Hi, I'm new to these forums but I had a question on my mind, and i can't find the answer anywhere on the web.
So it's this:
I've seen that most peoples trans feelings have been there since birth..
I'm a younger boy, but my trans feelings started at around 13.
Is this normal?
Many don't come to realize that they are suffering from GI until they are older. Just because one might know something is wrong when they are much younger, does not mean that you are not having gender identity issues.
Is if you could go see a gender therapist.
Hi, Undecided. Well, if you want to know whether you are typical, that I can't say. But it's my understanding that there's a broad range of what can be considered normal. The trans people I know started having "trans" feelings in early childhood, in adolescence, or in adulthood. Some of them had pretty happy childhoods. Some of them felt that SOMEthing was wrong, but they didn't know what until they were well into adulthood.
In other words, they are all over the map.
Some trans people are told that they aren't really trans if they don't have these feelings from youngest childhood. In my opinion, this is balderdash.
Welcome to Susan's. I hope we can give you the support you need.
By the way Undecided, :icon_wave:
Welcome to our little family. Over 4200 strong. That would be one heck of a family reunion.
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Hugs and Love,
Janet
First of all, welcome to Susan's, Undecided. :)
About your question: I myself swear I had absolutely no idea about being transgendered before I was a couple of monts away from turning 18. Well, maybe some repressed thoughts faintly surfacing every now and then but that's it. Then again, it probably had a lot to do with the fact that I knew next to nothing about the subject back then. Now, just nine months later I'm sure this is who I am. And believe me, I had the same doubts you have now. Age 13 actually makes a lot of sense. The keyword here is puberty... What you're describing is totally normal. :)
Hi Undecided.
Puberty definitely can bring out feelings that may have lain dormant, as your body rapidly becomes more representative of one sex or another.
Just my personal experience, but things definitely changed when I hit puberty. My earliest memory of feeling that I should be a girl was when I was 6, but for a while it just felt like that was part of who I was. It wasn't until 13-14 that I really started to feel like "hey, this is awful, I just can't be a guy."
It's not clear what counts as "normal"
But your not necessarily alone I wasn't a particularly girlie young child although I have got some irregular memories which could imply GID at a young age I also have many memories that do not, behaviours that are typical young boy behaviours. And I don't recall any particular desire to be accepted as a girl, although I wasn't bothered if I was mistaken for one.
In any case I cannot remember my motivation behind any of said activities So I'm cautious about using any memories from that period as evidence.
My first distinct symptomatic signs began at age 11 we were asked to pray to god as it was a religious school and be thankful for various things we have, instead of whispering the mantra they were reading off that I greedily pleaded with god in my prayers to make me a girl.
The feelings became exponentially more acute as I entered puberty I found my changes to be disgusting and monstrous these certainly catalysed in my mind what I silently wished for in my Vivid daydreams about an imaginary female doppelgänger going about everyday life. Added to a massive psychological rejection of my male attributes resulting in extreme behaviour.
It definitely varies with each one of us.
For me, I can remember saying a prayer every night that I would wake up a girl, and that was around age 5. I wanted to be a ballerina sooo bad at that age. I got caught "dressed" for the first (yes, first) time was 4 or 5. My mom thought it was a fluke. Wrong.
Puberty was sheer hell. I wanted so badly for my breasts to develop and to go do girly things like shop, have my nails done, etc. I've had a weight problem since puberty and my therapist believes that it's directly related to my ->-bleeped-<- and disliking my male parts.
Welcome to Susan's, Undecided. :icon_flower:
The age of realization can vary widely. I knew at age 4 that I should be a girl, but there others here who didn't realize it until they were in their 40s. Age doesn't seem to matter. Almost all of us have doubts for one reason or another, and we go on from where we are now.
Look around this site. There's lots of helpful information and helpful people. Happy exploring. :icon_wave:
- Kate
Hey Undecided
Don't worry, you are quite normal. Some of us do indeed realise when we are younger, as it happens I knew from almost my earliest memories, but many don't figure it out until they are a lot older. 13 is actually still pretty young as these things go.
The trouble is a lot of the early text books on the subject wrongly tried to use the age at which one realised as an indication of how deeply ingrained the feeling were, and so began the cult of youth, because of course the patients all read the textbooks too. In the early days lot of patients would claim to have realise at a young age just so the doctors wouldn't question their motivation.
Happily these days the doctors are more enlighted and so the truth can be told which is that those who, like me, not only realised at a young age, but also can show evidence of having acted on that knowledge, are in a pretty small minority. The reality is that many more people realise at the onset of puberty than do so before.
So relax. You are fine. Your only question now is what you want to do about it...
I did not feel trans-anything nor was I really gender variant in any way until puberty. Just hated puberty, it made me uncomfortable. Came out to myself at 15.
Not all transsexuals know it since birth. Perhaps see a therapist or give yourself time to think about it, make sure it's not a phase and all that.
For me, thoughts along the lines of "I want to be a girl" or "I would be happier if I was a girl" came around puberty, maybe 6th grade or so. But the feelings that those thoughts formed from came much earlier. I never really had the whole "I've always been a girl and there's been some kind of birth mistake" feeling, but I don't really believe in the idea of male/female essence :P.
I am 24 and I started to have just feelings of crossdressing around 15-16 and it was not until 19 that I thought I could be trans. I am 24 now and I know I am too much of "the man" to be a woman but these thoughts come really strong at times. When I am doing school work it does not seem to bother me too much or when I really get into music. This is why I doubt my own self. I would love to be known as Lauren but I cannot fully convince myself 100%. Based on how it all started puts me on shaky grounds to be considered trans. I used to feel I created these feelings somehow and I cannot seem to figure out how my brain did it, but the feelings will always be with me. I hope you find the help you need. Do not wait like I am doing.
Quote from: lauren3332 on March 06, 2010, 01:08:42 AM
I am 24 and I started to have just feelings of crossdressing around 15-16 and it was not until 19 that I thought I could be trans. I am 24 now and I know I am too much of "the man" to be a woman but these thoughts come really strong at times. When I am doing school work it does not seem to bother me too much or when I really get into music. This is why I doubt my own self. I would love to be known as Lauren but I cannot fully convince myself 100%. Based on how it all started puts me on shaky grounds to be considered trans. I used to feel I created these feelings somehow and I cannot seem to figure out how my brain did it, but the feelings will always be with me. I hope you find the help you need. Do not wait like I am doing.
Oh you sound just like me 2 years ago : ( And I remember how painfully sad I was. I hope you can find your way Lauren.
Quote from: lauren3332 on March 06, 2010, 01:08:42 AM
I am 24 and I started to have just feelings of crossdressing around 15-16 and it was not until 19 that I thought I could be trans. I am 24 now and I know I am too much of "the man" to be a woman but these thoughts come really strong at times. When I am doing school work it does not seem to bother me too much or when I really get into music. This is why I doubt my own self. I would love to be known as Lauren but I cannot fully convince myself 100%. Based on how it all started puts me on shaky grounds to be considered trans.
Lauren - (and indeed Pebbles and anyone else who shares/has shared those feelings) I really wouldn't ever pre-judge anything in this world.
Let the therapy tell you the answer to that. I have seen many many people who before transition would have been considered by many as "too much of the man" and many of them have gone on to prove everybody wrong.
You aren't on shaky ground at all. It is the early transitioners like me that are the odd ones out here... not you. So don't let anyone put you down and more importantly don't put yourself down! You can be whatever you want, irrespective of what age you start at, and that is the truth!
Quote from: rejennyrated on March 05, 2010, 06:15:20 PM
The trouble is a lot of the early text books on the subject wrongly tried to use the age at which one realised as an indication of how deeply ingrained the feeling were,
Like K8, I also knew when I was 4 years old.
But the problems are more complicated than can be addressed by a single theory.
Perhaps the biggest problem is the reluctance of many to face up to themselves. Society tends to see strong, virile young men who are a 'hit with the ladies' as being the ideal for example. But things are further complicated by some TG people reporting their are more attracted to member opposite to their birth gender, for example.
Others report they are attracted to both sexes. Personally, I hate the term bisexual.
I suggest what you do is look at your feelings and think carefully about what you want from your life.
Thanks for the great replies everyone, now i have some thinking to do...
Quote from: Undecided on March 06, 2010, 11:34:50 AM
Thanks for the great replies everyone, now i have some thinking to do...
Something to add to your thought-process is this ... IT WON'T GO AWAY
I, too, realised that I was 'different' when I was 13 or 14. A couple of years later, I happened to see a newspaper serialisation of a book called Connundrum - the autobiography of a British journalist called James Morris who had a sex-change and became Jan Morris - and understood for the first time what, exactly I was. I used to lie in the bath, looking at the stuff between my legs that I didn't want, imagining some disease or injury that would force the doctors to cut it all off and remake me as a girl ...
... fast forward a few years and I go and see a shrink for the first time and he tells me, no, I'm not really transsexual. These are just harmless fantasies. It's not real ... And like an idiot I believe him ...
... fast forward through almost three decades of partnership and marriage with a wonderful, incredibly patient wife, during which I torture myself wondering why I can't be more turned on by the beautiful woman in my bed ...
... until I finally admit to myself that I am and always have been transsexual and that no matter how well I can act the part of a man - and 99% of the time that's a very good act - I should be living as a woman, because that is my true identity. And the way I feel at 51 is EXACTLY how I felt at 15.
So my point is: be honest, really honest with yourself. Ask yourself who and what you really are. And then, above all else, 'to thine own self be true'. As long as you do that, you won't go too far wrong ...
Quote from: Undecided on March 05, 2010, 03:02:12 PM
Hi, I'm new to these forums but I had a question on my mind, and i can't find the answer anywhere on the web.
So it's this:
I've seen that most peoples trans feelings have been there since birth..
I'm a younger boy, but my trans feelings started at around 13.
Is this normal?
When I started going though puberty I knew for certain that something was dreadfully wrong.
I think I'm going to let this rest for a while ... I'm actually not sure wether I really want this or not.
I just don't know what to do.. (I personally think a gender therapist isnt going to help, i dont like shrinks... ._.)
Anyway thank you people for the support =D
That;s when it hit me. I was always different from the norm. It was only when things started to change at puberty when I saw the wrong changes happening. It has taken me another thirty years to allow the true me to flourish.
Can you explain more about how you are feeling so to speak? You kind of gave us a general overview, but maybe if you could go into detail a bit more about what it is you are feeling we can better assist you.
i guess im sortof along the lines of pippa.... but for me i only waited 12 years....
yeah, i was different all my childhood, parents knew it, and unfortunately so did the kids at school... i didnt know exactly what was wrong with me until i hit puberty late at 15 or so. then, i felt like my body was off the tracks but i was too scared to do anything about it. now im 27 and in therapy wishing i was stronger back then....could have saved myself from alot of dangerous behavior and pain.
good luck, OP....just dont fool yourself into thinking it will be easier if you hide it, because it wont. i think thats probably a good piece of advice for anyone just dropping by here and undecided. deal with it asap- a good gender therapist is not some factory mill 'shrink' - ive been to one of those...
For me, it was little clues - getting picked on during school - my dad making some certain comments - being physically small, and having some feminine features - a feeling of not really fitting in with men.
Then, at age 45, I figured it out. The internet is a wonderful thing.
So, you can "feel" it at a young age and discover it much later on.
Well, it all started at 13 as you already know and it built up from there.
Dreams where i was a girl then later i would think like what i would do in situations if i was a girl..
Then i started thinking how would i look in those clothes..
Ugh well thing is i have those feelings one day but not the next.. its like on/off
In all honesty whatever you decide to do, or not do, ultimately it is your life and your decision to make.
But if I may be permitted to make one small observation, there are far too many people on this board who have tried to ignore the problem. Like you they "don't like shrinks" and they think that they can deal with the problem on their own... Mostly they find out later on that they were wrong, and then they spend years regretting that they didn't at least explore their feelings when they were younger.
You don't have to do what I did and start transitioning in childhood, you don't have to DO anything, but please don't think that the feelings will go away, or imagine that you can beat them all by yourself. They are a part of you, and if you try to repress them they will only grow stronger, so the only question is, how do you reach a working accomodation with them? That may not involve transition, but it does need an answer, and for most people some form of therapy is the only reliable way to get there.
Quote from: rejennyrated on March 07, 2010, 04:24:47 AM
In all honesty whatever you decide to do, or not do, ultimately it is your life and your decision to make.
But if I may be permitted to make one small observation, there are far too many people on this board who have tried to ignore the problem. Like you they "don't like shrinks" and they think that they can deal with the problem on their own... Mostly they find out later on that they were wrong, and then they spend years regretting that they didn't at least explore their feelings when they were younger.
You don't have to do what I did and start transitioning in childhood, you don't have to DO anything, but please don't think that the feelings will go away, or imagine that you can beat them all by yourself. They are a part of you, and if you try to repress them they will only grow stronger, so the only question is, how do you reach a working accomodation with them? That may not involve transition, but it does need an answer, and for most people some form of therapy is the only reliable way to get there.
Hear, hear!! But one other thing ... try to make sure you have an understanding therapist with a full comprehension of and sympathy for Gender Incongruity issues. As some posters on here have recently testified, there are still some hateful, bigoted, professionally incompetent people out there, masquerading as therapists, who attack young people for their transgender feelings, deny their validity and end up attacking and diminishing the very clients they are being paid to help.
Welcome Undecided
I think it hits different people at different times. You know something doesn't add up, but you don't know what it is. I myself am trying to come to terms with this very issue now later in life.
You have found a very good site for questions and answers, and support.
Diffently try to find a good therapist who can help you deal with these issues.
Good luck with your journey.
Hugs,
Sally
Quote from: Undecided on March 06, 2010, 04:20:18 PM
I personally think a gender therapist isnt going to help, i dont like shrinks...
Undecided, please try to keep an open mind about therapists. I had a not-so-good experience with one and then a bad experience with the next. It hurt me so much that I swore off therapy for life. In fact, I saw therapists as a little less reliable and trustworthy than witch doctors.
This state lasted for about fifteen years. When I came back out of the closet, it didn't take me long to realize that my life depended on talking to a professional. I'm not saying that this will happen to you; I'm not saying that therapy is for everybody. But a good therapist for people like us (trans and considering transition) can be a godsend.
I was lucky and found someone compatible, someone I could trust. Now I know that some therapists are okay.
I hate to think what I would have done without him.
Quote from: Arch on March 07, 2010, 04:22:12 PM
Undecided, please try to keep an open mind about therapists.
<snip>
+1
the script kiddies at the U of MN PHS made me swear off therapy for a while until coaxed (by the other chat staff) into trying again, which lead me to the one whom I'm seeing. (which lead to getting a lot more then gender stuff dealt with)
Quote from: Undecided on March 07, 2010, 04:01:04 AM
Well, it all started at 13 as you already know and it built up from there.
Dreams where i was a girl then later i would think like what i would do in situations if i was a girl..
Then i started thinking how would i look in those clothes..
Ugh well thing is i have those feelings one day but not the next.. its like on/off
Hello Sweetie welcome to the group. This is a nice place.
For me I always knew there was something wrong even from early childhood. However I didnt understand until I was 9 and I truely had to have it put in my face. I didnt understand why I was 'weird' until I saw a Donahue show on transsexual women.
It took me 32 years fighting it before a nerous breakdown finaly craked me.
Get that gender therapist and figure this out young because trust me 32 years is a long time to spend in GID hell.
It's nothing out of the ordinary. Some people don't get those feeling until puberty. I didn't discover my own trangender feelings until I was fifty-six. I'm sixty-one now.
Gennee
:)
I've spent many years reading people's transgender stories and it's always seemed to me that the first realizations or inclinations seem to begin either very young-- like age 5 or 6-- or at puberty. I've often called them the 13-ers. I'm one myself.
One thing I'd suggest that you think about, though, is that transgender isn't necessarily an either/or thing. We live in a society that goes to great effort to believe there are only 2 gender identities. I think some transgendered people get caught in that myth also, such that they feel they must force themselves into either the masculine or feminine mold even when it's not truly right for them. It's not easy to be a gender non-conformist, and it takes a good bit of creativity. But the often ignored fact is that we are all individuals and must create our lifestyle on our own terms.
I've conceded to the reality that I possess a need to experience aspects of both the masculine and the feminine in my identity and have learned to really enjoy it, but it's no off-the-shelf lifestyle. The best advice I can give is to make a habit of looking deeply into yourself and live life on your own terms.
Lyric
Started when I was like 13... I began cross dressing at around 16, I'm almost 19 now and just starting therapy and hair removal.
I remember when I was young i would always pick the female character in games, etc. I was also always thin, not muscular, dunno just never felt right.
How old you are when you figure it out depends on a lot of factors, mainly on how well you get by in your birth sex and how intensely you feel "wrong" in your own body.
I didn't realize there was a problem until I was 8 years old (because I thought I WAS a girl) and from 8 to puberty was just confusing because I still thought I was a girl but knew my body wasn't normal. Puberty started World War 3 between me and my parents and between me and the medical community - but that was a LONG time ago.