Susan's Place Transgender Resources

I'm sure just about everyone here has had to deal with manipulation.  Announce, "I'm TG" and watch the manipulation start! 

This is an interesting article on how to recognize and deal with five common behaviors of manipulative people.

"Many of us like to think the best of people.  We like to think that they shoot straight and are forthright in their intentions.  We also like to believe that they will ask for what they want and not resort to crazy tactics to get it.  Unfortunately, however, there are times when we come across those who will do whatever it takes to get what they want...including manipulation. Being manipulated never feels good, but the worst part of manipulation is that often, we don't even realize that it is happening."

The 5 behaviors covered:
   1. Buttering You Up: 
   2. Guilt: 
   3. Broken Record:
   4. Selective Memory:
   5. Bullying:

Full Article (http://shine.yahoo.com/channel/life/5-behaviors-of-manipulative-people-549848/)

Wow.  The article described my ex to a T.  Good information, if only more people could recognize the signs.



Hugs and Love
Janet

Quote from: Janet Lynn on December 15, 2009, 12:51:46 PM
Wow.  The article described my ex to a T.

We're batting 1.000 right now in that category!  It's 4 for 4 now.

Broken record is the one I'm most familiar with. I hate it when grown ups do it because to me it's very childish.

Gennee

Which category does a low cut top and a devious smile fall in to?

Quote from: Becca on December 16, 2009, 02:12:50 PM
Which category does a low cut top and a devious smile fall in to?

I think that falls under buttering up..

But whatever, it tends to work for girls.

I have a fairly light stance on manipulation. It's not always a bad thing and even when it is the intentions of the person need to be examined before condemning them entirely. Now obviously some people are just completely selfish and will do whatever it takes to get what they want, but it's usually more complicated than that.

I walked into work this morning and I find a note left for me imploring me to decline an exciting job elsewhere because I am really needed where I'm at. I felt guilty. The intention of the note wasn't bad. The person who wrote it is simply worried about how things will run in my absence, and understandably so. Being how I am, I quickly folded and decided to decline. But then a short while later I got a reassuring phone call, changed my mind and officially accepted the offer. Now tomorrow when I inform the note writer of my decision I will be bringing an extra large tub of butter. With any luck both parties will be at ease with the decision and all will be well.

We all manipulate to some degree day in and day out. Sometimes being completely blunt or completely honest causes more problems than using some subtlety. Some carefully executed manipulation can make sure too many feathers don't get ruffled. People just need to ask themselves beforehand, "Is this truly important?". Sometimes it is.

Subtlety is not synonymous with manipulation. Subtlety is considerate of others feelings, manipulation is not.

Narcissists, the master manipulators:

Narcissistic Personality Disorder  http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Narcissistic_personality_disorder
A pervasive pattern of grandiosity (in fantasy or behavior), need for admiration, and lack of empathy, beginning by early adulthood and present in a variety of contexts, as indicated by five (or more) of the following:
1. has a grandiose sense of self-importance (e.g., exaggerates achievements and talents, expects to be recognized as superior without commensurate achievements)
2. is preoccupied with fantasies of unlimited success, power, brilliance, beauty, or ideal love
3. believes that he or she is "special" and unique and can only be understood by, or should associate with, other special or high-status people (or institutions)
4. requires excessive admiration
5. has a sense of entitlement, i.e., unreasonable expectations of especially favorable treatment or automatic compliance with his or her expectations
6. is interpersonally exploitative, i.e., takes advantage of others to achieve his or her own ends
7. lacks empathy: is unwilling to recognize or identify with the feelings and needs of others
8. is often envious of others or believes others are envious of him or her
9. shows arrogant, haughty behaviors or attitudes

Jealousy

Controlling Behaviour

Quick Involvement

Unrealistic Expectations

Isolation

Blame-shifting for Problems

Blame-shifting for Feelings

Hypersensitivity

Cruelty to Animals

Cruelty to Children and Child Abuse.

'Playful' use of Force in Sex

Rigid Gender Roles

Verbal Abuse

Dr. Jeckyll and Mr. Hyde

Drink or Substance Abuse

History of Battering or Sexual Violence

Negative Attitude toward Women (or men >:( )

Threatening Violence

Breaking or Striking Objects

Any Force during an Argument

:icon_bunch:

It seems like many people are guilty of these (manipulative) behaviours at one point or another. Along with classic BPD traits, ADD and Autism. Narcissistic behavoiur is pretty much idolized and well rewarded in our society.