1. If a person is introverted, it does NOT mean they are shy or anti-social.
This is probably THE biggest misconception that extroverts tend to have when it comes to introverts.
And you can't really blame them for having that kind of misconception.
Extroverts tend to have to drag introverts to parties, to convince them to go and sell them on attending social engagements. When introverts politely decline, extroverts automatically assume that something might be wrong so they always ask if everything's all right and of course, everything is all right. It's just a common misunderstanding. When extroverts see a pattern like this developing, they automatically assume that introverts are shy or anti-social as that can be the only logical explanation to them.
What's more, when extroverts try to engage introverts in small talk, it seems like they hit a brick wall.
Add to that, most extroverts see that introverts tend to be fond of engaging in solitary activities such as reading, writing, and daydreaming.
Well, if it walks like a duck, talks like a duck, it must be a duck right?
Wrong.
Introverts have more brain activity in their frontal lobes and when these areas are activated through solitary activity, introverts become energized through processes such as problem solving, introspection, and complex thinking.
Extroverts on the other hand tend to have more activity in the back of their brain, areas that deal with processing sensory information from the external world, so they tend to search for external stimuli in the form of interacting with other people and the outside world to energize them.
There's a deeper science to this that involves differences in the levels of brain chemicals such as acetylcholine and dopamine in extroverts and introverts, but I won't get into that.
The bottom line is that introverts are just wired differently than extroverts. There's nothing "wrong" with them. They just become energized through different processes depending on where the majority of their brain activity takes place.
Granted there are introverts who may be shy and anti-social, but that's just a coincidence that perpetuates the myth that ALL introverts are like that.
You'll find that all introverts are fine just the way they are until people begin to subtly suggest otherwise.
2. Introverts tend to dislike small talk.
If you really want to engage an introvert in conversation, skip the small talk. Introverts tend to love deep conversations on subjects that interest them. They love to debate, go past the superficial and poke around the depths in people's minds to see what's really going on in there. Most, if not all introverts tend to regard small talk as a waste of time, unless it's with someone new they just met.
This characteristic probably contributes to another misconception that extroverts have of introverts - the misconception that all introverts are arrogant.
Why?
Because extroverts notice that introverts don't talk that much with other people. Therefore, extroverts assume that introverts think they're too good to talk to others, hence arrogant and that's hardly the case.
It's just a matter of preference.
Extroverts thrive on small talk.
Introverts abhor it.
There's nothing wrong with either choice, it's just a matter of preference.
This brings us to the third point.
3. Introverts do like to socialize – only in a different manner and less frequently than extroverts.
Yes, it's true. Contrary to the majority of public opinion, introverts do like to socialize, but again, only in a different manner and less frequently than extroverts.
Introverts love anything that involves deep conversation. They get energized by discussing subjects that are important to them and they love see what and how other people think, to connect the dots, to dig deep, to find root causes, to use logical thinking via debate in conversation, etc.
And what's more, introverts can do a lot of things extroverts are naturally good at - give great speeches, schmooze with everyone, be the life of the party, charm the socks off of total strangers - but only for a short period of time. After that, they need time for themselves which brings us to the fourth point.
4. Introverts need time alone to recharge.
Extroverts tend to think introverts have something against them as they constantly seem to refuse generous invites to social engagements. Introverts do appreciate the offers, but it's just that they know it will take a lot of energy out of them if they pursue these social functions.
They need time alone like they need food and water. Give them their space. There's nothing wrong with them. They're not depressed and they're not sad. They just need time alone to recharge their batteries.
5. Introverts are socially well adjusted.
Most introverts are well aware of all the social nuances, customs, and mannerisms when it comes to interacting with other people, but they simply don't choose to socialize as much as extroverts, which makes it easy for extroverts to assume that introverts are not socially well adjusted, as they have not seen much evidence of them interacting with other people.
This just exacerbates previous misconceptions and gives way to labeling introverts as nerds, geeks, loners, etc.
It's easy to understand why society tends to value extroverts over introverts. Human beings have lived in a tribal society so having to interact frequently with people came to be a regarded as a very good skill when it came to survival.
But because of this high value placed on extroversion, introverts tend to feel trapped and find themselves in a catch 22 situation.
Do introverts stay true to who they are and risk social alienation and isolation or do introverts conform and join the extroverted side, pretending to be somebody they're not just to fit in?
This is precisely why I wrote this article, because if the extroverts can become more educated about introverts, introverts will be able to feel free to stay true to who they are, and that's a good thing from society's point of view.
Trying to "turn" an introverted person into an extroverted person is detrimental because it gives off a subtle suggestion that there is something wrong with them, hampering their self worth and esteem when there is absolutely nothing wrong in the first place.
There's nothing wrong with introverts.
In fact, introverts are the leading pioneers of advancements in human civilization. Albert Einstein, Issac Newton, Charles Darwin are a few introverts that come to mind, just to name a few.
And for those of you not interested in science, but pop culture, you'll be surprised to see a lot of well known names in Hollywood are introverts as well. Julia Roberts, Steven Spielberg, Christian Bale to name a few as well.
And for those interested in sports, Michael Jordan and Tiger Woods come to mind as athletes who are introverts as well.
Introverts have a lot to bring to the table. They have an amazing ability to discover new thoughts, an uncanny ability to focus, to concentrate, to connect the dots, to observe and note things that most people miss, to listen extremely well and are often found having a rich and vivid imagination too.
The more extroverts become knowledgeable about introverts, the less tension and misunderstanding there will be among the two.
So if you're an introvert reading this, send a copy of this article to all your extrovert friends so they can get a better idea of what you're all about.
It's time to finally clear the air.
Thank you! I couldn't agree more.
Introverts Unite! ;D
Janet
:)
<filler>
yay! about time for somebody who knows
</filler>
I suppose that makes me an introvert then. Though I'm clearly more "social" than my partner..
From the point of view of this introvert, I'd say the post hits the nail on the head. --She says as she sits alone in the house...and loves it.
Maggie
Very well done; I tip my introverted hat to you.
Include a few sources and references, and you'd have a great academic paper (in my opinion, at least).
Even being an introvert and not comfortable in large groups, it still get lonely. I wonder if, as might be my case, it comes from all those years that I hid. I really would like to be more out going, but I hide in the house with all kinds of excuses.
Am I really shy or just hiding again. But I agree with all the list so much. But still there has to be more than just being a loner.
Include a few sources and references, and you'd have a great academic paper (in my opinion, at least).
Or they would be kicked out of school, as this was written by well-known internet publisher Brian Kim and posted first on October 2, 2007.
My personality profile is INFP which is the "dreamer." One of the proposed careers for me was listed as author. In fact, I wrote two books. The funny thing is that being an author gets me attention that I don't know how to handle. At social gatherings, I am introduced like this, "This is Maggie, she is an author..." then the subject goes to my books and why I wrote them etc. It is awkward too because invariably the people I talk to change behavior towards me. Sometimes I think they believe I will end up writing about them so they get cautious in dealing with me, making me feel isolated. I'm used to it so I don't mind but I do not seek out social situations much now. So, if any of you are introverted and find an outlet in writing, be aware that it has some side effects.
Maggie
I think that's why so many authors when faced with a public deal simply read their writing, they are comfortable in that. Ditto with actors, who get to be anyone and everyone other than themselves.
Quote from: tekla on January 12, 2010, 01:14:08 PM
Include a few sources and references, and you'd have a great academic paper (in my opinion, at least).
Or they would be kicked out of school, as this was written by well-known internet publisher Brian Kim and posted first on October 2, 2007.
Ah, yes. Thanks Kat. I found it.
http://www.briankim.net/blog/2007/10/top-5-things-every-extrovert-should-know-about-introverts/ (http://www.briankim.net/blog/2007/10/top-5-things-every-extrovert-should-know-about-introverts/)
Another introvert here. Most of that pretty accurately describes me, regardless of who originally wrote it. It seems like I've become more introverted with age. Curious if anyone else has noticed that...
Yeah this is definately me to a T.
My reason for being curious about sources was that I'd like to vet some of the comments about brain activity. When I read something like this, one of my first questions is about proof. But, even Mr. Kim doesn't list sources at his site for this piece. So while I agree with the misconceptions, I'm not entirely sold on some of the details. I'll have to see if they can be confirmed. My wife said she read an article about introversion in SciAm or Psycology Today recently. So, maybe I can vet the comments that way.
Reminds me of this t-shirt :
(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fimgs.xkcd.com%2Fstore%2Fimgs%2Fjust_shy_square_0.png&hash=1f0feaa8a6c246313c7c0b37333a1388d5ad2a9e)
http://store.xkcd.com/ (http://store.xkcd.com/)
I love introverts!
... then again I'm an introverted extrovert... so um... :P
Hmm. . . well I'm not really socially well-adjusted. Nor do I really want to talk to people all the time, but that's okay because generally I'm not very interesting and I don't attract people who don't just want to mess with me because I'm quiet.
Maybe I'm just a repressed extrovert.
Around people I know I don't mind things like small talk or parties, but when it's people I don't know especially like a bar or something I feel really uncomfortable. I've had to train myself to to be a bit more extroverted and while I still prefer deep conversations to shooting the ->-bleeped-<-, I can do so decently when necessary.
I wonder if introverted TSs suffer from social anxiety more than extroverts. I know I got it bad during the first six months of HRT :P
Nothing is more comforting and reassuring than being called the pronoun you're presenting as. ^_^ I'm almost worried that I might actually grow to like people? Is that possible?? lol.
Quote from: Muffin on January 13, 2010, 02:53:04 AM
I wonder if introverted TSs suffer from social anxiety more than extroverts.
Well, I'm a cross-dresser and I definitely feel anxious when out
en femme.
Quote from: Muffin on January 13, 2010, 02:53:04 AM
I'm almost worried that I might actually grow to like people? Is that possible?? lol.
What!? Philistine! ;)
There are times when I actually enjoy the company of strangers. It's rare, but it can happen.
Great post. I'm an introvert and I enjoy being who I am.
Gennee
The way I see it, introverts are those who "recharge" by spending time alone, and extraverts are those who "recharge" by spending time with others.
Anything more is the influence of other personality factors coming into play.
Although I agree with the majority of the piece, I believe it attributes too many preferences to introversion alone.
A personality is like a piece of music, and the introversion / extraversion thing is just comparing if the bass is going "boom boom boom" or "bam bam bam". There are so many other layers and interactions along side that that give a piece shape, texture, direction and feel.
Or it's like taking a DNS root server and calling it the internet. It's an important component of an important component, but it's by no means the complete system.
Also - I have noticed a bit of eliteism around introverts in general. There's this whole overtone of "oh, we're smarter because we follow solitary constructive persuits" type thinking. Not to mention the "nobody understands us" complex. Be careful of that, it's not healthy.
Like everybody else interested in this thread, I too am an introvert (Myers-Briggs INTP if you believe in that stuff).
It would seem to me at least that a healthy personality would have elements of both. Human's are a social animal, and the ability to be social is pretty much a prerequisite for any sort of success. You are going to have to deal with people on some level, and part of the time its going to be 'small talk' (Hey, how 'bout them Niners?).
I know people who 'don't do small talk' and so any conversation with them gets way too deep and way too personal in a hurry, and though deep and personal are nice, if not necessary, when it's all the time it's just relentless.
And, I think that people ought to, and should be able to be solitary also. There is a need to think, contemplate, and clear out your head that just can't be done in a social setting. So a mountain bike ride, a walk in the woods or on the beach just spending some quality time with yourself should not be a scary or uncomfortable situation either. You should not need other people to constantly reinforce and amuse you. Sometimes you just have to amuse yourself.
So, where there are people on the extreme end of the scale in both directions (as there always will be in any scale) I think the 'healthy' ones are in that big huge dollop in the center who have elements of both, without allowing either to rule their lives.
Quote from: Teknoir on January 16, 2010, 04:39:22 AM
Although I agree with the majority of the piece, I believe it attributes too many preferences to introversion alone.
The writing IS about introverts, not extroverts! There is no deliberate separation??
Quote from: Teknoir on January 16, 2010, 04:39:22 AM
Also - I have noticed a bit of eliteism around introverts in general. There's this whole overtone of "oh, we're smarter because we follow solitary constructive persuits" type thinking. Not to mention the "nobody understands us" complex. Be careful of that, it's not healthy.
"This characteristic probably contributes to another misconception that extroverts have of introverts - the misconception that all introverts are arrogant.
Why?
Because extroverts notice that introverts don't talk that much with other people. Therefore, extroverts assume that introverts think they're too good to talk to others, hence arrogant and that's hardly the case.
It's just a matter of preference.
Extroverts thrive on small talk.
Introverts abhor it.
There's nothing wrong with either choice, it's just a matter of preference."A possible.. slight connection???????
Extroverts thrive on small talk.
Introverts abhor it.
I think that's the two extreme ends deal again. I don't think the more social people I know 'thrive' on it, its just part of the warp & weft of their life. There is a time and place for it. Just like there is a time and place for things to be taken in a more serious manner, and more seriousness topics to be undertaken. Such extremes on a constant basis are not the basic nature of humanity, as Robert A. Heinlein's character, Lazarus Long wisely informs us:
"A human being should be able to change a diaper, plan an invasion, butcher a hog, conn a ship, design a building, write a sonnet, balance accounts, build a wall, set a bone, comfort the dying, take orders, give orders, cooperate, act alone, solve equations, analyze a new problem, pitch manure, program a computer, cook a tasty meal, fight efficiently, die gallantly. Specialization is for insects."
Quote from: Muffin on January 16, 2010, 09:39:33 AM
The writing IS about introverts, not extroverts! There is no deliberate separation??
I'm not talking introversion vs extraversion there. I'm talking about factors other than where someone falls on the introversion / extraversion scale playing a larger role in somebodies personality than this article would lead them to believe.
In short - I am expressing my opinion that the article is over simplified. Meh.
Quote from: Muffin on January 16, 2010, 09:39:33 AM
"This characteristic probably contributes to another misconception that extroverts have of introverts - the misconception that all introverts are arrogant.
Why?
Because extroverts notice that introverts don't talk that much with other people. Therefore, extroverts assume that introverts think they're too good to talk to others, hence arrogant and that's hardly the case.
It's just a matter of preference.
Extroverts thrive on small talk.
Introverts abhor it.
There's nothing wrong with either choice, it's just a matter of preference."
A possible.. slight connection???????
No, it's different to that. Fitting the article's definition of "introvert" myself, I understand where that is coming from.
In hindsight, I was being over general, and too constricted in by own vantage point.
I've dealt with too many "hardcore nerd" types - and all too often they fall into the elitism trap. I've seen people having their skills disregarded because they have essentially what amounts to basic tact and the ability to use deoderant.
It's rife in the circles I move in (not quite to that severity, of course), but on reflection - probably not as much elsewhere.
Still, it's important not to let stereotypes in articles like this limit or otherwise shape you. Just because you're an "introvert" doesn't mean you have to find social tasks unpleasent, you have to be bad at certain things, or you have to live on the extreme. It also doesn't mean you're better at a particular solitary task than an extravert by default.
I'd say like most things like this they're not meant to pigeon hole people or to really be taken as the be-all-end-all. Like anything it could of been done better but for what it is I think it's a good read hence why I shared it. Can't please everyone I guess :S
Quote from: Muffin on January 16, 2010, 09:08:42 PM
I'd say like most things like this they're not meant to pigeon hole people or to really be taken as the be-all-end-all. Like anything it could of been done better but for what it is I think it's a good read hence why I shared it. Can't please everyone I guess :S
Awww... I've been overly harsh from being in debate mode too long. My bad.... I'm seeing debate topics where there are only blog style editorials :P
Back to the scheduled thread! :)
Shame, shame on you for thinking that when people compare themselves favorably to Albert Einstein, Issac Newton, Charles Darwin, Julia Roberts, Steven Spielberg, Christian Bale, Michael Jordan and Tiger Woods that they might be trying to claim they are something better. Who would have guessed?
You could also look at it as a way to help some introverts to feel better about themselves and be more social if that is what they are wishing to do, life is not all doom and gloom. No need to focus on the negatives so much. I sure could do with less of it if it's all the same.
P.s. and you say people, it's only written by one person, one persons POV. You really are a jerk tekla you seriously need to get over yourself.
Quote from: Muffin on January 17, 2010, 12:53:56 AM
You could also look at it as a way to help some introverts to feel better about themselves and be more social if that is what they are wishing to do, life is not all doom and gloom. No need to focus on the negatives so much. I sure could do with less of it if it's all the same.
P.s. and you say people, it's only written by one person, one persons POV. You really are a jerk tekla you seriously need to get over yourself.
If I understand correctly, introverts like being alone. Not doom and gloom, right?
And there I was, trying to keep the peace :laugh:
*Shrug* Ah well... If you're gonna rock the boat, don't be surprised when someone falls in...
That said, in my opinion there's no reason to start personal name calling, OP. Differences in opinion aren't intended to be a personal affront, just offered for the sake of interest and discussion. Nothing is being aimed at you personally.
Quote from: SilverFang on January 17, 2010, 05:34:30 AM
If I understand correctly, introverts like being alone. Not doom and gloom, right?
Not sure like is the best word maybe 'benefit from' lol, I'm personally kinda jealous of those that can be in big crowds and have a barrel of laughs like it's nothing :P
It just might be that many of those people, heck probably all of them from time to time, just might be faking it - or at least faking it till they be making it?
Guess I'm sorry I can't do that.
When I first encountered the words "extrovert" and "introvert," I was a bit confused. For the most part, I felt that I exhibited the traits of an introvert. But, there were some classic extrovert traits that I felt I had, too. So, I wondered if I was an introverted extrovert or an extroverted introvert.
For the most part, I consider myself to be introverted. But, sometimes I wonder if I'm really just a shy extrovert.
The whole thing seems to have another artificial binary to it, just like with gender.