Honestly, I don't feel I am a boy. Technically, I feel genderless, and that I am a spirit trapped in a body. And the suitable body for a spirit would be as minimalized and genderless as possible, which in my opinion, would be no breasts, no penis, little facial/body/head hair, aka the FtM body. So I've adopted being a FtM because it makes my life easier. I am okay with being seen as a feminine guy, getting male pronouns, etc, everything that has come with transitioning and so I am settling nicely into flamboyant-male life. It's just sometimes I feel like a liar no matter what I tell people. If I had my way, I wouldn't have a body at all, but yay society not accepting alternatives.
So I was just wondering...are there any others like me?
If you think 'society' 'accepts' flamboyant-males you need to get out more.
The "society" where I live does. Nobody asked for your irrelevant opinion.
Are not you living at home with parents you have not come out to, and have to hide this around? Yeah, I'm irrelevant. But at least I'm honest with those around me.
Some androgynes start off id-ing as the opposite physical sex and then realize it doesn't quite fit either. The almost genderless body you talk of seems to be a common wish amongst androgynes, male and female. It sounds like you've found a state of comfort in your body and presentation. There are plenty of genderqueer and androgyne guys on the transmasculine spectrum.
I feel a little bit the way you do.. I don't feel completely male.. but I do not feel female at all.
I can't seem to allow myself to identify as FtM because I know it's a lie and I just can't. I'm bigendered which seems to confuse the CRAP out of people!! People want me to pick one. They'll either decide for me that I'm FtM and just haven't accepted myself yet (or whatever they believe...I truely don't get it so can't know) or that I'm a confused gender queer girl. *shrugs*
I'm a female bodied person, who likes to pack, just ordered an STP, ISN'T a guy, but has gotten really good at drawing on beards and prefers male clothes. *shrugs*
Quote from: phx_rising on January 13, 2010, 10:21:56 PM
I'm a female bodied person, who likes to pack, just ordered an STP, ISN'T a guy, but has gotten really good at drawing on beards and prefers male clothes. *shrugs*
Hi hunney.
She really looks hot as a dude. Trust me.
awwww...that's really sweet coming from the lesbian :D :laugh:
....I love you.
Well, here's my opinion on this one;
Honestly, I see no reason why you should feel like a liar if you are trying to get your appearance on par with your identity (perception of self, in your case genderless). In fact, by doing so you are actually being truthful, and the way I understand your ftm classification in this case could be seen more as a 'means' than identity. In the end, there's sacrifice and there's compromise when you want to achieve something.
Based on the book of the past, I've read of androgynes who decided to tilt the hormone spectrum by adding more to the scale on one side or the other (in order to achieve certain balance - a somewhat opposite from nullification). Thus, not so much an oddity.
Tekla: I have come out to my parents, I have to hide it around one of them because he is not accepting. Society does not involve around that one individual.
I don't feel really and truly "female," but I don't want to try to get everyone I talk with to see me as a gender->-bleeped-<- and use "ze/hir" on me all the time. My gender is a big, fascinating and confusing mess, and calling it "woman" sure as hell doesn't cut it. For that matter, even "genderqueer" can be a heavy suitcase to carry.
So yes, I use "she/her" out in the world, and wear a padded bra to emphasize my boobs (partially because I like the look of it). That being said, I identify more with being queer than with being gendered.
I don't see myself as 100% male either. I'd put myself at around 75% - 80% male and 20% - 25% female. But, yeah. Just try explaining that one to the average person on the street. ::) Like you, I sometimes feel as if I'm lying to people, but the whole truth is complicated, and not something I really feel any desire to discuss with most people. I view it sort of like answering, "Fine" when someone asks how you are, even if really you have a headache, and you're a little irritable, and you just had a fight with your BF/GF ... etc.
I'm struggling with this EXACT thing right now. I'm about to go and see my doctor and I need a script for T. (how i got there is a whole 'nother thread for a whole 'nother time..) and I don't want to go in and explain to him WHY I want a low dose, and how I feel about my gender as a whole because I'm really afraid that because of who HE is...he'll deny me all together. That simply won't do.
I need to get what is right for me to present how is right for me....and so if I've got to tell that man that I'm FtM...frankly...so be it. He's a gate keeper and I need through. Do I like that? Does it sit well with me? No.
I'm looking at coming out to my BIL and SIL this weekend and....because they're actually IN my life I feel like I should be a little more honest with them but I don't really expect them to get it...and I worry that I can't explain myself very well. Yes I want T, but yes, I do like skirts, but yes I do want a beard, but yes I do like my breasts....ugh!
If through lieing you get the hormones you need By saying you are F2M then you may wish to reduse the dose subscribed to you take one tablet insted of 2 or take the full dose every second day ect. If this sounds dangerous to you ask doc if you are unsure if you have taken your tablets is it better to skip or double up
T is gel, cream or injectable as a rule, no pills.
Quote from: Elijah on January 13, 2010, 07:00:10 PM
I don't feel completely male.. but I do not feel female at all.
This.
Reducing daily intake of T does not reduce the effects, it would still happen, it simply happens slower. Ex. You'd grow facial hair over one year, as opposed to six months.
I honestly don't think that anyone is 100% anything.
I identify as female in my mind, but even still there are parts that aren't 100%. Really all of this stuff seems like a continuum not a binary category just like sexual orientation. I firmly believe though, that people can be anywhere on a continuum even at 50/50...
I think the problem here is society, but it's judgement of gender is a binary category is unlikely to change within the next few decades. I think that one would take less flak from society if they identified as a single gender, however the question really becomes is it more important to be true to how you feel or is it more important to be able to live effectively as a member of your society?
It might sound like a question that answers itself, but I personally feel that ones quality of life could be vastly effected by such things as societies scorn. Society isn't the same everywhere though, perhaps a move to a more accepting and open area would be in order?
I think I'm probably 75-25 or somewhere around there, too (75 male, 25 female). Most of the time I feel completely male but there are sometimes I feel female-- I still love criticizing the dresses while watching project runway (and yes, there are many men that like that) and I have to admit I sometimes love playing the "sweet, innocent little girl" card when I'm being a smart alec to an older male professor or spiritual leader or boss or whoever since I still present as female the vast majority of the time, although I'm starting to grow out of that. And then there are the times when I'm around a really cute guy and part of me just wants him to think I'm pretty, although at the same time I don't want him to treat me like a girl and I'm asexual so I don't want to hook up with him or anything. At those times, however, it makes me really question whether I am trans or whether I'm just kidding myself.
Quote from: phx_rising on January 13, 2010, 10:21:56 PM
I can't seem to allow myself to identify as FtM because I know it's a lie and I just can't. I'm bigendered which seems to confuse the CRAP out of people!! People want me to pick one. They'll either decide for me that I'm FtM and just haven't accepted myself yet (or whatever they believe...I truely don't get it so can't know) or that I'm a confused gender queer girl. *shrugs*
I'm a female bodied person, who likes to pack, just ordered an STP, ISN'T a guy, but has gotten really good at drawing on beards and prefers male clothes. *shrugs*
What is an STP?
QuoteReducing daily intake of T does not reduce the effects, it would still happen, it simply happens slower. Ex. You'd grow facial hair over one year, as opposed to six months.
Are you sure about that?
STP=Pissing Tube
Most of the time I feel neither male or female. Sometimes I do feel female and I hate feeling that way...sometimes I feel male. Most of the time is just hovering between the two.
Right now, I don't know what I want. I could be FTM or I could be an androgyne. Like Jamie-o, I feel sort of like on the grand old gender spectrum I'm 75% male and 25% female. I feel like a feminine guy, and right now I present as 100% female.
I know it isn't working for me, so I'm slowly working on becoming more androgynous looking. But I don't know if that's going to be "enough". I have similar feelings to some of you. Some terms I know I'm NOT right now: woman, girl, man. But I'm comfortable with guy, boy, person. I don't know if I'm going to need hormones or surgery, or if I can be happy presenting as androgynous.
But you know, it's really comforting that other people feel a similar way. The vast majority of the time when I hear the stories of people whose genders don't match their sex, it's straight transsexuals who fit cleanly into a gender binary post-transition. Sometimes it feels like a complete transition, with hormones and SRS, is the only real way to be happy if you have gender dysphoria, since those are the majority stories presented in the media and even online.
It feels the same way about sexual orientation, too. I'm pansexual, but when people ask, I just say bisexual because it's just... easier for people who don't know anything beyond gay/bi/straight, and there are people who look down on pansexuals because they see us as bi people attempting to be mystical or political or something. ARGH LABELS.
brain, just incidentally, while I'm quite sure I identify as male, I'm not comfortable with "man" either, or at least not yet. The word seems to come with a lot of baggage that I don't feel ready to carry. And I know a fair number of cismales who don't tend to refer to themselves as "men" either.
That actually makes a lot of sense, when you talk about the baggage that comes with "man". It's not just a statement about gender.
I guess I've also heard from some trans people that sometimes it isn't necessarily knowing deep down that you're male or female; it's more about knowing that you AREN'T female/male and feeling a sense of unease when you are identified that way.
I'm with the 75% brigade but its just enough maleness to make me feel totally uncomfortable as a female. maybe after transition i'll feel more female but with a male body who knows. For now FTM is the closest i've ever come to feeling at peace
Hey i like the no body idea. That would be great. I feel kinda invisible anyway :angel:
Quote from: Sameth on January 13, 2010, 06:35:41 PM
Honestly, I don't feel I am a boy. Technically, I feel genderless, and that I am a spirit trapped in a body. And the suitable body for a spirit would be as minimalized and genderless as possible, which in my opinion, would be no breasts, no penis, little facial/body/head hair, aka the FtM body. So I've adopted being a FtM because it makes my life easier. I am okay with being seen as a feminine guy, getting male pronouns, etc, everything that has come with transitioning and so I am settling nicely into flamboyant-male life. It's just sometimes I feel like a liar no matter what I tell people. If I had my way, I wouldn't have a body at all, but yay society not accepting alternatives.
So I was just wondering...are there any others like me?
Post Merge: March 28, 2010, 03:40:38 PM
Quote from: Pica Pica on March 12, 2010, 03:57:05 PM
STP=Pissing Tube
Damn i need one of those because its safer for me going into a male bathroom the way i look these days.. Where can i get one?