Who are the closet CDr,s? Married, Families, mtf, ftm? My self married, family and they have no idea. I enjoy the smooth skin and sexy womans clothing but as a closet CD I never venture out CD.
Kate.. lives in the closet... well she does not even have her own closet just a few pieces of luggage that stash away as needed. Long skirts are a favorite.
She provides a rock solid support for Thomas.
I only recall that being in the closet drove me scatty, and jarred my nerves no end. Now that i am 'out' to my wife and a bevy of women friends the freedom is - wonderful! All it took was honesty.
However tough that is, its not nearly as tough as living permanently in denial - looking back, i think i would have found a counsellor or a good friend, and would eventually have had to face it head on. That might have meant strategies for revealing myself slowly or...well, anything else just does your head in and leads you doen some dark and unhealthy paths.
Believe me I understand where u r. CD'd for many years and finally got to a point where my wives/wife knows. She is ok with it now. The only thing is I realize now I want more. Gotta do more. I want to pursue me now as who I know I am. (TS and not alone). For me, a closet CD was good for a while, but then I needed to go out and did and love it....But again, I understand so much more now...Hang in there......
I think that those of us who are closet cds do so until we reach that point where we have to make a decision on whether to come out, to continue as is, or to drop it completely (with mixed success). Deciding to continue as is, as I have, comes with the understanding that there will always be a fear of discovery, and a sense of missed opportunity. I choose this path because I keep a balance in my life. I don't know the motivations of others, but for me, I enjoy the male half of my life as much as the female half. I believe that I can be both halves of my persona, and while this keeps Rose indoors (mostly), I am lucky in that my wife is accepting and encouraging. She likes hanging out with Rose at times, just as she likes being with her husband at other times. So while there are days in the closet where I do feel that I should be a woman more often, the male half of my life is worth keeping at that price.
That is well put...I do agree that many CD'rs really wonder about going full time. For me being both for so long has put me to a point of decision. Forr u and for others its what ever works and makes u happy. I just know that now after all thesr yrs, I am much happier and more comfortable with me and not denying my gender as being TS...Good luck to all...
Rose2Me, Thank You for some very helpful insite to my situation. I am almost certain I will keep the male (to many man of household things to keep ahead of). I hope someday though to be able to get made up turely feminine Jafrina and step out. Thank You all Jafrina
Hi gals, I am a member as well, whats more, I am an experiment in progress :icon_flamed:. I guess my thesis would be on how long does it take for those around you to notice a change for not only am I a CD but also TG in progress on HRT.
Instead of coming out to people around me and announcing with my deep male voice and manly man stance :icon_builder: that I really am a woman inside :icon_chick:, I have chosen different path, that is, on the outside I want to start becoming who I am within and gradually assimilate my look. Yes you can call me a coward :icon_yikes:, it just seems more subtle that way, and who knows where do I end up eventually, I allow the thought of never becoming fully passable :icon_ashamed:, it just is part of such a late starters like my self (dreadful as it is, true nevertheless). I delusion my self with feminine future and life, what's left of it, in full fem. Dream the dream. :icon_female:
Alexia
Alexia,
Believe me I understand your thoughts..I have been CDing all my life..And now, alot older, I am needing to really take this to another level. I dress nearly everyday and go out as well. I do have alot more confidence(not yet enough), but getting there. This will be my 1st year with my legs and arms shaved. I am wanting to start laser treatments to remove my facial hair as well as HRT...
I really want to save and have FFS one day....But the way u are doing things, is kinda like myself.
I do think people notice a change in me somewhat. And really, that is exciting to me....Where I have always disliked myself, I now am saying I am ok and everything is gonna be fine...So girl, hang in there and know u have friends here....
Hi Christy, about one year ago I have come to a conclusion that femininity is not going to go away, so why fight it, and I have given in. Since then I have been so much more in peace with my inner self who lets face it, is Alexia. Just like all things, you can't have it all, so only one thing stands between Alexia the dream and Living Alexia. Soft, innocent, girly man who for past 40+ years have been constructing concrete reinforced MANLY MAN shell. Deconstruction will take some time, but what ever the outcome, journey in its self has been worth it a 100 ordinary lifetimes. I propose a gang: CLOSET MAMAS, for all those girls who seek advice but are still unrevealed :-)
Love!
I guess that this is what most if not all of us CD's go through. For me I must remain in the shadows. Parents have not many years left. Revealing this side of my persona would devastate them and end them more quickly. I cannot do that. Secondly, economically it would be devastating for me. I have my own business and I know clientele would not be accepting. So in the shadows I stay longing to wear the clothes I can afford to purchase but cannot have. Longing to go into the sunshine dressed but cannot. I know inside me that one day I will make that big step into the sunshine. As has been said we are all on a journey we will reach our destination at different times sadly though some of us may not, and I do feel for them.
i have faced these issues, and, in the end, they were won through by being open and honest with an understanding partner. i find it interesting that all closet girls do couch the issue in terms of not being able to come out, socially, in very absolute terms.
It is this kind of thing that genuinely does scare partners, alongside the usual questions:
1. Are you Gay, and
2. does this mean you're leaving me....
3. How am i going to tell all my/our friends and relatives and cope with the embarrassment?
Is there not an argument for taking things one step at a time and gradually feminising one's appearance, say with the wearing of the odd item of jewellery, or more pastel colours?
I have found that the perception of coming out as an 'all or nothing' issue can be misleading, and discouraging, and can lead to very negative feelings and sudden, impulsive actions which could indeed endanger relationships. Change is never easy in any part of our lives, but i would like to think that with the right approach, many of us could take small steps towards a positive outcome!
Precisely girls. A lot of talk goes on about how misunderstood we are when coming out to friends and ones around us. Let face it, to everyone else besides us we are truly a freak show, and for us to expect others to embrace our need to be a girl, oh well, wishful thinking or an anomaly partner who for once understands. I believe that coming out in the moment I receive first May I help you MA'AM while wearing jeans and tshirt, would to others almost make sense. Actually, coming out at that point would almost seem unnecessary, every one would have known by then. I am a believer of fluid transition and if in near future something changes and I divert from the path, I will still stay intact and maintain friendships I now have.
Hey Alexia...U put things so well and truly thought out...I have battled all my life "hey I'm a freak" phrase. But not now and not anymore..Not sure if its my age or what, but I am just tired of that and its time for me to be me..I talked to my wife some today and she really knows more where I am with my fem side. MORE! ;D I have a wonderful wife and friend...
Hi Christy!
Being a bit older, and coming from a more alternative time (she was a Rad Fem in the 80s) my wife's take on the whole thing is "Well - its only clothes - you're still the same person i married". For this i am profoundly grateful.
I wonder however, if the thing that we need to get our heads around is that, generally it is accepatable for women to change, to be in flux, and in transition of one kind or another. Not so men. Women may change hairstyle, makeup, have a makeover or whatever, and, while it may cause a few ripples with friends and family, it is perceived as positive.
We're all familiar with the idea of the "male menopause" which is seen as amusing/seedy/catastrophic - when older men get big, shiny motorbikes or start chasing younger women.
But have we missed the concept of a NECESSARY, PREDICTABLE AND POSITIVE shift in older mens lives where they need to change direction, embrace a new project, posit a new self-image, and experience a personal renaissance, at a later time in life.
This, i think, is why i'm not so keen on the whole idea of appearing 'convincing' (tho i can - and do, sometimes). I like to shift across the boundaries, as it gives me a greater sense of freedom, and the possibility of change in either direction. Im not absolutely one thing or the other. I am a male in transition - in the broader sense of the word.
Right - Stop Gassing There!
Clare xx
I guess in terms of being a Freak, I have come to understand that I and the world around me are two distinctly separate points of view. I can choose to live my life aether by others description of who I ought to be or by internal feeling of who I really am, both being not the absolute truth but an image of one self from two different perspectives. If I obey the first one and live my life as others would have it I feel good with others because of acceptance into the clan, if I chose the other and live my life as I would have it, I will feel rejection and build a barrier between my self image and the rest of the world. Aether way we loose, but chose to fluctuate between both realities to sustain the feeling of calm. I am a FREAK if I chose to live as I am, now it is OK with me, because of my understanding of how others view my condition, if I choose to live in a flux and keep my fem in secret then I feel a Freak only to my self, which I suppose is easier to cope with. Trying to explain to your self that you are not a freak is rather a wishful thinking, but embracing a FREAK in you is OK.
In fact what is so bad about being one, for once you are unique, one of a kind, natural different.
To be continued......
So true, we are unique. Somewhat different, with the same heart, realizing our attitude and basically our whole outlook on life is much better and happier as female....Thanks girls for all your posts. Be yourself!!!!
Le Freak, so chic
I think that's a song lyric. I decided a long time ago that I didn't want to be one of the 'normal' people. I am quite happy not being what other think I am suppose to be and I'm not sure how I would do if I did try too hard to be one of them.
CD closed doors, and think this way may prevail as long as i am happy with my life and my hobbie, I feel that cding is only nother option of joy and is not a lifetile that will define my person. different than many in here i enjoy cding for moments and not for all the time, therefore i dont see the point to tell my family.
Being a loyal husband, proud of my sexuality and enjoying my self in another dressing style is the way i prefer to live for now.
Closet doesnt mean i didnt venture out and about, which i did it and had fun , closet for me is not to tell the world who i am really as TG or TV.
Sorry Girls,
I find butting into this thread a bit lot more embarrassing than butting into the guy's threads for some reason.
Do you mean by CD that yes you enjoy being en femme, but cannot for whatever reason ever hope to go TG? I fully understand BTW, none of this should be rude and report me if it is. Or do you mean you can approach your feminine side for a while and then return, and be happy and content as a male? Or is it a staging post for those who are still exploring where they are?
I like to wear nice clothes etc but I have to be honest I spend most of my time at home in trackies and Ts. I shop in jeans and blouse, very really in anything more fancy. Would not be caught dead in a restaurant or show etc without the full works :laugh:
I realise that some may have relationships that may not survive coming out, if they would, would you? Or are you content? And indeed would you be if you were single? I suppose the dream thing, what would be your preferred choice be, a CD who lives mostly as a guy (and lets say passes great as both) or would you go TG if you could? And explain please and sorry I don't want to upset anyone. Just a bit af fantasy chat :-*
Hugs
Cindy
In my case.
I live very happy as a male, and in ocasions i go and play cd according to my mood, and when the desire to do cd stuff is strong it lasts for days and i may be dressing up everyday and trying to do unusual stuf such as going out enfemme, running in heels etc, is not a transition to become the real me, actually the real me is already defined and took some time to make sure , now i just understand my cd behavior as instead of smoking i cd, or instead of playing gotcha , i cd etc,
can i live happy without cd, no i cant i need it, ...can i tell my secret? no i cant and i dont want is mine and i dont find any need to do that with my love ones, is not a problem in me, as most of the people think it is. Am i happy doing this double life? well i dont think is a double life just is my privacy period, is like not inviting someone everytime i need to go to the toilet, etc.
I believe that some of us we are alike in the effect of dressing as a woman but totally different in feeling it and understanding it, all of us have a different perception of our own person and what we want, thats why i understand the levels of cd ing and tg preferences etc, i find very interesting the diferences and i admire the people that could acdcept their own nature.