Hows things, everyone. I've just come across this forum after typing "how to explain genderqueer" into google and I'm pretty much hoping it's going to turn into somewhere where I can actually express myself without small minded people trying to tell me what I am and what I am not.
I've been becoming increasingly frustrated with the fact that even the people I care most about and even the people I know who should be intelligent enough to understand what I'm saying to them, can't understand what I mean when I say that I don't want to identify as either male or female. In the past year, I've heard, "But you're a girl!" from my friends too many times to count. It doesn't matter to them that strangers come up to me in the street and ask whether I am male or female, or that I use boys toilets without a glance, but get yelled out of girls toilets, or that I get called "son" "sir" and "mate" wherever I go, or that there have been people I've seen regularly who didn't realise I was biologically female until months after I met them. And it seems to matter to them least of all that I actually LIKE that, and that I DON'T WANT to identify as female. It's very very frustrating and recently it's started upsetting me as well, particularly because the person I care about the most has asked me to dress more feminine and has told me that if I ever decided to identify entirely as male, they wouldn't be attracted to me anymore. The second part isn't much of a problem, because I don't think I'll ever progress from genderqueer to FTM, it's just the fact that someone so intelligent could be so narrow minded, and that her attraction to me, at the end of the day, really IS based on gender.
I'm pretty much at a loss at the moment. I'll try to explain myself, but people will always have more questions and roll their eyes at my replies.
Hello there and welcome to Susan's.
I'm sure that you will find our site to be the place where you can express yourself (as long as you abide by the rules) :) And I would like to add that there are no "small minded" people here. Those who are do not stay around very long as they are not tolerated here.
Express away, but we will definitely let you know what our feeling and thoughts are on anything that you ask. We are honest to a fault and usually don't pull any punches with the advice, and replies to questions asked. So if ya don't want to hear the answer don't ask the question :)
Now just because you are dealing with friends and loved ones doesn't automatically mean that they will understand you or anything about you, and that goes for intelligence as well. If you read the forums you will see that there are several tragic incidences where members here have been ridiculed, shunned, excommunicated etc. by loved ones, close friends, and intelligent people. There is no predicting how folks will react to issues that may go against their belief system so to speak. Of all the people in the world who I thought would understand my being TS was my daughter, but you know what, she didn't accept me, and she loves me very much, and is a college grad.
Folks will surprise you and do the darnedest things, don't assume, don't assume, don't assume. Be prepared for the unexpected.
Again welcome to Susan's, I'm sure that we will chat later.
Steph
Welcome to Susan's.
I am new here too, but I have found a wealth of information and wonderful people. Each of us travels our own path, but there are a lot of similarities along the way, and I have learned a lot from reading about other's experiences.
Since people are having trouble grasping your gender issues, it might be helpful to have a few "mock" conversations here and ask for comments. Maybe we can help "fine tune" your examples and descriptions to make them easier for people not familiar with gender issues to understand.
When it comes to people we care deeply about, their acceptance and understanding can be very important to us...unfortunately, it doesn't always happen. It hurts...a lot. In the end, it comes down to a choice we must make...whether to accept their limitations or fulfill our needs and/or desires. This same choice is not related only to our gender, but to everything we do with our loved ones, (from important things like money mangement and child rearing to "little" things like leaving the toilet seat up). No one can tell you what your decisions should be, but you will find support here.
So, again, welcome to Susan's.
....Laurie
mustcomedown
Quote from: whatgoesup on October 08, 2006, 03:10:16 PM
Hows things, everyone. I've just come across this forum after typing "how to explain genderqueer" into google and I'm pretty much hoping it's going to turn into somewhere where I can actually express myself without small minded people trying to tell me what I am and what I am not.
Things are very good dude! Google does not know all. It is after all a machine ;) Small minded we are not. We welcome you with open arms. And as diverse as we are, we are generally a great lot to know. We've all been through some of the frustrations you mention. We can help. We have all discovered that our issues and problems do not have binary solutions. It can be very confusing. Usually, it is the rest of the world that is confused.......
Cindi
Welcome to the site whatgoesup ,
There are some Androgyne/Genderqueer/Neutrois here at Susan's , so there are some that identify with similar things to you not identifying with the standard two genders , but either or in between genders.
Feel free to contribute to the boards following the rules.
I look forward to reading more from you. I hang out in the androgyne section mostly now days.
Welcome again.
Ken/Kendra
Bio 20F 80M
Gender 75F 25M