Hi everyone, i will start by telling you all abit about me.
I am a 32 year old male and i am single and from the UK, i had a bad break up with my long term girlfriend about 2 year ago now which was very upsetting as i have a baby daughter. Since about the age of 14 or so i have had unusual feelings that i wanted to be more feminine and i am obsest with breasts as in i really want to have my own. I have struggled with these feelings on and off since that time apart from wanting breasts that never goes away.
I very rarely dress in womens clothes as nobody knows about this part of me so i never get the chance but i would like too. I am a straight male but i do have fantasys about being with a man so that confuses me, i also dont feel uncomfortable as a man or hate my body, but my urges change from day to day and some days i want to do something about it all but then i think im being stupid and dont do anything, i have been this way since i was 14. I have told some friends in the past but it went very wrong and i lost them as friends as they just distanced themselfs from me so i feel very alone with this and i feel i cannot tell anyone ever again.
My urges to have breasts and be more feminine have increased alot over the last 2 year or so but i feel i cannot do anything about it as nobody would understand but its tearing me apart and i am so unhappy but i dont know what i am, i dont think i am transexual but i dont know im just confused and need to sort this out now, i cannot wait any longer i really cant. I am so sorry to go on so much and sound desperate but in away i am lol, i really hope i can make some friends on here that can maybe help me figure out what i am or what i need to do. Thanks you all for reading and i look forward to speaking with you on here. Thanks again x
Welcome to Susan's, Cheryl. :icon_flower:
There's a lot of good information and good people here. Each of our stories is unique but we have a lot in common. Settle in, pull up a keyboard, and explore.
Be sure to look under the Announcements heading. There you will find the rules we live by in this little world of ours:
- Site Terms of Service and rules to live by (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,2.0.html)
- Standard Terms and Definitions (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,54369.0.html)
- Post Ranks (including when you can upload an avatar) (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,114.0.html.)
Look through the other stuff there, too.
I am from the States, but I understand from the UK people here that there are lots of support groups scattered about. It may help you to visit the closest one. I think that you may benefit from counseling, too. Obsessions are difficult, because they cloud our thinking and sometimes make us do things we wouldn't want to do otherwise.
In the meantime, read the various threads here. There are people here who have been through similar things to what you describe. You are not alone. I hope you will find the help you need.
Happy exploring. :icon_wave:
- Kate
Hi Cheryl, :icon_wave:
Welcome to our little family. Over 4400 strong. That would be one heck of a family reunion.
Feel free to post your successes/failures, Hopes/dreams. Ask questions and seek answers. Give and receive advice.
But remember we are family here, your family now. And it is always nice to have another sister. :icon_hug:
We are a nice group of ladies and gents. Settle in and make friends.
Hugs and Love,
Janet
Welcome Cheryl1977,
You are among friends and like minded folks here. Only about a year ago, I was at pretty much the same point of desperation as you seem to be now. I may not be quite in the same boat as you, mine is built somewhat differently, but a similar boat nonetheless. For me, I had not only wanted breasts, though that was a dominant urge for me (I really didn't know any of it was even possible), I had almost always had an insatiable desire to be a girl. Like you the urges ebbed and waned from time to time. It seems to me that it depended largely on how effectively I was pulling off my act of being a guy. Whenever my defenses were down, the female part of me would push her way out from her prison and make me feel the urges at full force. This always made me feel guilty, freakish, and drive me to push her back down deeper into her dungeon.
It was just over a year ago that things changed in my life and my strength crumbled setting her/ME out. The feelings had become overwhelming and I had no choice but to address these feelings and that brought me here. After spending a few days reading as much as I could, I came to understand, reflect on my true feelings, that I am transsexual.
I hope you are able to find the answers that you are seeking, whatever they may be. I will also repeat the strong advice that I was given nearly a year ago, seek out a gender therapist to help you to sort out who and 'what' you are. So, ask questions, read through the forums, make some friends and become part of the family. Nearly everyone here is very supportive and are here to help and be helped.
*hugs* and welcome,
Deanna
Your feelings and 'obsessions' are actualy fairly common themes around here. Combined with doubt of self and fear of alienation of friends?....bad mix! Not surprising your in a bad state right now.
Like the others said this is a good place, with good people. Even the trolls have good hearts I have noticed.
The first and most important thing for you to do now is find a gender therapist and start exploring your true self with said qualified professional.
Good Luck
Cynthia Lee
I can relate to some of the things you said. Especially not feeling comfortable as a male. I felt this as far back as I could remember. I felt even more uncomfortable in the bedroom as a male. I never made a connection to being transsexual, however. Actually, I just thought I was weird or something. Then I found a lot of people on this forum who have been through a lot of the same things. I eventually went to see a doctor and got diagnosed with GID. Now my path is clear.
It might help if you can find a therapist who specializes in GID. They can help guide you and ask the right questions. Good luck sweetheart and remember we are friends here.