I am now really happy that I have made it to the rank of newbie... yay!
Now I can put some detail in my profile, the question arose whether I am male or female. As I am in fact male at the moment, and just going through the unbelievably complexed soul searching as to whether I transition or not: do I say what sex I am or what I would like to be seen as in an ideal world?
I would love to start calling myself female, even if it is only in the confines of this forum, and could possibly be seen as a teeny weeny first step to transitioning. Well mentally at least :) I don't on the other hand want to be seen to be dishonest, especially on this board where honesty is of paramount importance.
We generally go by what's between our ears, not our legs. Nobody will think you dishonest.
Quote
I would love to start calling myself female, even if it is only in the confines of this forum
it does feel pretty nice, try it on for size :)
Quote from: Becca on November 29, 2009, 02:14:06 AM
We generally go by what's between our ears, not our legs. Nobody will think you dishonest.
it does feel pretty nice, try it on for size :)
I'm so glad you said that. :-*
Quote from: Alexie on November 29, 2009, 02:05:35 AM
...
I don't on the other hand want to be seen to be dishonest, especially on this board where honesty is of paramount importance.
Honesty with others comes with being honest to yourself first. That said, transition isn't as much (imho) the physical changes in the body as much as transcending the boxes of gender assigned at birth in order to be true to yourself.
Quote from: Alexie on November 29, 2009, 02:05:35 AM
As I am in fact male at the moment, and just going through the unbelievably complexed soul searching as to whether I transition or not: do I say what sex I am or what I would like to be seen as in an ideal world?
The gender marker here is exactly what it means, what you identify as, not the gear in-between your crotch. Transition is a
choice of
options, medically, socially, and presentation wise. You can go as far as you need to, and only you alone can decide where, when, and how to proceed.
A therapist who deals with gender variant clients would be an option, and you'll probably be recommended to see one in this thread, but they can only work on what information you offer them, assuming it came from the heart, they also
can not tell you
who you are or
how to live.
As I said before about options, I'll say of consequences, not that they are good or bad per se, but what you do now will shape what happens next. Going down the gender rabbit hole with both eyes open will let you see the inner truth, whatever it may be.
That, is what being honest to yourself is like.
Thanks Flan. I'm getting really emotional now. You should have seen the smile on my face and the enormous sense of joy I got when I could say I was a girl. I'm crying! I don't know if that is from relief or I've touched on something that I've been hiding all my life. This is so scary!!
Quote from: Alexie on November 29, 2009, 02:42:34 AM
Thanks Flan. I'm getting really emotional now. You should have seen the smile on my face and the enormous sense of joy I got when I could say I was a girl. I'm crying! I don't know if that is from relief or I've touched on something that I've been hiding all my life. This is so scary!!
Well for what it's worth, your posts read as obviously female to me. I can't imagine a man talking that way at all.
And if people question your physical state I would say you are "a girl in disguise." That's what I used to say in my childhood actually, when my schoolmates asked me whether I was a boy or a girl. It always made them laugh and I think saved me from a lot of bullying.
But if it comes to honesty - most of us here, even the postops like me who have a minor intersex component to our story, have chromasomes which are to varying degrees at odds with our declared gender. So I would say you are as female as any of us!
Welcome to our family Young Lady.
Quote from: rejennyrated on November 29, 2009, 03:19:28 AM
Well for what it's worth, your posts read as obviously female to me. I can't imagine a man talking that way at all.
Welcome to our family Young Lady.
That is the nicest possible thing you could have said :) I am so, so happy to be acknowledged as having a female mind. It's something I've thought (and fought) all my life, but it is immeasurably delightful that my peers can see it. And this community is definitely made up of my peers.
It feels like the 'hidden' me, the real me, is finally able to come to the surface and stop pretending not to exist.
:D I love reading these posts, gives me such a warm felling inside :angel:
You sounds like a fantasic person Alexie!
Quote from: justme19 on November 29, 2009, 05:19:29 AM
:D I love reading these posts, gives me such a warm felling inside :angel:
You sounds like a fantasic person Alexie!
Thanks for that :D
I guess this forum lets me be the real me after all. The funny thing is, when I was at school I was often called a bit of a girl (intended as a insult of course). It's such a shame things weren't different then, because I'd liked to have said "yes I am, I've just been given the wrong body". Is it any wonder I hated school.
I know we mustn't dwell in the past, but oh how I'd like to have made a transgender choice when I was young.
Thanks for hearing me and being a friend.
Alexie
I know we mustn't dwell in the past, but oh how I'd like to have made a transgender choice when I was young.
I came out to my folks when I was 13, 43 yrs ago. Didn't go down well then at all. I hated having to go through puberty, watching hair grow, watching my clit change. Not having periods when my sisters did. My breasts not growing. Trying to understand boys, when I hated being one. Wanting to out to a club with my girl friends. The horror of what happened when I did.
One thing I have realised; my brothers, sisters and I are forged in steel. You are a strong woman Alexie, never forget it, let it carry you through the hell days.
Hugs
Cindy
Your original post on this thread interested me, Alexie, because I have never put a gender marker on my profile.
I've always thought of myself as male, because I could see that I was and people told me that I was and it's easier to just go along with all that. But I never identified myself as a man – I would always say I was male.
Now I know that I am a woman, but the state still sees me as male. That's OK with me as long as I can be a woman. Someday I'll be female, but for now I'm male but not a man, a woman but not female. Life is complicated.
Welcome, Alexie. From the posts I've read, I think you'll do fine here. I'm looking forward to more. :)
- Kate
The transgender spectrum is wide and the members of this site range from MTF to androgenyne to FTM. Some are transitioning, some have transitioned and some never will. What is important is that you are comfortable in yourself. Seek out a decent counsellor and discuss your gender issues. Join the forums and gradually you will become sure of your status.
There is no such thing as a silly question.