Hey all,
So latly ive been noticing that ive been thinking about GID less and less. Just wondering if anybody else ever has this happen to them. What happen? Did it come back? After how long?
Im not saying i don;t still think about it. But the urge to come out and get the ball rolling has just stopped for the time being.
thanks in advance!
Yes, it does ebb and flow. Sometimes not so bad, sometimes crushingly depressing.
During the ebb times, many purge only to have regret when the GID is revisited.
The time is different depending on the situation. Though I was never far away from it, the cycle was never farther than 4 - 6 months.
Over the course of my life, though, each cycle the anguish got little worse and the depression little deeper. Eventually the depression was so constant and so deep that I felt I had only one option.
Others have remarked about the same thing. It cycles, it gets worse. It doesn't go away.
-Sandy
It was most definitely an ebb and flow for me, as I struggled with my gender identity. Yet it never goes away. I can't tell you how many times I purged, only to come back within a short time period. The depression, confusion and anger only worsened. Once I came out of the closet and found a very good GID therapist, I found inner peace, not that I still don't have my moments, but things have gotten much better.
I don't think the shrinks understand the true transsexual's purging and confuse it with the guilt purging/testo crash of the crossdresser instead of realising that we TS purge because of the pre-transition inability to be out and proud as our real selves in the fashions and accessories we love so much.
Once we transition we only 'purge' a little at a time to update our fashions just like any other female.
Quote from: lilacwoman on November 25, 2009, 01:04:12 PM
Once we transition we only 'purge' a little at a time to update our fashions just like any other female.
Honey, that's not purging, it's called "regifting". ;D
-Sandy
Thanks for the help once again......
I've thrown more clothing & cosmetics away than I could use in a lifetime.
Mine would definitely come and go. Sometimes it would be gone for quite a while, sometimes just a little. I was always aware of it, though.
I never saw any rhythm to the cycling. Sometimes when I had it it was very strong, sometimes just a bit. Sometimes when it was gone I could almost believe it was really gone but always knew it would be back. Gradually it came back and stayed and got worse and worse until I finally had to deal with it.
Now I'm pretty sure that it's gone for good as I live as my true self. :)
- Kate
I have had bouts with it, but after my Orchie it is remission. For how long I don't know, but for now I am at peace.
Janet
My GID has always been with me, I can't remember a time when I haven't experienced it in some form or another.
But its been much worse and present literally from the moment I wake up to the moment I go to sleep, every night, for a solid year now when I realized I could have actually done something.
Quote from: justme19 on November 25, 2009, 06:26:30 AM
Hey all,
So latly ive been noticing that ive been thinking about GID less and less. Just wondering if anybody else ever has this happen to them. What happen? Did it come back? After how long?
Im not saying i don;t still think about it. But the urge to come out and get the ball rolling has just stopped for the time being.
thanks in advance!
It does ebb and flow (yes I repeat it.) I have a couple weeks of decent self esteem and a couple weeks of depression. It's probably teh evil female hormone cycle that makes it so regular.
Overall though, time just seems to worsen it.
ooooooh - I'm sorry to be the odd one out here, but no, not really. Of course it's a long time ago now, but as far as I, and my family members, can recall there was never a day when I didn't express it and feel it in some way.
I think it makes a difference that I was one of the very few lucky souls whose family always "knew" and supported me from age 5 (yes we did exist even in the 1960's).
The only time I ever really needed to purge or make an effort to "go straight" was, ironically, when, in 1977, the doctor at the GIC told me that he wasn't going to treat me until I had actually properly tried living in my natal gender. He felt my family had made it too easy! The result was one short frustrating period when I did live something of a double life. How do you do it? Needless to say it didn't work and thankfully within a very few years I was back and post-op.
jenny i think in your case its because you solved the issue rather quickly mine was pretty constant into my 20's then as the lie of being male got further entrenched it would come and go sometimes severly at times it was so bad the thought of suicide was a very real possibility just to make it go away
jessica
I don't like the term "GID" because i never disliked my gender - I just had a heck of a time figuring it out because of the conflict with my body and what others thought I should be.
For me it was a struggle not between boy and girl, male or female, but can I really be a girl in a deformed body. So my 'identity' struggle was between girl and freak. Every time I settled into believing I was just a freak, something would happen to emphasize how normal-girl I was - then my mother and some adults would pound me back into 'freak'. That went on from middle childhood until late teens until I decided 'girl' was the only viable and sustainable answer, which led to SRS at 24 (1974) and 35+ years of normalcy. It turned out I iwas right all along - just normal GIRL ;D
Quote from: rejennyrated on November 26, 2009, 03:18:56 AM
The only time I ever really needed to purge or make an effort to "go straight" was, ironically, when, in 1977, the doctor at the GIC told me that he wasn't going to treat me until I had actually properly tried living in my natal gender.
That 'reparative therapy was still being tried as late as 1997 and perhaps even today by straight people who just cannot imagine being TS.
And no doubt after the 2012 DSM it will be back in fashion and forced on any person with TSism.
Quote from: lilacwoman on November 26, 2009, 04:58:55 AM
That 'reparative therapy was still being tried as late as 1997 and perhaps even today by straight people who just cannot imagine being TS.
And no doubt after the 2012 DSM it will be back in fashion and forced on any person with TSism.
HMMM! please don't get me started on that. Personally I still think it borders on the barbaric. I know that the people who do it actually do so with the best of intentions... but still...
I actually did it, but as a protest I walked out of the GIC and didn't come back until the doctor in question had gone. (actually he died, which was obviously sad, but from my perspective a godsend, because his successor was a lot more helpful!)
thanks all again for the quick ansers!
I knew someone was going to say this, i agree. But thatd the medical term for it, so thats what I use when i explained it, so everyone knew what i was talking about :P
Quote from: Northern Jane on November 26, 2009, 04:07:20 AM
I don't like the term "GID" because i never disliked my gender - I just had a heck of a time figuring it out because of the conflict with my body and what others thought I should be.
For me it was a struggle not between boy and girl, male or female, but can I really be a girl in a deformed body. So my 'identity' struggle was between girl and freak. Every time I settled into believing I was just a freak, something would happen to emphasize how normal-girl I was - then my mother and some adults would pound me back into 'freak'. That went on from middle childhood until late teens until I decided 'girl' was the only viable and sustainable answer, which led to SRS at 24 (1974) and 35+ years of normalcy. It turned out I iwas right all along - just normal GIRL ;D
GID is that way. Sometimes I will be fine for a bit and then for some reason I will look at another girl and wish I could be similar to her and have everyone call me Lauren. I don't understand why I feel this way since I am not really that feminine but somwhere inside me something female lives. I am not totally sure I am a transsexual but I know I need more than crossdressing. Choose something that kind of goes with your character. I chose the name Lauren because it is not an overly girly name but there are no male equivalent names to it. I guess the name Loren could be the male version of Lauren but no one ever names their kid that, so I am fine with using the name I picked. I am not super girly but I don't really like to be considered a man or something like that. Lauren is a rather pretty name and is fun to say.
I tried to push it away and ignore it.....But it always came back.....Even Stronger
for me it hasn't been so much a random ebb and flow as it is certain specific triggers that set it off, even now after living full time for 9 months. I'm really referring here more to the body dysphoria feelings than to any gender identity issues, because I have no doubt whatsoever of my female identity and that is never in question. But learning what those triggers are and how they've changed over time has helped me to deal with them. They are mostly all now related to the challenges of transitioning.
At first I simply tried to avoid the triggers, but in the real world that is not always possible and not really a permanent solution in any case. So now I just keep my goals in mind: my surgery, the life I plan after surgery, etc. That helps me to stay focused from the horrible distraction and emotional upheaval that dysphoria brings with it. For me transition does have an end, and that end is in sight once my surgery is complete.
I've learned it is better to face your challenges head on, in this case dysphoria, than to run from them because that just never works. Better to deal with the challenge on your own terms than the terms of the challenge itself, because it will always try to convince you it is insurmountable. Tell it No, it's not; face it down and show no fear. The way around it will often then present itself. But as long as you play the game of run and hide and deny, it only get's worse.
Quote from: FairyGirl on November 27, 2009, 05:53:26 PM
for me it hasn't been so much a random ebb and flow as it is certain specific triggers that set it off, I'm really referring here more to the body dysphoria feelings than to any gender identity issues, because I have no doubt whatsoever of my female identity and that is never in question. But learning what those triggers are and how they've changed over time has helped me to deal with them. They are mostly all now related to the challenges of transitioning.
At first I simply tried to avoid the triggers, but in the real world that is not always possible and not really a permanent solution in any case. So now I just keep my goals in mind: my surgery, the life I plan after surgery, etc. That helps me to stay focused from the horrible distraction and emotional upheaval that dysphoria brings with it. For me transition does have an end, and that end is in sight once my surgery is complete.
I've learned it is better to face your challenges head on, in this case dysphoria, than to run from them because that just never works. Better to deal with the challenge on your own terms than the terms of the challenge itself, because it will always try to convince you it is insurmountable. Tell it No, it's not; face it down and show no fear. The way around it will often then present itself. But as long as you play the game of run and hide and deny, it only get's worse.
This ^
Dysphoria comes then goes then comes back with a vengence. For many the resulting depressions can be so overpowering that literaly nothing else can be felt other than dysphoria and depression.
I find my gender identity swings to and fro more violently when there are other stressors in my life too. It must weaken my resistance or something? I do get stretches of time (about a month or two) when my gender is just neutral, but then it suddenly starts to mess me up worse than before. It hasn't been really bad for a few years now, it was at its worst for the few years after puberty started (not only did I newly have to deal with an increasingly gendered body but there were also 'other stressors') but now my life is more stable!
Yes, my GID has come and gone so many times over the years. It was especially strong in high school and college. The lows were pretty bad and I was seriously considering suicide at one point, but not anymore. Now that I've accepted it and started moving forward, the feeling has turned from hopelessness into hope when it comes ... and I could not be more thankful for it.
Quote from: lauren3332 on November 27, 2009, 05:10:13 PMI guess the name Loren could be the male version of Lauren but no one ever names their kid that
I actually know two Loren's at work, it can't be that uncommon ::)
I went along blissfully unaware of my situation for 40+ years, but i knew that "something" was not quite right.
Now that I have a name for what is going on, i'm also subject to GID. As an androgyne, I put up with it, but I can sense the power that it has, and I can sense that maybe some day it will push me out of the androgyne zone and into something else.
So yes, it can grow stronger, and it can go "away"..... for awhile. But it always comes back :)
Quote from: K8 on November 25, 2009, 08:16:57 PM
I was always aware of it, though.
This. Whether it was strong or weak, it never really went away.
The closest it came to going away was during a stretch of seven or eight years. I was repressing like mad and managed to recloset myself. The GID was always lurking there; I tried hard to ignore it and keep it boxed up, but it was always hanging over me like a dark cloud.
About a year and a half ago, I couldn't repress anymore. Everything fell apart all at once. I came all the way out of the closet, and the rest is history. (Personal history, but history nonetheless.)
Yeah, I was always aware of it since childhood. I held it at bay to please the expectant others for several years.
But after this long I don't see the point and feel like I wasted several years of happiness trying to please others who didn't appreciate my efforts anyway
When I wasn't complete, GID always came back. It never went away wholly. It was always hiding, waiting to pounce on me. If I hadn't transitioned fully, it'd have killed me.
I have also noticed that the longer you wait to take care of this problem, the stonger it gets when it comes back and when it is "away" you kind of get used to it being there and don't care as much anymore about it but that is mostly because you have lost hope in yourself.
the intensity ebbs and flows, never really goes away, it's always there lurking in the shadows.
Z