So I've finally taken and completed all of the necessary steps in order to start T. Gone through therapy, did the RLT (real life test), looked and looked for a dr. that would start me on hormone therapy, came out to the most important people in my life, built up my support group, etc....
And now, I'm at the last step. All I have to do is call the dr. office to get the results from my blood test and schedual a followup/ shot appointment.. and I'm seriously struggling with making the call.
For so long I've known this is me. For so long I've waited for this to happen and worked hard to get to where I am now.. But now that I'm here, I'm nervous.. I've been having doubts.. I've been asking myself numerous questions that I thought I already answered. It's frustrating beyond belief!
I guess I was just wondering if anyone else has gone through this and if any of you have advice.
Thanks,
Lex
i haven't been through it. But i am sorry to hear!
Maybe you could try taking a step back and make sure not to proceed until you are absolutly ready! I know it's not what you want... it wouldn't be what i'd want either being the impatient git that i am. But you don't want to go into this with any doubts. Doubts are normal with any life changing decision though.
Just take a deep breath, see how you feel after that and chose the decision you want.
When I had that script in hand, I did the same thing. Is this what I really want? The effects are permanent. Yada Yada. All for about 5 minutes as I sat in my car in the parking lot of the endo's office.
What did I do? Called my mom to tell her I was going to do it (ha!) then drove straight to the pharmacy and filled it.
19 months later absolutely NO REGRETS.
Jay
Do something to get your mind off of it. A weekend trip or a nite out with friends. Then come back to it. Sometimes we think on things so hard they become more complicated than they are.
Lex, I was feeling very similar to you this time last week. But I realised that the main thing making me feel that way was that I didn't want to upset my mum. So now I'm four days on T and currently enjoying the (extremely minor) changes.
Are you feeling like this because you're unsure of your own mind or because of other peoples feelings? Or something else entirely?
I had similar thoughts dude... I was just in awe of the whole situation like I had finally reached the ledge before the summit - and scared to climb the last bit.
Its scary to be yourself - to give up the way you are used to living in society and relating to people, and how they relate to you. You've probably done it your whole life - it's habitual! Then there's the whole what will people think thoughts and why would I choose this difficult path?
I think just about everyone at some stage gets cold feet - I think its normal!
You need to decide for yourself obviously what you're going to do, but I can tell you right now - being you is the greatest thing you can do for yourself (whether that's having T or not). Yeah at times its hard - but so, so worth it dude.
Maybe another session with your counsellor would help? Or chatting with someone else?? Or lay some more on us - we're here to try help each other :)
Good luck
Could it be fear that something is wrong with the blood test?
When I went through that process I was freaking about because I have low iron levels and wondered if that would effect it.
I didn't pause with the T script but I did with reading the blood work result first time. I was more afraid of not be able to get T then not taking it. I did doubt if I was right once, but then decided that I know my own mind and the doubts were other peoples words not mine.
Quote from: Karridoll on January 29, 2010, 04:39:50 PM
Do something to get your mind off of it. A weekend trip or a nite out with friends. Then come back to it. Sometimes we think on things so hard they become more complicated than they are.
I couldn't agree more with this. It's not thinking isn't bad, but there are certain types of thinking that are counter productive.
Thank you all so much for the advice, it helps alot knowing that I'm not the only one, and that you guys have gone through it and pushed through the hard parts.
Honestly, alot of what I'm going through comes from being Christian... and from what alot of my mentors have to say about my transition in general. Things like "if you're passing as male most of the time anyway, why do something that's going to have a permanent affect on your body?" or "Maybe your discomfort/ dysphoria is a result of a deeper issue?"
I'm not too nervous about getting my test results.. I figure that no matter what they are, they're that way for a reason.
I've decided that I'm going to call tomorrow to get the test results so that I at least get that information. After that I should probably schedual another therapy appointment if I'm still feeling this way.
I know I still want to transition and take T.. I think I have just been overanalyzing. Talking about it on here helps me sort through things alot easier than just trying to deal with it on my own.