I do not know about everyone but regardless of my state of transition there is still 24 hours in a day and i cannot find completely productive time "enfemme" so i enjoy many hobbies,,,
Like today for instance we played tennis doubles for 3 1/2 hours, to me that was bliss the guys i interact with are okay (actually a lot of fun) and somewhere in that 3 1/2 hours my day trickled on and i was lost simply in tennis nothing else....
I come home; for some reason the world heaves down on me a little bit harder and the gender is there again? I have this happen after hiking / camping / climbing / any time consuming hobby / etc..
Does anyone else experience this where they can somehow escape the whole gender world somehow for a few hours and not even think about it only to regroup and have it back?
Ricki
Yes Ricki. I filled the void with anything I could find. And when there wasn't enough to fill it, I'd find another interest to pursue. And when that wasn't enough, I put more time into work. Unfortunately, the insatient need to be doing something has followed me even after transition. However, the monster is gone. So the time I spend doing other cool stuff is truly good time spent on constructive things. Don't worry about it. It makes you an interesting person. It makes it so you can jump into any group and fit in with genuine interest. You'll never be a boring person.
Cindi
We all have things we do that consume our time and cause all the problems of the world to go away. These are called recreation, or for those unfamiliar with that term, non-working time. For some, it is fishing...it's hard to worry about your problems when you have a fish on your line. Some folks enjoy gardening or working on cars (I wish I could enjoy either, but it's just not me). I usually spend my "get away" time throwing frisbees and playing disc golf. I tend not to worry about bills, work, or much of anything while I am watching a disc sailing through the air, heading directly toward the target.
Like you, Ricki, when I really need time away from things, nothing beats a hike in the woods. There is just so much to see and enjoy that my little worries and concerns just fade away as I relax and enjoy the beauty and wonder of creation.
And Tinkerbell, I also find a sense of peace when I am walking the shoreline, skipping rocks across the water, throwing a line in and trying to catch that pesky bluegill that has stolen my bait 4 times in a row or simply being. I lived near a lake for several years and spent a great deal of time "wandering".
As for your question, Ricki, about escaping the gender world only to have it regroup. I don't see issues with gender as being any different that other issues in the sense that when problems close in, we often need to get away from them for a while. Whatever the problem, though, until it is dealt with and addressed, it will continue to be an issue, whether it is a gender-related issue or money or family. And believe me, I have had to get away from all of those, plus many others over the years.
Don't know if this answers your question either, but it made sense as I wrote it. If I'm lucky, it makes sense when you read it. If it doesn't, then my secret is out and I really have lost my mind. ::)
........Laurie
Oh hiking... I loved hiking. I started doing 100 mile hikes... that's where Brick and I really hit it off. I'd invite folks to come along. I got my boss to come along once. He was a fabulous hiking companion. Brick and I hiked most of the trails along the crest of the Sierra. It is a beautiful range. I bet Brianna would like that sort of thing. We'd walk all day and sit in a cold stream at the end of the day. Brick would catch fish and we'd have a banquet.
Oh I miss that so much. At least I can walk up behind my house along the BLM road and look up into Yosemite. That does provide a tiny high and remembrance of those wonderful week long treks.
Cindi
Writing and the arts.
Especially writing fiction, or watching cinema or plays, so often takes me into some other world, engrosses me in an empathetic state so powerful that all else vanishes however momentarily from my consciousness. After watching a particularly well done or powerful film I find it almost impossible to discuss it because I am still so emotionally and mentally involved with it for quite some time afterword. And maybe it's finding some kind of peace having all of you to communicate with, but like Tinkerbell, I don't feel so over overwhelmed, trapped, or obsessive anymore. Thoughts of gender do not dominate my mind. Slowly, ever so slowly, issues of gender blend more smoothly into the everyday aspects of my life, and I do not find myself so troubled by it that I need to get away from it.
It's funny all the talk about hiking. I mountain bike, and gain a similar peace from it. Though before I leave for a ride sometimes I have such difficulty deciding what to wear. Sometimes I just want to throw on some shorts and a t-shirt. On particularly hot days I want to wear some of the biking shirts that wick away the sweat and seem cooler. These biking shirts being male, but in patterns and colors so metrosexual (i.e. ->-bleeped-<-gy) as to draw humorous biking/gender comments from friends. And I oft consider purchasing some of the still more cute and stylish women's biking shirts (but restrain only because I know they won't really fit because of the whole breast issue--emphasizing the fact that I need to start making my own clothes). And on more casual work out rides I have even dared to wear a cami and shorts in traditional genderbending fashion. Yet, regardless of what I think to wear, once on the trail, once engaged in the activity itself, thoughts of gender all but vanish. And if they do come up, it is because of coming across someone on the trail, either them wearing an outfit I'm envious of, or because I'm self-consciousness not being attired in entirely gender appropriate clothing. And I guess in some wierd way, that is why getting away just doesn't work, except for the arts sometimes.
For me, the ultimate goal is having nothing I do that "get's me away" from any aspect of myself, instead learning how to incorporate now, into who I am today. Finding peace in what is, regardless of what will be. Getting away from my gender identity is like trying to get away from my philosophical world view or having to generate an income to survive. It is a fact of life. No more no less. And when confronted with the difficulties of my life, I try to come to an understanding and make better decisions (the healthy times) or just completely ignore them (the unhealthy times).
But if you are looking to get away, I must recommend intense storytelling or storywatching. Particularly powerful character driven stuff. It is so amazing when you find yourself understanding the unique lives of others, and storytelling affords a wonderful opportunity for this. Well that and obviously any time spent communing in meditation with nature.
Hiking and nature i agree with you guys i love the outdoors, I do not know without getting too wordy but i have been out in hot summer days with a cool breeze and the woods were niosy and busy..On fall days like now where the woods were and are very errie and spookie, and quiet very quiet and then all of the sudden noisy then quiet! On over night camps in a little tent listening to the wind howl from a ridgeline and you literally hear it hidden in a tent and you can hear that is coming in your direction. the snap of a twig or stick that sort of ctaches your attention yet oyu see nothing was someone there?........
Lots of solitude, good time, peace, adventure all mixed up into one yet everyday has always been different even if i hiked the same trail three days in a row. Weird!
I read somewhere that nature has healing elements to it, emotionally mentally somehow communing with it or being near or in it is mentally healthy? I would tend to agree into the middle of winter i do not get stir crazy because of the cold or snow but beacsue of the closed up pent up feeling you get waiitng for the next season to come?
thanks
Madison i never tried story telling i am not sure if i would be a good teller or not? Although i write not as much as i like and actually prefer to do it in the woods or camping alone. I have a book for kids almost done and if i have to wait another winter for spring so be it? I do not feel inspired at home or out and about to just write in it or to keep creating my story yet in the woods i do!
Ricki
There have been times in my life when dysphoria was so intense that all I could think of was gender, although it isn't that way for me now. As others have mentioned, when I am doing things in nature such as hiking, or when I am involved in making my music or art, I am not thinking about gender. I am completely lost in the creative process. Thank G-d for music :), I might not be alive without it.
zythyra
I sleep as much as possible; sometimes 13 hours a day.
During the week I Work, Cook dinner if it's my night, Eat Dinner, Clean the Kitchen, and Sleep the rest of it. During the Week I sleep from about 6:30PM - 7AM.
I rarely can pull any more than 13 hours a day for some reason; my body just won't sleep anymore than that I guess. So on the weekends I fill in some time by racing games on the XBox, cleaning up the house, some yardwork, and washing clothes which my wife appreciates very much.
Before getting put on Lexapro I could sleep a straight weekend through, well, except for like 2 or 3 hours. Now, I keep waking up and can't go back to sleep, it's like a 13 hour per day threshold. I am a lot more active when I am awake now too. I just installed a fountain in my yard this past weekend.
Jessica
It's something isn't it...???
Ricki