There's a girl I really like, who I'm pretty sure is straight. She knows I'm trans, and is pretty accepting. (she calls me by my name, and calls me a boy) But of course I'm pre everything, so I still look like a girl. I'm not sure how to deal with this. Anyone else want to share their experiences with straight girls? (Or gay guys if applicable)
MtFs also, what have been your experiences with straight men/lesbians?
Straight girls: it all depends on the girl. Some/many girls will immediately consider you a girl or "not REALLY a guy" as soon as they find out you were born female/don't have a penis. Some girls (often those with bi/lesbian backgrounds) won't give it a second thought - or if they do, they d*** well won't tell you about it. Many girls who have been straight all their lives and initially thought you were bio-male would be uncomfortable with it at first but may gradually grow to accept the idea (although her plans of marriage and a family might shift to a well-just-for-now-until-I-look-to-settle-down plan). The key words in this third type are "initially thought you were male", which your girl does not fit into.
In all likelyhood? She probably views you as a girl because that is how she met you and that is how you appear at the moment (a girl's voice, boobs, feminine face, and short stature soundly douses the weak spark of a voice crying "I'm really a guy!" in the minds of most). Initial perceptions (especially those validated by what she sees/hears subconsciously) are difficult to shake off. But then again, she may be one of those special ones who could handle being with a transman and not having an identity crisis about it. Like I said, it all depends on the girl.
Oh man crushes on straight girls .... aargh.
Have to second that, Alex. Even worse being in a relationship with an allegedly straight girl who is secretly second-guessing you. One of my girlfriends thought I had "created" my male identity, as if he were a "character", and completely denied that I was that person. Not fun at all. Then again, it all boils down to the individual girl.
Quote from: Aaron Chris on November 24, 2009, 12:37:35 AM
But of course I'm pre everything, so I still look like a girl.
That's why I'm not even going to bother looking for a relationship until I'm farther along in transition. Plus, life is stressful enough as is right now. Though relationships are great they're also time consuming and stressful at first. For me anyway.
I'm that shy guy staring at the girl from the corner.
Well, that shy guy who probably looks like a lesbian. And sounds like he's just inhaled helium. And has boobs.
Nope, I probably couldn't pass for a straight guy until I get T.
I had a bit of a thing with a straight girl who knew I was trans from the get go, it didn't seem to bother her. (she turned out to be completely insane but that's a separate issue :P) So I'd say it's worth a shot, it depends on the girl.
Although she did once say to me "I wish you had a real penis" which was demoralizing xD
Quote from: SilverFang on November 24, 2009, 11:06:33 AMNope, I probably couldn't pass for a straight guy until I get T.
In your avatar you look alot like a guy to me but I don't know about the other things.
Quote from: Radar on November 24, 2009, 01:36:28 PM
In your avatar you look alot like a guy to me but I don't know about the other things.
Thanks. I've still got helium voice and straight girls don't like that.
As for me, I'm just waiting for the helium voice, etc, to go away before I turn my sights to straight girls... Or anyone at all. Transition is a time for us. It's a very selfish time. But they say - you must love oneself before you love others... Or something akin to that. I think that's a good manner of looking at it.
Quote from: Radar on November 24, 2009, 07:45:44 AM
That's why I'm not even going to bother looking for a relationship until I'm farther along in transition. Plus, life is stressful enough as is right now. Though relationships are great they're also time consuming and stressful at first. For me anyway.
Agree with all of this. I don't have a place yet that would impress a girl, and don't have the earnings to impress one even if they don't see my place. Hopefully once this difficult period is over, I'm an EMT and can afford a bike good for carrying a passenger etc then I can expect to be interesting to a nice straight girl.
I'm actually in a relationship with a straight girl, who knew me through friends, though we were never that close, for years as female and we only got together after I came out to her as trans... She says it definitely made me more attractive after she found out that I identified as male
My last GF was lesbian and didn't want a GUY, as she actually expressed it. I think most of us guys want a gal who *does* want us as GUYS.
Quote from: Alex_C on November 24, 2009, 03:57:34 PM
My last GF was lesbian and didn't want a GUY, as she actually expressed it. I think most of us guys want a gal who *does* want us as GUYS.
Exactly.
I can't wait for T.
At first I was like "...I'M a bisexual girl, and I wouldn't mind dating a transguy!, even a pre-transition one, as long as he saw me as a girl, and I'd see him as a guy."But then I realised I'm pre-HRT and all and no straight transguy would want me. D:
But if there's me, there HAS to be others.
Quote from: Alex_C on November 24, 2009, 03:57:34 PM
My last GF was lesbian and didn't want a GUY, as she actually expressed it. I think most of us guys want a gal who *does* want us as GUYS.
Yeah, that's an issue... I know quite well I probably won't be in a relationship for quite some time, because a straight guy/lesbian is going to see me as a girl. Same with a straight girl/gay guy.
But there's always that feeling I get when I meet someone attractive who likes guys, of "damn it why can't I just be a 'normal' guy?
Quote from: Aaron Chris on November 24, 2009, 04:30:00 PM
But there's always that feeling I get when I meet someone attractive who likes guys, of "damn it why can't I just be a 'normal' guy?
I get that feeling all the time, not just with attractive people.
Well yeah, so do I, but it's kind of more "up front" when that happens. Otherwise it's usually just kind of nagging at me all the time.
Yeah. I fail at relationships.
The last girl I had a (huge) crush on, was, of coursee, straight. And not interested. Considering she sees me as a girl (and has heard my voice *cringe*), i don't blame her.
methinks dating is a bad idea for the moment. just for the whole "DON'T lead someone on" thing.
celibate and lacking interest are two different things...
I just have to get some things squared away in my life, the last thing I need is a relationship right now.
Quote from: Alex_C on November 24, 2009, 06:01:25 PM
I just have to get some things squared away in my life, the last thing I need is a relationship right now.
Same here, but sometimes I wish I had someone to distract me from work.
I have to hope that things are changing...
When I told my few girlfriends that know we're poly that I was seeing a transguy, they didn't bat an eye. I didn't get a bunch of ridiculous questions and I was really happy, but honestly surprised. But then again.. these people are my friends for a reason. ;D
Quote from: Aaron Chris on November 24, 2009, 04:30:00 PMBut there's always that feeling I get when I meet someone attractive who likes guys, of "damn it why can't I just be a 'normal' guy?
The story of my life. :-\
Quote from: Aaron Chris on November 24, 2009, 04:30:00 PM
damn it why can't I just be a 'normal' guy?
I feel the same way, all the time... especially when someone brings something up, like the "real" penis problem. It really sucks.
All the girls I dated are straight including my present g/f.
Of course most of them didn't know I was FTM until I told them later on... luckily, they accepted it.
But I had problems with a couple of my ex's parents...when they found out..............It sucks....
Like everyone is saying...it really depends on the girl. But you will never know unless you try.
If you really like this girl...I say go for it..there's nothing to loose.
And if she doesn't feel the same...then she isn't the right girl to begin with....life goes on.There are more people out there who will accept you.
Try to not think negative. I know its easy said than done.
Quote from: s1ncere on November 25, 2009, 02:52:22 PM
All the girls I dated are straight including my present g/f.
Of course most of them didn't know I was FTM until I told them later on... luckily, they accepted it.
But I had problems with a couple of my ex's parents...when they found out..............It sucks....
Like everyone is saying...it really depends on the girl. But you will never know unless you try.
If you really like this girl...I say go for it..there's nothing to loose.
And if she doesn't feel the same...then she isn't the right girl to begin with....life goes on.There are more people out there who will accept you.
Try to not think negative. I know its easy said than done.
This too.
You're just making it harder on yourself if you think about these things negatively.
My SO is bisexual, when I look back at the women I dated for more than a year all of them were bisexual. This was before I was even out to myself as trans just the way things happened.
Andrew