My (cis)boyfriend and I want to have vaginal sex.. because, I am afraid anal will hurt.. and so far my dysphoria is ok with the vaginal area... for the most part.
anyway.. I am TERRIFIED... TERRIFIED of pregnancy.. Like, my paranoia is extreme, and its not the good kinda of paranoia that makes me make right decisions.. its the bad kind that keeps me from doing anything I want, and just being crazy. This paranoia is so bad that I would probably worry about anal sex TOO, because semen could get near.. the spot.
Anyway, I just don't know what to do... I would obviously have him use a condom.. but my friend was talking to me about. how I could still get pregnant, etc.. and I really don't think i want to get on birth control, cause wont that make my body more feminine?
Is there anything I can do about this?
I dunno Im just feeling frustration that I even have to worry about pregnancy at all.
both diaphragm and intrauterine device can prevent pregnancy minus extra hormones.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Diaphragm_(contraceptive) (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Diaphragm_(contraceptive))
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Intrauterine_device (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Intrauterine_device)
If he gets semen in your vag then run to the drug store and ask for plan B.
Problem solved.
Quote from: cynthialee on March 22, 2010, 08:47:17 AM
If he gets semen in your vag then run to the drug store and ask for plan B.
Problem solved.
How will I know if he does.. and would I want to buy it after every time we have sex though?
If you get proper fiting condoms you will not have to get a plan B.
Plan B is there for just in case.
I would say that maybe you should go on the pill if you are going to be sexualy active. (I know I know...kinda self defeteing, adding fem hormones and all......) /shrugs......
Quote from: Elijah on March 22, 2010, 08:50:01 AM
How will I know if he does.. and would I want to buy it after every time we have sex though?
if the condom breaks, he would have to tell you or you notice, if the condom is sabotaged intentionally, there may be no knowing until lack of red deth. (ps: "plan b" is hormones)
Quote from: FlanHusky on March 22, 2010, 08:56:34 AM
if the condom breaks, he would have to tell you or you notice, if the condom is sabotaged intentionally, there may be no knowing until lack of red deth. (ps: "plan b" is hormones)
This is why when I have sex with a guy I insist on ussing my condoms and ussually I will put it on him myself. (at least thats what I used to do back when I was sluting around.)
I don't think the pill can really hurt you at the moment.
I'm terrified of pregnancy too.
I've been on the Pill for... six or seven years now, and I don't think it's made me more feminine looking. I've probably gained some weight because of it, but that doesn't happen to everyone, and you can work that off. I also had a brief period of nausea for the first week, but that's about it. I exclusively have vaginal sex (with my cisboyfriend) because I've gotten rid of my dysphoria around it by making it so it's my only sexual orifice down there.
I sympathize with your frustration. :\ If you take the pill like you're supposed to, though, you don't have to worry. Menstruation gets lighter/more regular and less of a pain in the ass, too, which helped a little bit with my dysphoria around that.
Condom + pill = happy Elijah!
It's always a good idea to use more than one form of protection. I don't believe birth control would feminize you, although it does use feminine hormones.
I was on birth control for about a year and in my experience, it didn't make my body any more feminine than it already is being born a female. On the plus side, when I stopped taking birth control, my periods stopped. I haven't had one in almost 16 months which definitely lessens the dysphoria at least a bit. I guess what I'm saying is, for your peace of mind, birth control may be a good option for you, plus a condom just to be safe.
Female condom.
Sponge.
Cervical cap.
Spermicide.
Quote from: Arch on March 22, 2010, 04:22:26 PM
Female condom.
Sponge.
Cervical cap.
Spermicide.
overkill
At the point where preparing for sex takes longer then the act will, perhaps some re-thinking is in order.
Wow um...I actually agree with Tekla here!!
You are wise, Elijah, to invest this time. You may invest a few days, or your unplanned baby will consume roughly a quarter of a century(and that assuming that all goes according to plan). In my own culture, your preparations are entirely normal, and generally expected, of both sexes when this sort of sex is involved.
Elijah, is there some professional that you can speak with? It sounds as if you're ready to consult a doctor on the subject.
- N
Quote from: cynthialee on March 22, 2010, 04:29:31 PM
overkill
Uh, they were mix 'n' match suggestions. Am I not allowed to come up with more than one suggestion?
I don't know how they all work, but I'd be really surprised if he could even USE a sponge with a cap or a fem condom with a sponge or whatever.
Post Merge: March 22, 2010, 05:47:00 PM
Quote from: tekla on March 22, 2010, 04:31:20 PM
At the point where preparing for sex takes longer then the act will, perhaps some re-thinking is in order.
Well, it partly depends on whether the BF has a hair trigger, doesn't it? If he does, maybe even a condom is too much trouble. >:-)
Post Merge: March 22, 2010, 06:48:54 PM
Quote from: Nimetön on March 22, 2010, 05:49:43 PM
You may invest a few days, or your unplanned baby will consume roughly a quarter of a century(and that assuming that all goes according to plan).
True, but there are ways to prevent that outcome. Besides what he's contemplating, I mean.
I'm not advocating that he just toss all caution to the wind, by the way. I'm just saying that it's not the end of the world if a pregnancy DOES occur.
I laughed rather hard at overkill, and had an image of like a massive anti-pregnancy contraption on a poor guy. I don't recommend spermicide, it's the least reliable.
I've been on the pill for...like 2 years? I haven't noticed any weight gain or change in body shape, but maybe that's just me. It does make that time of the month a lot easier to deal with, I had horrible cramps before I was on the pill. Plus you always know when it's going to come lol. I use the pill + condoms and it makes me feel pretty secure that I'm not gonna get preggers. I don't know much about the other forms of BC, but that's my 2 cents. I think the hassle of female hormones/taking a pill every night outweighs the pregnancy scare factor.
Quote from: Sameth on March 22, 2010, 09:09:27 PM
I laughed rather hard at overkill, and had an image of like a massive anti-pregnancy contraption on a poor guy. I don't recommend spermicide, it's the least reliable.
Alone, I would say yes. But he says they'll be using condoms, too.
I don't like spermicide at all because it hurt like hell and then gave me a whopping yeast infection...it must have changed my Ph so dramatically that I became more susceptible than usual. I also got pregnant once by using spermicide only, but I was lucky enough to have a spontaneous abortion.
Hunh. I always forget to mention that on my medical history. ::)
Quote from: Arch on March 23, 2010, 12:32:40 AM
I also got pregnant once by using spermicide only...
Maybe it's just late and I've been in my laboratory too long, but I almost fell out of my chair laughing. My coworkers (with whom I did not share the context of this comment) have displayed a fascinating array of facial expressions. They would like to suggest that you're using the wrong spermicide.
- N
Quote from: Nimetön on March 23, 2010, 12:41:39 AM
Maybe it's just late and I've been in my laboratory too long, but I almost fell out of my chair laughing. My coworkers (with whom I did not share the context of this comment) have displayed a fascinating array of facial expressions. They would like to suggest that you're using the wrong spermicide.
Yeah, well, I guess those old wives' tales about squirrel piss were wrong.
ETA: Did I miss something, or do your coworkers not know anything at all about the relative ineffectiveness of spermicide?
I think it was more that it sounded like you got pregnant JUST by applying a spermicide.
Quote from: brainiac on March 23, 2010, 01:10:01 AM
I think it was more that it sounded like you got pregnant JUST by applying a spermicide.
Sigh. You know what they say about having to explain a joke...I think there's no chance of my getting a good laugh out of this now. Wah.
Quote from: konman on March 22, 2010, 09:33:40 PM
I've been on the pill for...like 2 years? I haven't noticed any weight gain or change in body shape, but maybe that's just me. It does make that time of the month a lot easier to deal with, I had horrible cramps before I was on the pill. Plus you always know when it's going to come lol. I use the pill + condoms and it makes me feel pretty secure that I'm not gonna get preggers. I don't know much about the other forms of BC, but that's my 2 cents. I think the hassle of female hormones/taking a pill every night outweighs the pregnancy scare factor.
Thanks man.. I think i will just get on the pill.. I have really long (and what I consider) heavy periods.. so, that will help, and no pregnancy will be good too.. do you take a particular kind of pill?
Good luck Elijah.
with the pill and condoms your about as safe as you can be baring celabicy.
Quote from: cynthialee on March 23, 2010, 10:59:07 AM
Good luck Elijah.
with the pill and condoms your about as safe as you can be baring celabicy.
thanks... I am ready for some sex :) haha
Yeah when I was yer age I was sex fiend. I totaly get it.
Haha, I know what you mean man. I miss being in a relationship for a lot of reasons, but I def miss the sex! I've taken a few different ones, but right now I'm on Loestrin. That's it's brand name. It seems to be working well thus far, but I've only been on it going on 2 months. Whatever you choose to take, hope it works out for you!!
Quote from: Kvall on March 23, 2010, 03:36:29 PM
I know I recommend it a lot, but I would look into progesterone-only pills. None of that nasty estrogen. ^^
is progesterone just as effective at preventing pregnancy, and does it also shorten and lighten periods?
Quote from: Elijah on March 23, 2010, 06:22:52 PM
is progesterone just as effective at preventing pregnancy, and does it also shorten and lighten periods?
Yes, I'm pretty sure it is. I'm on estradiol but I was on progesterone a while back and it was fine.
Just to clarify, I think you're talking about progestin-only pills? The mini-pills? Those have no progesterone.
I never had regular periods. When I tried the mini-pill years ago, I considered myself to be even less regular than with no pills at all because my cycle was still completely unpredictable but with the added irritation and inconvenience of spotting at random intervals. It nearly drove me nuts.
I don't know if they have improved these pills at all in the last twenty years. I hope so. But I guess they must work for some folks or there wouldn't be a market for them.
is birth control expensive..?
No. Not realy.
Sevan said it cost hir about 20$ a month when she was on it.
Some places like planed parenthood have sliding scale fees, so if your broke its real cheep.
As others have said, don't worry about physical feminisation.
I was on birth control for a short time but couldn't tolerate the psychological effects of the added hormones (I tried several different types). And they also completely obliterated my sex drive. But from what I understand my reaction to them was rare (the psych stuff, not the sex drive, which is reasonably common).
I was on BC pills for around 8 years. I did prefer the 3-4 day cycle and less cramping. I had to go on them to make cycle go normally as It kept going nonstop for months and months.
I had to quit taking them last Sept because I would up with a blood clot behind my knee. Due to my age (now 34) and being on PC pills, the bloodclot was far more likely and now I don't qualify to take them.
I don't use any protection now and do both types of intercourse. I've never been able to get pregnant so I'm not all that worried about it anymore.
Quote from: Elijah on March 23, 2010, 10:30:05 AM...do you take a particular kind of pill?
The type of pill you take depends on what dosage your doctor decides. Most likely you'll start on a smaller dosage. I was on female hormones since around 14 but eventually had to be put on a higher dosage to control the ovarian cysts.
Even though the pill does add extra female hormones to your body until you get on T and since you are sexually active it's probably the best thing. Less painful and shorter periods and not as heavy. Plus, you always know when you'll have them.
The most important thing is to prevent pregnancy. At your age and being in college an unwanted pregnancy would cause many setbacks or even destroy certain goals you have for the future.
I think you're making the safest choice. Pill + Condoms is exactly what I would do, if I were in your shoes. (And, after all, everyone should live by "What Would Jamie Do?" Right? ;) )
Just as a side note - it takes the Pill at least a month to become reliably effective, so if you plan to have sex in the mean time you may want to combine condoms and spermicide just to be on the safe side.
Also, there are tons of different formulations of BC, so if you find you don't like the side effects of one, go back to your doctor and try another. I, personally, went through 3 different versions before I found the one that worked best for me.
And for what it's worth, if you decide that you do want to try anal at some point, it really isn't very painful as long as you take it slow and use LOTS of lube. Honestly, my first time through the front door was more painful than my first time through the back door. :angel:
Quote from: Jamie-o on March 27, 2010, 03:05:47 AM
And for what it's worth, if you decide that you do want to try anal at some point, it really isn't very painful as long as you take it slow and use LOTS of lube. Honestly, my first time through the front door was more painful than my first time through the back door. :angel:
For anal, you can buy silicone dildos of varying sizes and mess around with them in private. Start small and work up. Or you can get an inexpensive starter set of butt plugs--small, medium, large--and do the same thing. In a fairly short time, you can be ready to experiment with a live person--and follow Jamie's sage advice.
I'd rather have my partner help me out with those silicone dildos than practice in private. ;D
Well, if neither you nor your partner has any experience in the area, I do have to highly recommend playing around at least a little bit in private first. If your partner's topped for someone's first time before and knows what they're doing, then sure, let them play :)
A little word of warning on the BC pill, if I may...
(No, I'm not going to start foaming at the mouth and retelling my horror stories at the mention of the pill again, I promise :laugh:)
If you find that your periods are heavier, more painful, more frequent - see your doctor. This shouldn't happen.
If you find that your body is changing shape, your skin is changing, you are losing body hair, you're growing tits, or you're otherwise feminizing like a MTF would - see your doctor. This probably shouldn't happen. You've got whack hormones.
If you find that you are experiancing massive depression and/or mood swings - STOP THE PILL AND SEE YOUR DOCTOR IMMEDIATELY. This should not happen. You aren't insane, the pill has been known to do that to some people. Sex is not worth your sanity.
Avoid anything with Cyproterone Acetate (Brenda, Diane, etc) - That's a testosterone blocker.
If you have reason to believe your T levels are high, or your hormone levels are otherwise a bit "abnormal", tell your doctor and excersize caution on the pill.
You may have to keep going back again and again for different mixes of the pill, and you may start to feel like you're annoying your doctor. Try not to worry about it, try as many mixes as you have to. It's your body, you live with it - not them.
Personally, I'd also give the doc a heads up on the GID. It seems relevent, considering you're about to start eating sex hormones. You don't want them to perscribe you anything with a T-blocker in it, and it'll give them more reason to listen to you if you start experiancing deal-breaking side effects (like mental ones).
Blood spotting, UTIs and thrush are very, very common in the first month or two of the pill. As is weight gain, fluid retention, and some bloating.
Sorry if I've scared you any :). The vast majority of people can take one varient or another of the pill just fine. It's just that the few percent that can't have a very, very bad time.
QuotePersonally, I'd also give the doc a heads up on the GID. It seems relevent, considering you're about to start eating sex hormones. You don't want them to perscribe you anything with a T-blocker in it, and it'll give them more reason to listen to you if you start experiancing deal-breaking side effects (like mental ones).
Yes. Definitely do this. I told my gyno I was "female to male transgendered," and she was very accommodating in prescribing me some really strong birth control. (Unfortunately it didn't really work for me, but that's a different story. :P)
Quote from: Teknoir on March 28, 2010, 08:47:44 AM
If you find that you are experiancing massive depression and/or mood swings - STOP THE PILL AND SEE YOUR DOCTOR IMMEDIATELY. This should not happen. You aren't insane, the pill has been known to do that to some people. Sex is not worth your sanity.
This. This is what happened to me - it's rare, like I said before, but it happens and it's serious and everyone should be aware of it but not all doctors who prescribe BC are OB/GYNs who know about this stuff in detail.
I've got a bunch of stuff I could say. You can do alternatives to sex like frotting with a condom on, oral only, etc. Abstinence is the only 100% way to avoid pregnancy.
With anal you could start with fingering (wearing lubricated gloves or condoms, water base lube only) and work your way up. Toys aren't needed when you already have a way to increase the size being used to penetrate.
Now, if you absolutely need to have "front hole sex" there are 3 things that if used perfectly have a very low possible risk of pregnancy. Use a condom (correctly, a lot of people mess it up), use birth control correctly, and pull out. Using an IUD would help a lot more, but it's unlikely that you'll be able to find a doctor that will give you one. Also, get the morning after pill and keep it nearby so if anything goes wrong you'll have an after the fact back up.
I was on a birth control simply to control the bleeding (I was bleeding for 4 months). The pill did what I needed it to, but it also did a whole bunch of other stuff that I did not want. I gained weight, my chest size increased, hips increased, I got acne, cramps were extremely painful, and I was flipping out at every little thing.
I stopped taking my BC a month ago because it was blocking the masculinizing effects of my PCOS plus I can't afford the pills right now. I'm currently having the red death from Hell right now, though, so I'm considering going back on it (I still don't have the money for it, though-- I might have to go to Planned Parenthood). This must be what my periods were like four years ago before I started the BC-- crazy heavy with cramps. Uggg. I miss my one day of spotting of a month, even though that couldn't have been good for me.