When it comes to saying goodbye to loved one's you don't want to put them in a postion where they're forced to wonder "what could I've done"? but you still have to tell them that you love them. I think it's best to just say I love you so much & everything is going really good. & ty for all you've done for me.
I'm afraid I don't quite understand. If you still love them and they've done so much for you...why are you cutting them off? Or are you just being polite?
If you want people to give good advice, you might want to be specific about why you're severing ties.
I tried to repair the relationships and when that failed just stopped returning calls. It's not a guilt free method.
Quote from: Bellaon7 on November 01, 2009, 09:23:06 PMI haven't tried hard enough
It might have nothing to do with the amount of effort you have put into it.
Perhaps it has something to do with the methods you have employed?
The best method for severing ties with loved ones is to let them do it. If you have to 'try hard enough' then perhaps they're not really ready to let you go. If they were, you wouldn't have to try at all. But I don't think there is a painless method.
Lose your job and your income - they'll drop you like a hot potato as you become a non-person to them.
When I came out to my family I fully expected them to disown me. I had come to a decision that I needed to tell them and if that meant losing them so be it. Sometimes goodbye is a second chance....turns out they loved me no matter what.
I'm not sure there is a 'best' way to sever ties. I think it really depends on the persons involved.
Quote from: Kurzar on November 08, 2009, 01:45:09 PM
When I came out to my family I fully expected them to disown me. I had come to a decision that I needed to tell them and if that meant losing them so be it. Sometimes goodbye is a second chance....turns out they loved me no matter what.
Much to my total and complete dismay, my famly has reacted the same way. Today I broke the news to my sister that I'm having the bottom surgery. She didn't even blink and told me yes, she understands. Not what I was expecting.
Ohhhh BEST practice I thought we were talking about most popular, the "going broke" method is very popular these days.
Chloe, Why the dismay? Am I to understand that you want your family to disown you?
Bella, congratulations on another surreal non-sequitur thread. I'm definitely not communicating on the same wavelength as you. ;D My answer is the novel, Postcards by Annie Proulx. If you liked Crime and Punishment but thought it was too uplifting, you'll love Postcards. I'll just leave it at that.
I have thought about the same thing for years. I would like to totally disappear. The key to my overall transition is FFS. After I do that, I would only return to spite my family, to pretty much say TAKE THAT >:(
I've discussed this with my therapist as well. My family might be understanding of me coming out to them, but I do not wish to chance it. I would be especially spiteful to my Mom, who rejected my ways from childhood and never helped me prevent myself into turning into a browbossed, wide jawed monster. I know she loves my unconditionally but once again, I'd rather sever ties.
I don't believe there is a way to stop speaking with your family. That they will not ask questions about it all over the years. Parents and loved ones have always done this regardless of circumstances. They could feel that they could have stopped it, done better, turned things around, not run you off, and other related issues.
However if you feel the need to cut contact? If it is because they are like my parents? They view you as a sin, something that is insane, and once again other related things? You should cut them off in a way you won't regret. Besides that? Do it soon because the longer you wait the harder it will be even if they are worthless parents.
Now if you love them and they you? The relationship is positive? I have to wonder why you'd wish to cut ties? Do they nitpick? Always use the wrong pronouns? Take jabs when they can about your choice? Support you but still treat you almost poorly with verbal comments and other life issues? Even if it is positive if they are treating you poorly like this? Then it is unhealthy for you and it will be extremely hard to let go I'd imagine. Its killing me in ways and my bother is the above lousy parent. But since it is unhealthy for you? And you know they are not going to change on it? Do something once again you won't regret but let them know why you made the choice in a calm manner. A way that maybe someday? You can at least see them before they pass on.
I doubt I will get to see mine or even know where she is after I leave. Even on her deathbed I will likely not know where she is or that she is on it. Make the choice carefully if you can.
Geez people as I keep saying, there's a tried and true method, just become poor. If you don't want to become poor, just convince 'em you are. Drop in hints in conversations like where's the local homeless shelter when you come to visit etc they'll drop you COLD.
When/If you want to establish contact again, start making decent money again or convince them you are. This may be difficult in the present economy. But it will work like a charm.
Quote from: Alyssa M. on November 09, 2009, 12:57:20 AM
Chloe, Why the dismay? Am I to understand that you want your family to disown you?
Bella, congratulations on another surreal non-sequitur thread. I'm definitely not communicating on the same wavelength as you. ;D My answer is the novel, Postcards by Annie Proulx. If you liked Crime and Punishment but thought it was too uplifting, you'll love Postcards. I'll just leave it at that.
I can totally relate to this, gurl I luv u! Isabella
Post Merge: November 09, 2009, 04:15:28 PM
Quote from: Alex_C on November 09, 2009, 02:01:46 PM
Geez people as I keep saying, there's a tried and true method, just become poor. If you don't want to become poor, just convince 'em you are. Drop in hints in conversations like where's the local homeless shelter when you come to visit etc they'll drop you COLD.
When/If you want to establish contact again, start making decent money again or convince them you are. This may be difficult in the present economy. But it will work like a charm.
Oooohhh, why can't I be broke too...wait I am broke, Krispy Kreem DID hear my prayers!