S/he hasn't undergone therapy (we have tried with several) and s/he sees no value in it. The tg drugs have come from the far east via the internet. S/he has scheduled his mtf srs surgery in Thailand without our knowledge since s/he wants to do it asap and they have said that s/he doesn't need electrolysis---they can just cut out the follicles, no problem. We have flown across the country to try to get her to at least meet with a US srs surgeon. S/he refuses. No time. Leaves for Thailand tomorrow? Has done everything outside standards and refuses to listen to anything we say. We have been trying to speak to him/her all week and have been put off, turned down, ignored, etc. Anyone have any opinion?
PS. s/he charged several of our cards for cash advances without our knowledge and used college money sent by us to finance this. Help.
I think you may find that the surgery doesn't happen.
I was reading somewhere that the Thai system has tightened up their rules recently and it is now illegal for doctors to operate without a referral.
There are also some worrying bit of misinformation in this. For example while electrolysis is not needed on the erm... naughty bits, it definitely IS needed on the face. So I think your youngster has got the wrong end of the stick there. A few of us are lucky and didn't have much facial hair - but if there is any then it will need removal.
I do feel for you and your worry, but I will admit that back when I got my operation (1984) I had rather similar feelings and I still think therapy is rather overated.
I can't tell you whether or not it will be OK for you, but what I can say is that several of us did deviate to a greater of lesser extent from the standards of care and I for one have never had any regrets in the 25 years that I have been postop.
So it may be a risk, but don't assume this is automatically going to be a disaster. It may turn out ok.
As I have discovered with my own adopted son, the sad part about being a parent is that though you never stop caring and worrying, there comes a point, when they become young adults, where there is very little that you can do other than hope and pray that things will work out.
I am assuming that this young person is old enough to leave home (18) because if not, then I suppose as a parent you could get an injunction to stop them traveling. Although, if they are genuine, the emotional fall out from that would almost certainly kill off the parent child relationship. So the cost of that action would be that you lose any chance to help them later on when they need it.
I can't really offer any concrete advice and I think anyone who does without knowing the full facts is treading on very thin ice. What I can say is that I fully sympathise with your concern as a parent and my thoughts are with you.
PS - Whatever happens please stay in touch and let us know the outcome? Thanks.
Thank you for your response. My problem is that she has gone to such extremes to pursue this and in the quickest and slapdash fashion. How can a 19 year old afford this surgery? She has stolen from us, used all of her cash for college toward this and has no ethical boundaries any longer which makes me wonder if she needs psychotherapy for more than just tg issues. I don't recognize this person who inhabits my child's body. She is paranoid, disrespectful, judgmental and will stop at nothing to get this asap. All of our logical arguments have fallen on "deaf ears" and we only found out about this this week. Presently we are scrambling to get her to go to an appointment with a renowned plastic surgeon in LA (near where she attends college) instead of getting on the plane. We have offered to foot the bill entirely for this if she would only consider this.
Quote from: achildsparent on December 11, 2009, 03:41:23 AM
Thank you for your response. My problem is that she has gone to such extremes to pursue this and in the quickest and slapdash fashion. How can a 19 year old afford this surgery? She has stolen from us, used all of her cash for college toward this and has no ethical boundaries any longer which makes me wonder if she needs psychotherapy for more than just tg issues. I don't recognize this person who inhabits my child's body. She is paranoid, disrespectful, judgmental and will stop at nothing to get this asap. All of our logical arguments have fallen on "deaf ears" and we only found out about this this week. Presently we are scrambling to get her to go to an appointment with a renowned plastic surgeon in LA (near where she attends college) instead of getting on the plane. We have offered to foot the bill entirely for this if she would only consider this.
Well to be fair Dr Supporn is one of the best in the world.
I know you saw some poor results, but all surgeons have them sometimes, and in the main Dr Supporn does excellent work. With an op like this there is always someone who will be dis-satisfied, and in the internet age they will be the one who posts the pictures!
I had the best UK surgeon, but 25 years on, things have advanced and even I am considering some minor cosmetic improvements!
The problem you have is that without referral no surgeon in the US would operate, and she will know this. So I wouldn't waste too much time on that one. Instead I would try to insist on going to Thailand with her.
I honestly think the Thai aspect of this is probably the least worrying part. In fact if I were going through it today I would go to Thailand.
I think the paranoia and other signs of instability are the more worrying. Without wishing to alarm and inflame the situation people with Schizophrenia and other such quite serious conditions can occasionally present as a false transgender. That is why, although I still don't approve of long therapy sessions, some basic psychiatric pre-evaluation IS absolutely essential!
Having said that I wonder what my mother would have told you about me when I was scrambling to avoid years of therapy and reaching for the surgeons knife? I don't THINK I was unstable, but I can't really be that objective, and I was certainly not in a mood to be "stopped" by a parent. Not that I really recall her trying to do so.
In addition it has to be admitted that it is possible that all you are seeing is the resut of years of repression. That can leave people feeling deeply angry and confused, even bitter about what they feel that they have been put through in an effort to conform to avoid bullying and isolation.
So like I say, it isn't easy to pre-judge, but I honestly think your best bet might be to try to go to Thailand with her and act as best as you can as a support and moderator. At least that way your relationship will stay strong and you will be able to help later on if things do go wrong. The alternative is trying to stop the possibly unstoppable, and that will probably only fracture your relationship.
Anyway like I say I share your concern and my thoughts are with you both.
I noticed you bringing up themoney aspect. You mention her using money sent to you and cash from cards without your knowledge. These are legal issues but can't be used quickly enough to change her mind. I also notice that you are willing to pay for it if she does as you ask. does your daughter have cause to think that you are doing anything to keep her here and not think you will follow thru on that offer? It may be why she won't consider even consulting someone you suggest.
These are just possibilities. Beyond that, I have to say that so far I agree with Jenny's replies.
Quote from: achildsparent on December 11, 2009, 03:41:23 AM
Presently we are scrambling to get her to go to an appointment with a renowned plastic surgeon in LA.
Genital reconstruction surgery is a very specialized field. Just any "plastic surgeon" will not do. I don't know of anybody in L.A. who does this. The known practitioners of this surgery have done over 1000 of these operations. We can all get into heated arguments of Bowers vs Meltzer vs McGinn vs Brassard vs Suporn vs Chettawut, but the fact is most everybody here would be happy and safe with any of them.
Quote from: Renate on December 11, 2009, 07:02:33 AM
Genital reconstruction surgery is a very specialized field. Just any "plastic surgeon" will not do. I don't know of anybody in L.A. who does this. The known practitioners of this surgery have done over 1000 of these operations. We can all get into heated arguments of Bowers vs Meltzer vs McGinn vs Brassard vs Suporn vs Chettawut, but the fact is most everybody here would be happy and safe with any of them.
Gary Alter does, going by the soc of course, unless it's a ref to Dr. O of ffs fame...
At the risk of derailing this thread: No, I had never heard of Gary Alter before.
Some of the surgical photos (#1 & #2) seem to be copied from other websites.
The ones that I had never seen before don't impress me, especially the positioning of the urethra.
Graphic photos from Dr. Gary Alter's website (http://www.altermd.com/Transsexual%20Surgery/figure1.htm)
I think that most of the Thai Surgeons go by the SOC. If she got an appointment without them, I would be suspicious. The SOC is there for a reason.
She maybe back on a flight home when she finds this out.
Hugs and Love
Janet
Thailand now has tighened all of it srs rules with new law passed recently. As for Dr Suporn, he has always followed tight guidelines and you would not even be going near his clinic without their blessing first.
Im booked there next year so i can speak form experiences
Thank you both for independently confirming exactly the point I made in my first reply. :)
It may be me but I see some other issues at play here. Is s/he seeing a therapist or any kind of professional help?
Gennee
Quote from: gennee on December 11, 2009, 03:48:29 PM
It may be me but I see some other issues at play here. Is s/he seeing a therapist or any kind of professional help?
Gennee
Hi Gennee
No it isn't just you. There are indeed some huge issues, some of which I addressed in my first two replies. There is also another thread on this one.
However the problem was that, according to the OP there was only 24 hours before the youngster in question got on a plane so I think most of us were trying to focus on what the parents could practically DO in that rather limited timescale, which might help what is, admittedly, a rather difficult situation.
Jenny.