This topic was inspired by Nero's "Do you shower more often now?" and I saw some people responding that they do indeed shower more often or longer now. I started thinking about my own habits; I'm pre-op and shower every day, in fact I love to shower. And I realized that I'm usually less dysphoric if I'm not wearing clothes. For example, when I'm putting on my binder, I'm reminded that I have to wear one, and while I'm wearing it I'm constantly aware of it. I look in the mirror and even though people around me tell me I appear completely flat, I still see a lump. And I'm reminded of how I have to suffer all day wearing this stupid thing, and it's still not even good enough for me. But when I'm shirtless, I don't even really think about it. Yeah I notice them if I look down, but it doesn't really bother me. I dunno, it seems kinda weird to me, just wondering if anyone else experiences this. Mostly for pre-op, but if you're post-op try to think back to how you felt before surgery
When I was CD, I generally needed to have the clothes to see the woman I needed to see.
Now that I am a woman - except for some minor details (I'm pre-op and have little female body development ::)) - I see a woman most times regardless of clothes or not. When I don't see myself as a woman, it is usally my face that breaks the deal, and that's usually unclothed. ;)
- Kate
No way dude I hate seeing my girly-bod. I love it the more male my body becomes, the T is giving me more upper body mass, I've gained 10 lbs since going on it and my doc says my triglicerides are a bit up so I've resolved to drop 10 lbs over the next 3 months, that should bring out more definition.
With clothes on I can look much more handsome, a hard-bodied man.
Some transguys really really cover up - I grew up being very physical and using my body, to swim, wrestle, bodysurf, etc., and I just love strippin' down with a girl but No, you are talking about two different things. The dysphoria is higher for me in the shower, it's overshadowed because showers feel good, is all.
For you gals - the right kind of stream of water + female part = Excellent!
Definitely not. My breasts look like excess and my bottom looks like a penis is supposed to be there but isnt.
Im still more concerned about passing than my actual body though
sometimes if I'd had a particularly dysphoric episode getting into the bath helps. This is not only because it is one way I calm myself down, but also for the very reason that my body is obviously changing, and seeing myself nude in the mirror reminds me that I am very much becoming female-bodied (other than one tiny little detail, soon to be corrected). I'm like, woohoo I got breasts and a waist and finally starting to grow some behind as well! So at those times it does help me be less dysphoric, which is the purpose of spending all this money on hormones I reckon.
I look at my reflection and think about my body and how I would change it. But I don't really get dysphoric unless others are around. I'm sort of Obsessive compulsive so I am more worried about being clean in the shower, and showers feel good and are my alone time.
Quote from: Kyle :3 on October 04, 2009, 05:23:36 PM
Definitely not. My breasts look like excess and my bottom looks like a penis is supposed to be there but isnt.
Im still more concerned about passing than my actual body though
What he said, but at the other end of the spectrum. Pre-op my bottem half looks like it's shaped & contured female except that tiny shrunken useless bit that's left. Maybe some day it'll be like swapping out car parts.
Post Merge: October 04, 2009, 08:06:41 PM
Quote from: Kyle :3 on October 04, 2009, 05:23:36 PM
Definitely not. My breasts look like excess and my bottom looks like a penis is supposed to be there but isnt.
Im still more concerned about passing than my actual body though
No, Im quite the opposite especially during erm certain days. And then taking a shower can be a trigger for a crisis in gender angst.
I try not to look down when im taking a shower, since there are things that shouldnt be there. I have to wash them but ewgh.
The water feels good but sometimes it feels weird.
If I could get away with it, and my body wasn't.. you know.., and it wasn't so cold out, I'd go naked ALL THE TIME!
Clothes are restricting, uncomfortable (for the most part) rarely "nice" enough, and let's face it, The human body is a natural, beautiful thing, and treating it as something dirty that should be hidden only enforces types of body discomfort in people.
You know what I'm talking about.
That being said, I don't like "seeing" myself naked.
I like being naked, but I don't like seeing myself naked.
There's a difference.
True, true, I love being in my place just wearing my briefs and a tank top, it's great. And prancing around naked is great too. I grew up wearing as little as possible, of course "normal" for us was to be in incredibly good shape, lol.
Quote from: Miniar on October 05, 2009, 05:40:19 AMThat being said, I don't like "seeing" myself naked.
I like being naked, but I don't like seeing myself naked.
There's a difference.
That about sums up my own feelings, too. :)
In the first few weeks of hrt I took to sleeping in the buff because any constriction on my chest drove/drives me crazy...and the first place my hands go every morning is to my chest to see if they grew. It's comforting to be so soft and smooth, it just feels so perfect. I hadn't really thought about it in a being less dysphoric sense but yeah, I think it certainly applies.
My body is more female than my face.. ;)
So it's a big YAY! ;D
Now I just have to get the courage to start HRT... :-\
Chrissty
Quote from: Miniar on October 05, 2009, 05:40:19 AM
If I could get away with it, and my body wasn't.. you know.., and it wasn't so cold out, I'd go naked ALL THE TIME!
Clothes are restricting, uncomfortable (for the most part) rarely "nice" enough, and let's face it, The human body is a natural, beautiful thing, and treating it as something dirty that should be hidden only enforces types of body discomfort in people.
You know what I'm talking about.
That being said, I don't like "seeing" myself naked.
I like being naked, but I don't like seeing myself naked.
There's a difference.
I guess there is a difference. For me it was that I didn't like "feeling" myself naked. I mean I made every effort not to look or touch and yet I could still 'feel' the inappropriateness of my naked body.
It's odd that post-T and top surgery, I don't really feel naked when nude like I did before. Now the body feels like a natural and beautiful thing; before it was the embodiment of everything that was wrong.
As for the original topic, yeah I can see how certain clothing might worsen the dysphoria at times. Having to bind or wear certain undergarments, etc does seem to shout that something's not right.
I understand where your coming from.. I could sit around top less when I had breasts feeling fine but when I put a t-shirt on I felt more dysoric. However I would never be topless in front of anyone..
Its down below I have more of an issue with. :-\
Jay
Only after I've completed a head-to-toe shave, leaving my eyebrows and head hair intact, of course.
Otherwise, I see a body covered in hair with a paunch that I'm working on. No. Clothing helps me hide what I don't like to see.
even pre top surgery, i enjoyed being naked. i didnt like my boobs, but i treated them like bees. leave the bee alone and it will leave you alone. :P
the second im in my apartment i at LEAST take my shoes and pants off. a lot of the time in just in a pair of underwear with no shirt. when im not particularly cold, im just naked. post op im naked or undressed in some form about the same amount as i was before, but i act and feel a little different. i wasnt really dysphoric because i was naked or clothed either way, i just hated my boobs because they existed.
pre op:
would notice boobs when moving
made boob jokes with BF (all in good fun from both of us)
held the cats weird
would take my binder off ASAP
post op:
scratch my scars quite a bit. theyre itchy.
hold the cats against me easier
mess with my nipples sometimes to see if i can feel anything yet
When I was on T, I liked to walk around naked. Now that I'm on E instead, I'm a little more protective of myself. I don't think it is just that I feel more vulnerable as a woman, and I'm not shy about my body, I just don't enjoy being naked the way I used to. I have no idea if that means anything. ???
YMMV
- Kate
I've dropped some body fat with this week of hardly eating getting over the flu, but still weigh about 150, my body's looking a bit better lately ;D
Body I'm happy with + warm weather + a nice set of briefs ONLY = me happy. More muscles and manliness and top surgery means I'm gonna have a great time wearing as little as possible.
Ok I gotta say, I don't really understand this.. I can't stand being naked, and seein the fem shape of my body. I avoid showers like the plague
I HATE being naked. I hate taking showers so much that I put it off until the last possible second (to northy; you stole my plague reference, I was gonna say that :D ). Then my parents get mad at me for smelling bad, but don't understand when I try to tell them how much I hate taking showers. That being said, I take pretty long showers. Whenever I see myself naked, I get really depressed and just stand/sit in the shower forever, talking or singing to myself. This makes me hate showers even more. I just can't win.
I can walk around my apartment naked (when the kids aren't here) and feel fine, until I look down and see the "moobs" or if I accidentally pass in front of a mirror. Like when I'm walking to the shower and I pass by the bathroom mirror and see everything all in one fell swoop... It's quite disorienting actually, because for a split second I'm like "what the...?? ???" and then I realize "oh, right... :("
I often sleep naked, but some of the time I *really* need to wear my packy to bed (which requires wearing my boxer briefs), and other times I *really* need to wear a top to bed (so that I don't accidentally feel the moobs against my arm when I curl up, etc).
I guess overall being naked doesn't "make" me feel more or less dysphoric, but it's just that it allows more *opportunities* for me to feel/see the parts I don't want, which feeds the dysphoria. When I'm naked and don't see or feel the bad parts, I'm fine, so it's not the nudity itself that is the key factor for me it seems.
Quote from: Miniar on October 05, 2009, 05:40:19 AM
That being said, I don't like "seeing" myself naked.
I like being naked, but I don't like seeing myself naked.
There's a difference.
A lot of people like to quote you Miniar. It's true though. That's how I was pre-op.
Now that I'm post op? Well, I still have to wear my binder because DANG liposuction screws up blood vessels and tissues. However, when I'm actually naked, I'm still pretty defensive and feel kinda awkward. But instead of feeling like I got a nasty surprise when I look in the mirror, it's usually a pleasant reminder.
No way am I more comfortable naked. I hate showers and being shirtless and I -won't- look in the mirror until I've got clothes on... Unless I feel like torturing myself. XP
When I -do- look in the mirror it just throws me. It's kind of surreal. I feel like, I'm seeing part of me, and part of something else. Then I feel this strong need to fix it. It's really distressing.
Quote from: Cloudrot on October 11, 2009, 10:45:53 PM
No way am I more comfortable naked. I hate showers and being shirtless and I -won't- look in the mirror until I've got clothes on... Unless I feel like torturing myself. XP
When I -do- look in the mirror it just throws me. It's kind of surreal. I feel like, I'm seeing part of me, and part of something else. Then I feel this strong need to fix it. It's really distressing.
^This^ When I see myself nekkid in the mirror, I feel like my head has been placed on someone else's body. Hence that feeling of "huh?!?" It's like I expect to see a fully male body (that "body map" thing I guess) and then when I see the reality of my physical self, it scrambles the signal for a sec until I put it all back into perspective. Dysphoria is such a head trip sometimes... :eusa_think: :icon_blink: :icon_confused2: :icon_weirdface: