Forget the bad, discard the crap, just look at where you were before and where you are now.
Do you want to go back?
Can you put up with the crap to be you?
Is is better to be you than what everyone else wants you to be?
With all the resistance you've encountered, are you deterred? Do you want to please them so they will like you?
Describe the beauty of being you, if you haven't already done so.
Julie
Quote from: Julie Marie on October 30, 2006, 09:59:50 PM
Forget the bad, discard the crap, just look at where you were before and where you are now.
Do you want to go back?
Can you put up with the crap to be you?
MY TG life has broken down my former self. I had a good life even if it was dull at times. Now I have to go out and experience the world again as I am not hidding. It hurts being out on the edge of society because what society axpects and what you feel are to diffenent things. If I could go back
without my TG feelings I would. I could be a normal honest guy who enjoys being fit and going out with friends to dinner etc. Now I feel a bit isolated from all of my friends because my TG side has broken down my risistence to fight being TG. I am in another world that my friends will not experience.
Quote
Describe the beauty of being you, if you haven't already done so.
Now I am out and I do not have to hid I can relax more and hopfully attract more people to me if my apperence (vibe) is of being a peace with myself. I am still on the path to embracing being TG but once this happens I hope I can at last be happy in my own skin. I think thats when a good relationship will start for me. For now I am growing throught going out as Alice and it is not all easy as there many different experiences in front of me.
Alice
The beauty of being me is indescribable, but I can try. I no longer feel the "want" to be somebody else. The jealous feelings are severely diminishing. I can finally just live life. Of course I am always finding new things in this new gender role, but being treated as a female. I actually am now liking my body and feeling comfortable in it. That is a brand new feeling. I used to be scared to live life. Now I embrace it and live it to the fullest I can. Life is so much better. I have never regretted transitioning and never realistically look at going back. I did always keep the option that I could go back if necessary as more of a comfort measure than anything, but that's not even a realistic possibility anymore. There is no way I would go back. That was the real hell. Transition was more of the same, but once I began RLE, it got significantly better. Still many problems, but now I have the strength to take them on.
Melissa
Quote from: Julie Marie on October 30, 2006, 09:59:50 PM
Describe the beauty of being you, if you haven't already done so.
Julie[/color][/font][/size]
I don't need to answere most of the questions. You all know me. But I'll entertain the last.
When I spend time to look at a supernova fragment or the outburst from the event horizon of a black hole in a galaxy 25 million light years away... my thoughts turn to the magnificence of it all. There is so much out there. And here, on this planet, I am... I AM... here pondering, thinking, reminiscing. There is so much more than me. But I am an integral piece of the huge puzzle. What good is all of that without someone to "think" and "comprehend" it?
This I share with whoever is with me every month. They see, they learn, and they understand.
That my friend, is why I am beautiful. I help people truly see THE big picture.
Cindi
Quote from: Julie Marie on October 30, 2006, 09:59:50 PM
Do you want to go back?
No, not in a million years.
Quote from: Julie Marie on October 30, 2006, 09:59:50 PM
Can you put up with the crap to be you?
Actually, I am very fortunate to have had to put up with a minimal amount of "crap". So far...
Quote from: Julie Marie on October 30, 2006, 09:59:50 PM
Is is better to be you than what everyone else wants you to be?
Yes, I am much more comfortable being me, I am slowly coming out of my shell as I discover myself. I used to be an extremely shy person. I am by no means a "social butterfly" quite yet, but I find that I am beginning to talk to people more now.
Quote from: Julie Marie on October 30, 2006, 09:59:50 PM
With all the resistance you've encountered, are you deterred? Do you want to please them so they will like you?
Like I said before, I haven't had too much resistance, my father has accepted me, my brother has been reluctant, but I have told myself "I can't let what he thinks keep me from being happy" (and amazingly, I have actually listened to myself.)
Quote from: Julie Marie on October 30, 2006, 09:59:50 PM
Describe the beauty of being you, if you haven't already done so.
It's not easy to describe...it's like a weight has been lifted off of my shoulders, that I can live as I have long wanted to...sometimes I still am surprised that I have gotten this far, moving to a new place, changing my name, and living my life the way I want to. It has been quite an experience. I actually have hope for the future, something I never had before in my life.
I now have a life, one which I enjoy.
Before my life was full of depression, sadness, jealousy and hate (of myself)
Would I do this all again.... absolutely.
Buffy
Oh yes. I'd never go back.
Dennis
QuoteDo you want to go back?
Can you put up with the crap to be you?
Is is better to be you than what everyone else wants you to be?
With all the resistance you've encountered, are you deterred? Do you want to please them so they will like you?
Describe the beauty of being you, if you haven't already done so.
There is no going back. Going back for me would mean reversing the awareness of what is wrong which isn't possible.
No.
I've already chosen, I don't think there is a 'better' or wrong universally, only a 'better' or wrong for an individual.
Do you want to please them so they will like you? Please them so they will like me? No. However, I have dropped the subject entirely with the exception of here and within my own mind 24-7. I don't discuss it with anyone.
I have tried to look at every angle. While many of you claim there is no way to know what will happen with HRT etc... I am quite sure that transitioning is out of the question for me. I can hear Steph and Dennis's replies to many of my earlier posts in my head. But, I am certain that this is a path I will not take because I am not ultimately sure that it would bring happiness. Yes, I know who I am mentally, emotionally, and internally. However, it would be quite impossible, even with today's advancement in surgical techniques and understanding of the endocrine system, for me to ever look like, and be accepted as, a woman. Thus, transitioning would leave me in quite a bind.
1. At least now I can hide and be accepted, even though I am accepted as something I am really not, afterwards I would not be able too and I wouldn't be accepted at all.
2. I am certain I would not pass which of course leads to 1.
This would put me in a situation probably worse than current.
But, I do have a future plan.
Jessica
Quote from: Jessica on October 31, 2006, 08:37:15 AM
However, it would be quite impossible, even with today's advancement in surgical techniques and understanding of the endocrine system, for me to ever look like, and be accepted as, a woman.
If HRT doesn't do the trick, facial surgery will. I know you don't want to believe that... but have you seen what FFS can do? I know it's insanely expensive and carries risks, but it can create miracles when all else fails. Otherwise, muscle-mass WILL slowly drop off. Fat will most likely move to appropriate locations. It doesn't take as much of a drastic change as you think to change how people perceive you, or how you perceive yourself.
Quote
But, I do have a future plan.
Me too. The ONLY way I can do this, self-pitying as it sounds, is by accepting that I truly would rather die rather than not at least TRY. I'm NOT willing to die *without* at least trying. If I find I can't pass and can't handle the ridicule, then... oh well. At LEAST I can go to my death knowing I did what I could, and didn't hide from my destiny. Besides... I have this sneaking suspicion that if you don't solve it now, you'll just end up right back in this same position again and again until you do. It's a challenge, a lesson we need to embrace in order to move on.
Could I go back? No, never. I'm occasionally tempted to turn tail and run back to my safe and secure life, but when I look behind me... there's nothing there anymore. Those bridges were burned long ago. There's nothing left to do except see where this insane path is taking me, while trying to enjoy the lessons and sights along the way.
This is the first time in my life I have been happy with my body. There is no going back.
Marco ;)
I'd have to say no retuning for me. I am happy just being me for what I belive I should be not what anyone esle thinks I should be. No one going to force me to be someone I don't want to be period. I am my own person and will do what I belive is right for me not what anyone else would like me to be not even my mother though I know she cares about me dearly. I'm not turning back or going back to my old self just because it's expected of me. I like myself for what I am female. Will it be hard yes, Will it be tough yes, Will it be sad yes but I feel it will be all worth it when I can go out with confidence in my choosen gender as female. I know it will be a long and rocky road and I am preparring myself for that. I look forward to that day I walk out of the hospital as a full woman......I could go on but I'll stop now...
Owen
Love being female :angel:
The downside of "being the real you," for me, occurs when I go out dating. I get along very well with men or women I've dated until I mention my past and, so far, they've run like hell (obviously, not literally -- it just feels like it). If I someday find someone who doesn't run, that problem will disappear. It's really the only problem I haven't been able to solve -- yet. But, as they say in real estate, all it takes is one buyer...
Regarding the majority of my life, Melissa hit in on the head, putting into words what I feel when she said, "I no longer feel the "want" to be somebody else. The jealous feelings are severely diminishing. I can finally just live life."
I was looking at a couple the other day and thinking, "Why would anyone WANT to be him if they had the chance to be HER?" To a "normal" person, I realize that the query is ridiculous, but they're not in my body. And granted, for F2M's, the opposite is true -- they want to be him (and, for me, there's comfort in that). With the couple, it's not that she was gorgeous or that he was ugly it's that, as Melissa said, I felt jealous HURT feelings inside, asking me, why am I not like her?
I told my boss once , "When you look at a girl outside Starbucks, you probably think, "Wow, isn't she pretty." For me, it isn't lust or WANTING HER, it was to BE HER."
So, while I've experienced hurt in transitioning, I have finally ended any WANT TO BE feelings. If I transitioned back, I know those WANT TO BE feelings would reappear.
Except for when my "dates" become serious (and I have to tell them of my past), I can as Melissa also wrote, "just live life." It's not a perfect world but there's a lot of comfort in that.
Teri Anne
Hello Teri Anne,
It's great to see you here. You are such a beautiful lady and sweet person I wonder if you are telling people you date too soon about your past. Whatever the circumstances are I know things will change and you will find your life partner.
beth
Quote from: Teri Anne on October 31, 2006, 04:50:12 PM
If I transitioned back, I know those WANT TO BE feelings would reappear.
Not only would those feeling reappear, they would be back with a vengence so strong it would probably literally drive the person to death. We have now experienced what it's like the be our true gender and living a lie again is just not an option.
P.S. Glad I was able to put some clarity to your thoughts. :)
Melissa
Quote from: Julie Marie on October 30, 2006, 09:59:50 PM
Do you want to go back?
Can you put up with the crap to be you?
Is is better to be you than what everyone else wants you to be?
With all the resistance you've encountered, are you deterred? Do you want to please them so they will like you?
Describe the beauty of being you, if you haven't already done so.
No, never, not even at gunpoint would return to my old life.
I put up with the crap to be me, plenty of crap, but that is all behind me now.
No one should ever be what everyone else wants them to be.
None of the resistance I encountered ultimately deterred me though I occasionally
felt very discouraged by all the negative pressure.
I am myself at last. Comfortable, happy, free.
Dawn
No retreat, no surrender.
I have faced things that I never would have and in the process learned a lot about myself and others.
I would never go back, never. I'm so happy and content with my life now and it has been this way since I acknowledged myself years ago. I think the feeling came to a head when I woke up in the hospital after my surgery. I'm so happy now that I wished I could have done this years ago. I think my life would have been different and I don't want to speculate on that question. I don't think I would have changed anything in the way I transitioned. I love who I am and the people around me have noticed it too.
Sheila
I like the rest of you would never want to go back, in fact I would like things to progress even faster as more changes occur.
Beth -
Thanks for the kind words. Yes, finding my "life partner" will indeed happen, someday. I don't think I'm telling dates too soon about my past but who knows? I tell them when they seem to want to kiss me or snuggle. I guess I don't want to be accused of deceiving anyone. I stopped dating guys because (1) I had little interest in them and (2) I know how guys can get "freaked out" by things. I figure all women, even many lesbians, have been with guys. So, if my past is discovered or I reveal it, it's not going to gross them out to such a point that they come gunning for me. Frankly, the "eeeewww" homophobic factor that most guys seem to have SCARES me. And being scared definitely puts a crimp in the "happiness of being the real me."
Many are surprised that someone with my passable appearance and demeanor would have trouble dating. Just realize, though, that if I have people running from me when I announce my past, it IS a problem for some or many post ops. ie. buyer beware.
Does it ruin the destination, being female? No, not overall. The pluses still outweigh the minuses. I luckily have a close (married) female friend who is like a sister to me who helped me in my transition. When I feel a lack of closeness and hugging, she's there to help me stock up for the next dry spells. Unfortunately, she's 2000 miles away in Washington and so each dose of hugging has to last me awhile.
And they allow me to return to L.A. and be content in my newfound outer skin, being the real me.
Teri Anne