Hi, I'm 23 and from England. I'm male, but I feel as if there is something more feminine in myself, so I hope this forum can help me begin to understand more about myself. Online, I like to use the name Alex (it's not my real first name).
I was born in 1986 and when I was born, they didn't know whether I was male or female due to my genitals being so small. I was born with something called Noonan's Syndrome, and this has affected my genitals and my heart. Basically, I cannot produce my own testosterone, so I need to take testosterone daily.
I'm fairly masculine looking, with an average male height and masculine facial features, although my finger size would indicate less masculinity. I do however, prefer to have medium length hair (say men's number 5 to 8 - my hair is a wonderful dark brown colour that I love, and which I like playing with). I'm rather small framed and although I have toned legs and some toned muscle elsewhere, I'm certainly not a big man.
Orientation wise, I'm either bicurious or bisexual. That being said, I don't have much of a sex drive and I'm quite the introvert so I'm still a "virgin" at 23. My sexual fantasies are very diverse, but often involve me being a woman, and I often prefer submissiveness in my sexual/masturbatory fantasies, even when I'm male in them - any fantasies I have of being dominant are almost always homosexual.
Biologically and socially, I am a man, although psychologically I feel as if I'm more of a mixture. I'm not the most masculine man ever, but I'm not very feminine either.
As for clothes, I prefer more gender neutral clothes like t-shirts, trainers and tracksuit bottoms. I hate wearing formal masculine clothing such as ties and suits, although this is because I dislike formal clothing in general, preferring more casual and more comfortable clothes.
I did the COGIATI test and got -75, and one of the main questions that stuck out was the one where you were in a situation where you could change between being male and being female at any time. Personally, I would love to be able to do that.
I'm confortable being who I am and being in the body I am (although I could be thinner), but I don't quite know what I am. I know people shouldn't rush to label themselves, but it's one thing I would love to understand more about myself.
So, opinions are welcome and very much appreciated.
Hi zchild, :icon_wave:
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Blessed Be.
Janet
Hi Alex, :icon_wave:
Welcome to Susan's ! :icon_flower:
Thank you for a detailed and honest introduction. :icon_wink:
There are no simple answers here, but if you are open minded and are willing to read/participate, then you may find some clues.
Have fun... :)
Chrissty
Welcome, Alex. This is a good place to explore. There's huge variation here, so you may quite a few others like you.
I always felt I was both and neither but have finally given in to the predominate binary view of gender and am transitioning from unwillingly male to very happily female. :D
I remember early in my coming-out trying to explain gender to some cis-gendered friends as a cloud or pond, with so many different points in it that it could hardly be described in three dimensions. I finally gave up because they just weren't getting it. But there are many of us here who understand it.
Look around. You may find your niche here. :icon_wave:
- Kate
Hi Alex (from another Brit)
My only advice is ignore the COGIATI and go with your heart and not with your head.
Buffster
HEy alex welcome
Teena
welcome
Hello and welcome Alex. :)