This is for all who think passing is everything. I read a post from Jessica Rose and my head went into hi gear.
I work in the supermarket industry, computer set ups, it always amazes me how most woman dress. I keep thinking, How bad could I look?
Mostly the over weight. Clothes too tight stomachs hanging over the pants. People in night clothes. There is no limit it seems. So why should I feel bad about my looks?
Because I care
Sarah
I agree, Sarah. I don't think I always pass, but I do pretty well. Women come in all sorts of shapes and sizes. I have GG friends who are taller, have broader shoulders, have narrower hips, have bigger feet, have more masculine faces, have deeper voices, etc. (Not all of these are on the same woman, bless her.) I've seen women in outfits I wouldn't even wear inside the house let alone in public. All these women have one thing in common: They know they are women.
Appearance is important, but I really think attitude and behavior are key. (I know, I've been through this argument before.) Be a woman and you will be accepted as one (most of the time).
- Kate
Hi Kate
Thanks for the input. well said
Sarah
it always amazes me how most woman people dress
I don't think that with the saggin' and the hip-hop-pimp wear, the unlaced shoes that the girls have anything on the boys anymore in the bad dressing department. Hell, I've had people who were hired to load trucks, who were told they were going to be loading trucks, show up in Teva's. Great choice. No one knows how to dress anymore I don't think.
Tekla
I agree 100%
Sarah
I think there is a unreported - perhaps its a conspiracy - mirror shortage. Mirrors mush have vanished from all over the place because you can't convince me that some of the people I see on a daily basis really stood in front of a mirror before they went out and said "Yeah, this is how I really want to be seen!"
I don't think mirrors have vanished. People just stop looking at them
Sarah
I only recently have started making use of a mirror. Just was never a thought when younger. time changed and I started getting taken as female more often and then I got a mirror. I fight that image as best I can now that I see it.
Kate is absolutely right.
As someone who, postop, lived in stealth for a very long time I know how cisgendered people talk about us and spot us.
Mostly it is down to attitude or lack of self belief. That momentary little facial tell when you get complimented or questioned.
Strangely enough another dead giveaway, at least as far as most of my work colleagues were concerned, was people who looked too perfect.
One of the nicest things someone ever said to me after I had come out of stealth was "well we never would have guessed about you because you always looked too natural and too flawed" by which they meant that I didn't have the perfect figure or the perfect face - I almost never wear makeup, but I am also pretty unselfconscious.
So if you want to pass - learn how to flaunt your flaws a little rather than always trying to hide them. Strangely enough you will find that in many cases it will actually work in your favour because people will expect someone who is trans to have tried to cover up the bits which don't fit the image, and so the fact that you didn't bother becomes in their minds the ultimate proof that you are just unlucky...
Try it. For nearly 3 decades it has worked well for me.
All you have to do is look at http://peopleofwalmart.com (http://peopleofwalmart.com) to see what some people consider acceptable wear in public. Don't forget your brain bleach before looking.
Jay
Quote from: rejennyrated on December 04, 2009, 04:26:38 PM
Strangely enough another dead giveaway, at least as far as most of my work colleagues were concerned, was people who looked too perfect.
One of the nicest things someone ever said to me after I had come out of stealth was "well we never would have guessed about you because you always looked too natural and too flawed" by which they meant that I didn't have the perfect figure or the perfect face - I almost never wear makeup, but I am also pretty unselfconscious.
So if you want to pass - learn how to flaunt your flaws a little rather than always trying to hide them. Strangely enough you will find that in many cases it will actually work in your favour because people will expect someone who is trans to have tried to cover up the bits which don't fit the image, and so the fact that you didn't bother becomes in their minds the ultimate proof that you are just unlucky...
I like that. In the beginning we work really hard on our presentation, but I think it is when we just relax that we do better. We need that first part to get over the hump – to push away the old manners and habits and way of presenting ourselves and build some new ones. But that's part of the learning process.
I've found a certain "screw-it" attitude helps a lot. (And just to be clear: That's "screw-
it" not "screw-
you", the latter being a very
unhelpful attitude.)
- Kate
Quote from: K8 on December 05, 2009, 09:15:44 AM
I've found a certain "screw-it" attitude helps a lot. (And just to be clear: That's "screw-it" not "screw-you", the latter being a very unhelpful attitude.)
- Kate
Nicely put :) Sums up my attitude to self presentation excatly!
That's what I'm talking about Jay
Sarah
Quote from: sarahF on December 05, 2009, 09:53:53 AM
That's what I'm talking about Jay
Sarah
ho hum! Some of them were... erm... well let's say a bit extreme weren't they? Matter of fact the first one in the green leotard nearly made me spill my coffee! ::)
Let's face it you ahve to have some nerve to go out like that!
Quote from: sarahF on December 04, 2009, 11:27:01 AM
I don't think mirrors have vanished. People just stop looking at them
Sarah
My wife told me while seeing our therapist, "there's not a mirror that's ever been in your presence that you haven't stood in front of", lol. But, I was that way even before transition. How I look in public has always made a difference with me.
Whether it's "passing" or people just accepting that I am who I am, I feel as others here have stated, it's more about your attitude and confidence than it is about the clothes. Of course I like to think nice clothes help! ;D
Dawn
Nice clothes, that fit properly, is always a good start.
Sarah
I'm getting there slowly. It is as much of a confidence thing as anything. My hair still needs to grow out more and the hormones still have a lot of work to do but I am much more comfortable dressed in public. I live as a woman except when I am at work or when I go to play golf so I am en fem about 80% of the time. I am just building up my confidence to go full time which I plan to do early in the new year. Wish me luck.
Good luck hope everything works out for you.
Sarah
Yes, Pippa. Good luck in the new year.
I found a certain "here I am ready or not" attitude helped. :D
- Kate
Not sure about that Kate. Could work both ways
Sarah