Okay, so, I used to get this all the time prior to transition, from all my female friends. I always had a really good rapport with chicks, and was constantly being told that I'd be the perfect boyfriend, if only I was a guy. What I never expected was that I'd hear it post-transition.
And yet... my friend told me this last night. She had been complaining about how nobody finds her attractive, so I told her I did, but wouldn't ever try anything with her because she's going through a divorce. I didn't mean much by it; i.e., I wasn't trying to hit on her, but more was just trying to make her feel better (though it was true; just because I find her attractive, however, doesn't mean I want to date her). So she said exactly what the topic of this thread is. She knows I'm trans, of course, and has said she sees me as no less than a guy. I knew she meant it in the way of, "I wish you were a guy with a penis". It still hurts, though.
While I didn't have any romantic feelings toward this particular friend, and really wasn't hurt by her comment in particular, I'm really hurt by the fact that every person I encounter seems to have specific problems with dating a transguy. I figured bi chicks/guys wouldn't have so much of a problem... but they do. I'm seen as some sort of hybrid freak, and no one wants to deal with that, apparently. So, what's the verdict? Am I doomed to live my life alone? I simply fail to understand how genitalia can be such a huge deal.
SD
Quote from: Sebastien on November 19, 2009, 01:07:41 AM
Okay, so, I used to get this all the time prior to transition, from all my female friends. I always had a really good rapport with chicks, and was constantly being told that I'd be the perfect boyfriend, if only I was a guy. What I never expected was that I'd hear it post-transition.
And yet... my friend told me this last night. She had been complaining about how nobody finds her attractive, so I told her I did, but wouldn't ever try anything with her because she's going through a divorce. I didn't mean much by it; i.e., I wasn't trying to hit on her, but more was just trying to make her feel better (though it was true; just because I find her attractive, however, doesn't mean I want to date her). So she said exactly what the topic of this thread is. She knows I'm trans, of course, and has said she sees me as no less than a guy. I knew she meant it in the way of, "I wish you were a guy with a penis". It still hurts, though.
While I didn't have any romantic feelings toward this particular friend, and really wasn't hurt by her comment in particular, I'm really hurt by the fact that every person I encounter seems to have specific problems with dating a transguy. I figured bi chicks/guys wouldn't have so much of a problem... but they do. I'm seen as some sort of hybrid freak, and no one wants to deal with that, apparently. So, what's the verdict? Am I doomed to live my life alone? I simply fail to understand how genitalia can be such a huge deal.
SD
Pfff.... Tell me about it...
Before I met someone I love... My distant love...
I would, and still do feel depressed over the amount of girls that I could have easily at least dated if I weren't seen this way... I Mean, I never even bothered with them, cause I knew I'd get pretty much the same kind of response you did.
Even if you don't want to date them, it still bloody hurts every time.
Not all people are like that. There are too many people in this world to think that none of them would ever want to be with you because you're trans. In fact, there's tons of people out there who would be fine with it, you just haven't found them yet. Which is why I don't believe there is only 'one' person out there for someone, trans or not, there are several.
Maybe you're just not hanging around the right people, or maybe you just haven't had the opportunity to meet the right people. It could be a combination of things. But the thing is that I know there are people out there who would be fine with us and not think it a big deal. I've had the opportunity to meet them before and I know transguys who have been able to find them. Some of them are on here.
Still, that's a bit lame of them. I'm sure they didn't realize what they said meant to you or maybe they did, but you aren't doomed to live your life alone. You'll find someone. And I really don't know why our gentialia is a huge problem with some people, maybe it just makes them uncomfortable. Still, if a penis mattered that much for them in sex, then they probably aren't creative enough in bed. That's saved you some trouble.
Would you ever consider dating a fellow transperson, Sebastien?
Quote from: Cairus on November 19, 2009, 01:32:59 AM
Would you ever consider dating a fellow transperson, Sebastien?
Hahahaa, I'm sorry but I love your avi
I don't personally want to date another MTF - I say that with no experience in the matter. Simply because it would just seem weird to me. Not to rule out the possibility, but it's not something I really consider. A FTM, I think I would have no problem with, but I honestly fear harboring an attraction to their female parts and would hate to give them the impression that I was focusing on that.
Being seen as a girl by most of my girlfriends at this point, I get to hear all the time about some guy they're in an awkward, unhappy situation with... or some hot guy they want, and so forth. And I try to tell myself, yeah, this is what you want, to not be perceived as a guy, but... it is still frustrating when I wish I could be with some of them.
Quote from: Kara-Xen on November 19, 2009, 01:37:38 AM
Hahahaa, I'm sorry but I love your avi
So I'm not the only SH fan in this forum, ey?
Quote from: Autumn on November 19, 2009, 01:41:51 AM
Being seen as a girl by most of my girlfriends at this point, I get to hear all the time about some guy they're in an awkward, unhappy situation with... or some hot guy they want, and so forth. And I try to tell myself, yeah, this is what you want, to not be perceived as a guy, but... it is still frustrating when I wish I could be with some of them.
Aww, hun, but you don't have to be perceived as a guy to be with girls, now, do you? So why the turmoil? Can't you just express that you're bi/pan/lesbian? And I asked Sebastien about dating transpeople because he's talking about how he doesn't understand why other people would have so many hangups about genitalia, so I was wondering if
he has any, because if so, it could shed some light on that, is all. And if not, my answer would be to try dating another open minded transperson.
Unfortunately, I'm hung up on genitalia. I like penises and find female genitals...well, I'll be honest, I find them disgusting. And yet I want to find a guy who won't be put off by my lack of a dick. Makes me feel like such a hypocrite. >:(
Quote from: Arch on November 19, 2009, 02:09:31 AM
Unfortunately, I'm hung up on genitalia. I like penises and find female genitals...well, I'll be honest, I find them disgusting. And yet I want to find a guy who won't be put off by my lack of a dick. Makes me feel like such a hypocrite. >:(
Still, that is a good point. And sadly, I feel the same way because I am attracted to women not just on a social level but on a physical level and that includes genitalia and breasts as well.
I guess in the end we can't help what we're attracted to.
i would have no problem with a transguy anouther mtf though would put me in the same boat im in now pre transition not my thing i like guys and sabastian is cute in his own way as long as the transguy wanted to take the male role im all good for it. orientaion is seperate from gender though so some trans guys and me wouldnt be a match its the way it is i guess
jessica
to the op.. it's just a problem of her thinking "man = functioning penis"
lots of bioguys have penis problems and some even have had accidents that cause things to not work properly. does it make them less men than other men?
so that is just your friend not really understanding that an ftm is still a guy who could potentially please her very much in the bedroom just like other guys with 'down-there' problems who can be more creative... i'm sure she wouldn't say that they are not men so i think she just wasn't thinking straight when she made that comment to you.
Quote from: emoglassesenvy on November 19, 2009, 03:22:59 AM
to the op.. it's just a problem of her thinking "man = functioning penis"
lots of bioguys have penis problems and some even have had accidents that cause things to not work properly. does it make them less men than other men?
so that is just your friend not really understanding that an ftm is still a guy who could potentially please her very much in the bedroom just like other guys with 'down-there' problems who can be more creative... i'm sure she wouldn't say that they are not men so i think she just wasn't thinking straight when she made that comment to you.
Agreed
"Hybrid freak." Sebastien, that's often how I see myself. And I wonder if I'll ever find a guy who'll love me...I think most of us wonder if we'll ever find a partner. And, oddly enough, most of us do.
Quote from: Arch on November 19, 2009, 03:42:06 AM
"Hybrid freak." Sebastien, that's often how I see myself. And I wonder if I'll ever find a guy who'll love me...I think most of us wonder if we'll ever find a partner. And, oddly enough, most of us do.
Mee.... Too....
Or Shapeshifting inhuman.
I've finally realized that yes, I am just plain bisexual. Not that I want or need a label.
I would love to date women. I'd easily date a transwoman pre-or post op - genitals not important. But if I'm dating a guy, yes, I'm hypocritical also, I want a penis on him. Why? Because I don't have one and they're fun to play with. Though I wouldn't rule out some transguy blowing me away.
That said, for *ME* to be happy as me, I'm getting my penis fixed. Then I join the ranks of men in the world with small penises. I'm a small guy. Whatever. But I'd rather have a small penis than what I have now.
Jay
gratz on your half marathon jay forgot about that i know theres females that disagree with me on this but size to me isnt an issue as i get the most out of it by the close contack that it brings me with my partner
jessica