While I am busy doing some works at workplace, I become a man. When having leisure time, I slowly become a woman. Is this a common feature among m2f crossdressers?
I still do not know the purpose of my wearing heels, skirts and lipstick in public. Usually I am in male mode, wearing trousers and sneakers, despite my long hair. I wish to wear the brand-new deep red skirt, but I never could do it, because I could not have a chance.
Sometimes it strikes to me that I may wear women's dresses and fashion items because I believe my body features match well with them. Or, it could be for sexual stimulus.
Nowadays, I am not so much interested in HRT, which I was once curious of. Certainly I am not m2f transsexual. Nevertheless, trimming my eyebrows and plucking every fine hair in my beard has been my everday ritual. Shaving legs at least once per week, even in winter. Massaging my face with ice.
These girly stuffs became my daily work, except wearing skirts, heels and lipstick outdoors, which I guess is for sexual stimulus or just for thrill during some weekends, or whenever I have a leisure time.
Barbie~~
I did the same thing before coming out full time. Many do. I don't think that it is a sexual thing, especially the way you have written in the past. But it is your call.
Janet
Well, perhaps because I first agonized over these issues a very long time ago-- in the '80s-- I've long since gotten past worrying and just enjoy things as best as I can. I'm pretty sure that you, like me, are not TS. I don't care for the clinical terms, but prefer to describe it as "bi-gendered". I don't think we are really mental hermaphrodites, though, but more like males affected by some combination of internal physiology or external factors usually first realized at about puberty. We like to look and feel like women some of the time, but not all of the time. Since our identities are not as clear cut as a transsexual's, we have some special issues with which to deal. And, trust me, if you can't feel certain of your identity, you can be sure the people around you will have issues with you as well.
I think I didn't really start feeling good about myself until I fully accepted my bi-genderism. But every person carries their own personal uniqueness inside and must deal with life as who they are-- or suffer the consequences because they don't.
It's difficult when you have family and work situations that favor your fitting into standard male mold. You actually seem to be managing that much better than most, though.
Once you reach a point where can completely accept yourself as who you are, all the difficulties become easier to deal with. It has to start inside you, though.
And don't worry about the "sexual stimulus" thing. Girl stuff can be fun and kicky. I'm pretty sure even GG's get turned on by dolling up sometimes, too. One thing you find as you get older is than anything that helps in that area is a good thing.
Lyric
Hi Barbie,
Understand what you are saying as to how you feel. I too have the similar feelings, my work involves 100% concentration for the 12 hours a day that I spend in my office. When I arrive home and become Kimberly I feel so relaxed. I am able to close the door on who I am in the office and allow Kimberly to enjoy the rest of the night watching a movie or reading. I also would like to be able to go out dressed to enjoy life but cannot bring mself to do that. I now take care of my appearance more and am more careful of what I eat and how much I eat.
I agree and identify with everything that has been said. For me the sexual thrill mostly comes when I am thinking about crossdressing, planning what I'll wear and ordering the stuff, mostly on the web. They say the brain is your largest sexual organ.
Recently my disapproving wife almost did a clean sweep of my 'things', and that merely stimulated me to order new stuff, which is and will be a renewed thrill and turn-on. As was said earlier....anything that will help in that area is welcome when one is getting on a bit...
Thanks for valuable comments. Yes. I can now confirm that many m2f transgender people feel like me at least initially.
As I could not wear fully for a while, I was not so happy, but could be more indulged in my work. It was not fun, and everyday life was really dull. Fashion and beauty can stimulate my life, mind and sexuality.
Yesterday night, I was in men's formal dress, but an aged woman who chatted with us commented that I look like a woman. Other men and women lauded my wearing formal dress, even asking me to wear it everyday. Yes. Sometimes I have to wear formal men's dress.
At my teens, I was little bit purplexed and even embarassed when people, including kids, suddenly commented that I look like a girl. I looked at the mirrow, wondering why they said like that. Nowadays, I recognize and accept it. Physically and psychologically, I was prepared for a kind of sissy man who can enjoy women's fashion.
After overcoming some obstacles and finding a point where I am allowed to go by the society and my family, I can enjoy expressing my feminity, at least partially. Still, I need to be a man depending on the situation.
My crossdressing did cause a serious problem when I wanted to get a new and better job. It is still an ongoing issue, and I need to wear men's formal dress more frequently nowadays.Sometimes money and my family can be a more important issue than my crossdressing. Just hold in for a while :)
Barbie~~
:) --Virtual Hug-- :)
Lyric,
We have many things in common. Your thought and experience on crossdressing is deeper than mine.
Usually we do not hug in this country. Instead :icon_tetter: shaking hands :icon_tetter:
Barbie~~