Let my start with, I love my name, Elijah. All of my friends know me by it, and they like it too(I think) and I think it fits me.
sometimes though.. people will hear my name.. and still think im a girl
like, someone said my name around a stranger, the stranger turned and looked at me funny and said "oh, what a beautiful name"
and yesterday in lunch... i was waiting in line.. and this girl came up to me and asked if she could monkey jump.. and she asked my name.. I said "Elijah" and she monkey jumped me, and her friend got mad that she cut in line.. and the girl said.. "Elijah said I could monkey jump her" WTF.. it just pisses me off to no end! It makes me think that.. maybe if I told her my name was.. I dunno... matthew.. or something.. or maybe I just pass that badly, that she thinks im a girl with a guy name.. should i come up with a nother name.. just untill I pass better.. is Elijah.. a unisex name?
also.. what can I do about my aggression.. I never get angry towards people.. but I can feel it getting bottled up, i dont want to go crazy, you know.. I just feel angry SO much. its all trans frustrations. I need ot let my agression out.. somehow.. any ideas?
Elijah as far as I know isn't unisex, but I could see it easily becoming one. That might be the issue.
As for aggression, I never figured it out before T. Nothing would work beforehand, and now physical activity works.
It isn't the name. I have seen Kenneth and David taken as female. There is no way those are unisex or female names.
I feel you on the aggression part. When people still call me her after telling them my name is LEO...well, yeah. Or when people think I say Leah or Leigha instead of LEO. It makes me mad. And nothing really helps me, except working out in hopes of looking more male, then when I'm done and look in the mirror I still look the same so....yeah. Idk man.
I get the same problem - even when nearly everyone around me is using the right pronouns and I'm known as male I still get the odd person who 'shes' me. Personally I've put it down to the voice as i pass well on visuals alone. Its not easy and winds me up too.
Historically, male names are adopted as female names. It rarely happens the other way round. So, Hilary, Shirley, James, Sidney, and about a zillion others are now female names, and as the tendency increases for parents to give their kids odder names, so it will become harder to identify a male simply by his name. People readily accept a female with a traditionally male name these days.
I agree with LordKAT. Also, if you love your name don't change it. Don't change anything you love because of other people.
You're still young and will eventually get on T (if that's what you want). Until then you'll probably have to put up with these incidences and being clocked as female sometimes. There are the fortunate few who always passed pre-T, but I'd say that's probably not the norm. So, most of us have been (or still are) there.
I must be weird in the fact that I actually like my name being androgynous. I've still got too much of that Catholic guilt in me and I don't like making people feel uncomfortable by calling me a she and then hearing my name and getting all embarassed (although it usually happens that they call me he and then hear my voice and get all embarassed). I sort of don't mind if people think what they will until I'm 100% passing as a male. It seems like it cuts down on the embarassing situations, although maybe I'm just being dumb and it's actually making them worse...
When some people clock you, there's nothing you can do or say that's going to change their minds.
Some people just can't be moved once they decide on something. They'd holiday in a natural disaster area just because it's where they decided on 6 months prior, if it came down to it :laugh:
There's nothing you can do "on the sly" about these types of people. If one of them clocks you, the only way out is to say "Hey, I'm actually a man, thanks" - and even then they might not go along with your preferred pronouns.
Oh, but one of these people that doesn't clock you? Awesome. You could show up in a pink sequined ball gown and you'd still look like a man in a dress to them :laugh:
Name doesn't matter squat to some people. The trend of giving females traditionally male names doesn't help. It can help if someone is on the fence, but it's really not worth changing a name you love for their sake.
I have what I would like to think is an unambiguously male name. It's not a new or modern name (Middle ages FTW, yo! Kickin' it old school all up in here ;)). I've still been clocked with it a few times. I mean, not often, but it has happened once or twice (generally by people that haven't been exposed to a wide variety of creative output).
I have that same problem.
Parker is a very masculine name.
It's my voice that gives it away :/
If you guys are young, I'd just correct them and say you're a guy. Why? My son used to have really long hair (shorter now). And even though he dressed like a skater, people would call him she, bascially because of his hair. Usually he'd just give me an eye roll, but sometimes he'd say I'm a boy. He'd say, what, are they dumb? I'm wearing boy's clothes!! because it doesn't occur to him that girls might wear the same thing (I haven't seen it, or if I have the girls did have a bit more color in their outfits). Most people would say oh, sorry, when corrected.
So that might work if you are younger. We tend to be so self conscious because we're trying to pass, then get upset when people see the wrong gender, but in some cases if you correct them they will be like oh, okay, and not immediately think ooh, transguy.
Jay
It's probably not the name.
Hey! to cheer you up a little, a girl from university with a feminine name got he'd today for over 5 minutes from some university staff until finally realizing the person in front of her is most definitely a girl! (no trans history either, not even a butch).
I think I found that funny :P
She was also wearing an unmistakable woman outfit, but was behind a desk and computer and the woman there could only see her face, which are not really masculine, but hey, people here probably learn more to identify gender than other people.
This drives me INSANE, I've had a few incidents where I've told people my name is Nick and they've gone ahead and assumed I meant "Nicola"
even if my name WAS Nicola, surely by introducing myself as Nick, they should assume that I prefer to be called Nick and not take it upon themselves to lengthen it to Nicola
Quote from: Parker Lane on April 06, 2010, 09:30:32 PM
Parker is a very masculine name.
I hate to be the one to tell you this, but I've met, seen, or read about a number of girls named Parker. So I just looked it up in the SSA name frequency database. As a girl name, it clocks in at number 505. It's been getting more popular in recent years...
Post Merge: April 08, 2010, 06:27:23 PM
Quote from: Jeatyn on April 08, 2010, 05:22:42 PM
even if my name WAS Nicola, surely by introducing myself as Nick, they should assume that I prefer to be called Nick and not take it upon themselves to lengthen it to Nicola
Wow, not Nichole/Nicole or Nicolette? ;)
Yeah, you would think. I won't divulge my birth name here, but let's assume it was Anna. So I would get people asking, "Do you go by Anna or Annabel?" Or sometimes they would just go with Annabel, without asking.
When I was a teenager, I knew a girl named Sandy. Just Sandy. And people kept turning it into Sandra. Even teachers, even when the name on the roster was clearly written as Sandy. As a matter of fact, I once got into an argument with a substitute teacher about my own name...I don't know what gets into people. As with gender, they just get an idea in their heads and run with it.
Quote from: Jeatyn on April 08, 2010, 05:22:42 PM
This drives me INSANE, I've had a few incidents where I've told people my name is Nick and they've gone ahead and assumed I meant "Nicola"
even if my name WAS Nicola, surely by introducing myself as Nick, they should assume that I prefer to be called Nick and not take it upon themselves to lengthen it to Nicola
One of my ancestor's names is Nicola. Also a dude.
Quote from: Lachlann on April 08, 2010, 10:01:13 PM
One of my ancestor's names is Nicola. Also a dude.
Tesla? ;)
Nikola Tesla
Nice try, but spelling counts with names.
hmm, I've met a few girls named Elijah.
I honestly don't know...I mean I tell people all the time my birth name -Brianna- and they think I'm a boy. My friend said he though I was just a boy with a silly name.
Which is cool, though i mentally kills me each time I have to introduce myself as so -_-
Quote from: madzam on April 09, 2010, 10:09:37 PM
hmm, I've met a few girls named Elijah.
I honestly don't know...I mean I tell people all the time my birth name -Brianna- and they think I'm a boy. My friend said he though I was just a boy with a silly name.
Which is cool, though i mentally kills me each time I have to introduce myself as so -_-
That's really cool. The same thing happens to me although I use a trick with my name.
How do you pronounce it? If it's Bree-anna, you could always change it to something more masculine and keep the same spelling.
Like, Brian-nah (emphasize the Brian, soft nah like the last syllable in banana). Of course, if you hate the name Brian or if that sounds completely stupid to you, it won't work. It also helps if you changes schools, jobs, or towns when attempting to re-pronounce your name.
It's worked for me (different name). Once I correct a person, they automatically switch gears from female to male. I've even had my insurance company think that the female gender marker was in error and offer to fix it (I declined and explained). So, it does work, and depending on the name, it can sound convincing with the right attitude.
Yeah I was thinking of doing that, but majority of the school knows that I'm female now and I haven''t taken a P.E class yet, so that means gender appointed rooms -_-
Probably going to wear my gym cloths under my uniform
When I had to change in gender-specific rooms (high school PE, Navy, marching band, whatever) I always just changed in a bathroom stall. The only time I got stuck with public nudity around women was in the first week of Navy boot camp when we all had to shower in open bay showers at a scheduled time. They relaxed it after that, so I started showering at 2am.
I think it's important for us to remember when we're trying to pass that a fair number of people are just behind the times, unobservant or slow on the uptake. Someone who's using the wrong pronoun might be doing it on purpose - or they could be the sort of person who calls a metalhead guy "she" because he's got long hair.
It can get really grating, though, when one has to deal with it again and again and again...
Well if it counts for anything, when I first came across it I thought it was a girl's name. Could be because of the "ah" at the end, which I am accustomed to as being associated with the female gender. (My years of living with Spanish.)
Elijah used to be my middle name, and I always thought of it as very masculine, possibly because my parents were specifically naming me after the prophet. I didn't really like the idea of my middle name referring to a guy with a big beard. ;D
There are lots of female-sounding names that are male-only in Russia. Sasha, Yuri, etc. I personally know a male Sasha, so that always makes me feel so much better about my birth name.
You probably just aren't passing well enough.
I've heard Sasha more as a guy's name than a girl's.
I've never seen Elijah as a unisex name... The first thing I thought when I saw your name was Elijah Wood. :P
That sucks that people still treat you as a girl, but I don't think it's your name that's the problem. Some people just refuse to accept changes. If you like your name, don't change it because of other people.
Quote from: Farm Boy on April 13, 2010, 07:59:05 PM
I've never seen Elijah as a unisex name... The first thing I thought when I saw your name was Elijah Wood. :P
Thats where I got it. i love the man, and him as frodo lol
Haha, that's awesome! :laugh:
I'm more bothered by people calling me sweetie or dear or something like that than she or her. Especially when someone says it taking down to me. "That looks heavy sweetie, let me carry that for you" is a really good way to put me in a bad mood.
Most of the names I've used are Male names
.....I'm still called a girl
I know I don't pass but..I guess even the name(s) don't matter
well I love my name Jayden, but its unisex, I didn't know that when I picked it but I love it. Sometimes I don't like that I get she'd because of it not being I dunno James or a name more clearly male. It fits me however, and I don't want to have to explain things to people when I dont pass. I would have to explain to everyone and there grandmother if I'd chosen a name like Mark or whatever. I have mixed feelings about it.
Quote from: GothTranzboi on May 01, 2010, 01:15:48 AM
well I love my name Jayden, but its unisex, I didn't know that when I picked it but I love it. Sometimes I don't like that I get she'd because of it not being I dunno James or a name more clearly male. It fits me however, and I don't want to have to explain things to people when I don't pass. I would have to explain to everyone and there grandmother if I'd chosen a name like Mark or whatever. I have mixed feelings about it.
Don't be too sure about that. Many male names are given to girls. Kennedy was always a last name to me but it is a girls name now. People know this and just take it in stride that you look female so the name is yours and the name doesn't make you male.
i guess names are becoming more unisex these days, perhaps couple of yrs later there'll be girls called john and guys called jane :)
Elijah i don't think names matter much genderwise unless it's written communication...i preserved my old first name as middle name after the name change and because i've used it for so many years i actually use my current middle name more than my new first name...didn't give me any trouble at all!
It's also possible that when you say "Elijah" people are hearing "Eliza". Just a thought.
And Madzam - I went to high school with a Briana who went by Brian. She absolutely hated her given name. In the same class there was also a Michelle who went by Mike. No idea if there were gender issues there, but looking back, it wouldn't surprise me. Though it would be funny if there turned out to have been 3 FtMs in one graduating class of 40 students. (That being said, it was a school with an odd demographic. There were also at least 2 guys who were openly gay at this school, even 20 years ago.)
Quote from: kyle_lawrence on April 14, 2010, 12:29:35 PM
I'm more bothered by people calling me sweetie or dear or something like that than she or her. Especially when someone says it taking down to me. "That looks heavy sweetie, let me carry that for you" is a really good way to put me in a bad mood.
oh, god. :(
One of the things that I don't understand in this thread is, I'm seeing a lot of angst happen because people don't always *guess* your gender correctly; why not simply correct them if they're making honest mistakes? I saw a couple of other posts in this thread suggesting the same thing. I can think of plenty of cisgendered guys who've been mistaken for girls, too, due to something arbitrary.
I used to get both 'he'd' and 'she'd' a lot when I was younger, and there was a TON of speculation and gossip about my gender- one day, someone came up to me out of a group of people and said, 'Hey, we've been arguing about it for a while now, but we've finally come to the conclusion you're probably a girl.' I asked, 'What made you draw that conclusion?' And you know what they said?
'Well. Because your hair is purple? I mean if you were a guy, you'd probably dye it... I don't know... Red or blue or something? So, since it's purple, you're probably a girl.' (LOLwut?)
My ex's name was Justin, and he was wearing a nametag, with a BEARD at work and got 'miss'd and 'is that a girl or a boy?'d because of shoulder length hair. :P There's an attitude here like 'oh no, they called me she, cats out of the bag', that I don't understand. You're not a 'she'. You're not a 'girl'. If it bothers you real bad, say something, and if you like your name, keep it. There's nothing wrong with it. :)
You have a point. I guess I just get carried away with it sometimes. I'm hyper sensitive to things regarding my gender. If I was calmer about it I'd probbably be less off.
I stay silent most times. I find that people tend to correct themselves. When and if it continues, then I will say something and try to do it without an audience as it can make it worse if you say it in front of others.
My name is Boy and I haven't really told it to anyone that isn't on the internet or isn't a close friend, so I don't know the reaction.... Although, forgive me, if someone thinks I'm a girl with the name Boy, I think I might have the best excuse to get angry, haha.
@Cairus: I almost always correct someone now if they make a mistake. I do it politely as I can (usually just "I'm a guy" or "It's he/sir, actually" said like it's no big deal). Most times I've done this, it's because I didn't pass as well as I thought. After I correct them, the person either figures out I'm trans and decides to "humor" me or thinks they've simply made a mistake, apologizes, and moves on.
The problem is, it's become automatic to explain with a little joke why they might have messed up (so they don't feel embarrassed about misgendering me--happens too often than I'd like). I was in clinical the other day and the RN I was with accidentally called me she but corrected herself quickly. I, doing my regular routine, said, "Oh it's okay, people do that a lot because I look young." She had already moved on by that time, though, and looked at me really funny.
It was then that I understood I no longer needed to explain anything. That cisgender males who get misgendered don't correct and give some idiot explanation.
When I was younger and my parents introduced me as Eliza, people who had just met me used to call me any variant on "he," "your son," et. al. (Which - I won't lie - I've always gotten a kick out of. ^_^) Recently, I met someone I hadn't seen in a couple of years, and didn't know very well then - and when she referred to me, she called me "Elijah."
So I guess Eliza sounds a bit like Elijah, if you don't have a good ear for inflection.
Quote from: Eosophoros on May 07, 2010, 07:21:05 PM
When I was younger and my parents introduced me as Eliza, people who had just met me used to call me any variant on "he," "your son," et. al. (Which - I won't lie - I've always gotten a kick out of. ^_^) Recently, I met someone I hadn't seen in a couple of years, and didn't know very well then - and when she referred to me, she called me "Elijah."
So I guess Eliza sounds a bit like Elijah, if you don't have a good ear for inflection.
yea, once i told this guy my name.. and he says "Eliza?" and I said.. "NO, Eli JAH" lol