My child had severe bipolar depression and was not stable. He had only recently told me he thought he may be transgender. I found him a gender therapist and he was also seeing a psychiatrist for his bipolar. The therapist needed for him to be mentally stable before recommending hormones-he never got to that point.
Long story short...we were very close and I tried very hard to be supportive. I call him "he" because he was questioning and he had not asked me to call him "she" yet. In fact, he was afraid to tell people his secret. I feel terrible he had this confusion and that he felt shame for his "innocent" feelings. Shortly before he took his life, he asked me to buy him a girl shirt. I was happy to do this but I picked out a tshirt that had a feminine design on it but was a regular tshirt. I thought it was a step in the right direction since he never wore any girl clothes in public. I thought this would give him a feminine feeling without being totally frilly. However, he said something about it not being very feminine. I regret buying that shirt instead of a more feminine one. :(
I'll never know for sure what would have become of my son's questioning. Maybe he would have transitioned? At one point, he indicated he might be gay??? He wasn't sure or mentally healthy but I would encourage all of you who love someone questioning their gender identity to love them 100% as they are...today.
It's only been a month and I'm devastated!! Everyone knew he had bi-polar and I'm planning to do all I can to raise awareness for bipolar and mental illness in general. I also plan to try to find a way to be an advocate for the GLBT community.
My child had severe bipolar depression and was not stable. He had only recently told me he thought he may be transgender. I found him a gender therapist and he was also seeing a psychiatrist for his bipolar. The therapist needed for him to be mentally stable before recommending hormones-he never got to that point.
Long story short...we were very close and I tried very hard to be supportive. I call him "he" because he was questioning and he had not asked me to call him "she" yet. In fact, he was afraid to tell people his secret. I feel terrible he had this confusion and that he felt shame for his "innocent" feelings. Shortly before he took his life, he asked me to buy him a girl shirt. I was happy to do this but I picked out a tshirt that had a feminine design on it but was a regular tshirt. I thought it was a step in the right direction since he never wore any girl clothes in public. I thought this would give him a feminine feeling without being totally frilly. However, he said something about it not being very feminine. I regret buying that shirt instead of a more feminine one. :(
I'll never know for sure what would have become of my son's questioning. Maybe he would have transitioned? At one point, he indicated he might be gay??? He wasn't sure or mentally healthy but I would encourage all of you who love someone questioning their gender identity to love them 100% as they are...today.
It's only been a month and I'm devastated!! Everyone knew he had bi-polar and I'm planning to do all I can to raise awareness for bipolar and mental illness in general. I also plan to try to find a way to be an advocate for the GLBT community.
My deepest condolences Kimmysmom!
Z
My heart goes out to you and your family right now. Losing a child is incredibly difficult. I can't imagine the pain you are feeling.
I admire your strength to want to advocate for the LGBT community. Might I suggest that you get in touch with your local PFLAG group? Some of the parents who are struggling with acceptance need to hear your story and know that there are ways to help them cope.
You and your family are in my thoughts.
*hugs*
(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fimg413.imageshack.us%2Fimg413%2F2064%2Fhugqf6.gif&hash=d315914d52e13fbbd331b6d1feed8d5aa5b50d25)
http://www.amazon.com/Grieving-Suicide-Search-Comfort-Answers/dp/0830823182 (http://www.amazon.com/Grieving-Suicide-Search-Comfort-Answers/dp/0830823182)
http://www.amazon.com/Silent-Grief-Living-Wake-Suicide/dp/184310847X (http://www.amazon.com/Silent-Grief-Living-Wake-Suicide/dp/184310847X)
MMarieN
That's what I thought of...going to the local PFlag meetings with parents who are shocked and not sure the best way to proceed. Hopefully, after hearing our story...they will do everything possible to help their kids accept themselves and their feelings and get help.
My son was too shy to go to the PFLAG meetings. I suggested it but he refused. I now wish I would have pushed him more to go.
I know he is watching me know and I want to make him proud.
Deepest sympathies and {{{{{HUGS}}}}} Prayers for You and Kimmy :icon_bunch:
Runs to snuggle her body pillow and cry :icon_cry: :icon_cry2: :'(
Kimmysmom,
:'( I am total devastated at your loss. No parent should suffer the loss of a child. You and your family are in my prayers tonight.
You show amazing strength in the face of such a loss. I know your child is looking down and is telling you that he/she is alright now. No more pain or confusion. Take strength in that.
Blessed Be, my Dear.
Janet
How terrible for both you and your child. Yes, talk to PFLAG and perhaps some other groups. It will help them and help you.
I understand your wondering about the T-shirt and whether you should have pushed your child harder to get help. That's very normal. I didn't lose my child (thank the heavens!) but lost my spouse not long ago. The "what should I have done differently?" and "how could I have helped more?" go on for a while but there's no way to know what would have changed things.
It is very hard. My heart goes out to you.
*hugs*
Kate
Oh wow.
That hits me especially hard as a 17 year old kid who has thought about suicide many times. That's so horrible, what a waste.
I hope she rests in peace. :x
I'm so sorry for your loss. Nothing that is said will change anything. I do think you did all that you could do. I though the fem tshirt to be touching myself. You were a great mom If that I am sure. I have an 18 and a 17 year old, but I'm the trans bipoler person in the family. I'm an ultra ultra rapid bipolar, I can be flying high one day and crashing and burning the next. Oh joy. Sometimes i think Katie Perry was singing to me. It's not easy for sure.
You are a very brave woman. take care......HUGS
Beni
I am so sorry.
Kimmy's Mom
There can be no doubt in the hearts and minds of any here,
as to the depth of the love that you have for your baby. My heart
breaks for your loss. I know that there are no mere words that can
console you. You do not grieve alone. Please know that there is nothing
that you could have done "better", that would have kept Kimmy here
with you. You honor us with your presence here, in this your
time of grief and we are humbled by your offering of support
for our community. The size of your heart is obvious to all.
I'm so sorry to hear about your loss :'(
I've been down the road of suicide before....I can only imagine the pain your child was in, I hope the best that he or she is in a better place. It's so sad when someone so young leaves us in such a devastating way, you have my deepest sympathies. **big hugs**
We're all here for you, mourning with you. I'm sorry :(
My deepest sympathies to you and your family. Thank you for having the courage to share your story, it does sound like you did everything you knew how for your child...please do not think you did anything wrong. Suicide is unfortunately a very common thought for trans youth (and adults, and LGBT youth in general), I know I was there myself and came very close. The pain this experience can cause can reach beyond the individual and I am so very sorry it has reached you like this.
I do not know for sure, but in addition to PFLAG you may find resources or a support network through Trans Youth Family Allies (http://www.imatyfa.org/ (http://www.imatyfa.org/)). I don't have first-hand experience with them, but I have read many absolutely wonderful things they are doing for outreach and support for families of transgender & gender identity questioning youth.
Dear Kimmy's Mom,
My heart also goes out to you. But it sounds as if you did everything a loving mother could do; not that that helps grief.
Please take of yourself as well. Depression can creep in very quickly during such terrible times.
You now have a whole new family who deeply care about you.
Love and hugs
Cindy
Sorry for your loss.
That's horrible, don't think it's your fault though.
Im so sorry to hear this.
My thoughts go out to you and your family.
Its not your fault my dear.
*hugs*
Jay
no one ever knows what to say when someone comes to them with devastating news like this i pray that somehow you can find peace and endure until you are with your son again i firmly believe in life after death and if i can suggest pick up a book by van praugh he may help you find the peace you seek your son is indeed watching you make him proud validate his life in ways he couldnt my deepest sypmpathies to your family in this tragedy hugs
jessica
if we could all just listen a little bit more
i am extremely sorry for what happened to your daughter Kimmysmom, my sincere condolences
Wow...I appreciate all the support and love. I'm sure Kimmy does also! God Bless you all! BTW...I have received some very "specific" messages/confirmations from my son through a medium already. ;)
Dear Kimmysmom,
I'm very sorry for your loss. It is a great loss you and yours have suffered. I can only hope that you are able to find comfort with the people around you.
Vincent.
When I was repressing my gender problems I was terribly depressed. Everyone tells me I'm Bipolar. I don't think I'm that bad, but maybe. I used to come up with the strangest reasons why I needed to end my life. Now that I'm not repressing much; I'm still moody, often still depressed, and sometimes pretty nilist. My point is it's pretty hard to help us. My wife was going nuts when I was suicidal and she wanted to know what she could do to help. I've thought about it for years and I'm very bright. To this day I can't tell you what would help. Listening maybe, but it almost has to be someone who is going through exactly what you are suffering before you can want to listen.
I was dealing with an issue this week and these guys were giving me all these platitudes and telling me everything was fine It did nothing for me. First of all I didn't think they were really listening to me. The kind of listening that is not waiting to respond, but the one that wants to understand how I feel before they say anything. And then say what they think very slowly. Until I think you can see through my eyes I don't trust your words. This is very hard to do.
I hope you know mortality is not the end. He has a very caring Father in Heaven and things will work out fine. This is just a stop over, and your paths are linked eternally. You're his Mom always will be.
Randi
That's so sad. I'm an FTM myself (the mirror of your son), and I'm not so honest with my parents, either. I remember going through countless 'rough patches' where having a parent would have helped a TON.
I told one of my parents once, and it turned out to be the opposite of supportive. I told my stepmom, and she thought I wasn't that serious about it. She said she was supportive, and I'm sure she's trying to be, but her ignorance really drags me down. So I'm back to square one on that deal.
It's a huge thing to come out to your parents. Be glad Kimmy got that far on his own; you raised a fine kid. If I have a suggestion, if you retell your tale to other parents, tell them to be so supportive that they're embarrassingly, flamingly supportive beyond good reason. It's a thousand times easier to get flustered with a parent who's being oversupportive and embarrasing than a parent who's being undersupportive and hurting you where it hurts the most.
I am very sorry to hear about your loss. Suicide is a horrible tragedy. It leaves so many unanswered questions and self-doubts. My family has been touched by this and many of us are left with- why? In our case it wasn't an obvious issue. I still don't know why it happened but we are moving on one day at a time. I feel the departed will want to know you are taking care of yourself and find comfort in that.
My heart goes out to you. {{{hugs}}}
I just read through all of these comments. By the time I was 18 I thought my dad was going to kill me because of my transgender activities. I was already depressed and that just made it much worse. I could have done something drastic, but my mom and older sisters got me through it.
When I was 24, my dad died of an illness. Even after all of his feelings against me, I still felt very bad that that happened. And the fact that my female relatives got me through the tough times made me feel even more that I needed to be part of the feminine world and not any sort of manly world.