I haven't had a serious relationship in over 25 years and have only dated sporadically throughout that time. I never felt I needed a relationship and was always happy to be alone. However, now that I have discovered why I was alone all those years and am now trying to get my body to match the gender I identify with I am starting to feel this overwhelming need to have a relationship with a nice guy.
I am currently 8 months into hormones and present as androgynous leaning more to the female side. Ladies jeans, light makeup, manicured nails, jewelery, etc. Since I am pre-op (operation years away) I am in such a limbo state right now it is hard to imagine actually having a relationship. I don't want my male parts to be involved in anything other than what nature needs me to do with it. I am beginning to painfully realize the short playing field I have right now. Straight guys don't want me, Gay guys don't either. I guess there is always a possibility of a bisexual guy but what makes a guy bi-sexual is usually the desire to play with boy parts?
Well, usually I am the happiest person on earth but the last couple of days this has been getting me down a bit. I guess I just wanted to vent a bit about it.
Are there any other pre-op mtf girls here that are in relationships with guys but don't present fully as female?
You know something Dana, you're selling yourself short.
You've lived a lifestyle for a long time, now it's changed. You want the rest of it so you're gonna have to go out and get it.
If I were in your position, the first thing I would do is look on some dating sites. Stick with reputable companies of course. But see if you can find someone who want a night out.
You don't need to justify yourself, nor apologise for being you. OK, so some people might not want a relationship with you, some people don't want relationships with lots of people. Relationships aren't based upon a single value, they are about compatability.
Find a few places that arrange dates. Be forthcoming. This is who I am. I'm looking for ....
And keep at it. But please, stop running yourself down. If you don't love yourself, how do you expect anyone else to love you?
Hi Dana, I am sorry to see that you are feeling down today. I guess all of us ride the emotional roller coaster occasionally. Me, I am becoming very comfortable in my skin and am happy with the changes in my body!!!
As you may know, I am married (21 years) to a great gal who doesn't want to live with another woman. Usually when I have any distress it's because of a verbal exchange or mental struggle with her. I can't blame her-I have changed and she has not. So we work hard to get along with each other and continue to provide a good home for our son. Love is what makes the difference at the end of the day.
I too am in a state of limbo. I keep in mind that I must be careful or everything that I have will go out the door. If that ever happens I am ready for it but I will not willingly leave my home. The greatest thing I have learned thru all of this is I have purpose and the right to my own desires and presentation. I am feminine and am learning to embrace it and all this involves. I am still my son's dad and I am still my wife's husband-but I am also so much more.
It is my hope that you find a relationship if you want one. You're smart and pretty and you have much to offer someone. There is someone for everybody.
Randi
Thank you ladies! I feel a bit better today. Actually am in a fabulous mood. I think with me when reality settles in it can catch me a bit off guard and bring me down. But I seem to be very resilient! Nothing seems to keep me down for long.
I don't think I was selling myself short, btw. I am just looking at my current relationship playing field with a realistic eye. Long term I am VERY confident I will be able to find a relationship but in the short term it will be a bit more difficult.
I did end up joining match.com and the first day I got 7 winks from straight guys. Obviously there is something wrong with that! I have a feeling a lot of guys simply click on all new profiles and wink without even looking hoping to get a wink back where they might then actually look at the profile. Seems very lazy to me.
I believe things may get better (relationship pool wise) in the next few months. I plan on having my name legally changed and begin full time as a female. My boobs are growing and it seems the fat is beginning to redistribute in the waist and hip areas! I have been waiting for this to start! I am currently on oral estradiol and think I may try to go the injection route instead. My doctor told me the injectable form makes changes faster than the oral version but said in the end the same changes will be made no matter what form. I think I am now a bit more in a hurry. :) And my new attitude towards having a relationship is ground breaking for me. I never cared about having one before.
That's great Dana.
Anytime you feel low there will be people here for you.
Someone once told me, when I was at a really low point, 'Well, the great thing about being in the absolute pits is things can only get better from here'.
Dana, I had joined Singles.net a while ago and met a guy that was really close in a match. But I told him of my Trans past and lost him. I think that if you met someone, get to know him and see if things click. Then tell him of your Trans past.
When and if I ever get fully through this journey, I will keep my mouth shut unless it might cause trouble for him.
JMHO,
Janet
Finding the right person is never easy for anyone but especialy difficult for people with any sort of special problems.
I imagine disabled people, for example, often feel worthless. I know that many feel incredably lonely and isolated. I know an obese woman, for example, who has a lovely soul, but has become hard and bitter by so many years of being ignored, sneared at and suffering abuse from complete strangers in the street.
Janet raises the issue of when to tell. You'll have to eventually.
Personally, I would take the position that people who are so shallow that they set their sights on a fixed level, are best avoided anyway. No-one can ever live up to that.
At the end of the day, you must beleve in yourself and who you are. When life kicks you down, it's because, that's life.
But you deserve to be here and you have something to give back.
Just do what you can in terms of relationships. Like I have said before, one of the benefits about being transgender is that you find out who your real friends are. If they cannot accept you for who you are or your past which was not your choosing than why bother with them? You have worked hard to be who you are. Don't be put in another box just save a relationship. By being in the box, you are compromising the relationship and therefore the relationship lays on a bad foundation. Good luck in your search for a suitable partner. May I ask why you have been happy being alone for such a long time?
Quote from: Janet Lynn on January 16, 2010, 09:38:42 AM
Dana, I had joined Singles.net a while ago and met a guy that was really close in a match. But I told him of my Trans past and lost him. I think that if you met someone, get to know him and see if things click. Then tell him of your Trans past.
When and if I ever get fully through this journey, I will keep my mouth shut unless it might cause trouble for him.
JMHO,
Janet
I think the most important thing for me to do that could increase my chance of dating someone would be to present as a female full time. And I guess that goes hand in hand with having my name legally changed. That won't be very far away!
Post Merge: January 16, 2010, 01:43:03 PM
Quote from: lauren3332 on January 16, 2010, 12:17:49 PM
May I ask why you have been happy being alone for such a long time?
Being alone wasn't what made me a generally happy person. I guess I am just a happy person for the most part. Relationships with women never felt right so I guess I felt more comfortable just being alone. I sure wish I could have connected the dots early in life but we can't go back and change the past! We can change some of our interpretations of it but not actually change the physical existence of it.