for some background info, some of you may want to read my post in the intro section under 'gender queer guy' before reading this post.
so. my partner and i were out today shopping. while i was paying for her christmas gift, a lady asked her if she needed any help with anything. and my partner replied "no, i'm with her." and pointed to me. and for some reason, all of a sudden, it felt so wrong to be referred to with a female pronoun.
now i'm talked to my partner about my feelings, in that i feel more masculine and want to take on a more masculine presentation, but i haven't asked her to use male pronouns. (she's okay with everything i've mentioned so far.) but something about that little exchange just really bothered me. i'm not upset with her. i'm just trying to get to the root of what my issue is.
i haven't definitively decided that i want to actively transition, yet i do want to be read as male. does that make sense?
for what it's worth, i've started to look into local counseling resources because this is obviously something i'm going to have to deal with and not just overlook.
(i hope i chose the right forum for this post. it seemed to fit. let me know if another location would be more appropriate.)
My partner and I use neutral pronouns for the most part. For in-group people, we use "ze", for most other people, we use "they", though I use masculine pronouns occasionally.
Sounds like you're taking the right step. I wish I had had the courage to take the same step earlier in my life.
One reason I didn't is that I was scared. Wasn't ready. When I first found out that FTM transsexuals existed, I saw myself in that category. But one thing that gave me the heebie-jeebies (there were a lot of obstacles, which I won't go into here) was the idea of surgery. Hormones scared me a little less, but I didn't know all that much about T at that point. However, I definitely wanted to be read as male. And I put up with that unhappy state of affairs for years and years.
Find out about yourself now. You don't need to want to transition, but just explore the various possibilities: no medical transition at all; HRT only; HRT and top surgery; HRT, top surgery, and bottom surgery; Spam, Spam, Spam, baked beans, Spam...
You get the picture. We all make our own path. You can, too.
You're just not ready. It's not like there's a deadline, transition physically whenever you like (if you even feel like you want to in the first place.)
I know how you feel about the pronouns though. It's generally not a problem, but when I hear "well my daughter" "my girlfriend" "because you're a girl" I feel like a liar.
My hubby and our BF both make honest mistakes at times. I realize it's natural especially because I still have the chest lumps and they are not small. It does upset me a lot when I hear the wrong pronouns, but I know it upsets them when they acidentally make a mistake. My hubby caught himself in the middle of making a mistake recently and he kicked himself for hours about it.
It does hurt the most coming from those who know me, but the ones that hurt worse are those that know me, yet refuse to call me by the proper gender pronouns.
thanks for the kind words, everyone. i discussed this further with my partner last night and while i haven't decided for sure that i want to make the pronoun switch (or do something more neutral) at least the discussion is on going on she is being very supportive and loving. i did figure that she can just call me by my name, which i rather like. fortunately i have a the male spelling of an irish name. (thank you, mom and dad.) so seeing how all this goes, at least i won't have to worry about a name change. as my partner said, ''one step at a time."
I think I have the same issue, female pronouns just don't feel right. Id rather go by my name, none, or Ze and hir.
Quote from: ccc on December 20, 2009, 08:29:17 PM
I think I have the same issue, female pronouns just don't feel right. Id rather go hir.
Yes but when spoken hir sounds like her..so that doesn't accomplish much.
Quote from: Kurzar on December 21, 2009, 12:52:51 AM
Yes but when spoken hir sounds like her..so that doesn't accomplish much.
From my understanding, there's never been a clear consensus about the pronunciation. When I first heard "hir" back in the nineties, I heard it pronounced "here." Until very recently, I didn't even know that some people pronounce it "her." Frankly, I think that that pronunciation defeats the whole purpose of gender-neutral pronouns, so I don't know why people say it that way.