They have absolutely no idea about how I feel what so ever! Do I just randomly mention at the dinner table "hey mum, I no longer wanna be a girl, I want to be a boy!" How can I come out to them? How did you do it?
I tried that approach, but in reverse, 40 odd years ago. It didn'y go down well.
Now a days, a discussion about sexuality and TS/TG with your Mum (first) might be a start. Only because Mothers tend to be more able to listen to their childrens' problems. But don't be suprised if you get hit with the "That's OK Honey" "It's just a phase" A higher odds approach may be to see your family Dr first and arrange some counselling. Parents can take news from professinals a little more seriously. It also depends a bit on your age (and please don't post it, if under 18yrs :angel:) 'cos mods will have to edit it out. Parents tend again to think that their children go through stages, and they do, we all do. So they may not take something seriously unless you take it seriously; like getting medical help.
I'm sure most parents really don't believe that their daughters really want to have children with a vampire. But many are probably saying so :laugh:
Sorry, I don't mean in anyway to trivialise your problem, just trying to be supportive from my own experiences.
Cindy
I would avoid saying that you 'want to be a boy', why? Because then it sounds more like you chose to feel that way. That probably isn't the case, the truth of the matter is that you are a boy, just in the wrong body. Make sure that you make that clear to them.
My parents had known something was up with me for years, I'm pretty close to them and so had told them everything as I went along. The hardest part was going from "I think I might be transgender" to "yes I actually have decided to transition." I had been going to the GP and they knew about that, so I just told them what I told him. I guess it was quite easy for me because of my open relationship with my parents, they kind of brought me up to feel comfortable telling them about anything :)
If you feel comfortable talking with them about things, you may just want to sit them down and do a "i've been doing some research and talked to my doctor, i believe i am transgender/transsexual and i will be going to therapy to figure it out."
Offer print out info or books if they take it well enough (have them ready). Be calm, collected, and rational. Try not to panic (i tend to panic when it comes to personal, potentially BIG news.) Be mature about it.
Try to stress it isn't a CHOICE, it is just there. Have some links to research, maybe. You don't WANT to be a boy, you FEEL like a boy and wish to have your outside match your inside (so to speak.)
If you feel more comfortable talking to one over the other, go to that one first. I don't really feel comfortable talking to either of my parents (they aren't very open, though i did have an interesting conversation with my mom once about my sexual orientation...) so i went the write-a-letter-and-have-them-read-it route.
I was all set to leave them the letter yesterday (i'm very proud of my letter, BTW, spent hours on it as well as compiling a bit of info for them lol - if you want it as a basis, i'm willing to share just PM me) even though we're all sick. Things are just too far along, a lot in motion and i don't feel right hiding it too much longer.
But then my dad had to go to the doc and turned out he has pneumonia. :-\ I'm debating just giving my MOM the letter and letting HER show my dad when she thinks he can handle it... or just waiting.
@FolkFanatic. I know you've probably got yourself geared up to give them the letter (I know I did) but I'd suggest waiting until they can both read it at the same time. I contemplated giving mine to my mum first, thinking that she would be more accepting and that my dad would be more difficult. As it turned out they have been the opposite of what I had thought. So I'm glad they both found out at the same time.
Very geared up, yeah.
Plus i've got school starting tomorrow (i wish to use my chosen name) and my referral to an endo is in, therapist to be in within the next two weeks. Things are rolling and i hate to lie to them about the calls (when i get them to confirm the appointments).
Plus i shudder to think what my mom could work out on her own if she answered my call and heard i had an appointment with Dr So-and-So. I would rather her hear from ME than some total stranger....
No more babysitting the cousins. Ever again.
Quote from: FolkFanatic on January 24, 2010, 11:38:56 AM
Try to stress it isn't a CHOICE, it is just there. Have some links to research, maybe. You don't WANT to be a boy, you FEEL like a boy and wish to have your outside match your inside (so to speak.)
I dunno because I did actually say "I want to be a boy". Well actually my Mum said to me "do you think you'd like to be a man?" and I said "yes, I want to be a man." Then I went on to tell her how I have never been able to feel comfortable in a relationship as a woman, that I'd been experiencing gender dysphoria recently etc.
So I dunno but for me "I want to be a boy" seemed to work even though I understand "I feel like a boy" would have been better. Just saying :laugh:
Quote from: Lachlann on January 24, 2010, 02:35:43 AMI would avoid saying that you 'want to be a boy', why? Because then it sounds more like you chose to feel that way.
This is true. It makes it sound like you're not really a guy, you're a girl who wants to be a guy. The fact is you
are a guy, just unfortunately not in a male body. It's important to emphasize this- you are a man.
For me I've known I was male but in a female body all my life. It's hard for something to be a "phase" when it's been as long as you remember. You may have not known or felt this way all your life, but it's important to emphasize it's not a phase.
You should probably see a therapist to work through these things. They can help you with telling your family and verify (if not to you but everyone else) that this isn't a phase and is a real condition. Remember, you don't want to be a man- you are a man. You just want the rest of the world to see you that way and your body reflect it (if you choose HRT and surgery).
Post Merge: January 24, 2010, 04:31:44 PM
FolkFanatic, know what you mean about timing. I plan on sending my letter to my sisters this week, but not to my Mom or Dad yet. My Grandpa has been very ill for a long time now and might die soon, so I think it might be too much for my Mom right now. I may see her soon (she lives far away) so if I do I'll tell her then. I want that side of the family to know first before my Dad. It will give me an idea on what kind of support (or not) I'll have.
It is all about timing. I'm ready now to tell my family, but I need to be considerate of them as well.
Radar - exactly! I'm ready and raring to go, but the timing sucks. I guess it's for the best though, since i also have a cold and it's hard to sound mature and collected when you can't breathe through your nose and keep sniffling! I also don't want to stress my dad out while he's sick.
Unfortunately i have no siblings and i don't want to talk to close family until AFTER i talk to my parents, so no family support yet. Thankfully i have two close friends, though, who i've told that support me 100%. When i get excited about something (like the fact i got my endo referral) i post here and call them, lol.
It'll just be much easier when i come clean. I'm actually looking forward to it, even though i'm not expecting 100% acceptance right away.