I'm scheduling an appointment today for myself and I couldn't be any less thrilled. I'm only doing it because it's the necessary step for me to take towards T. I hate talking to strangers and the only one I really can communicate comfortably and openly with is my fiancee. She says it will be good for me to talk through some of the crap about my upbringing as well as get some counseling about my transsexuality...
But I just can't bring myself to agree.
Part of me knows she's right...that I need to do this.
But I'm just so miserable about it. I dread having to go there.
I don't even know what to begin talking about.
So I was wondering, what was everyone else's appointments like the first time? What'd you talk about? How'd they start?
My 1st appt was forced on me. That happens when you attempt suicide and land in the PCU. It was NOT that bad. I'm normally not one to talk to strangers and had dreaded that encounter. Having someone reaffirm that you ARE correct in your feelings is empowering. I had to see 3 councellors before I could get out of the hospital, but haven't had more appts as I no longer have insurance. I'm not nervous about seeing anyone now, like I was before. Just remember that if you don't click with this doc...find another!
They will ask you questions, just go from there.
Thanks for the advice :icon_hug:
Welcome. I wish I could start going to appts. Right now I feel so stuck in my transition :(
My first appointment was ssomething I really wanted but was still kinda nervous about too. I had an "interview" like question and answer session and then some testing (MMPI). After that it was make an appointment and see ya later. It went by really fast once I found that I was comfortable with my therapist. Good luck and remember that it is just the first step forward but it is a step.
Quote from: Kurzar on November 17, 2009, 11:59:54 AM
Welcome. I wish I could start going to appts. Right now I feel so stuck in my transition :(
I'm sorry.
Can I ask how so?
Post Merge: November 17, 2009, 01:36:54 PM
Quote from: LordKAT on November 17, 2009, 12:21:34 PM
My first appointment was ssomething I really wanted but was still kinda nervous about too. I had an "interview" like question and answer session and then some testing (MMPI). After that it was make an appointment and see ya later. It went by really fast once I found that I was comfortable with my therapist. Good luck and remember that it is just the first step forward but it is a step.
Yeah I keep telling myself that. This is the first step I need to take...but still, wish it was something I was more comfortable with.
Quote from: NightKoi on November 17, 2009, 01:36:14 PM
I'm sorry.
Can I ask how so?
Post Merge: November 17, 2009, 01:36:54 PM
Y
Because without counseling and their paperwork ect...I really can't do much to move forward. No T, no surgery nothing.
I just had my third appt yesterday and it seems to be going pretty good. I still feel like I'm paying some to listen to me talk about stuff I really don't feel comfortable talking about.. but she's kind and doesn't push, the sessions just seem to flow. Plus she's already said I can start on T, so I can't hate her too much ;) . Just take your time and find someone who has as much experience as you can, it took me 4 months to find the right psych. Good luck.
My first was awkward and a few thereafter. I decided that it was time to try someone else as I was feeling the sessions were not going anywhere and that was discouraging.
Once I found a new one and we talked I was immediately at ease. She understood everything I was telling her and she listened. She also made me think about things that I buried.
So yeah my suggestion is also to find someone your comfortable with and has experience with the community...
Thanks for all the replies. It's helping me to feel a little more comfortable about it. If it's alright, I'd like to know what one session costs each of you...
I don't know what a fair price range is..
For me the first didn't take insurance, for whatever reason, and charged me $75/hour. That was about 10 years ago. My current therapist charges around $170/session but its covered by my insurance and a $10 co pay for me...I think she charges that because I have insurance. My guess is without insurance they may work with your budget...but thats a guess.
first session cause of "testing" was $450 all other are $100 on sliding scale type thing.
I was really nervous and scared. I've only been going for a few weeks now; I knew I needed to go to therapy if I ever wanted to medically transition, so it was an important first step... But I'm scared because there are other things 'wrong' with me, and I'm afraid of my transsexuality being overlooked/not properly treated because other 'issues' will seem to eclipse it. (I'm thinking about starting a thread asking about that, too.)
The first session was nerve racking, I walked in there and the guy kind of stared at me and we sat in awkward quietness for a wee bit. He also got the wrong impression of me because I started talking to him of my own accord, and ended up giving him the impression that I'm a 'social butterfly'. Which is verrrry... Not true. (I'm very introverted, and spend almost all of my time alone.) I don't know if you're nervous/scared, but my advice to you would be: try not to worry too much, it's their job to listen to you, and be nice to you about it. They're not going to yell at you when you walk in there.
I got burned by my last two therapists and swore off therapy for life. That was something like fifteen, sixteen years ago. I came out of the closet with such vehemence that within about a week and a half, I knew that in-person therapy was the only way to work through my stuff.
I was terrified. The last guy I'd seen had really done a number on me. I was drinking to get through my sessions. But I called the therapist that the Center had mentioned. We talked on the phone for maybe forty minutes. I was so scared that my voice was shaking--he could hear it, so he did his best to set me at ease.
It worked. I'm slow to trust, but I started trusting him very quickly--kind of miraculous, considering my background. I don't really remember the first session because I was so nervous. But he knew not to push. He let me talk around the trans issues for weeks until I started to open up more.
We didn't do any testing or questionnaires or anything like that in the first session. We just talked.
Oh, and I pay $135 a session. It's all out of pocket, but he's worth it.
Give yourself time to get used to your therapist. If you're not clicking, find another one. "Fit" is very important. I've been in therapy half a dozen times and never understood about fit...then I found the right guy, and everything gelled. It was wonderful. Still is.
I'd been to a few therapists before seeing my current therapist, none of them were very good experiences and I was wary of therapy. But my therapist now knew what I was seeing her for and specializes in transgender patients so it went really smooth. If your therapist doesn't know why you're there, they'll ask, so just tell them you're having gender issues and they'll start asking questions.. just answer them honestly and you'll be fine. A lot of people, myself included, weren't looking forward to having to see a therapist, but they really are there to help you. It also helps a lot if you like your therapist. If you don't like the first one you meet with, if it's at all possible, it might be a good idea to meet with someone else. I know not everyone has options though, so if that's not possible, just stick it out, it's really not too bad and going forward with transition will be worth it.
I see you asked about cost as well, that completely depends on insurance. I think my therapist's sessions cost about $120 for one hour, but I only have to pay a $20 co-pay and insurance covers the rest
I pay $90 a session (I think haven;t been in a while). I just went in and told him where I was at he recognized that I had thought this through a lot. It was pretty straight forward, I did not take any tests of any sort.
Good Luck
Myles
I was very excited about my first session but also nervous. I found a psychologist with experience with transgender patients so that helped alot. I like him very much, he's very helpful and supportive and it's nice to have somebody IRL who understands. I've forgotten how many times I've seen him now (had an appointment yesterday too).
As for cost my insurance co-pay is $30.
I really appreciate all this feedback! But I have another question now....
Is it true that in insurances that cover the therapy, T (or in mtf cases, E) and such....that they classify it under some kind of mental disorder? :-\ I want to look up my insurance and see if it can cover it...
Also, I'm worried about my location. I live in Iowa in a college town. How far do you guys usually drive to get to your appointment?
I could deal with a four hour commute, two hrs there, two hours back...if it were just once a month. But I don't want to delay my transition process because of lack of therapy sessions...
::) Thanks for answering all these questions
Out of pocket for me so don't know about insurance.
I drive 110 miles one way for therapy. I went 2 times the first month, 1 the second and now only when I need to. Like myles, I had things going like my name changed and living full time before I ever tried for therapy.
125 a sesh for me. The only therapists in my area who cater to the trans population work at centers that also cater specifically to minorities and people with low-income, so the insurances they accept are more along the lines of blue cross/blue shield, and that type of thing, as opposed to my insurance which is more for middle-class people seeing private practitioners and what-not. He's a great guy though. I am continuing to see him past the three months just because it's really making a difference in my life.
Insurance companies geared to income levels? Weird. BC/BS is what I had when I made good money as well as now that I have none.
Good point. I guess what I meant is that I have open-access, which means I get a lot of services i don't want or need, and none of the ones I do, whereas a lot of the low-income individuals that frequent the center where I get therapy have more accessible insurance, or worse, none at all.
I've had a general aversion to therapists and therapy myself for quite some time. I was forced into therapy in middle school, and twice again in HS, because the teachers and counselors made my mother take me - this was all before I connected any of my personal issues to being transgender. The first two times I lied through my teeth to tell the therapist what she wanted to hear so I wouldn't have to go back. I hated being a burden on my folks, and my mom did nothing but complain about having to take me to the sessions. Then, the second time I got sent in HS, I actually started to open up to the therapist, but then my father decided I was "all better" and I didn't need to see the therapist so frequently, and when it came time for my next appointment, a big snow-storm hit and my mom decided she wouldn't take me, and my folks decided I didn't need to reschedule.
Then, I ended up in therapy again a little over a year ago, because I had a nervous break-down and was having constant anxiety/panic attacks. I decided that I wanted to discuss my gender issues, because I was aware of them this time, but the therapist that I could afford to see said she didn't have much experience and just gave me a list of some outside resources (that I couldn't get to anyway).
Now I'm away at a new school, and there is a counseling service provided for free to all the students. I was intent on steering clear of the counseling services, but I ended up having a couple of panic attacks again, and my insomnia got really bad one weekend (I went 86 hours without being able to sleep) so I went to the clinic for sleep aids, and the doctor said I also needed to talk to a counselor to deal with the cause of my insomnia and anxiety. So, once again, I was kinda pushed into it, but it's turned out to be for the best, because I finally have someone to talk to about TG issues, and it has given me the courage to start moving forward.
So... I guess my point is that I always have a lot of difficulty with therapy/counseling - I've always been a nervous wreck the first appointment - but it is worth it to keep trying and keep moving forward.
That's my experience with therapy/counseling thus far.
Quote from: NightKoi on November 19, 2009, 08:12:05 AMIs it true that in insurances that cover the therapy, T (or in mtf cases, E) and such....that they classify it under some kind of mental disorder? :-\ I want to look up my insurance and see if it can cover it...
I'm not sure what my psychologist labels it to the insurance company but they cover it. My endo I pay out of pocket because he doesn't take insurance and is the only one in the area who will prescribe T. For my blood tests and T my endo puts it down as hypogonadism. I could care less what it's labeled as long as insurance keeps covering it.
As for how far I have to travel I live in a big city so they're all here.
Wow...all that driving sounds intense. I just don't have lots of money to spare when I drop 40 G out of my trust fund each year for school. :eusa_wall:
But I'll have to look into my insurance, talk to my psychologist (eventually when I find one)
For now, I'll be following Andrew in the fact I'll attend free counselor appointments until I have some more money saved. That'll give me time to look for just the right psychologist.
I have heard so many different lengths of time it's taken for us to get on T. What do you think is the average time? Some guys just get to walk in and next month, poof, they get T. And then other men...it takes them 2 years!
Time kinda depends on where you are and if you go private or not.
Quote from: NightKoi on November 19, 2009, 11:20:49 PMI have heard so many different lengths of time it's taken for us to get on T. What do you think is the average time? Some guys just get to walk in and next month, poof, they get T. And then other men...it takes them 2 years!
I think the average is 3 months in the U.S. I got permission to start T from my psychologist in a little over a month, but it took awhile to find an endo who would prescribe it.
Quote from: LordKAT on November 20, 2009, 12:01:25 AM
Time kinda depends on where you are and if you go private or not.
What do you mean by private? I guess I'm just clueless in this area. Are there psychologists who aren't private? And why does it make a difference?
@Radar: Are endos who prescribe it that rare? :-\ I probably have no chance in my location then
Are there psychologists who aren't private? And why does it make a difference?
A lot of people here are from places (Canada, England, others) that have national health care, so there are lots of Drs. who are in state employment - as part of that system - and others who are 'private' and who's costs are not covered as is the state system.
Quote from: NightKoi on November 20, 2009, 11:09:35 AMAre endos who prescribe it that rare? :-\ I probably have no chance in my location then
In my area the majority of doctors (all fields) are affiliated with one of two medical system companies. Evidently these two systems have a policy to
not prescribe T or E to transgendered people.
So, since my insurance didn't cover any independent endos I had to do research to find one who will prescribe T and monitor the patient. After recommendations I found one where I live. He's evidently the
only endo in the area who will do HRT and monitor trans patients. So, since trans people around here pretty much have to go to him he's well known in the circle. At least he has alot of experience with transgender patients. :D
He is a really good doctor, treats his patients with respect and even though I pay out of pocket for my appointments my insurance does cover my T and blood work.
Quote from: tekla on November 20, 2009, 01:06:19 PM
Are there psychologists who aren't private? And why does it make a difference?
A lot of people here are from places (Canada, England, others) that have national health care, so there are lots of Drs. who are in state employment - as part of that system - and others who are 'private' and who's costs are not covered as is the state system.
Ah, I should have known that. I didn't think of the broader picture....I forgot that Susan's is open to the entire world and not just the U.S. :icon_shakefist: oops.
@Radar: That's some serious discrimination there. I hope I get lucky like you when looking for an endo. ;) He sounds like an awesome guy. I'm happy for you...and at least your insurance covers the T and blood work.
My first appointment with my therapist was chilled. We connected well and I felt comfortable with her.
She is also involve in the LBGT community,which I thought was really coo.
We talked about the overall things briefly...such as....my life,family,experience......etc.
Hope everything goes well for ya.
It is important to feel comfortable and have a good connection with your therapist.There are mean therapist out there. Find another if it doesn't work out with this one. You need someone who is going to help you through your transition and direct you to the right direction.
My parents sent me to a child psychologist about this stuff when I was in elementary school [to be helpful, not to "fix" me] I hated it then, and I hate it now.
I'm like you. The only reason I went to therapy was because I knew it was necessary for transitioning. The instant I could stop going to my therapist I did. Which was basically after I got my top surgery letter. I'm now on T [I guess when you've already had surgery they care a little less about getting a specific letter for T] and don't plan on going back to therapy for a long while if at all ever. I think it can be very helpful for a lot of people, but unfortunately for me therapy just always seems forced, cold, and uncomfortable. Its just not something I personally can get into, or at least I have yet to discover the key to getting into it.
The psychologist I went to for my gender therapy [and consequently surgery letter] was specifically a gender therapist, so there was no bad connections on that level, and overall I have to say the experience wasn't as painful as it could have been. Nor was it really very emotionally productive, but that was all due to my own issues with therapy [perhaps I should see a therapist about that eh?] The first session was really easy though, as she just asked me questions the whole time and I didn't have to dig within myself to come up with things or issues to talk about.
My best advice to you overall would be to not be afraid of being honest, or really not to be afraid of anything while you're in there... its what I always told myself I was going to do before walking in the door.... and sometimes it even worked a little. :-X
Quote from: NightKoi on November 20, 2009, 11:09:35 AM
Are endos who prescribe it that rare? :-\ I probably have no chance in my location then
You've also mentioned being in school (I assume college?).
If you are or become involved with your school's lgbt organization, they might be able to point you in the right direction. If your school doesn't have one, start one. I did that at one of the 2 schools where I did my undergrad work. It was A LOT easier than it sounds, and I met a lot of great people.
I'm in a small city that seems like it wouldn't have good lgbt resources, but I have a degree from a large university here and am about to do further course-work. I plan to start with the school's lgbt group(s) in order to find a good therapist and endo. I don't expect to necessarily meet anyone at my school who has the exact info I'm looking for, but I know I'll meet people who will know of other resources in the area, and those people or organizations will be able to put me in touch with other people and organizations. I figure the more people I talk to and the more resources I know of the better, even if I find a good therapist and / or endo sooner than expected.
The point is that, no matter where you are, college / university lgbt organizations tend to be a good starting place when you are in search of information, or anything lgbt-related.
Sorry for the late reply to all of you. My laptop died and I lost access to the internet for a while.
@s1ncere: Thanks for the advice. It's hard for me to connect to people to become friends with them, let alone open up to a stranger who could possibly be hostile towards the lifestyle I lead. I'll let you know how it goes
@Gnome: Wow, we do sound similar. I want the top surgery before T, but I didn't realize that you have to have a letter for that part too. The process is so complicated...
This may be an odd question, but do you perchance like lawn gnomes? (I'm asking because of your username) lol. I'm just curious.
@Alex:
Yes, I'm in college and we have a Gay-Straight Alliance on campus. We are working on a collection of coming out stories that we're going to put into a book for incoming students to read. I plan on using that as my way of coming out to all of them as a transsexual. Our group is small and quite unconnected with the surrounding LGBT community unfortunately. But we are working on expanding. I doubt they know anything about endos and such, but I could try.
Gee, I'm glad I read this thread.
I'm building up the courage to see a therapist and it's good to se my concerns are perfectly normal.
Quote from: Alexie on November 29, 2009, 01:50:06 AM
Gee, I'm glad I read this thread.
I'm building up the courage to see a therapist and it's good to se my concerns are perfectly normal.
I'm happy this thread helped. I'm also relieved to know that I'm not the only person out there panicked about having to spill my guts to a stranger. I hope things go well for you
How long did it take before a therapist called you guys back to schedule an appointment?
i'll post how i will be feeling tomorrow evening, as i have my first appointment tomorrow after work.
she charges $75 (uninsured) and has experience with the trans community. so far i feel comfortable. i've seen counselors before so this isn't a brand new thing with me, it's just been several years.
Quote from: TheOtherSide on January 19, 2010, 02:19:20 PM
How long did it take before a therapist called you guys back to schedule an appointment?
In my case, it took about two weeks. Which at the time seemed like an eternity because once I had made my mind up I wanted to go then and there. I thought I was going to go nuts until I first saw the counsellor. Now looking back I realized I reached the point of climax that I had to tell all to someone... anyone who'd listen and not judge.
I'm so glad I did ;D
Alexie
Post Merge: January 19, 2010, 10:01:30 PM
Quote from: k_tech on January 19, 2010, 07:20:53 PM
i'll post how i will be feeling tomorrow evening, as i have my first appointment tomorrow after work.
she charges $75 (uninsured) and has experience with the trans community. so far i feel comfortable. i've seen counselors before so this isn't a brand new thing with me, it's just been several years.
Gee, mine just cost $120, also uninsured! Ouch!!
I live in Australia though, but our dollar has almost reached parity with the USD anyway.
>:(
She got back to me like ASAP. We talked intially through e-mails and then I had my free 30 minute consult andthat really helped break the clinet/therapist ice. But, then I didn't schedule my first appointment until after the holidays....lol so I added to my own anxiety.
I felt like puking and I almost didn't go. But after having my ex drive around for about five minutes, I was still nervous but I didn't want to puke.
At first I was like "is she going to expect me to start talking first?" Because if so that was not going to fly. But she started talking and then we started talking like we were friends. She'd ask the neccessary questions for her assesment, but like it was easy to talk to her. By the end fo the first session, she was ready to give me my letters. But I'm going to continue you to see her through out my transition.
Quote from: Alexie on January 19, 2010, 09:58:48 PM
Gee, mine just cost $120, also uninsured! Ouch!!
I live in Australia though, but our dollar has almost reached parity with the USD anyway.
>:(
You may not have private health insurance, but you know (if you are refered by a GP) you can get most of therapy cost refunded via public health insurance (medicare), right? (<- Also playing for team .au ;)).
Judging by the $120 figure, you probably know it already - but I'm mentioning it just in case :)
Mine is $110 per session after rebate. He charges $320 per session actual.
Quote from: TheOtherSide on January 19, 2010, 02:19:20 PM
How long did it take before a therapist called you guys back to schedule an appointment?
I called mine after I got the referal from the GP, and booked my first appointment on the phone then and there.
I had picked out the therapist I wanted to see before going and getting the referal, so I had his contact details on hand ready to go. They were accepting when I called, so it was easy to get the appointment.
If they aren't accepting any new patients right now (which I assume is the hold up), it could be any length of time before a spot frees up. It all depends on the individual practice and current patient load.... though any professional receptionist should have given you an approximate timeframe when you called them to try to book the appointment.
posting this a little later than i intended...
i had my first appointment last wednesday (have another one this wednesday) and it went really well. a lot of what we talked about was abstract, social stuff as related to gender identification and historical models. it was a very informal, relaxed setting. she sees patients in her home office. she said that it seemed i was very mature and seemed to be taking great care in my consideration of my gender and need for possible transition. also, we negotiated a reduced rate, $50 down from $75. she said that when we spoke on the phone prior to meeting, she said i came across as very androgynous, which, at this time, is okay with me. at this moment, as long as i'm not being seen as purely female, i'm all right, if that makes sense. although it is a very wonderful, empowering feeling when read as male.
anyway, that's my share for now. anyone else just starting to see a therapist, and how's it going?
I have to agree with ativan on the blind step of faith. I've been going for a couple months now and really get along with my shrink. He's a great guy and I don't feel uncomfortable around him. We haven't discussed anything considering my gender, which is alright because he's tackling some serious problems in my life with me concerning family and friends. He's worked wonders with me.
I got lucky finding him. I know not everyone clicks with their shrink. Take a leap of faith, do it. I'm glad I did