Is anyone out there that can give me advice on coming out to my parents. They are very conservative when it comes to their viewpoint about anything. They believe that if someone is born a female, said person was meant to be female, period. They ridicule individuals who are gay or lesbian, forget anyone who is FTM or MTF.
My parents live approximately 45 minutes fro me and I only see them 2 - 3 times a year. When I do spend time with them, it's for weeks at a time and they notice when things are different.
I thought about writing them a letter or, perhaps, telling them on the phone. I was told by a friend that I should meet with my mother first, perhaps for lunch. But, that doesn't seem right either. I'm not even sure what wording or explanations I should use when I tell them. Any suggestions?
Just a suggestion.
If you know what their reaction will be, you need to tell them, you have already come to terms with the enevitable consequences, then perhaps the best thing would be to simply write them a letter.
If you think your relationship can survive then perhaps you could go and see them.
Seems, from your post, it really depends upon what you want from them after.
Best of luck. Tell us what happens.
Not too close? I agree with spacial, what you do will depend on what you want from them after.
mmm, you might be surprised by their reaction, you never know.
Well, I would suggest different strategies for dad and mum. A lot of dads like the facts. Give them the sciency stuff, what it may be caused by, what the science community says, what the psychologists classify things as.. For mum be more emotive - how it has made you feel, the pain of it. This is pretty stereotypical though, but might fit the ticket.
Things I think are good:
Not too much detail. "I've felt I was a man inside for a long time" - perfect I think, detail later.
Give examples of you that they may have noticed from you growing up i.e. it has been with your along time.
Talk about the alternatives to being you - i.e. suicide, mad depression, lack of function....
Talk about 'cures' i.e. none exist.
talk about why you are telling them
reasure that they did nothing wrong and it is not their fault
reasure that you will still be interested in things you did before (if true) i.e. you still want to be involved in cooking or fixing the car or the gardening etc...
Make it clear that it is not open for discussion, that you are telling them, not asking for opinions.
Hope this is helpful.
Best of luck!
Really great suggestions, Nicky.
It's good to be realistic going in just so you can be prepared for whatever. Although, you should know that their first reaction won't necessarily reflect their final opinion about things, I say that from my personal experience anyway. Conservative people sometimes just need time.
Good luck!
Wow, Nicky... that's everything I put in my family letters. Cool.
I'd write a letter.
Then when they had a chance to digest it, maybe then call or visit.
That is what I had planned, but I ended up coming out over the phone to my mom, so then I figured wth and called my dad. The rest of the extended family and Christmas card list got the letter.
FWIW my family was fairly religious and took it well, so you never know. You (as did I) have age in your favor, and your parents don't control you (ie you don't live at home).
Good luck!
Jay
Agree with the letter idea. I thought my mother was going to take it badly, she didn't in the end, so I sent her a letter so she would have time to think before she reacted. I also told my aunt first as I knew that that would be the first person my mom would call.
Good Luck
Myles