i just noticed something when i go the gym i usually change in the locker room before going out to the floor as i am usually coming from work since i started growing my hair which is getting fairly long now and my nails are growing pretty good ( i explain this away by saying i play acustic guitar which i do.) and i just broke a nail wtf..anyways this should probably be a blog lol i have become increasingly uncomfortable in the locker room i feel as though i dont belong in there. is this my GID manifesting itself in a new way or am i just being hypersensitive to my transitioning? hasa anyone else noticed anything like this.
jessica
When I was in the early stage of transitioning I was swimming three times a week. Breast growth was sufficient so that I could feel the water moving them even though I had little body fat. I was pretty self conscious when changing in the men's locker room. You have to totally strip to put on a bathing suit and this made me very uncomfortable. The rest of my body was that of a muscular male but I had some breast growth and lean men don't have that.
When it became too obvious I had to quit swimming. I really missed it! One of the down sides of transitioning I guess.
Julie
It could just be psychological that you don't want to be there as you feel your lying to yourself by being there. For instance, it now bothers me very much that I have to use the gents toilets.
The little things add up and I suppose you just wanna be past all the little things. I know I do.
I've felt very self-conscious in the locker room for as long as I can remember.
I never knew which way to look, and kept my arms crossed as much as possible until I got into the swimming pool...
...communal showers were a real no-no...I spent most of my school days looking for valid excuses to shower back at home...
Chrissty
Like Chrissty, I have always felt uncomfortable in locker rooms. I haven't been in one since high school (1980).
Whether it's the GID or psychological (is there a difference) or that being a girl in the boy's locker is just humiliating, I don't know, but however it is defined, I want to stay away from there.
Deanna
I know as I started to transition the locker room just got worse and worse for me. I would go in and just look forward, and have tunnel vision. At some point I just quit using the locker room all together. I just felt like I was in the wrong locker room, even if no one else could tell, and felt so uncomfortable.
Myles
To be honest girl, its probably that you're feeling more yourself. Girls dont belong in the mens locker room... you're feeling more intune with your soul now your body is begining to match.... the thoughts come to the fore more easily....
Frankly, my gender dysphoria got WORSE as I transitioned.... a male body with a penis was bad, but a female body with a penis? god... thats a real mind fudge.... Tbh, i felt really awkward in the boys changing room at like mmmm, a few months in? I know i was me, i was breaking out of my shell and feeling things i hadnt when it was repressed... things change, your view of the world more than anything. Do what you feel is right hon, your comfort is the most important thing.
I am 40 now so this is a few years ago..OK 30 years aboot....yaya Canadian.
how can we not feel this way.....
(this is from my letter to my therapist)
All threw school(Grades 1-9ish) I never really fit in...I was teased, Called names..in junior high / elementary school i felt very uncomfortable in the change room, I would go off to a corner and wait till most of the other kids were done, when i got to high school the first class I started skipping was Phys-Ed.I also remember wearing my shorts under my clothing so i didn't have to expose myself to anyone.
hehe expose...ok maybe not the right word. LOL
Caylea
and it is good to hear im not the only one who felt/feels like this, makes you relies yer not alone.
I specifically went to a high school that didn't have a gym class. In junior high I never changed in to my gym clothes and mostly refused to participate.
When I started going to the gym to lose weight I tried to force myself to not think about it when I had to go in to the locker room, but eventually I couldn't take it. Now I just get up extra early/to sleep extra late so I can change & shower at home. It isn't ideal, but I can't bring myself to go in there. Now that more breast development, it is pretty much completely out of the question.
I have always felt uncomfortable in the lockerroom, especially when we were required to take showers i front of the other boys. Being teased and bullied was probably the main reason leading to my feeling of being uncomfortable. I always felt I was different (not to the point that I should be in the girl's lockerroom, though. Even today when changin or showering in the lockerroom at work I do it quick and try to be away from the others. And since I have let my hair grow out I am even more so at avoding my co workers there. Plus I have spent over 50 years biting my nails and I no longer do this since I started dressing. Is there a correlation there? Hmmmmmm......... DyLen
Dylen.....Biting nails....I chewed mine for 35+ years and about the time I came out to my dad.....my finger were driving me nuts.....it was the skin being pushed back....really odd feeling it is.....havent chewed my nails in 1 year now
I don't feel comfortable in locker rooms when I'm feeling okay with being male (rarely.) In school, it was where all of the name calling, towel slapping, and torture of school happens. Though in retrospect, I love how gay heterosexual males get once they start insulting the one they deem gay for not being into sports. And in non school location you find out just how comfortable VERY old men are with their nudity, and how little they care that you're not comfortable with their nudity. Man I hate changing rooms.
Bathrooms are so goddamn awkward for me. I dread how often I have to pee these days. Even at work it's obnoxious because, while a lot of the traffic are coworkers, there's always some guy who sees me, pauses, gets confused, and either deer-in-a-headlights, bolts and re-enters then stares at me, or has balls enough to ask if he's in the right room.
I am not even bothering with the gym this semester as much as I would like to. I don't have the time anyway... but I miss my fall yoga classes.
omg autumn i can so see this happening to me thanks you made me smile (dear IN headlights) that was funny (even though i know its uncomfortable for you as well as it would be for me )
jessica