'ello,
Another newbie here..
I've been lurking the forums for a while, and I've been trying to sort out my thoughts on my TS-ness, whatever category it falls into right now. About 6 months ago I discovered that FtM transsexuals exist.. o_o And pretty much my whole life sort of makes sense to me now.
Since I can remember I've wanted to be male, without ever knowing why. I remember actually feeling jealous of other people being referred to as "he"/"him". My most common wish when blowing the candles out on my birthday was simply "to wake up the next day and be a boy". Stupid stuff like that.
I didn't consider it particularly odd though, and I was quite open about it.. Actively trying to convince other kids that I was a boy, etc. :]
However when I was 11, I was put in an all-girl's school and after a couple of years of "social conditioning" I'd "learned" that acting like a boy in public was apparently completely unacceptable. Since then I shied away from anything overtly masculine, sometimes to ridiculous degrees. Eg, how I came to despise browsing shops for clothes, in case somebody (whether friend or stranger) happened to glance over and notice me take an interest in an item that was a bit boyish, and *gasp* judge me for it. :/
Back then, my mum would need to come with me and point at things, then I'd either wrinkle my nose -signifying I didn't like the item, or not not wrinkle my nose -signifying I might want to have a closer look at it. >>
Things moved on since then of course! I re-learned some social skills, and I got very good at just not thinking about/confronting bad stuff, which made me appear a very positive person on the outside, but I ended up feeling like I was simply drifting through life. I became apathetic and lacked drive for anything; even the things I thought I loved. I found it very hard to interact with other girls. My self-esteem was awful, and I still felt extremely awkward wearing/doing anything feminine. I would often find myself fishing for compliments in an attempt to confirm I was "passing" as a proper girl, but I didn't agree with any such compliment nor did receiving them make me happy. They simply made me feel a bit safer knowing that how I was acting was socially acceptable. But I still actually preferred hearing "You and your brother have the same walk/sound the same on the phone" etc. :}
From late teens up to now, I always found a lot of comfort in online forums/games where I could safely choose a male or androgynous avatar.
I feel genuinely happier these days. Since realising I may be trans, I decided it might actually be a smart idea to forget about what other people expect and live my life/do/wear what I want. Possibly easier said than done for me, but I'm taking steps! I finally cut my hair short, like I always wanted but was afraid I'd look too much like a boy/lesbian. People can think what they like, now. But I love it. :]
I am aching to transition. There is a lot of stuff I need to sort out first, though.. I have an awesome job that I'm extremely lucky to have and a lovely (currently long-distance) boyfriend. These are the only things I'm particularly worried about messing up if I go through the process. :x
I've come out to one friend (an ex) a few days ago. He took it amazingly well but I kinda expected that from him. I'm sort of ->-bleeped-<-ting myself about coming out to my man, and people at work! Family should be okay I think, but I still need to find the balls to actually do it.
I'm not sure what my first course of action should be now as far as doctors etc, go.
Has anyone had any experience of therapists (or even surgeons) in the South of England? Main gender specialists I've read about in the UK aren't exactly practical to get to for me.
Hmm anyways, sorry for the spam! (hopefully the tiny text disguises it a bit... ahah.) But I've not really had anyone else to talk to about any of this, ever.. :P
Cheers muchly, if you've read this far! :o
Welcome to Susans. No help on the other stuff as I am in the states.
Andrew
Welcome to the neighbourhood, brother.
Hi, Banf. Welcome to the club. I can't help you with any logistical stuff because I'm in the U.S. system, but I'm glad you're figuring yourself out.
Welcome, dude.
Sorry can't help, another in the states.
Welcome to Susan's.
Hey! Welcome to the forum. I'm a UK guy.
The best thing for you to do is to decide if you want to pursue the private or NHS route for the counselling you will most likely be required to undergo, and then any physical transition you may or may not decide to undertake.
Private is faster but obviously costs you a pretty large amount of money. There's a reportedly very good Gender Specialist; Dr Richard Curtis, in London, who is a transguy so has a good understanding of the things ftms go through.
I am an NHS boy because I have zero funds to go private and I am also a strong believer in socialised medicine. If you wish to pursue the NHS route, prepare to be patient. Then the best thing to do is to visit your GP and discuss your gender concerns with them and ask to be referred to your area's gender clinic. How far away from you that is depends completely upon whereabouts in the south you live. My gender clinic is about 45mins drive from my home. You may have to push your GP to actually refer you as most have never had any contact with transgender patients and might be a little reluctant due to lack of knowledge. Reassure them you are serious and a referral is necessary in order for you to be happy.
Anything else feel free to ask, there are a few UK guys on here who will help you out, you might even be able to find someone in your area.
Hi Banf, :icon_wave:
Welcome to our little family. Over 3700 strong. That would be one heck of a family reunion.
Feel free to post your successes/failures, Hopes/dreams. Ask questions and seek answers. Give and receive advice.
But remember we are family here, your family now. And it is always nice to have another brother. :icon_hug:
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Blessed Be.
Janet
Howdy and welcome to the forums =D
Hey dude, welcome to the forum ;D
I have had zero luck with the NHS so far, I came out and contacted my GP around a year ago and nothing has come of it apart from a lot of patronisation and other nonsense. I've just moved areas though so I'm hoping a new doctor will be less of an ass-hat about the whole thing :P
Hi, and welcome.
Im in the US also, sorry I can't help either.
Congrats on realizing who you really are though, and becoming more of yourself.
Hope you can find what you need. :]
Welcome Banf. :)
My mother would threaten me that she was going to send me to an all-girl's school. That thought was terrifying to me. :icon_sadblinky: Thankfully that never happened. I also hated being made to go clothes shopping for women's clothes. I also found it hard to interact with females and still do.
It's great you've sorted things out, worked through who you really are and have decided to move forward. Transitioning is scary but liberating at the same time. :)
Thanks for the welcomes, guys!
Tay:
I was thinking NHS for now. I may splash out on the top surgery, though, if it's okay to do a mixture of both? I'm in Brighton, but I'm willing to visit London or some place about as far for a good therapist. :3
There's a place here called The Gender Trust, but their website is kinda confusing.. They say they offer
"Information about trained counsellors, psychologists and psychotherapists, and if required we can advise on initiating the proper referral procedure to a choice of psychiatrists."
But I'm not sure if that's only for 'members'. To join it seems to cost £40.. :/
I wasn't sure if I should book a normal doctor's appointment to see my GP, I thought they might think I'm wasting their time if I only want to talk to them about referring me. o:
Jeatyn: Ugh, doesn't sound fun. :( I've had the same GP since I was a kiddie, though I haven't seen her in ages. I'm hoping she might try and be a bit helpful.. Maybe. ><
I came out to a friend from work tonight, first face-to-face explanation of things and it was bloody scary, but he took it really well. I've only known him since I started the job 3 months ago but we get along amazingly, and he made it clear he's very supportive of whatever I decide to do. :)
Also had an "Excuse me gents" from a random guy, direct at me and my friend while we were in a doorway talking and I was wearing my ski coat, in the dark.. Still, I think that was the first such remark since I was 12. \m/