I tend not to be the type to post things like this, because I'm not much of an attention getting type. But I feel the need to discuss this.
I am happy, happier right now than I have been in a good long while. However, I can't help but feel very fragile. I am feeling good, like I am accomplishing a lot right now. It is invigorating, like I am standing under a waterfall. But at the same time, I feel like I can burst out in tears of sadness at any given moment. I have this sort of knot in my stomach for what seems to be no perceivable reason.
Things are going SO well right now, that I -should- be happy. I'm not sure why I am feeling so fragile, almost like I can break down at any time.
I liken it to waiting for the other shoe to drop thing. Things are going so well that you expect it to end. Only a lot of time with out it happening can ease that,
Things are going SO well right now, that I -should- be happy. I'm not sure why I am feeling so fragile, almost like I can break down at any time.
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transitioning is the most stressful thing you can do and add estrogen's effects and a little fragility is perfectly understandable.
Enjoy your transition and take care.
I think you are experiencing a new-found vulnerability. Even though everything's going great in your quest to remove the masks and walls and distance you may have established in your life, remember all of those things created a defensive buffer against the world.
Now's the time you have learn a new set of coping mechanisms.
Welcome to the world of womanhood. I feel fragile and emotional much of the time. HRT has allowed me to let my soft side come to the surface instead of hiding it. I have become less fragile but I will always be emotional because that is my inner self.
Pam
There were times in my early transition that I felt like I was getting away with something. It just felt like it was too good to be true. I kept waiting for the gender police to arrest me and cart me off to the dungeon where I would be beaten and laughed at.
After a lifetime of hiding I found it scary to expose my innermost feelings - this thing I had wanted for all of my life: to be accepted as a woman. I almost felt I should wear a sign: Please be nice to me - that's all I ask.
Also, I think as you work to find yourself you are finding - in some sense - something or someone new. You are a tender bud that has waited so long to begin to bloom. It is still a little weak and needs to be tended carefully so that it can become strong and resilient.
Feeling a bit fragile sounds like part of the process. :icon_flower:
- Kate
What Kate said is what I meant.
( Wish I had your way with words Kate.)
Estrogene has unlocked my emontional self. I am ready to tear up at the first sign of something moving or sad.
I can't even hear a sappy song and not whell up in emotion.
Know what? It's great. Roll with it and cry, get it out. Cry for the good cry for the bad and see it as the blessing it is. Crying can cleanse the wounds of the soul and it confirms your humanity.
Chances are some of that inner sorrow is mourning for the loss of the old incarnation of yourself. In a way it is like a death in the family. I suspect that is what the knot in your stomach is. But that is just a guess. I could be very wrong.
Anyways ...
/hugz
Welcome aboard!
I think a lot of us have felt that way--I know I have.
It really hit me the first time I was sitting on my sofa with a man, and he put his arm around me, holding me as I snuggled over. I felt so Protected, that I had to then recognize that I had been feeling fragile and, well, Un-protected.
It was a glorius time that I will never forget, even though it opened my eyes to feeling vulnerable--and yet, there is a certain comfort in being vulnerable...part of being a woman...that is impossible to describe to those who have not felt it.