I know i was born a boy.....
no evading the facts...i cannot have babies geneticly...
i am attracted to male and female genders.
my identity is in fact female given to you personally as female.
i am in dinile as male though raised as male.
hetro-sexual bi-sexual homo-sexual ........
these words i dont use but understand fully the meanings .
if these words come to me its from approach or inquiry from people .
the most common question given to me is would i use estrogen given the chance....the answer is yes...i would
due to my physical fitness i have a little to show for my dresses...but would like more...c cup would be nice.... ;)
i do not stuff or pack out or wear bras as there isn't really anything to hold...
i am aware of the mental health understanding is a vast topic and many many many years of training through collage - university to obtain such an understanding .
i havent got that long to fully appreciate why or how this will affect me as in now and later.
i have lived 32 years as a boy only ever having two relationships .
my first was a boy...and the second a girl....
the girl relationship was for two years and she had three children and was twice my age.
i did not cross dress in front of them .
i did not tell them i was leaving.
but a situation arises (as they do) and picked to leave.
six years on...ive been living out my wants......I AM A GIRL...
my genitals are of no intrest to me as such.
my need arises and is delt with.
woman have been having the wrong impresion of me for years....
im looking at them and they are thinking .....ohhhh he has an interest in me...
wrong.... that's a nice dress....where did you get that from...I WANT ONE....
no...i did dent say that....but that's what i wanted to say...
i can walk into a shop and buy whatever i need...
have you something to say darling ....is your manager around....
i take no nonsense....my emotions are fully on my rights as a consumer and aware of them...
i question my self all the time...
what do i actually understand about being a woman ?
well ...truth be told...not much and never will.
i truly wouldn't know what it is like to have a child....
true period pains or menopause ....
i look in the mirror and am disturbed by who i see....
if i have a skin head ...i look shocking....you cross the road when im coming....lol
my black curly hair is beautiful....i love it....my mum don't...
she sees my farther in me that she divorced and i have bonding problems because of it.
make me ......me .......i chose BECKY to be.....
my surname will remain...until disowned but i know that would never happen...
i don't wear woman's knickers or pack away my bits....
i suffered a swollen right testicle because of it.
im not totaly sure about surgery until i see what the hormone makes in my life.
i am happy to have a zero sex life to be a woman if my bits fail.
cosmetic is welcome to stretch my cheeks on my face where it slightly dips ...
also my eye brows lifted slightly to allow light to hit my eyes ....very dark and mysterious.
what will i do living as a woman.....
well i would et up in the morning and brush my teeth and go to work and come home and do the house work...go for a drink with my friends and come home and that sounds tooootaly ......normal.
hopefully my hormones dont mess that up....doubt it...
well may be a sailor moon outfit ;)
Hi Becky, :icon_wave:
Welcome to our little family. Over 4000 strong. That would be one heck of a family reunion.
Feel free to post your successes/failures, Hopes/dreams. Ask questions and seek answers. Give and receive advice.
But remember we are family here, your family now. And it is always nice to have another sister. :icon_hug:
And be sure to check out
- Site Terms of Service and rules to live by (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,2.0.html)
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- Post Ranks (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,114.0.html.)
Breast forms or make your own. You can use bird seed, flax seed or rice in knee highs. Easy to adjust as you wish.
Hugs and Love,
Janet
well....since 2010 i have been to my doctor and had my 1 year with the community mental health team and all was fine...
spoke about my fears and past history family and relationships and my wants and what nots.
i have my letters from my GP and from my mental health worker to refer to a gender clinic.
the first two appointments did not go very well...
finding the doctors were running their own games for what they do and not much patient input as i see it.
the way they do thing is slightly strange.
having a very well drawn up statment of history ...they want to hear it all over again in the same detail as it is written before....finding this most infuriating as waiting months for an appointment and this is what i go through.
well...getting in touch with PALS and quite rightly state my worries.
following that... having moved area and its a good 10 miles from where i was .
its a comfortable flat but when i moved in it was a pig sty.
some smoker lived here before and had a dog...
it was horrible....BUT seeing past all that.
a lick of paint and a washed carpet...throw that horrid bed out and the winter sets in and the damp shows through....more paint for the windows and the trick to control the worst of it was to use a window squeegee to collect the moisture off the windows as the heating goes on full blast and control is regained to paint the windows and sorted....no more issues so far.
having lots of blood tests...i don't need this as time is short and tasks are high.
3 times my request for hormones were denied as having complex issues.
failing to see the complex issues and my previous doctor failed to mention amy complex issues and so forth.....
time goes on and feeling like a dictaphone i continue to give over my account of the information they want and then....having the green light...YAAAAY
THE NEW AREA I MOVE INTO STARTS TO RIOT AND GO crazy.... PEOPLE BEING KILLED AND STABBED AND THE SHOPS GET ROBBED AND BURNED DOWN....
the danger starts from there....
homophobic insults and some really nasty characters giving me some threats...
one person on a mountain bike slowly passes by me and said if i turn into a girl...im getting F....ing stabbed....
the first hate crime i have been in and scared the daylights out of me....
seeing him flying round on the bike but never stops to say anything further.
nore hate crimes follow this and now have a collection of 15 in the space of 2 years.
walking round the streets ...the spray cans are hard at work with gangs moving around and see them congregating and i try my best not to get involved as i always do is mind my own business...
i have felt disowned from a town and i stay at home mostly.
finding work has become harder and the public have become colder....its hard to keep the love as i slowly drift from a smile to a dipped head looking for the next aggressor.
the local skate park phoned the park police twice on me.....
getting two crime ref numbers from that....
after to the civic center and they told me i have as much right to be there as anyone else.
i haven't been back since.
walking to do my shopping...i have store assistants giggling like school kids at me and i can hear them and so can the rest of the shop as they start laughing too.
the school children coming out of school gave me the most brutal assault....all in.... chant and the most disturbing talk i have ever witnessed.
sending letters to the schools in question and even visited one school to speak about the situation not abating.
i wasin talk with the LGBT and the council and the community police and my local mp.
I dont think im going to be alive much longer the way things have been turning out.
i'm very very angry at trusting my fellow public people .
finding myself sitting down with my eyes closed clicking my heels 3 times and chanting theres no place like home.
well....im still here... the ruby slippers may need a slight adjusting :(
the hormones are doing there job nicely... my hair is growing much faster and my skin is clearing up....
feeling 100 times better.
my family have been very supportive and some friends have remained to be friends but i find some sadly have gone separate ways.
all i find i have done is stand there and watch the world ->-bleeped-<-ment around me as they do as they please.
hopefully in time i will just slip back into society and carry on with my life as we all do what we must to pay bills and assist thoes around us who have fallen into the hands of the social dictators .
Becky,
I can tell that you are a strong person, but deep down, the sleights and harassment are taking its toll on you. If at all possible, get yourself out of that neighborhood, and on to greener pastures.
Good luck to you, sweetie. :)