Jerica, I agree with you,,I wish I could get pregnant too, thats one of the GID things that really hurts. :(

Hiding your true self is the most difficult thing in the world.

I think that unless you are really really good at keeping a secret it would be almost impossible to hide the past. I find i am my own worst enemy and somewhere along the something would slip out. To me it would be better that they would know up front. The more complications that are added the worse it could be.

Staci and Jerica I agree with both of you. I too have longed to be able to be pregnant. It has at times been one of the tougher things to deal with. :(

I would never start a relationship with hiding anything important.
If my lover can't handle my past, please leave, because the past is something what belongs to me.
You make a choice for me, you also make a choice for my past.
It's connected with me.

It's maybe a bit old fashion but for me honesty is very important in a relationship.
A relationship is based on trust and if I can't trust my lover with this, than it will be not the right person for me.

First I was hiding my feelings as a woman and than after transition I should be hiding my past?
I don't see any progress than, it's still a life in the twilight zone.

hug
Annette

I wouldn't want to marry someone who was so shallow/narrow minded they would do a 180 degree turn and run away from someone they proclaimed they will "Love till death do us part" because of my birth gender. It's like them saying "I love that you were born with a vagina" not that they love -you-.. I have a feeling anyone I would be attracted too would also accept this part of me. To hide something this big from my life partner would slowly eat at me and I would live in fear of the day they somehow would find out. All it would take is a doctor one day discussing a chest xray and noting the extra ribs. Oh that's right you -could- get your ribs removed too and get....... where does it end?

I agree with Annette, I hid I was TG/a woman for decades, I'm not going to start hiding my past now.. For me that is jumping from one closet into another. Living in fear that someone would find out I am trans to living in fear that someone will find out I am trans..