I was browsing another forum and someone made the comment that, when they first started experiencing a monthly red death, they hid it from their mother for a year by using toilet paper (toilet paper being flushable and readily available) instead of the usual pads/tampons.
Which made me remember... I hid it for 7 years.
And the only reason I finally told my mother was because she was threatening to take me to a doctor--I was almost 18. A few weeks after that, it magically 'started'--or so I told her. I never told her that I hid it for so long... I just quickly told her that it started early one morning when she was still in bed and I was just headed off to school. Perfect timing, or as perfect as I would ever get for such a thing: it kept her from making a fuss about it. I didn't think I could've handled that. For those 7 years, what kept playing back in my head was a video I had seen in Sex Ed in the 5th grade, where the mother joyfully exclaims to her daughter "you're becoming a woman now!" Seven years of covering up what had happened because... as long as I was the only one who knew, as long as I didn't have to hear those words, it wasn't really real... I couldn't really be a woman.
Once in a while, I just remember something that makes me look back on that time of my life and just... go... damn. Anybody else?
I hoped that I could go on forever without the red-headed cousin. But then I read somewhere that if you haven't started by age sixteen or thereabouts, you should see a doctor. Part of me wanted the red death so I would be "normal" and not be dragged to the doctor's office.
I started when I was fourteen and a half. I still think that one of the bravest things I've ever done in my life was go to my mother and tell her.
I was sick as a dog and didn't know why because I hadn't started bleeding yet. My mother picked me up from school early, and I went straight to bed. I felt like I was dying. The next morning, I bled. When I told her, she said something like, "Now, wasn't it worth it? You're becoming a woman!"
I wanted to throw up.
It was one secret I could not keep. But she'll never know I'm trans. That will remain a secret to her grave. I only hope my father outlives her, but the odds are against it.
I couldn't hide it...I started early. But I started screaming when I saw it, my mother couldn't stop me from crying for a couple hours. Gladly I've been blessed with VERY irregular timing, so I can go for 5 months sometimes without having to deal with it.
Couldn't hide it either.
Started early (11 or 12 I think) and being a pragmatic person I just wanted to know how to stop it, and mom comes up to me and tells me that no, I can't, it's a natural part of becoming a woman.
Still haven't told her how that ripped my heart out.
Quote from: Miniar on October 22, 2009, 07:44:56 AM
I just wanted to know how to stop it, and mom comes up to me and tells me that no, I can't, it's a natural part of becoming a woman. Still haven't told her how that ripped my heart out.
That's it, right there. That's what I knew I wouldn't have been able to take. At first, I hoped that what had happened wasn't really *that.* I hoped it was a one-off thing, maybe an infection that would pass. Or maybe it just wouldn't work 'right' and it would stop. I was half-correct on that, given how irregular it was (successive 'events' could be spread out anywhere from 2 weeks to 8 months apart).
When 'it' first came, I had just been dropped off at home by the school bus. At that time, I was making my first group of male friends (first group from elementary school, that is--I'm not counting the guys I played with when I was a preschooler). That was kind of a big deal for me, because ever since kindergarten the guys wouldn't let me play with them because I was a 'girl' and girls, of course, have cooties. Anyways. I was in the sixth grade and for the first time, I was really being accepted into a group of guys and, since we liked the same things (especially playing Gameboy and, a few years later, Pokemon) it was almost like being... one of them. And then I come home and *that* happens. Excellent. Wonderful. *Gag*
I was eleven at the time.
I started my monthly red death when I was 11. Back then I was still pretty naive (like I am today somewhat) and when I bled it didn't come out as red. It came out as brown so...I thought I had lost bowel control or something (which was a problem I had throughout my childhood). I think that it was my first or second period I finally told my mom and she told me how it was my period, not loss of bowel control. I freaked...and didn't know what to do. After my mom helped me get in a pad and whatnot she and my dad left me home with my brother to go to the store or something. My brother's always been there for me when I really needed help or a shoulder. He didn't really know what to say..lol
Quote from: Richard on October 22, 2009, 02:59:44 PM
I started my monthly red death when I was 11. Back then I was still pretty naive (like I am today somewhat) and when I bled it didn't come out as red. It came out as brown so...I thought I had lost bowel control or something (which was a problem I had throughout my childhood). I think that it was my first or second period I finally told my mom and she told me how it was my period, not loss of bowel control. I freaked...and didn't know what to do. After my mom helped me get in a pad and whatnot she and my dad left me home with my brother to go to the store or something. My brother's always been there for me when I really needed help or a shoulder. He didn't really know what to say..lol
Similar thing happened to me. Except the first time I woke up with stabbing pains and would have preferred the humiliation of it being a bowel issue. I was also 11.
I had stabbing pains in my stomach as well but for some reason I didn't pay any attention to it. I don't know how I did that as painful as they were/are
My mother had to announce it to the whole world. I was 14 and decided that pads were like diapers and seeing the mess was worse than tampons. So I asked her for tampons. Nice of her to make a huge announcement. I was mortified.
When my daughter started, I told only her father so he would know to keep supplies on hand at his house for her.
Jay
Funny, I started at 11 and thought I was really wierd for that...but seems like I'm not alone in that. And I was like Richard in that originally I thought I'd just somehow lost bowel control at first, which struck me as odd and embarassing but not near as bad as when my mother told me what it actually was. Then I started crying.
God guys, starting so early. I was 14. I knew what it was (learned it in school 5 years prior) and my female cousins had all started by then. I was hoping I would overpass it- no such luck. I was severely depressed, sat in the chair all day and talked to no one. My grandma figured it out- I couldn't even talk about it to her. I still remember that day- and it was one of the worst days of my life. But, over time I got used to it and just went on autopilot when it happened each month. I look forward to when these disgusting organs are removed from my body.
Funny thing about my cycles, back when I had them. I was on the pill for years and therefore had very regular cycles and symptoms. Just before the bleeding, like clockwork, my mood would drop--I would get depressed for a couple of days before the cramps and the bleeding started. But I was so oblivious to the whole thing that I would drag around and think, "Damn, why am I so depressed today? I hope it doesn't last..."
I would go on like that for two days before realizing why I was depressed. Sometimes I didn't realize I was having a period until the cramps began. I was oblivious even though I took a pill every freaking night for three weeks and then stopped so I could have the stupid period. Talk about denial. ::)
You guys are lucky... I started at 10. That day was when I realized why I had always felt depressed for no reason, and I fought all day not to cry. Worst day of my life.
I told my mom the day of. I knew exactly what was going on, even though they hadn't taught us about it yet. My mom, luckily, understands how crappy the red death is, and only said something about wishing I hadn't started so early.
And another thing; I get no warning at all for the red death, I just wake up one morning and find out I'm bleeding. Plus, the stupid things are so irregular, that I have the red death for the month, the month before. It keeps going backwards, so the stupid things keep getting closer together. T_T
Started about 14 and half. It was horrible. I hid it for a month or two (was very light) and when I finally told her and then I got the whole instruction on pads and such. I was pretty angry.
When I found out about the red death, as you call it, I think I was eleven. The teacher in charge of it told us about a friend of hers who was sterile and never had a period. It devastated her. I never understood that. Anyway, I always figured it would never happen to me. I figured it would probably happen to the girls, but I'd be sterile or something and it just wouldn't happen. Boy was I wrong.
Pffft... I'm 25 and I'm still in denial :laugh:.
Until I was 17 (and moved out), I had my mother buy downstairs hygene products on my behalf. I didn't even want to be in the store at the time.
The times since, I always grabbed a pack at random as I walked down the aisle and buried it under a much bigger pile of groceries. And it always went through the checkout in the middle of the shopping, surrounded by large items.
I remember for the 6 months before hand my mother telling me over and over again that it's going to happen "soon" and giving me the whole "becoming a woman" spiel... and me saying that no, It wouldn't happen to me because it was disgusting and I didn't want it to happen.
And for a while there, beyond all logic, I was actually convinced I could hold it off with mind over matter. The brain, after all was supposed to control ever facet of the body.
I can name the date it happened (but I won't). Worst day of my life... and that includes "emergancy root canal therapy AND my new motherboard died" day.
That's one of the biggest reasons I went and got the cup...
No More buying "feminine hygiene" products.
Ditto. God bless the cup.
I couldnt hide it. My mom told me about it all the time. But for a while I would check to see if there was blood in my pee. I didnt think it could happen to me.
I didnt care once it happened but waiting was awful. Now Im trying to get depo provera because my period makes me want to kill myself half the time
Quote from: Teknoir on October 24, 2009, 06:02:11 AMThe times since, I always grabbed a pack at random as I walked down the aisle and buried it under a much bigger pile of groceries. And it always went through the checkout in the middle of the shopping, surrounded by large items.
:D I would do that too. I always felt embarrassed carrying a box, having it in the cart and at checkout.
Quote from: Radar on October 24, 2009, 07:16:07 PM
:D I would do that too. I always felt embarrassed carrying a box, having it in the cart and at checkout.
It is embarassing but I dont really care enough to hide it. I buy weird things all the time and for all they know they could be for my sister or girlfriend.
That's exactly what I did too, the rolled up toilet paper thing (at least until I was 18 and ended up buying a diva cup online). I hid it/ denied it for 7 years... Whenever my mom would ask about it, I would deny it, and change the topic ASAP! Didn't want to hear about it, didn't want to think about it, did NOT want to hear a word from my mother about it, I could just die thinking about my mom talking about that stuff to me! Eventually my mom made an appointment for me at the doctor's to find out "what was wrong". Even after knowing she made the appointment, I could not bring myself to tell her. It wasn't until I was about to walk into the little room that I told her "I got it at 16" which was a lie, but a small one considering I had lied for 7 years about it!
The next day my mom handed me this pack of pads, and immediately I thought "Oh no way are you getting me to wear one of those things!" Luckily though she didn't say anything, just handed them to me. I'm sure I would have died on the spot! Still have the package, still sealed, in the cubby of my headboard. I never plan on using them. EVER! I've since stopped the unhealthy toilet paper route, and bought the diva cup, best invention ever! Only have to deal with it twice a day, and the rest of the time it's like the red death isn't even there! If it weren't for the cup, I would still do the toilet paper thing, I don't even like carrying the bags from the grocery store that have my mom's pads/tampons in them, or seeing them in my mom's bathroom, let alone having to buy them for myself or actually use those things!
Quote from: Radar on October 24, 2009, 07:16:07 PM
:D I would do that too. I always felt embarrassed carrying a box, having it in the cart and at checkout.
I did this as well...when I was under my parent's roof I would usually find some excuse as to why someone should pick them up for me so I didn't have to be seen with it...and funny enough I got the same way around having to buy women's underwear, or even be in that section. My mother would comment on how silly I was that I wanted absolutely nothing to do with the lingerie section and would hover outside it like a forbidden fortress of pantyhose, waiting to devour me if I stepped inside.
Quote from: chrissyboy on October 28, 2009, 04:15:48 AM
...and funny enough I got the same way around having to buy women's underwear, or even be in that section. My mother would comment on how silly I was that I wanted absolutely nothing to do with the lingerie section and would hover outside it like a forbidden fortress of pantyhose, waiting to devour me if I stepped inside.
Yes, this.
I always felt like some loud woman would see me and call for store security, screaming about how I'm a creepy pervert or something :laugh:.
I still remember shopping with my mother for my first bra...>>>shudder<<<
I never did hide it when the red death came along. I remember the day quite well. I must have been 12. I had always had mostly female friends, for whatever reason (probably because they approached me, and I was never one to approach people), and they had always gone on and on about how they couldn't wait to hit puberty, to have their periods. Because of this, I really thought it would be a good thing. I suppose I acted the part of one of them, and was anxiously awaiting "growing up". They had little books and would make me peer into them. Books that talked about puberty.
And then it happened, and it wasn't what I expected at all. I didn't feel like I was becoming an adult/teenager. I felt like something horrible had happened to me. I remember, my mother and father were so sickeningly happy about it, saying it was a beautiful thing, and all I could think of was the horrible shame and disgust weighing me down. I felt like I had lost something, and I think more than anything, what I felt was that I had been somehow exploited. I cried and cried as they told me it was "a natural, beautiful thing". That was the start of my fierce hatred for female things. I think, that was the start of my anger. They took me to dinner, and all I could think about was that I didn't want anyone to know. I had once told my brother I was his big brother, and I wanted him to remain ignorant.
In a way, I wished I had hidden it. Nowadays, I do not speak to anyone about it. I don't ask for pads, or tampons, or whatever. And I would never buy the things. My mother occasionally asks me, when I tell her I need ibuprofen for the pain, when I last had it -- and I tell her I don't remember. A couple weeks ago, when it was that time of the month, I was in a very bad, depressed mood. She told me it was only because "women are notorious for being terrible when they're on their periods". It was impossible not to burst into tears and to snap at her to not speak like that to me again.
I feel very disturbed now. :-\
Noone ever said anything like "you're a woman now" and I had to hide it from noone either since there's a thing called Privacy in my life.
I never understood why any woman would
want to deal with this and it's not just because I'm FTM. From a practical standpoint, it sucks.
Quote from: Jörgen, on October 29, 2009, 07:11:03 PM
Noone ever said anything like "you're a woman now" and I had to hide it from noone either since there's a thing called Privacy in my life.
Lucky you.
Must be different cultures or something...? ???
It's practical enough if one wants to get pregnant.
Quote from: Jörgen, on October 29, 2009, 07:25:23 PM
Must be different cultures or something...? ???
It's practical enough if one wants to get pregnant.
Eh I meant more in the sense of "why did we evolve this in the first place?"
Not all mammals bleed during their menstrual cycles. It's just a waste of resources, rather impractical. External testicles fall into this category as well.
Sorry, that was me trying to lighten the "mood". I failed. ;D
Quote from: Jörgen, on October 29, 2009, 07:42:54 PM
Sorry, that was me trying to lighten the "mood". I failed. ;D
I take things seriously. Here I'll add a smiley ;D
There. Mood lightened. ;D
On a more serious note, I've never really been bothered about either periods or external testes, it's all physical and physical isn't really what I think about on a day to day basis, though I used to. Still they never phased me. :-\
Quote from: SilverFang on October 29, 2009, 07:38:36 PM
Eh I meant more in the sense of "why did we evolve this in the first place?"
Not all mammals bleed during their menstrual cycles. It's just a waste of resources, rather impractical. External testicles fall into this category as well.
We evolved it for the same reason that we evolved all sorts of other stuff: because it works.
It's not the bleeding but the cycles. Humans can reproduce all year round. The bleeding is just a by-product of that. And testes have to be external so that the semen stays at the right temperature. The little wigglers don't like body temperature.
Quote from: Arch on October 29, 2009, 08:53:43 PM
We evolved it for the same reason that we evolved all sorts of other stuff: because it works.
It's not the bleeding but the cycles. Humans can reproduce all year round. The bleeding is just a by-product of that. And testes have to be external so that the semen stays at the right temperature. The little wigglers don't like body temperature.
Interestingly enough, I do a lot of work with birds, and their testes are internal. In fact, the avian reproductive system, whether male or female, is nearly identical, save for that the female has an oviduct that produces eggs, rather than two testicles that produce sperm. I find it fascinating, in that most birds don't even have an internal penis of any sort. Birds have very high body temperatures, about 104-108 degrees Fahrenheit in most species. The testes must be very protective.
Yes, the bird nut thought that would be interesting to note. ;)
I remember reading some fascinating things about birds--isn't it true that the blood moves so fast that it has to be hot, or maybe it's the other way around...now I've forgotten.
Speaking of blood and well-kept secrets.
Quote from: Arch on October 29, 2009, 09:04:42 PM
I remember reading some fascinating things about birds--isn't it true that the blood moves so fast that it has to be hot, or maybe it's the other way around...now I've forgotten.
Speaking of blood and well-kept secrets.
Well, I've never heard of that, I'm not sure whether that is accurate. I do know that birds have incredibly fast metabolisms, even the larger birds, because the task of flight is a large one. Their entire bodies are programmed for it. Because of their fast metabolisms, their heart must beat faster, their blood must circulate faster, and thus they do have a higher body temperature. They also have "crops", which serves as a literal bag that holds their food, acting almost as a second stomach so that they don't need to be eating constantly. A great adaption. I've really gone off topic, but I think the avian body must have developed internal testes because, despite their high body temperature (a deadly fever for any human), they need to be stream-lined for flight.
Now, back to the topic! :D