This isn't strictly a trans related issue, but I really need some light shed on what just happened to my brain and I don't have time to join a psychology forum.
Sorry, but this might be quite a lengthy post.
Okay, on friday, I bought Mass Effect 2; a sci-fi role playing game for the Xbox 360. After anticipating it since the original game, I played it all through friday evening, and finally went to sleep at 3 AM. I woke up at 11 AM the next day.
Since I'm not going anywhere this weekend (or any weekend, really :(), I played it all of saturday as well, only fitting in about two or three proper breaks during the day for food.
As it gets later, I notice that I'm not particularly tired, so eventually I end up playing through the night, again with nary a pause. The only side effect was that my eyes started to itch a little from focusing on the screen for so long.
Anyway, I continue to play through sunday morning, taking some more frequent breaks for housework and food. Then the weird stuff starts happening. I'm sitting down at the table, and then for no obvious reason, look at the backs of my hands, both at the same time.
This is unusual, I think to myself, I can't remember the last time I saw the backs of both hands at the same time. I just sit and look at them for about ten minutes, having a subdued spiritual experience.
As I go around the house and talk to my mother and brother, I realise that I'm conducting myself like a character in the game, and treating other people like characters as well. Every time I talk to someone, I can't become unstuck from the model of conversing with an NPC in the game.
I notice that I'm more talkative and open with them than usual. Again, just like Commander Shephard.
I go back to the game and continue playing through the afternoon. I get tired now, having not slept since friday night. Eventually, I reach about two-thirds through the game, and go haywire.
I literally find myself unable to keep a firm barrier between the real world and the game in my mind. I can't keep my thoughts of the two seperate. I think of doing someting in the real world, but then stop myself; 'What would the Illusive Man (a fictional character) think?'.
I'm still entirely aware that the game is fiction, but it's as if my brain doesn't know how to keep them seperate.
I'm tired now, but I can't go to bed because the house is still in a state, and my mum will just wake me up if I go to bed. So I have a hot bath with the lights off, but can't get images of Illium (a dark urban planet with neon lights, from the game) out of my mind. I get out of the bath, feel weak. Legs and arms are tired, can't hold me steady, even though I have barely used them. I sit in the corner of the bathroom for what feels like ages, waiting for my strength to come back, repeating the mantra; "It's not real, It's just a game.". Every time I convince myself, I find myself thinking a thought that doesn't fit.
Eventually, I scoop myself up and out of the bathroom, and hide in bed. I cry for a long time, without having the slightest idea why. I think it's partially because Nef (again, a fictional character) died. I feel completely hopeless and unmotivated. I can't think of a reason to stop crying. Eventually, I twig that some stimulus other than the game could help. I shuffle towards the TV, reaching for the switch. Watch the news maybe. I stop halfway, and lie still on the carpet for a while.
And now, I feel fine. No mixed thoughts, I don't even feel tired any more (though I'm still about to go to sleep). I'm definitely not playing that game for a while though.
It felt like I was having a psychotic, slightly solipsistic, episode. Although I know perfectly well the difference between real and fiction, it felt like most of my brain simply gave up seperating them.
Anyways, thanks for reading the long post. If you have any idea what went on inside my brain here, please help me out.
Depriving yourself of regular sleep is possibly the silliest thing you can do next to taking drugs.
Just because you're not tired doesn't mean you don't need sleep. Sleep is essential ti maintain your physical and mental health.
After going without sleep for a while, your brain goes into an excited state where your perceptions become distorted.
Get some sleep.
I have done that after only playing a day. That is why my Xbox is now put away.
It comes from the image driver. Have you ever read the warnings? May cause seizures. It is because of the way the brain sees the images.
Sleep will let the brain reset.
Oh, rest assured, I've been scared out of skipping sleep for some time to come. I usually get seven or eight hours sleep every day. Yesterday was only one of two times I can remember when I stayed awake all night.
I knew at the time it was probably a bad idea, but never would have imagined what actually happened to me. Nothing like that's ever happened to me before, so it just took me by surprise.
I don't suppose it's important enough to talk to a doctor about?
Not unless it becomes a problem. I have bouts of insomnia, myself. I think most people do.
I started writing a fancy reply involving brain chemistry, but I decided to boil it down to a simple " lol ".
You're fine, now quit smoking so much electronic crack.
If you make a doctors appointment to talk about it they will prolly say the same thing, but a therapist could have a hayday with it.
I also think the Tetris Effect could be called into play here.
http://www.wired.com/wired/archive/2.05/tetris.html (http://www.wired.com/wired/archive/2.05/tetris.html)
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tetris_effect (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tetris_effect)
It's a bit like meditation.
Those of us who follow a spiritual path which encourages meditation know that you can induce in yourself almost any mental state that you can get with drugs. All it takes is a bit of practice and discipline.
Not only can you effectively trip out, you can also block pain, induce super-focused concentration, lucid dreaming, high creativity the list of benefits from meditation is endless - and those of us who do it statistically have a much lower incidence of psychosis too.
So it is nothing to worry about, but if you want to learn how to control your mind properly in that sort of way then reading about one of the ancient mediational techniques and disciplines can produce excellent results.