My therapist said something to me just in jest the other day, but it's really been sitting in my brain. She said something like "I think you have some curiosity about...girl parts". What prompted it was I was telling her about last week when I discovered you can stash stuff in your bra (nifty!).
That's got me to thinking about the one girl I ever had a relationship with ages ago in another lifetime; and the several men since then. She was really shy about her parts, and I was in the closet at the time so needless to say I never really looked them over too well. I know what they look like, I can work the internet as well as anyone else. The thing that my therapist inadvertantly pointed out is I have no idea how to use them and that's causing me some anxiety because the reality is I'll have my own sooner than later; a vagina is my college graduation present to myself ;)
Preferring the company of men in the bedroom, I know my role in intimate relationships and have it down pretty well. I guess my question is twofold. First, do they ever get "old"? My new breasts are fascinating to me, they are absolutely nothing like I thought they would be. Their softness and texture and shape just make me marvel...but I've never really seen any before, much less had 24/7 access to some to explore. Is this the kind of thing where the novelty wears off or do they stay awesome forever? I was on all fours earlier for a non sex related thing, and I happened to notice my chest and it registered like this little reminder that this whole thing is in fact real, and not a dream that I'm going to wake up from, all hairy and stinky again.
The anxiety part is from the whole vagina department. Is it hard to learn to use them with men? Is it a process or does it come naturally? I'd have one installed even if it weren't functional at all, but I'm hoping for a working one and not to sound like a floosy but I certainly plan to use it. Again when I was on all fours earlier and paused from the chest thing, it occurred to me that if I was on top of someone I would have no idea how to move. I'm familiar with sex with men and the joys of being penetrated, but it was a learning process and not always graceful and outright gross on occasion. With this whole new part I'm more afraid that I won't be able to figure out how to use it than I am the expensive, painful process of getting one. My hope is that it's more instinctive than before, and if anyone would care to share their insight I'd love to hear it.
Quote from: Matilda on November 15, 2009, 04:22:56 PM
In other words, I was a virgin, having sex for the very first time
That's really insightful, I hadn't looked at it that way. That actually helps, thank you.
I'll toss it in the brain bin and let it roll around a while but I think I can live with that; basically try to process it as anticipation rather than anxiety.
I was 24 and not long past SRS when I met a really sweet guy who was somewhat "experienced" - of course at that point EVERYBODY was more experienced than I was - I had never even masturbated!
He brought me flowers and chocolates and we went dancing. Well I may have been a virgin but it seemed my body knew what do do! He knew I was a virgin and he was gentle and patient. I recognized "the point of no return" as it vanished in the distance :o and everything went fine. My body had it all figured out (much to my surprise).
A good lover will help you along and help you find what works best for you.
Well, I think the novelty wears off a bit. But, still, I like my parts and I'm very comfortable with them.
Having sex for the first few times will seem different, 'cause it's not the same as before and the movements are different. But, you get used to it pretty fast and you know how to use your parts really well. It just takes time and practice... basically, it's like you're a virgin all over again. LOL
It was a novelty when I got my girly parts installed, 13months after surgery I first had sex with a guy, it was my first time, but he knew more than me, he had a lot of experience, the first time always leaves a lasting mark, he was very gentle with me when he penetrated me, it hurt first time, but he really relaxed me, it takes a very experienced, gentle and loving guy to relax and put a girl at ease.
When I met really nice guys everything else just falls into place.
p
Ahem. It's also important to remember that there are many post-op women that are asexual & aren't interested in any kind of sexual relationship with anybody. I'm one of them.
It was on an American TV show, Oprah I think, where a TV hostess asked professor Jennifer Boylan: "why spend so much money in a BMW if you don't plan to drive it & only plan to keep it in a garage for good?" What do you suppose professor Jennifer Boylan answered?
Oh I was making a mountain out of a molehill with this, I'm fine now. I'm sure I'll figure it out :) My therapist and I talked about it some more, and I visited with a friend who really helped me when she suggested it was just anxiety from unfamiliar territory. Hormones are slow acting, electro takes forever, voice is a process but that...you count backward from 10, wake up and there you are. It's not a matter of doubt or questioning or anything like that, just the anxiety of change.
I'm a really, really lonely person. The sort of guys I used to date want nothing to do with me now, they like effeminate men...not plain girls. Just about everybody that I'm not paying reacts the same way. I'm learning to interact better with women, and they are slowly dropping their guard around me and showing me a level of companionship that I previously didn't even know existed. I can't see them as sexual creatures though, and there's always going to be that level of intimacy from a sexual relationship that I personally crave...not the act itself but the touching of spirits. Ugh it's making me cry trying to type this so I think I'll give myself a break and leave it be.
Quote from: Fer on November 28, 2009, 04:24:04 AM
Ahem. It's also important to remember that there are many post-op women that are asexual & aren't interested in any kind of sexual relationship with anybody. I'm one of them.
Thank you for saying this. I'm also post-operative & asexual. But.
Quote from: Becca on November 15, 2009, 03:48:41 PMI'd have one installed even if it weren't functional at all, but I'm hoping for a working one and not to sound like a floosy but I certainly plan to use it. Again when I was on all fours earlier and paused from the chest thing, it occurred to me that if I was on top of someone I would have no idea how to move. I'm familiar with sex with men and the joys of being penetrated, but it was a learning process and not always graceful and outright gross on occasion. With this whole new part I'm more afraid that I won't be able to figure out how to use it than I am the expensive, painful process of getting one. My hope is that it's more instinctive than before, and if anyone would care to share their insight I'd love to hear it.
It's also crossed my mind. I always wonder how it'd feel if I were to engage myself in a sexual relationship with another person, a man maybe. I don't think I'd be interested to do anything with another woman. Even though I have no sexual desire or motivation to do anything with a man either, the curiosity is there. It's not something I'm looking forward to doing but it could happen, only to see how it feels like.
Quote from: Blanche on November 29, 2009, 04:45:41 AM
It's also crossed my mind. I always wonder how it'd feel if I were to engage myself in a sexual relationship with another person, a man maybe. I don't think I'd be interested to do anything with another woman. Even though I have no sexual desire or motivation to do anything with a man either, the curiosity is there. It's not something I'm looking forward to doing but it could happen, only to see how it feels like.
Strangely I wasn't looking forward to sex with a guy ether, it just happen and developed that way, if you do have a relationship with a guy he will sooner or later want you, Im still not really interested in sex as such, I would much prefer a guy to hold, kiss and cuddle me, Iv never met a guy yet who doesn't want sex, Im happy to satisfy my BF in that department, he is a real gentleman and treats me like a lady, once he shoots his juicy, he doesn't stay long, doesn't hang around, its over for him, but only kinda starting for me, thats the real frustrating part for me as a woman, but fullfilling for me when I satisfy him, knowing that Im his ideal woman.
But if I never had sex it would never bother me, but it is nice to satisfy a guy and be excepted as a woman, if you can understand that.
p
As a female I'm actually quite highly sexed. I was rather inhibited as a male but I can't imagine ever being asexual.
For me sex with a man or a woman are both rewarding but in rather different ways. I've done both and enjoy both. Postoperatively orgasm has seldom (if ever) been a problem! :) Happily for the last 21 years I have had a wonderful and considerate female partner who satisifies my needs every time, and I hope also finds me to be a caring and considerate lover.
I think some people are confusing asexuality with celibacy. Asexuality like bisexuality, heterosexuality & homosexuality is not a "choice". People don't become asexual. You're either asexual or you aren't.
Quote from: Fer on December 10, 2009, 03:49:36 PM
I think some people are confusing asexuality with celibacy. Asexuality like bisexuality, heterosexuality & homosexuality is not a "choice". People don't become asexual. You're either asexual or you aren't.
Very true. It's a common misconception amongst people that are sexual. Asexuality & celibacy aren't the same thing.
Asexuality: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Asexuality (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Asexuality)
Celibacy: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Celibacy (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Celibacy)