meant to be?
How many times did you pray or wished you be the one you was suppose to be, how did you feel when you woke up?
I prayed and prayed i would wake up as the girl i was meant to be but.... when i woke up it was another story... i felt like another day living as i cant express my TRUE self. :-\
I can't even remember how many times I'd lie in bed, praying to a god I didn't even believe in to let me wake up a girl. Sometimes I would go to bed dressed in a full outfit, so that when I woke up I would feel like a girl, if even for only a split second (this was dangerous since I shared a room with my brother, but I didn't care).
The most vivid, most exciting, and most horrible memories I have are of the countless nights I lay in bed hoping I would change, thinking that maybe this was the day. Fortunately, the day has come. I wake up everyday now as a girl, in body and mind.
~Sarah
Not once, I don't buy that fairy tale. Not to sound cynical but that's how prayer usually works out. However the power in getting off your freaking knees and doing something about it is tremendous.
Quote from: Becca on January 03, 2010, 04:39:40 AMHowever the power in getting off your freaking knees and doing something about it is tremendous.
yeah.
Well, I wasn't taught to pray, and I don't know that I ever have, but I remember many times when I was little thinking "Maybe this is the night all that extra stuff will fall off!" I figured my body would just heal itself. After all, why not? I was a girl. I just had some extra stuff that made people think I was a boy. Why wouldn't my healthy little body shed the junk, kind of like when a scab falls off or your skin pushes a splinter out?
I think in puberty I finally realized I was stuck with that stuff and needed to try to make the best of a bad situation.
How many times did I hope? How many nights are there between age 3 or 4 and age 13? (Plus a few extras after that. ::))
- Kate
Every morning since I was 14 years old.
Great way to start your days ha?
I was always taught ora et labora, that one prayed, but one also worked. The lord helps those what helps themselves and all that.
I spend every waking hour wishing I had the right parts. I know I am a woman but continue to live with natures mistake. HRT has helped as I now dream as a woman but I am always very disappointed when I wake up. Fortunately this problem will be fixed in the fairly near future.
Pam
Quote from: RoseBlossom on January 03, 2010, 04:26:20 AMI prayed and prayed i would wake up as the girl i was meant to be...
Oh me too, me too. Now that you mention it, it's probably the #1 reason I lost my faith. Great, now I'm crying, lol... I must be onto something there.
Still though, $20,000, some morphine and a skilled surgeon's knife, and tada! Woke up as a girl finally. Sometimes prayers need a little "nudge" ;)
Quote from: SarahR on January 03, 2010, 04:38:20 AM
I can't even remember how many times I'd lie in bed, praying to a god I didn't even believe in to let me wake up a girl. Sometimes I would go to bed dressed in a full outfit, so that when I woke up I would feel like a girl, if even for only a split second (this was dangerous since I shared a room with my brother, but I didn't care).
The most vivid, most exciting, and most horrible memories I have are of the countless nights I lay in bed hoping I would change, thinking that maybe this was the day. Fortunately, the day has come. I wake up everyday now as a girl, in body and mind.
~Sarah
Wow, I could have written that. (except for the last part :( at least for now) Also every single birthday wish - those years when I had a cake at least - from 10 years old until around 20. I knew it wouldn't happen the way I wished, but it made me feel so much better to hope. I'm really working towards the end goal now and I can't wait.
Every single night for twenty five years. Now I'm doing something about it
Every day of my life, until I woke up one day and realized that I was a woman. Granted I have some of the wrong plumbing, but that can be repaired in due time.
How I pray each night for another day to enjoy life as a woman.
Janet
Oh my... I did A TON of that in my early and mid teenage years. I remember actually believing it would happen, too...
The only reason I really stopped was because I was an atheist for a while. Even though I'm not anymore, I've learned that if God is really up there, he isn't going to do that for me.
Still do it sometimes. I used to stay up till 11:11 and then go to sleep wishing. Never happened. :\
Once or twice, many years ago I actually believed if I really put my mind to it... but to no avail.
I then "found" my true self and wake up every morning "knowing" I'm Evie. I just look through the male mask I'm now in and say "good morning Evie, another beautiful day for you..."
The mind is a powerful thing, and during my upcoming transition, I need to have a strong one.
My mantra below my avatar, "Become who you are" guides me, and helps me believe.
Evie
Yup, all my life. Prayed, wished, dreamed about it :icon_chick:
Waking up with the wrong parts is parts has long been a big disappointment :P
I use to think maybe i was already a girl.. but i was the only one that seen me as a boy?
Idk it's crazy how many scenarios i came up with!
I have to give Janet all the credit for what I'm about to say. I too have to agree with wverything she just mentioned . I had to quit hormones sometime back due to a couple of medical conditions I have . Still, I dress and I go out in public as female as I can . I get "outted " from time to time , I guess i'll never get completely past that . I do the best that I can with what I have at hand , thats all I can realisticly do ! Ellen Shaver
I did this many many times when I was very very young.
Now it's coming to fruition... slowly but getting there :)
I'm not really religious (I don't really know what I believe in yet), but I hoped and prayed tons that I would wake up a boy, or that I'd wake up from the horrible nightmare, but nothing ever happened.
It wasn't prayer so much as a repeated wish, take it as you will. And a sadness when I woke up.
Every night from about age 10 on.
But after a while, I just wished that I wouldn't wake up. And cried when I did.
-Sandy
I don't think I ever prayed - I haven't been the least bit religious for decades - but I very often wished (and still do) that I could be or become or needed to be a girl. Still waiting. Getting closer. Doctor visit next week, blood tests and hopefully very, very soon after HRT.
SRS is still so far off the radar that I can't even start to think about it (but I want it oh, so badly).
Deanna
Lets see wished / prayed every night from about 12 years old on. Most of my teens at least, though the wishing never stopped. well OK I did finally stop wishing.....a bit over 3 years ago ;-) Lo my wish was granted!
Beni
This thread is powerful testimony to the power of prayer.
Tekla is praying for a spanking :laugh: >:-) :laugh:
Yeah, and I'd give it just about exactly the same odds of coming to be that all the above prayers had. Guess I'm stuck with paying Mistress Raven because I've been a bad boy.
Quote from: Sandy on January 04, 2010, 07:32:29 AM
It wasn't prayer so much as a repeated wish, take it as you will. And a sadness when I woke up.
Every night from about age 10 on.
But after a while, I just wished that I wouldn't wake up. And cried when I did.
-Sandy
thats so deep :(
Although I'm thoroughly skeptical to the claims of religions (people would call me atheist, although I'm not a fan of the label anymore), this is the only thing I've ever prayed to God for, mostly whilst crying in bed at night, unable to sleep.
And every time I wake up the same, I become more convinced that there's no one up there...or if there is, that they don't have our best interests in mind.
In some ways it's better this way, because if my prayers actually were answered, then it would still mean that God intentionally put me in the wrong body to start with, knowing what would happen.
I prayed for the opposite, that my gender issues would go away and I would WANT to continue as a man because that is what my family wanted. Being a Christian at the time, I believed that I was sinning to want to be female. It was a total mess.
Tekla has an interesting point about the power of prayer but then again the ones whose prayers like mine were answered wouldn't ever post here.
Maggie
Certainly wish frequently when I realize that I'll never be a "real" man. Pretty frequently when puberty started, up until now.
But of course, as they say, we spend half of our time wishing for things that we'd have if we didn't spend half our time wishing.
Quote from: tekla on January 04, 2010, 09:31:12 PM
This thread is powerful testimony to the power of prayer.
I LOL'd. ;D
I do remember praying God would turn me into a woman over night but even by doing so I knew he wouldn't. I knew he could but I knew he wouldn't. After a lot of thought and understanding though, I stepped up and started the process with the technology available...to my parents' dismay, I might add.
It's like the guy who is drowning and prays to God, help! But then he passes up on a boat and helicopter rescue, telling each of them that he's waiting for God to answer him.....
Quote from: tekla on January 04, 2010, 09:31:12 PM
This thread is powerful testimony to the power of prayer.
I don't view this particular thread as an indictment or endorsement of prayer or religion. Just a statement that so many of us have this issue forefront in our lives for so long, and suffer such torment, that it is the last thing we think about before we go to sleep and the first thing we think about when we wake up.
Yes, I do believe that God's work must truly be our own. And I view my transformation, after decades of torment, a miracle that required much effort.
-Sandy
The majority of my life (well, as far as I can remember), I would hope for a change to occur in my sleep. What is also bizarre, is that most of my dreams at night actually involved me having a metamorphosis to a female body, and in my dreams, I would be in first person or third person, but always female.
I remember when I realized that asking god for a change would have no recourse (a few years ago), I gave up on religion, and I now trust only the scientific method and my proper moral compass. Oh, how the power of failed prayer can be greater than prayer. In some kind of revelation, I became god... I could control the direction of my life! The only difference between extraterrestrials and god, is that aliens are seen a pure fiction by the majority of society, and there are generally no regular sightings of god in the skies. LOL, sorry.
By the time I had started to wish and pray for it, I was 13-14. I already had told any creator of the universe that I absolutely despised them because the private school I went to was such a horrible, stupid place. So I'd like... Cover all of my bases. An architect seemed like a logical idea to me. So then I went from that, to Satan, to nothing, and then to praying to the island I loved so much. The island seemed more logical. Maybe it had absorbed human thought and reality was affected this way. Maybe in the multiverse things criss crossed. The hell should I know? It felt right though...
I did falling stars. 8 of them I think.
What a pity... If I had just known none of it would freaking work, I would have probably transitioned earlier with more success. So.... Yeah.
Quote from: Kara-Xen on January 11, 2010, 11:24:19 AM
By the time I had started to wish and pray for it, I was 13-14. I already had told any creator of the universe that I absolutely despised them because the private school I went to was such a horrible, stupid place. So I'd like... Cover all of my bases. An architect seemed like a logical idea to me. So then I went from that, to Satan, to nothing, and then to praying to the island I loved so much. The island seemed more logical. Maybe it had absorbed human thought and reality was affected this way. Maybe in the multiverse things criss crossed. The hell should I know? It felt right though...
I did falling stars. 8 of them I think.
What a pity... If I had just known none of it would freaking work, I would have probably transitioned earlier with more success. So.... Yeah.
It's funny how much your post resonated with me, and my progression towards self-acceptance and transition through the years.
I must admit I've done it before. Even recently. However, not nearly as often, normally only when I'm in the midst of feeling terrible about myself.
I've wished to every power there could be for this, many times. There used to be a myth when I was in elementary school that if you found a dandelion with a full head of seeds and could blow all of the seeds away with one breath, then made a wish, the wish could come true. For a couple of years after I heard that myth I would become hopeful when I found a dandelion full of seeds, blow on it as hard as I could and make my wish. When it didn't come true, I would be very upset. Every time.
Every day for years. Thousands of times. I have had a few feel good mornings but for the most part I have woken up disapointed. That wasn't how the day went always. I havn't asked for it for a while which may be what has led me to a more realistic view of everything and admit to myself who I really am. Instead of just dreaming that is.
Yeah, I finally quit wishing and decided to take action before it killed me a few years ago